Why do I always run? I couldn't let it get to far; I can't lose control in myself. I can't let him have that much power over me. But god his lips felt like ecstasy across my finger tips.

"Scully?"

He's calling for me. I can't answer him. I can't go back out there. I can't let him see me like this. I can't be in the same room with him without wanting, without needing….

I can't take this.

Why won't he just leave me alone? Why can't he just go away? It's like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and I have no escape.

"Scully you're scaring me, open the door!"

He sounds agitated as if he's holding on to his last string of composure. But, I can't worry about that right now. I can't let his feelings take hold of me, of what I need to do...

"Scully?"

"Mulder..." I answer him with a whisper. I had to answer him, the way he said my name. How could I not answer his silent plea?

"Scully, please open the door."

"I can't Mulder, please leave me alone."

I'm at the seal of the door where wood meets wood. Holding on to this molding with such force that I think I could tear it away from its sound structure. I can tell he's standing opposite me on the other side. I can see his shadow under the door.

"I can't accept that, Scully."

"Please, Mulder just leave me be, I can't take it." I'm pleading with him now, I can hear my voice, but I don't think I have any control over it now. I can feel hot tears burning behind my eyes.

You can't cry Dana. Get yourself together...

Oh god I'm hearing voice in my head now. Where are they coming from? Are they my own? I don't know.

I can't take this...

"I'm not leaving, I might leave you alone for now Scully, but I'm NOT leaving."

Maybe I can go to him. If I could just have him inside of me, everything would be okay, if only for that instant maybe I'd be able to see everything. I'll feel better. Maybe I'll be able to think. He'll make this all go away. At least for a few minutes I'll have peace in this misery that I'm within.

I can't give into these cravings; I need to learn how to just be, without him.

Go to him. It's the only way...

Before I can react, my hand is already on the door knob turning it until I hear the lock click and the door slides open. I don't know how long its been because he's no longer in front of the door anymore. He's leaning against the wall. He hears the click and looks up. Those hazel eyes are looking at me, through me. I have to go to him…

Maybe just one more hit….