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He's walking over to me now. I can't move, my head feels like it's about to explode. I just need his touch and everything will be alright. If I could just have one more…
"Scully…" He's looking at me like I'm a fragile piece of porcelain.
"Mulder…" I can feel my feet moving across the cool surface of the wood, but I don't know when I began to move. He seems so far away, but yet so close.
How much can I have of him? How much will he allow? I know that would be giving him the power. I can't quit if I don't give this up, but I need to touch him, I need to feel his pulse under his skin. I need to feel the affect that he has over me. So I have to go to him. I pull him to me. His arm instantly snakes around my body. It's like coming home and I relish in this feeling. My face is buried in his neck. I don't think he realized how my need for this has taken over me.
Give in. Just let it happen.
There go those voices again. Why are they still here? Why can I still hear them?
"You have to tell me what's wrong." He voice interrupts my thoughts. I can feel my lips initiating kisses against his warm skin. My hands are in his hair again, drawing him in. I can tell he's beginning to enjoy it. As much as he's enjoying it I need it. Those hands of his are beginning their brute roam of my body, but suddenly it stops. Why? Why has he stopped?
"No, Scully we can't." He states matter of factly, removing his arms from around me. I can barely stand this sudden feeling of desertedness.
"Why?" I ask him pressing my fingers into his back.
"You are not in the right state of mind." He removed my arms from around him.
"I know what I need."
"It's not about need, you aren't well. As much as I want too, I can't, we can't, and you can't handle it."
Why is he denying me of what I need?
"I can, why won't you give me what I need?"
"Because, your acting as if…., your not acting like you."
"Stop treating me like I'm some child, Mulder. I know what I need." I can feel my hand ball up into a fist. Could I really hurt him over this?
He's just staring at me; I wonder what he's thinking. He still looks apprehensive. I have to say something that will get him to believe. I grab hold of his hand
"Mulder?"
"Yes?" He's looking at me so keenly, like he knows everything there is to know about me. Like he knows what I'm about to say. It almost scares me. Maybe he's right when he said it's like I'm not me. But I don't care about that right now, I know what I need and I know what he can give me and I need that. I need that in the worst why right now, so I open my mouth to him and speak as if my whole being depended on it.
"I promise I can deal with it…"