CHAPTER XVI
That day, Captain Levi imagined things couldn't have gotten any worse, but he had been terribly wrong.
After forcing himself to order the ditching of the corpses from most of their fallen comrades, including his own squad, it was no longer possible to block the images of the damn nightmare that warned him of this. Unfortunately, nothing could change things now, so he continued to ride by mere inertia, quite aware of the twinges in his foot, the same that were now spreading all over his leg because of the stress and also the movement to spur his horse, which got more intense and persistent after having to jump into the fight out in the plain. Shit! he cursed bitterly, tightening the reins of his loyal steed.
"We're close" Erwin's voice came from his right, distracting his attention from those gloomy thoughts. Levi looked ahead and finally spotted the entrance to Karanese district.
"Wagons carrying the wounded should cross the gates first" he said, completely emotionless.
"Certainly. And you should go with them too" his friend said and gave a quick glance to his leg.
"I'll stay in the rear until they're all inside" he indicated, only a bit snippier than he intended.
"Alright, Levi" the Commander accepted it resignedly, knowing there was no way to dissuade him.
Erwin was conscious on the fact that, that day had been a tremendous blow to every single one of them, though given Levi's kind of bonding and his somewhat fatherly way to treat his subordinates, it was probably harder. Sadly, their deaths along with the others was only but a fraction of the terrible consequences of this failed expedition, but he'd deal with the responsibility for everything; he was no coward. And this was part of the job's description when he accepted the position.
"Tell Hange to communicate the other leaders that we'll leave the seven that are seriously injured at the Karanese's hospital. We ride back to Trost immediately afterwards" Having said that, the blond moved forward, to instruct the ones guiding the wagons.
Levi approached to her and did as ask before slowing the pace to maintain a watchful position, along with Nanaba and Mike, so the three of them could protect the transports carrying the wounded and rest of the troops, as they crossed the gates.
He looked to the one where Eren was, relieved to see that insolent brat was beside him and trying to make him react. The soldier wasn't trying to neglect his duty to him, but he lacked the energy to even talk to people at the moment. Besides, he was certain that this girl was not an enemy and she'd protect the kid no matter what.
The last ones in the caravans were rookies from troop 104th, who despite being terrified, at least managed to come back in one piece after their first experience out there.
The Captain discreetly touched his left leg, as if ordering to stay put and hold until he could take off the ODM gear.
"Let's go, Levi" Nanaba said while pointing at the entrance, where the gate was slowly descending. Her expression showed how upset and discouraged she felt "There's no one left except for us".
"Indeed" was all he replied before following her through the gate, moving forward. It was either that or giving up, and he refused the last option with every fiber of his being.
After facing the unknown many faces of Karanese's crowd and making a brief stop at the hospital, the entire group headed towards the Survey Corps Headquarters located in Trost, and all he did was solely focus on riding fast to get there soon. Fortunately, by the time the place was on sight, the sun had just begun to set.
When they finally found themselves at the other side of the wall, Levi got off his horse almost immediately. He showed no sign of emotion when Erwin passed beside him to lead the march and shook his head disapprovingly. He surely saw him flinching when he dismounted, which meant his friend would insist on him going to see a doctor later. Tch! …This is nothing, he spat bitterly to nobody but himself. Even grateful for this pain; it was like some sort of purge for today and the repulsive way they died.
Not long after entering the district and as he continued walking with the rest of the convoy, he wasn't blind to the dozens of faces watching. Faces that looked pissed, sad, scared, or disappointed, and almost all looking at them accusingly, absolutely ignorant to the physical and emotional exhaustion on their backs. But unlike most of his crestfallen comrades, Levi didn't look down. He didn't care whatever they were thinking or saying; his subordinates were gone and those were the only faces that mattered. To him, their families and friends were the only ones with some right to judge them, because they understood the loss. They were welcome to hate him afterwards if it made the feel better.
Still, he needed a few minutes to get away from everyone, longing for a little peace of mind to get ready so he could talk to these people, their families; a scarier scenery compared to fighting titans, for watching their desolated faces when realizing they would never return… it was going to be a harrowing experience, and it'd get worse once he told them that there were no bodies to bury.
He breathed out forcefully and run a hand through his hair, trying to stop thinking, also wishing to get rid of the fucking headache bothering him over an hour ago.
But to his absolute horror, the occasion presented itself way too soon, catching him off guard.
"Captain Levi!" a middle-aged man shouting from behind got closer and was now walking beside him. The soldier was about to scare him away, but his next words prevented him to do so "My daughter is in your squad... I'm Petra's father" it was quite perverse to watch the soon to be a miserable man so happy to see him.
No, not now… this time, the Captain slightly lowered his head, appalled and internally begging for him to stop. He had no clue on what to say right away, so he just kept walking, hoping he'd somehow just walk away but his following words only sunk Levi even deeper.
"…She sent me this letter" he began, showing an envelope he held in his hand, sounding incredibly enthusiastic while still talking, ignorant to how every word coming from his mouth made the soldier sick to his stomach. Especially when he laughed at the thought of his obvious desire to seeing his daughter married.
Levi just walked in silence, trying to hide the horror he felt inside whilst trying to figure out what to say. Petra's father clearly didn't have the slightest idea of her fate. That she'd have no future. But this wasn't the place or time to tell him, and it wasn't for fear to what people would comment. He just considered the man deserved to be notified with respect; he'd surely want to yell or cry, hit him, and Levi would accept it; he owed him that, and the dignity to do it uninterrupted.
"Mr. Ral" he interrupted him, since ignoring him hadn't worked "We've just got here but we must take care of the wounded and report at the barracks before anything else" he kept a distant tone and a expressionless face, unable to look at him directly just yet "Do come to my office in two hours. I expect your attendance".
He noted he'd stopped and nod, surely confused. That clearly wasn't what he'd been wanting to hear, but he'd definitely hate the words Levi was going to say later. I'm sorry, soldier, the Captain apologized to Petra on the inside and looked down for a moment as he kept moving.
He knew he wasn't the one who stole her life and the others away, but deep down he still considered himself partly responsible for hiding that piece of information from them. However, that didn't mean he'd change the decision, because he comprehended now that it had been necessary. Whether they captured her or not, it was true that there were at least three enemies hiding among them.
Levi sighed and looked up, barely glad to finally sighting the facilities ahead. His leg, which had been numb over the last hour, finally started to hurt with more intensity but he believed that after taking a very hot shower, the pain would cease to be this bothersome. No matter what you do, it won't take away what happened today, you idiot… his mind told him, and he knew it well. He just needed to go back to be functional again.
"Mrs. Green" the doctor addressed her mentor, standing at the other side of the room while adjusting her new pair of surgical gloves. They'd just finished assisting him with one of the many injured that arrived a couple hours ago, who's current state was not the best for at least he'd been stabilized "I need you to treat and suture the leg of patient in room 45, bed number three. One of the last two that arrived half an hour ago".
"Right on it, doctor" Griselda accepted the task and the woman gestured her to go to the supplies room to get what was necessary. They actually were so in sync with each other that both worked very well together, like right now; Elia knew the woman would head directly to where the patient was.
A day in a hospital was never easy, but things became more complicated when the Corps arrived that evening and thus, demand increased considerably. The only positive thing was that the staff available did an excellent job and around eighty five percent of the patients had been treated already. None of them said much and since their tired and somewhat sad expressions were normal after an expedition, she hoped everyone had returned alright. But that naïve thought would undoubtedly begin to crumble after leaving room 45.
As soon as she gathered the essentials inside the doctor's bag, instruments, and different medical supplies they may require, she hurried up to make it there before Gris did. When she walked in and glimpsed at the four beds inside the place, two to each side and facing one another, she noted only the first was empty. The healer got close to the third and realized the patient was still unconscious, it was then that she saw Griselda entering the room, and close behind her came one of the other senior nurses at the hospital, though that woman approached to bed number two, where the patient was awake, but he seemed oblivious to everything around.
"Alright, Elia" she turned to see tutor now, right next to the bed and she'd just finished reviewing the medical file "He hasn't been feverish and only fainted when he got here, after his dislocated shoulder was fix. So, now we'll proceed as indicated" she was pointing at the long and deep cut in his arm and other minor injuries.
She nodded in affirmation and began to place specific things from inside the bag onto the nearest table and also kept at close hand a couple things they might need in case there were signs of an infection.
"Please, inject a light dose of anesthesia. He may wake up out of pain" Griselda indicated, while cutting the man's shirt to clean the area "I'd recommend we have the sedative ready in case he gets a bit violent. My colleague just told me about another patient who punched one of the doctors a while ago".
"Yeah. I heard the story from another nurse too" Elia said while following the instructions "Though she said the man was responsible for not showing respect for his fallen comrades".
"Too bad. I thought this time would be somewhat better, since we didn't get that many injured" the woman conceded. She knew what doctor they were talking about, but it'd be inappropriate saying anything about him there.
"Certainly" was all Elia said. Even believing that, she couldn't suppress the unusual emptiness inside her stomach every time she saw the familiar dark green cape with the Wings of Freedom in the back. In a way, these people were also brothers and sisters to Ilva, and it was saddening to see them so demoralized.
Once they finished, and while Griselda wrote the corresponding notes about the procedure and indications for the next shift, Elia focused on rearranging their tools to have them sanitized later. She moved towards the garbage can at the end of the room to discard the old bandages and the gauzes they used to clean and apply the antiseptic. But since this was so close to patient in bed number four, who was now being treated by Griselda's colleague, alongside a nurse much younger than herself who arrived five minutes ago, she couldn't help but watch for a moment.
It was a very young man, around nineteen or something, who had severe ocular trauma to his right eye. Elia clearly knew about his case because of the team that had helped him; they were impressed for being able to treat his injury with no need to sedate him. He was in such state of shock then, but now he was just chatting with both nurses. However, from one moment to the next, and after the younger girl got closer to try helping him to take off his jacket, stained with dirt and blood, had him react abruptly. He grabbed her arm to stop her, and then started yelling and crying.
She was going to try to help but the words he said paralyzed her with fright. Elia looked into his one good eye and the only thing there was pure terror. As if he'd forgotten where he was, what he'd been doing a second ago and that he was safe.
"No, please, don't make us go back. We can't go back there!" he was frantic, terrified and completely lost. The younger nurse managed to free herself from his grip and she left the room crying "That thing will kill everyone! She will destroy us! Not even the elite were capable to fight her!" Two stretcher-bearers walked in, and they held him down, and Griselda knocked him out with the sedative they had ready for the other patient. And now she was talking to the other senior nurse, who looked grateful, but Elia couldn't listen to any part of their exchange.
Her blood ran cold. She couldn't move and she couldn't accept it. No! she internally screamed, refusing to believe it. No. He must be wrong! the healer looked in his direction and he was fast asleep now, so there was no way to confirm anything.
"Elia?" Griselda's voice brought her back to the present "You're incredibly pale, girl. What's wrong" the woman was currently standing in front of her.
The healer blinked and managed to move, wanting to run away to look for her friend but then she recalled Petra's face and serious countenance when it was time to work, no fear, no hesitation. Elia knew she'd have reprimanded her for not complying with her duty before anything else. That's how devoted she is to her work. Or how she was…
"Gris" she muttered, shaking her head a little in order to focus "I'm sorry I froze. I'm fine. Is just that he scared me a little".
Elia lied. She was trying not to think, or she'd crack. If she repeated those words, it somehow felt like accepting it was true and she still had no certainty about it.
"I was scared too, but I've seen this often. Try not to think of it for the moment" the older woman said, walking her outside that room and heading to the common room "You should take a shower and go change" she advised, pointing at some blood on her sleeves and apron "I'll do it too. Despite I cleaned myself and changed, I still smell" she made a face. And Elia recalled that morning, when a child vomited on Griselda earlier "I think we're done for today".
Fortunately, even with the sudden demand, there wasn't much left to deal with. The ones that were critical stayed at Karanese, and the others who made it to Trost wounded were all treated.
They've been working non-stop, but the next shift would take charge in less than half an hour.
"Yeah, you're right. I'll do it" Elia had been lucky enough to be working on another patient when Griselda faced that situation "Should I leave the doctor's bag ready with new supplies or leave it for the next group?" she was the kind of people who'd rather stay ready, in case of any eventuality, but Griselda was technically her direct boss, therefore, she always asked for her instructions.
"Have it ready, please" the older lady asked and then headed to the showers. She stopped for a second and turned add something "And replace the thermometer. I think Mr. Brick broke ours when he took it off and tossed it on the ground".
"Got it" Elia did as ask and once she finished, she opened her locker and grabbed the towel and bag, heading now to the showers. She had been blocking every single thought concerning Petra's fate, deciding that she'd go to headquarters to find that out after checking the list of diseased.
The moment she was ready and walked out of the common room, Griselda and one of the doctors were right outside and speaking very quickly. She watched her beckon her to join them. Apparently, this was something that involved her too.
"Elia, the doctor needs us to go to the Survey Corps Headquarters now" her tutor explained "This is a request from Commander Erwin himself. We have no further information".
The healer nodded, quite thankful for the opportunity. She'd be able to see her friends with her own eyes, alive and well, once their assignment was over.
She turned to get the case with all the essentials they might need and looked out the window, showing daylight had gone an hour before. It was near 8PM and the city was more silenced than normal. It's time, Elia, she encouraged herself.
But when she returned outside, immediately noticed that the doctor was again talking to Griselda, and he seemed troubled.
Elia kept some distance but remained close enough in case they called her. Which she did as soon as her mentor saw her.
"I fully trust Ms. Stoltz to follow Commander's orders and deliver a good work, Doctor" the older woman said and placed her hand on Elia's shoulder. And according to her words, it was easy to deduce that if the man accepted, she'd end up going there alone.
"Are you sure, Mrs. Green?" he asked, raising an eyebrow and staring at her now "I understand she's still an intern".
"Positive" the woman said without the slightest doubt in her eyes "Elia is more than capable" this somehow reminded her of the first time her father had encouraged her to trust and work by herself. Garrett's burnt near his ear had been her first case "She has the experience, the knowledge, she's disciplined and if you ask me, she doesn't need supervision, but the rules are the rules".
"Very well then" the doctor was surprised for Griselda's vehemency, but he knew this woman wouldn't praise anyone unless they deserved it "She may go then, but I'll request a report of your visit for tomorrow, understood?" he looked to her this time.
"Alright, sir" Elia agreed, and Griselda nodded affirmatively.
"We'll start in five minutes, Mrs. Green" he said and imitate the older woman's gesture before leaving them.
"A last-minute surgery now and he needs me to assist him, that's why I cannot go with you" she informed her, but her eyes truly showed how much she trusted in her abilities to handle the situation "He was going to send Tania, as in "lazy Tania". She's older and supposedly has more experience than you but I believe he's not aware about how unreliable she tends to be, and we can't send someone like that to deal with Commander, regardless of what they need".
"No problem, Gris" Elia gave away a gentle smile, grateful and somewhat flattered for the faith on her "I'll do my best".
"I know" she said while walking away, following the doctor's steps "I'll see you tomorrow, Elia".
She gathered her belongings, the doctor's bag and left the building. And all the way there, she'd considered going home for extra supplies to cover more possibilities, but not knowing the patient's pathology or general condition was quite inconvenient.
When she arrived, she approached a young soldier that was at the main desk. He hadn't seen her because he was distracted, rubbing his neck to probably relieve the tension there. Elia coughed a little before getting there not to make him uncomfortable.
"Good evening, sir" she addressed him respectfully, though by now it was more like a good night instead "I've been sent from the medical area. I understand Commander Erwin requested our presence".
"That's correct, Miss" he said, kindly. He looked very tired "You need to go upstairs to the fourth floor and take the right wing, following the longest hallway. Once you reach the emergency stairs, turn left. Office 1225 and wait outside, please. Commander Erwin will join you in a few minutes; he's in a meeting but he'll be there as soon as possible".
"Understood. And thank you very much" the healer was going to move right away but she stopped and turned to him once again. She looked inside her own bag and found one of the two small envelopes she carried around; one with tea and the other with what she was giving to him. She placed it on top of the counter "When you have a minute, let this piece of root to rest inside a cup with boiling water and, if possible, add two teaspoons of honey".
The young man was somewhat confused, probably not knowing why she was doing that.
"It's a ginseng infusion. It will help you with stress and to energize your organism" Elia explained and offered a sober smile before leaving.
"Thank you, Miss!" she heard him say from where he'd been, taken by surprise for her gesture. He'd been exhausted, but Commander Erwin left him right there to wait for the medical staff and informed him about it immediately.
Elia on the other hand, followed his indications and the few faces she got to see in the corridors didn't show anything but despondency. One that augur nothing good.
The woman sighed when she finally reached the right floor; unlike last time she'd been there when Petra brought her to spend the night, this other part of the building was entirely new to her. Right wing… she mumbled to herself, walking through the longest hall but when she was turning to where he'd said, she froze on the spot by a heartbreaking cry, full of pain and despair that came from the same office she was heading to.
A sound that had nothing to do with physical pain, and out of respect to what was happening there, she decided to keep her distance and wait for the Commander a little farther to where she'd been told; he'd see her from anyways.
The healer looked around and moved back a few meters to seat on a bench nearby. Elia tried to distract herself by looking at her father's pocket watch and noted it was just a quarter past eight. She closed her eyes for a couple seconds but that didn't stop her mind from guessing what was that all about; without listening nor understanding the conversation that was taking place inside office 1225, she imagined well the awful news behind it… someone had just lost a person he really cared for. Something she could easily relate to.
Five minutes later, she heard the unmistakable slam of a door. Whoever left that place, was sobbing loudly and murmuring unintelligible things, and he was walking in her direction.
"My daughter, my precious daughter" a man, probably in his late fifties, had just turned the corner and babbled things as he bitterly wept "This cannot be true" he said to himself.
He looked so unwell that Elia couldn't let him go like this or he might fall, faint or something. She even feared could be on the verge of suffering a seizure or a heart attack. He wasn't walking straight anymore.
"Excuse me, sir" she approached to the man very carefully and helped him standing.
When her eyes met his, she noticed how red they were from crying; so much that they surely itched a lot. At first, he didn't seem to react to anything, so she tried offering a compassionate smile before speaking again.
"Sir, please take a seat with me for a minute. You need to calm down" Elia asked and guided him to where she'd been sitting before.
She waited until he let out some of his grief, however, by the time he finally came into his senses and stared at her, there was an unexpected smile on his face; one full of hope that made no sense to her.
"My beautiful daughter!" Elia couldn't blame him. He was having a hard time accepting reality, but she shook her head slowly, trying to explain "I thought I lost you, Petra" the man grabbed her hands tightly.
And those terrible words were the undeniable confirmation she had hoped so badly to be a misunderstanding, a false statement from someone who was as mentally unstable as this man. Petra's own father.
Elia wasn't even able to react herself immediately due to such devastating news. It is true, then, she said to herself... Petra is dead. She couldn't control it; somehow, she just started crying silently, remembering the last time she'd seen her, just a couple days ago. Nonetheless, the desperate squeeze she felt in her hands prevented her from an emotional outburst, especially if she wanted to help her friend's only family. Someone she saw once or twice way too many years ago, but that didn't mean she considered him a stranger. Because no matter how many times Petra complained about how different they were, the soldier undoubtedly loved him very much.
But now he was alone in the world, just like her.
"I'm afraid you're mistake, Mr. Ral" she let go of his hands as gently as possible, still quite distressed on the inside but relatively calmer, concentrated to help him first "My name is Elia. I knew your daughter since we were little, and I was lucky she considered me a friend, just like she was to me. I'm so sorry for your loss".
The man stared at her intently for a moment, taking a better look at her features and how different she was from Petra; the hair color was a huge detail but considering his desolation she couldn't blame him. He blinked several times, confused at first but then he turned his head and looked down.
"You're the one who lost her family not long ago" Elia breathed out, glad to see he understood. He was looking to an envelope in between his hands now, with nothing but an immense longing in his gaze "My daughter told me about you. She said you met by chance during the attack in Trost".
"Petra and I were friends since school. But life happened and when we chose different paths, we lost contact" Elia resumed their story as best as she could and offered him some water. She always carried a bottle among her things "Your daughter is…" Elia stopped for a brief second, remembering the reason of his sorrow and she composed herself "Petra was an extraordinary person".
"My girl was remarkable" his eyes were still on the object he held "And they killed her" this time, he crumpled the paper, looked up, and Elia knew he was staring to where he'd came from minutes ago. His resentment was palpable, but since it was Petra they were talking about, and Mr. Ral was probably the one who shrieked before, the healer had her suspicion regard who he was blaming for her death "It's his fault. That man and this people killed my daughter and now I can't even say goodbye to her, because they left her behind" he was close to tears again, but the rage was bigger than his sorrow "These people are the worst that could have happened to us!"
In light of this situation and the way he was taking things, she couldn't remain silent. Elia understood his circumstances, also how hurt he was for this dreadful news, but that accusation was unjust, especially when she'd heard from Petra herself that he always looked after them. Not to forget how proud she was for what she did as a scout.
"I'm truly sorry for your loss, Mr. Ral, but it's quite unfair for you to say such things" she expressed respectfully, never forgetting to also be empathetic "Redirecting your frustration over her death to those who don't deserve it is not healthy, sir. And I don't think myself mistaken to say your daughter would have a negative outlook on your words, had she listened".
"Are you serious?!" he exclaimed, and this time turned to her, who remained quiet and apparently serene "How can you possibly defend them?! You!?" the man insisted "Your sister would be alive if it weren't for these people"
"It's for her that I say this, and now I do it on behalf of your daughter as well" Elia stood up and walked to the opposite wall so she could face the man properly "Both were soldiers who truly believed in what they did for all of us" she held his gaze and spoke with determination and a steady tone.
"You're wrong" he blurted out and frowned at her "You have no right to claim such a thing".
"I know I don't. I'm not her. But I knew Petra, and I'm certain that the content in that letter you're holding shows how much she loved and respected her work, her division and above all, her squad".
Elia saw him getting rigid, shocked, and reticent to look at the envelope, clearly trying to find a way to contradict her but he lowered his head, defeated.
She wasn't trying to make him feel worse, but it was unfair for him to blame them for something that wasn't their fault. Petra wouldn't have wanted her father to feel such hate; he was a good person, gentle and honorable.
"What I'll share with you now is based on my personal experience, sir. Your daughter knew it, and it's related to her superiors" she began and told him about Ilva's experience and the whole dismissal business without revealing that Petra's boss was directly involved. But she made sure to tell him how despite they tried protecting her, even from herself, things went straight to hell because of the attack, something no one was prepared for "…Still weak and sick, my sister decided to aid her people and the city, well aware of the consequences. It was part of who she was; risking her life for others and the cause she believed in… that's the Survey Corps way. They fight no matter what, even against all odds"
"You don't understand" he closed his eyes and shed tears once again, silently. Resisting her words "I feel like she died for nothing".
"With all due respect, Mr. Ral, please try to go back in time and remember what she said to you when she made her choice" Elia begged, walked towards the man and squat down before him. She grabbed his hands with kindness "Try to remember that, and never forget our real and only enemy are titans. They stole the life of your daughter, my sister, my parents, and so many others for so long. That's what she fought against, sir".
He began to sob this time, unable to control the shaking of his body while he cried his eyes out. She had no idea when, but she'd been crying as well. Quietly, but she couldn't hold the tears for her friend while looking at her father.
"What am I going to do now?" Elia was a bit relieved that his previous rage had subdued. He was visibly a little calmer, comprehending she was telling the truth.
"Sadly, I cannot tell. I'm still trying to figure it out myself, but what I'm positive about is that the two of them were great warriors, and above all, brave and good people, and whether we like it or not, we need to understand that their sacrifice is something they decided willingly the day they joined the Scouts" she stood up and sat next to him once more "They did it because they had faith in what they do here, Mr. Ral. I know it's horrible, difficult and there will be days when you'll wish you didn't exist just not to feel a thing, but we cannot do that; not if we want to honor their memory the way they deserve" she was recalling Ilva's contagious smile while wiping away the tears on her face with her sleeve "I know nothing will provide consolation at this moment, and not having her body makes this worse, though I'm sure there must be a reason why they couldn't bring her back. But even if they did, it wouldn't change anything".
"I know. And what you say is true, but it still upsets me to know he made it back, safe and sound, while the four of them are gone. All gone!" Mr. Ral looked in that direction again "Why, Miss?!" the man's voice was so hoarse right now.
"If you're referring to the Captain of her squad, I don't think I'm wrong in assuming he most likely wasn't there to stop it" Elia knew that. Because that unorthodox man was the kind of person who didn't consider himself more valuable than others, no matter how cold he appeared to be on the outside. That was a façade against the world; she knew he was undeniably sensitive. He just restrained himself from showing… to most people at least "Petra and her comrades respected him deeply, sir. Not because of his skills, although the certainly admired him…but that wasn't everything. They all affirmed that, on more than one occasion, they didn't do much because even when he trusted their abilities, their Captain preferred to risk himself if the situation allowed it, and only someone who appreciates those around him would act that way. It was one of the things my sister also valued about him".
"You may be right, but it's unfair to see him there, alive while my girl perished" the man lowered his head, resentful but not like before.
Elia put her hand on his shoulder, trying to support him emotionally. At least, he looks better now, she thought with a sad smile and he closed his eyes.
"Still, that's not his fault, sir. I haven't said this to anynody but your daughter, but if I'm completely honest, I admit feeling miserable and unhappy to be alive while my sister isn't. Ilva wasn't a child, but she'll always be my little sister, with her whole life ahead and whom I wanted to protect" the healer confessed, a bit down casted "Therefore and under that kind of reasoning, it's possible that the person you consider unfair to keep breathing goes through something similar. Perhaps he feels guilty for surviving too" the middle-aged man stood still but opened his eyes, contemplating her words.
"How have you been holding up since then?" he mumbled after a minute. He just seemed drained now, and hopeless.
"We honor them with every little thing we do to survive, Mr. Ral. The sadness and longing for having them won't ever go away but we'll eventually learn to live with it. That's something your daughter taught me. She said you told her that when your wife passed away" Elia's words made him turned to her. His eyes opened wide, tears came to his eyes and the man looked away. Elia saw him leaning forward until his elbows rested on his knees, he covered his face with both hands and cried for couple minutes, touched by what she'd said.
"I think I understand why my daughter thought so highly of you too, Miss" Petra's father continued to lean forward but he briefly looked at her, no longer crying "I remember when I said that to her. I also remember telling her that having a goal was crucial to keep your sanity" He drank some more water, comprehending for the first time the choice his daughter had made, the goal she pursued. He stood up and Elia imitated him "Do you have one already?"
"For now, use my own skills to help people. That and try to support this division and all the soldiers seeking our freedom" she offered, and then recalled the image of a promise written on a letter "It's the least I can do when I'm certain that they won't rest until achieving it, which means many more will die trying, but the fact that they continue to fight despite knowing that, says a lot" she offered her hand respectfully "They do this for the living, but I'm sure they do it for the ones they lost along the way too… so it wasn't in vain, sir".
Mr. Ral was dedicating her a feeble kind of smile, one that showed he truly heard her, but it'd still take time before he accepted this new reality. She was going to bid him farewell but right at that moment, both heard steps approaching from where the secondary stairs were.
Elia looked past Petra's father, who also turned to see these people coming closer. She recognized the young man from the entrance, and even when she'd never spoken to the other man walking beside him, she knew who he was; Commander Erwin Smith was exactly the kind of man that caused great impression on any person. Besides, he was almost as tall as Garrett.
"Good evening, Miss. Mr. Ral" Elia had to raise her head a little and greeted him with a nod.
Petra's father only stared, not in the mood to grant him any sort of deference but she couldn't hope for something different; had he seen him fifteen minutes ago, she didn't think he'd have been this civilized.
"Thank you, Miss" the father of her friend looked back at her this time, still sad but somewhat better "Is best for me to leave now".
"You have nothing to thank me for, sir" she bowed her head to him, considerately "If there's anything I can help with, you may find me at the hospital, Mr. Ral".
The only response she got was a weak but grateful smile in that melancholic face.
"Nicholas, please escort Mr. Ral to where he is staying" the Commander said, firm but also considerate. He surely noted how distressed the older man was, and the younger soldier moved immediately, understanding his mission.
Before leaving, the man stopped and faced the Commander of the Survey Corps, who unexpectedly bowed to him, and she knew this was his own way to show respect and offer his condolences in relation to Petra.
"Make it count, Commander" was the last thing she heard Petra's father say before resuming his way and disappear at the end of the hallway, followed by Nicholas.
Elia had been observing him leave, trying to cope with her own doleful heart for such horrible news now that her friend's only family had left. She took a deep breath, composing herself before turning, ready to fulfill her duty. And when she did, the blond man had already stood up straight and he was looking at her.
"You're the one they sent from the medical area, right?" he asked quite serious, but politely.
"Indeed, Commander" the healer held his gaze, ready and solicitous "I'm Elia Stoltz".
"Pleased to meet you, Ms. Stoltz. I'm Erwin Smith" this time, his countenance relaxed a little and his eyes looked kinder "Thank you for coming so soon, considering the situation".
"The pleasure is mine, sir. Except for the circumstances, of course" she returned a brief and sober smile, but her eyes had no joy "I never imagined the reason behind the low number of wounded soldiers could have been related to the many that perished today" she commented. Because if Petra and the guys fell, it meant things went really bad "I'm sorry sir".
"I appreciate it" he replied and breathed out; his eyes were the only ones that showed an iota of the frustration and burden he surely continued to deal with. Different to how formidable he'd seemed when he arrived "It has been a complicated day" he added with an apologetic smile, gesturing her to walk with him towards their destination "And I'm afraid it'll get more difficult now".
"Sir?" since he was leading the way, he didn't get to see her confusion at the irony in his words.
He didn't reply so she just let it go, but when they were a few doors away from the place, he paused and turned to her.
"I need your help with a somewhat uncooperative patient" that was an understatement and Erwin knew it but scaring her away was no option.
"Is that the reason why we didn't get more information about your request?" to his surprise, the woman looked unaltered and just waited for him to answer.
"Have I done that, it's likely that no one would have come" this time, he'd been completely honest, and he could tell, she appreciated it.
"Complex patients are not that unusual, sir" she was either new in town or seriously one of those confident people.
Oh, but you cannot imagine how troublesome this particular one is, he said in his mind. Deciding to have a word with his friend before just showing up with her. He wasn't going to like this not one bit, especially after the kind of meeting he held some minutes ago.
"Please, wait a minute here Miss Stoltz" the blond said, and as he knocked, something inside his mind was close to recall where had he heard that family name before.
I don't think I'll ever recover from how brutal their deaths were. RIP to Levi's former squad.
Going back to the story, I think you know who the patient is.
Namárië