CHAPTER XXI
Kenny, the Captain hissed internally, quite concerned as he tried to keep his right shoulder relaxed, so Sasha could work on it. There was a long cut on his deltoid muscle but at least it had stopped bleeding, and she was now suturing it. The other two, one above his eyebrow and the other on his cheek, were minor and only itched under the dressings.
He glanced at his subordinate, knowing she wasn't doing a poor job, but he couldn't help to think about someone else who he was certain, would have been done by now and also, get amazing results eventually. Because, despite an important part of his ankle's recovery was due to the unusual speed with which he healed, what she'd taught and advised him on how to treat and tend himself, plus the medicine, had been incredibly helpful; otherwise, there was no way he'd have been able to deal with those bastards hours ago.
But no. Not for anything in the world he'd risk involving her in the chaos they were immersed in, even less after seeing her precisely where he had to face his old mentor, who'd have thoughtlessly shot her.
Damn it! he was still surprised at the anger he felt when he considered how horrible that'd have been; and it was the one reason he was grateful to that jackass who stood in her way. He disliked him all the same but if he hadn't been there... No! he stopped, controlling the sudden fear he tried to block, knowing she was willing to risk herself to help him; his insignificant life meant a lot more to her because she was exactly that kind of person. He hadn't seen the healer in several days so, to meet those gray eyes so full of fear wasn't helping to ignore the need to see her now.
The soldier felt a sting of pain on his arm, yet him clenching his teeth and fists was more out of helplessness that physical discomfort.
"So-sorry, Captain. I'm about to finish" the girl said, somewhat nervous as she placed a patch to cover it.
Only then he looked to his arm and noticed a reddish liquid running down, dripping on the ground. It was wine, and the smell of it made his nose crinkle, but it was the only thing at hand after the small bottle of alcohol they had inside the emergency kit that Armin carried, had broken during the confrontation.
"I'm afraid this will leave an ugly scar once it heals, Captain" Sasha apologized, with a worried expression as she offered a piece of cloth so he could clean himself.
"Will it heal?" the man asked, grabbing the object. His voice as plain as ever.
"It will, sir!" she kind of shout, standing up straight with her arms at her sides and looking directly ahead.
"Good. It's all that matters" he assured her while putting his dark-gray shirt on carefully, to prevent the fresh stitches from opening "Well done, Sasha" he said, serious but sincerely grateful for her effort "Go eat something and take some rest".
The girl nodded and having fulfilled her task, she began to collect the material stained with his blood and left him alone.
About an hour later, they'd finally managed to convince old Dimo Reeves to cooperate with them to get the truth behind the whole Reiss family murky business and if possible, to put an end to the abuses him and most people in the district had endured. It was a relief for him not having to resort to violence as a persuasion because he was tired and, above all, still restless.
The plans they've came up with urged them to leave the city and stay away or Kenny's men surely would find them. It was the best choice to continue clearing things up and trying to find a clue on the brats' whereabouts. Still, he needed to deliver a warning, and since they'd leave in a couple hours, he noted he had some time to go there and be back safely. That's why he gave in to do what he could not entrust to anybody else, just to calm the bloody anxiety that was eating him up.
"Hey, you" he called as he walked on top of the ceiling, tightening one of the belts in his gear, and approached to Mikasa, who was in charge of the first watch "I'll go check the perimeter and get some food" Levi looked the entire surroundings for a couple of seconds, where no trace of sunlight remained.
The girl didn't move an inch from where she was standing, as still as statue. Her eyes were the only that showed a slight change when they looked askance at him but then went back to whatever she'd been looking at. Levi snorted, getting used to this frequent defiant attitude in her; she was still mad at him for not allowing her to follow the cart where Eren and Historia had been taken. Sometimes, the girl's overprotectiveness over the brat was way frightening.
"No back up?" the girl pointed out, not that interested.
Levi snorted for a second time, displeased at her manners to address him, but given the teenager's fateful state of mind, he chose to drop it. Either way, he could relate to part of her uneasiness and anxiety after today's series of events.
"Don't need it. This is not a big deal and being more could draw someone's attention" he replied, putting an empty backpack on as he reached the edge of the roof, glanced at Mikasa and then just jumped.
To a certain extent, Levi hadn't lied; he really planned on looking for food to take with them into the forest. Is just that he'd take advantage of this time to do something else because he knew how to move in the dark; with extreme stealth and speed through blind spots and alleys, which would keep him safe from Kenny's spies.
When he got there, he landed on the emergency stairs of a damaged uninhabited second floor apartment and moved to its balcony; it faced her street and had a good general view of her house.
The soldier had turned and sat for a while with his back to the place after noticing there was no one inside, but he was fine waiting there, hidden in the shadows.
The nine o'clock bells rung; and to him, it was the announcement the woman's shift coming to an end at her the other place she worked at. A piece of information he had thanks to an annoying Erwin, who without even being asked about it, began to explain to him that her visits changed, because she wouldn't be able to make it in the evenings anymore.
The Captain looked to his right hand and the object in it, wondering once more if it wasn't better to simply intercept her and tell her that she should be careful and stop going to HQ; doing all those would be really dangerous and they had no idea what might happen soon. He trusted Erwin, his judgment, and the ideas he thoroughly planned, but none of them knew Kenny and his unpredictable modus operandi; that meant there was no assurance for a good outcome. So here he was, after deciding to come and put her on the alert, yet after the last time they spoke, the short note he held in his hand was the only viable option.
You could have left it on her desk or elsewhere... his inner voice said, ironically, and in response he rumpled the folded piece of paper, mad at himself. But you wanted to see her, didn't you? That's why you chose to slide it under her door once she arrived... This time, his mind was mocking him mercilessly, and he wanted to punch himself at the obvious and shameful truth. Not because this was wrong; he was only having a hard time admitting the impulse, and whatever that was going on with the healer.
Eight minutes passed before he finally heard her voice and automatically turned around, crouching down not to be seen. He caught sight of her figure getting close to her door very slowly, the same door he hadn't seen since the night after her sister's funeral.
Unfortunately, to his surprise and annoyance, she wasn't alone. Because the same wretch from the Brigade was walking beside her, and Levi couldn't help detesting their closeness, until he remembered what the stupid had prevented hours ago and that made him huff, resigned.
He was now wearing civilian clothes, clear indication that he hadn't spent the rest of the day in her company. Not that he could anyways; the woman spent most of her time at the hospital and second job, so that at least helped him silence the displeasure of seeing him there, carrying half sack of potatoes while talking to her in a lively way. He made a face when he saw she wasn't even looking at him but the smile of genuine affection in her face showed how much she enjoyed his presence, and that truly bothered him.
As soon as they stopped, a couple steps away from the entrance, she unzipped her jacket and seemed to look for something inside it. Levi had them right in front of him; her left profile and the fool's right to him as they faced each other.
Regardless that they weren't right next to him, thanks to the torches in the neighborhood and his sharp senses, he had a perfect view and hearing from where he was.
"Thank you for walking me home, but it wasn't necessary" she finally got what she was looking for from the inside pocket and just smiled at him, grateful but there was also a playful tone in her gesture "I may not be as giant or strong as you but I can carry that without trouble, Garrett" she'd said, staring at the object he was holding with one arm "I do it every week".
"I know" the other replied, with an exasperated expression "But I didn't do this just for that. I wanted to see how you were doing after this afternoon" this time, the guy's face changed to one full of worry, where there was a silent apology "I feel guilty for not even being awake when you had to face that guy".
What the hell does that mean? the soldier wondered. His eyes narrowed as he tried to get more information from what he was hearing. Although, something deep down told him he wouldn't like the answer.
Right then, two things happened that got on his nerves, both in different ways but none in a good one.
The first was the way that twat, using his one free arm, reached out to her. His hand grabbed her chin delicately and then looked at her with intensity. Levi tensed, especially since he had no idea who he really was in her life or the dynamics between them; but the notorious familiarity was very upsetting. Nonetheless, the wish to punch him faded at what he did next, turning her face to the left and just stared at her worriedly; an anguish that Levi also experienced when he saw her neck.
"I know, you said I shouldn't insist, but I can't help it when I see that patch" the tall one complained, as his arm returned to where it belonged: away from her. Yet his eyes continued to look at the same spot, troubled "Did you lie so that I just went home after leaving you at the hospital?"
"Don't treat me like a child, Garrett. I'm very capable of taking care of myself" the look on her face changed, going from that kind gratitude to surprise at his gesture and some irritability "And I never lie".
"But you told me that the cut from that wacko hadn't been deep, and now I see you sutured it" he commented dejectedly, looking away from her gaze, as if running from it. He concentrated on the alley where he was, decidedly. That allowed the Captain to see a big bruise on his cheekbone.
"And it wasn't deep" she looked at him, frowning a little as she barely touched the wounded area in her throat "I won't remove the patch to prove it, but it's a minor thing, a superficial cut. Gris covered it just to prevent from any sort of contamination inside the hospital. I won't need it tomorrow, so don't exaggerate".
The cut from that wacko? Was he referring to Kenny's fucking henchmen or Kenny himself? The soldier considered, worried and piqued. He remembered well that most of his pawns had tried to follow him. But he didn't... the voice within him pointed out, and he suddenly felt his blood froze. Was it possible that Kenny… did he? his eyes opened in dismay, frightened at the possibility.
Levi saw the guy looking back at her face now, a little appalled yet she still gave away a sympathetic smile before turning towards her door to go and open it. That moron followed her in silence, but to his good fortune it looked like this was rather a short visit, because she didn't enter. The healer only stepped aside from the entrance, leaving room for the other to go in.
"I'll leave it in your kitchen and then I'll go wash my hands" the idiot said as he passed by her side, carrying the small sack inside the house. She nodded and moved a couple steps in the opposite direction, stopping under the limit of the small shed in front of her house. She stood beside a pillar with her arms crossed.
The Captain couldn't help but give a startle when he saw her eyes looking in his direction, thinking she'd seen him somehow but the way she suddenly looked up, to the dark skies where only a couple clouds moved very slowly, told him it wasn't the case. He felt relief at the coincidence but didn't know what to think or do at her sad and absorbed expression.
Since he hadn't planned to speak to her, the soldier unconsciously sighed, not entirely unaware of something agitating inside him; a debate between the balm of seeing her away from that tavern, and on the other hand there was the distress of not knowing what happened after he left. Levi knew she wasn't lying about the wound on her neck, that it was nothing serious, but if Kenny was the one behind it… That shouldn't have happened he muttered to himself, denying it.
The soldier didn't get to ponder much on it because of what his eyes noticed at that moment. And a wrath of a very different kind to the impotence and anguish he experienced at the sole idea of her facing his old mentor, took over him.
Tsk! he exclaimed as he clenched his fists, again crumpling his warning note the instant he noticed the yearning with which that asshole, standing under the doorsill, contemplated her. And it really bothered him because, unlike the pig from that store that stalked her, this idiot genuinely cared for her. To him, she was no piece of meat and that only increased his hatred, because that made him more suitable, worthy of her. Yet of course, he'd never plainly admit it.
Levi tensed in a way that was so unfamiliar to him, especially now that his brain chose to tease him about that affectionate smile of hers; a gesture that was only for her younger sister, or so he thought during the nights they used to chat about everything so openly.
Fool… It's not the same smile, the voice said, and he at least knew that was also true. It wasn't exactly the same smile, but it was close. And the bond they evidently shared didn't make it better, because it was real, and no matter how much he wanted to avoid it; it wouldn't go away.
Levi snorted angrily when he saw him moving towards her. The woman then turned, and his state of alarm revived; he no longer knew whether he was fortunate or not to find such a good spot to witness everything that was happening there.
"I'm still thankful, you know" he heard her say, completely oblivious to what he'd beheld. He could tell she felt bad for him "I didn't mean to talk to you like that, but it's has been quite a day, and I'm a little cranky" she apologized, looking down for an instant.
"No need, Elia. I know it's been a stressful day. I can only imagine how frustrated you must be for not getting to see Commander Erwin" he was scratching his ear distractedly and seemed a little nervous though Levi had no idea about what "But the weird things happening in the city are not to be taken lightly" this time he changed to cautiousness, and that earnest made him look older.
"Agh, tell me about it!" she complained, her eyebrows lowered a little and she sighed, exasperated "You've been acting just like the Commander yesterday, when he asked me not to come back there. That's probably why I got mad at you" she offered and made a small pause before continuing "After today I know it makes sense, but I just can't ignore this and isolate myself. I can't, and I won't abandon them if there's anything I can help with".
So, you asked her not to come back... the Captain commented to himself, feeling a renewed respect and gratitude to his friend.
"Why do you keep on that?" Levi got distracted at the sudden anger in the idiot's face and his exaggerated gestures "Elia, that psycho was this close to slit your throat today and you refuse to understand you could have died".
Kenny, you piece of shit! Levi hissed, now outraged but, above all, fearful. How did that happen? Why? Did he know about her? Was it possible for him to somehow see what was going on inside him when he was around her? That wasn't possible.
"I'm aware of it, but it didn't happen. I'm still alive, I'm alright and I definitely refuse to act like a coward because of what could have happened".
"I know you want to support the Legion to honor Ilva but..." the fool started talking but stopped in the middle of it. It looked like he struggled deciding what to say or not say, but by the half step he took forward, wanting her a little closer, the soldier knew he made his choice "I'm afraid to tell you that their division may cease to exist" her eyes widened in horror, and the Captain's only narrowed, because Erwin had foreseen this yet they weren't sure of how long it'd take "I don't know details but tomorrow afternoon, they Government will declare them traitors because of the monopolization of Eren Yeager's power and they've also been found guilty for Stohess disaster. So, anyone involved with them can become suspicious or even accused".
OK. This piece of information was truly something. But judging by her expression, what this twat was trying to accomplish went completely the other way around.
"I don't sympathize with them only for my sister, Garrett... I do believe in them, and what they fight for" she stated, no trace of doubt or hesitation in her gaze, making Levi both nervous and proud "If they ever need me, I'll be there no matter the consequences".
"Honestly, Elia" the guy breathed out, disgruntled but not resigned "You just saw what they are capable of, and I'm not just talking about the secret division, but also Erwin Smith, his people and HIM especially; the way they operate, and their strategies endanger us all".
Was it his idea or did he really sound like he wanted to spit at the mention of his existence? Levi half smiled in smugness, actually satisfied to know the aversion was mutual.
"You've got your own beliefs, Garrett. Doesn't mean you can try to force them on me because it's what looks right to you. I see things differently" she stopped, very close to lose her patience "I've told you before, to quit insisting on that" this time her voice, despite sounding serene, was rather dry "So this is my one last warning, and I hope you respect it. Nothing you may say will make me doubt Commander Erwin, his people or Captain Levi".
The soldier got chills at the sound of his name and the intensity in her gaze at that moment. She was defending him. Well, him and his entire division but she could have just generalize and that'd include him too, right? Levi tried to quiet the joy of having her faith, as well as that marvelous, fierce loyalty.
He had no idea how, but even against the height difference with that jerk, the woman looked much more threatening than ever. His shoulders fell and he looked down dejectedly, and the soldier knew he'd given up. When he decided to face her again, apart from certain exasperation, what was more noticeable was the desperation.
"Alright. I get it. I just get scared to think something might happen to you" he confessed, fixing his eyes at the floor, sad and embarrassed "Ilva is gone, and I'll never have the chance to apologize or talk to her" the dude added with some urge in his eyes "I don't want to lose you too".
You bastard! the Captain cursed, because that of course worked to ease her spirits and make her somewhat guilty for not understanding that before.
"Whether I interfere or not, it doesn't change a thing because anyone can disappear at any time, Garrett. It could have happened today when I hadn't done anything out of the ordinary, where my only crime was simply being there, helping the waitress as the healer I am. In a matter of seconds, I was another possible victim, just like the rest of people that did die while walking outside. Mere collateral damage" she explained, absolutely ignorant of Levi's presence there, who listened to every word. And her speech was causing an unexpected, powerful rumble inside him "As you can see, no path or possible actions can really determine your life or death; if it's your moment, it will happen" her eyes finally softened and there it was again, that understanding smile on her face "Besides, my sister's absence doesn't mean you have to take care of me; you're my friend, not my guardian".
The man in the shadows would have smirked at the word that defined their kind of relationship, but his eyes widened as soon as he noticed the effect it had on the other man, who's countenance showed a mixture of rage, and horribly, resoluteness to do something that seemed difficult. Levi didn't know what that was at first, but all his senses reacted to it and apprehension consumed him when he comprehended it.
Don't you dare, douchebag! the soldier seethed, as he held one of the iron railings tightly and tried to control his wrath. He had full control of his body and knew he wouldn't move, but that didn't stop him from wishing he could go there and beat him to death. Shockingly, there was also an unknown part of him that was desperate to flee as far as possible from the place.
"Ilva was my friend. I'll always regret letting her down and being too scared to even try to reach her again" he spoke with frightful honesty while keeping his fists clenched to his sides "But if I fear for your safety, that's for my own interest. My feelings for you have never changed, Elia".
She was visibly stunned by that turn of the events; he saw it with the same clarity shown in her eyes, eyes that now looked very surprised. So much that she couldn't replicate anything to what she'd heard, which encouraged that fucker to move, giving him the wrong impression as he got closer.
Levi panicked when he saw him stand decisively in front of her, leaving almost no space separating them, except for the height difference; being much taller, he looked down and placed his right hand on her shoulder to make her look up, to his face. The trick worked, and the soldier couldn't believe what he was going to watch. He didn't want to, but he was even more horrified to see himself unable to look away. He needed to hold on to something so bad, because he felt like drowning in desperation, anger, disgust, and fear; all at the same time. A very new and chaotic sensation to him. It was worse than the feeling he went through that evening after talking to her for the last time, and how bothersome was to hear Erwin all dazzled at some of her virtues, things he'd also seen. Sure, he later understood that he said all that mostly to piss him off, to make him react, but back in the moment, the only thing he'd wanted was to kick him or punch him. Had he not been injured; he might have done so.
To his immense emotional rest, the instant that scum began to bring his face down to hers, he saw her turn her face to the right, overwhelmed by sadness.
"No, Garrett" the healer muttered as she took a step back, and broke free from his grip as gently as possible.
"Why?" he dared to ask, looking away from her "We've known each other for so long, and you can tell I'm a decent fellow, one that offers you a good future. My family loves you as much as I do, and I know I can make you happy, Elia".
"You are more than just a decent man, Garrett but it's not about that" the Captain noticed the way she gathered the courage to express herself solidly, trying not to hurt him though her rejection already did "If there's anything I'm certain about, is that I couldn't make you happy because it doesn't work that way. Ever since I met you, I've loved you like a brother, like my friend, but nothing else, and I know it won't change... the years are the best proof" she looked up and maintain eye contact when the other reluctantly looked back at her "I refuse to get your hopes up when I know it's unfair. I'm sorry".
The officer rubbed his neck and half-smiled in defeat, understanding that no matter how bad he wanted things to be different, she was telling the truth.
He had his suspicions on who was the one that won her heart over, probably without even trying and still, Garrett realized it made no difference; even if that short, deadly man hadn't come into her life, she'd still say no.
"It's fine. I may not like the answer, but I appreciate the honesty" he managed to say with the best smile he was capable of "I should go now but I'll see you around" he waved his hand, avoiding her eyes as he passed by.
"I'm sorry, Garrett" she said again as she slowly turned to watch him go, distraught.
"Don't worry" the guy said and stopped quite a couple steps away from her "About our conversation, please be careful. This is serious, and even if you're not with me the way I'd like, I'd hate if something bad happened to you" the guy nodded and resumed his way without looking back again.
Seems he's not a complete idiot... the Captain thought, quite certain that he was a Military Police Asshole, but apparently an honest one. And even though he didn't feel bad for him at all, both agree on the same point: neither of them wanted to see her involved in the current chaos, much less now that shit was going to get uglier the next day.
Only then he noticed his palm sweaty and hurting from holding the railings so hard all this time. He breathed in, then out, grateful for the little calm finally taking over his body.
He looked in her direction, to where she hadn't move yet, lost in thought with her arms kind of hugging herself. And again, the woman looked up at the sky, yet this time, she curiously mumbled something he couldn't hear, and after a deep sigh, she went inside her house with a worried expression. One he had no clue, was mostly because of him.
Levi knew it was time to leave. There was no need to warn her of anything because she was well informed, and although he disliked the idea of seeing her in danger as much as that fool did, there was nothing to be done. So, he put the wrinkled note back in his pocket, reflecting on all he'd heard and seen in the last ten minutes.
A part of him irrefutably rejoiced to see her turning another man down, but at the same time he felt so miserable for not being the one to have her; doing that would make her Kenny's number one target, which he'd never accept.
That's a lie, the voice inside claimed as he recalled that his mentor had been so close to kill her. He didn't know how, but he very well knew that Kenny's insanity rarely needed a reason for anything; he'd kill any person he wanted if this was in his way or just because it was fun.
You'd never see those eyes' strength and warmth calling on you, nor smell that unique and so pleasant scent coming from her. Her lips, blue with cold… they'd forever stop singing and smiling, and you could never kiss them again... You chose solitude to spare her from such fate, but it happened either way. What good was it then to give up on her?
He wasn't sure how to feel about it. Just imagining the whole situation was pure agony; a despair that was very similar to the pain he'd felt in his chest that night he woke up from the nightmare in which he killed her. Not to mention the dreadful notion of a world where she no longer existed... But that was reality, a total bitch that he'd thought he was used to. But here he was, hating the cruelty that might take her away, just like everyone else, whether she was near him or not.
Levi gave one last look at her door, unwilling to walk away. But right then he recalled that morning when they'd shaken hands outside her house, and that helped him realize that the woman had already taken root in his core, no matter where he went.
Seek her out, you moron, his inner voice begged, and he firmly ignored it as he turned and flew away from the place while his mind put everything aside, concentrating on the little distraction at hand. Not that he needed much anyways; sneaking inside a random store to steal some food was no challenge. So, the soldier put the essentials inside his bag and left some money in the register, unable to suppress a snort at the irony.
By the time he made it safely to their hideout, he beckoned Mikasa to stand up. The girl only stared at him, as mute and inexpressive as a while ago.
"Go have some rest" he ordered, extracting a bottle of water from the bag that he later tossed to her "We'll leave with Reeves in two hours but you, Jean, Armin will return to the city to gather information and deliver a message afterwards" it was still somewhat incredible that he'd gotten to hear important data at that place. He needed to warn Erwin and Hange "Tell Connie I'll keep the watch now. He can sleep some more".
Having said that, she threw the bag on her shoulder and nodded before retiring.
The soldier went to sit under a space covered by another building's shade, in the sole company of that bottle of water. He glared at the object with hostility, as if it was poisonous; just because he was craving his usual cup of tea.
Most bets were placed, things were moving fast and no matter what happened, his one and most important mission now was finding the brats and, consequently, Kenny.
Unexpectedly, thanks to the healer's friend, he could be certain that not all the Brigade jerks were involved in this; only the corrupt and powerful. Men like him, they were merely use to their convenience.
Poor wretch…wanting something you cannot have, his mind diverted back there as he drank the tasteless liquid. You're in no better position either, bastard, the voice mocked him cruelly, because despite she hadn't rejected him, he was the one who'd pushed her away for good.
Maybe she's being too foolish and stubborn for not accepting him, he thought bitterly. Her parents and sister were gone, and he was offering a chance to live in a safer area inside the walls, of a new life and a family together... But as soon as he considered that scenario and the idea of his hands on her skin, a wild fury, like the one he felt when he thought he'd kiss her, consumed him, making him sick. Agh! Stop brooding over that, idiot! he scolded himself, very angrily. The soldier tipped up the bottle and drank every last drop of water in a haste, as if he wanted to choke the strange feelings that haunted him.
Levi closed his eyes for a moment, and the first thing he saw in that darkness was her face and those bewitching gray eyes staring at him. She smiled softly at him, and he couldn't help reliving how lost he'd been to the sweetness of her tender lips in his, their warmth and how welcoming they were to him; a man that was nothing but a selfish scoundrel with no future.
Doesn't seem she cares about that, you know…
WIT should have given us that scene where Sasha is patching him up; that was such an amazing view of Levi's naked torso!
Namárië