Chapter 16: The Shadow of the Past – Part I

"The start of this story is common enough; two mages, both powerful in their craft and well respected within the Clan, were arranged to be married with each other in the hopes of bearing a child that would inherit their capacity for magic or surpass them. It is, of course, questionable whether or not the parents' magical powers affect the probability of a child inheriting the same capacity for magic. There's never been concrete evidence to back up those claims, but the superstition persists and so the practice continues."

"In any case, it was the same for my parents; your grandparents. They were wed and there was a lot of expectation for my parents to produce children who shared their talent in magic. Fortunately for them, they did. First was born my brother, your uncle, who was born with powerful innate magic. Then three years later, I came to be."

"Like my brother before me, I was gifted with magic from birth. It was only after my training began, however, that my natural affinity for it would show. My introduction began at age 6 as was normal for children of the Clan, yet after a year I was already way ahead of my fellow peers. Magic just came naturally to me; I understood theories and magical principles along with spells at an overwhelmingly rapid pace. Even my brother, who was also advanced for his age, didn't learn magic as quickly as I did. Eventually, I would also get ahead of him."

"Naturally, my parents were ecstatic to have such a gifted child. Word eventually spread amongst the Elders as well and our family was bestowed great privileges by them. It finally culminated in my father's induction into their ranks, which made my reputation as a magical prodigy quickly spread amongst the Clan. I tell you this not with the intention of bragging about my accomplishments, Xiao Lang, but to give you an understanding of the position I was in back then."

Syaoran nodded understandingly. "Of course."

"That being said, at the time all the attention did get to my head. The constant praise and admiration was a corrupting influence to the volatile mind of a young girl entering her teens. I became arrogant and started looking down on people who I deemed to be below me. It became worse when I was given more time to focus on magic as the Clan decided to forgo my formal education in favor of my magical one. This further drove me deeper into solitude, and so I cut myself away from people and spent most of my time learning magic."

"Time passed for me like that and before I knew it, I was already in my teenage years. By then, my abilities were already advanced for my age thanks to my intensive studies. It was then when I was introduced to two other young teenagers who were also considered 'prodigies': a young mage named Zhang Wen and his friend, whom you've already met."

Syaoran wondered what she could've meant before the answer came to him. "Fang Zhi."

Yelan nodded. "He was as brash and ill-tempered as he is now back then. We rarely got along but Zhang Wen was always there to mediate between us. In general, I got along better with Zhang Wen. Those two were the only 'friends' of my age that I had back then. Despite that, I only considered them as colleagues and for the most part I still spent my days alone."

"After our introduction, my father informed me that the Clan had created a measure to increase magical knowledge amongst our younger members. The three of us, being around the same age, were selected to help train our fellow peers. We were sent to multiple areas of the Clan's territory to showcase our abilities or share our knowledge on magic, but were later focused here in Hong Kong since it was deemed to be the most in need of our assistance. Of course, I had only seen it as a tiresome obligation. I considered other magicians back then too ignorant to waste my time on." She stopped for a moment and her face tightened to a frown. "Even now, the memory of my vanity makes me cringe."

"Anyways, after the showcase there was a training match where a few trainees were selected to test their skills against us. This was arguably the most 'exciting' part of our duty. Even so, there wasn't much they could do against the three of us back then so it ended up being a monotonous chore like the rest of our duties." Suddenly, a smile sprang up on her face. "That all changed one day; the day I met your father."

Fourteen years ago, Li Clan Training Grounds

"Lightning is a very volatile element, but very useful when faced against other magic users. It has the ability to disrupt magical flow within magical constructs or even other magicians."

Yelan watched as the instructor, a man in his early thirties, lectured the trainees and scoffed silently. The over-simplified lessons he was giving were superficial at best and gave little understanding to the actual magical principles involved. Every instructor that she had encountered so far had shared this same mistake. It didn't help that this particular instructor was so passionate about the drivel he was spouting out. As with each time, she shut out the nonsense and waited for him to finish so she could do her part and be done with her duty.

"Bored already?"

She turned to the person next to her, who was looking at her with amused look on his face.

"It's the same thing every time, Zhang Wen. How are these instructors qualified to teach? It's a wonder these people learn anything with the quality of these lessons."

Zhang Wen smiled. "Well, your father did send us to do this for a reason."

"Hmph." Yelan scoffed. "I don't see what difference we're supposed to make just by showing ourselves off like a peacock. These people are too simple-minded to understand the intricate magic involved; they're just here to see a show."

"You should give up, Zhang Wen. It's pointless to argue with someone as stubborn as her."

The antagonistic voice immediately made her blood heat up. She turned to the person next to Zhang Wen, who was looking at her with a hostile smile.

"You'd know a thing or two about stubbornness wouldn't you, Fang Zhi?"

"Now, now there's no need to get so angry Yelan." he replied with mock friendliness. "I was merely pointing out that you've made up your mind on these things. Of course, it'd be very boring for a person of your level."

She could detect the hostility behind the 'compliment', but she was no stranger to it by now and knew exactly how to handle it. "Perhaps if you were more magically competent, Fang Zhi, you'd be as bored as I am." she retorted. That managed to wipe the smile off his face. Both of them glared towards each other, ready to escalate the confrontation.

"Now, now, stop it you two." Zhang Wen interrupted while cutting between them. "It wouldn't do to start a fight here."

Yelan settled down back to her seat. "He started first. I merely replied in kind."

"Tchh!" Fang Zhi spat out in anger. "Maybe one of these days we should settle who's stronger once and for all."

"Give me a time and place and I'll be more than happy to oblige." she replied curtly.

Zhang Wen sighed. "Can't you guys get along for once? It's hard for me when my two friends keep fighting, you know?"

Yelan resisted the urge to reply and stayed silent. It was the same thing with Fang Zhi every time. It was clear from the moment they first met that he hadn't taken a liking to her, and so he antagonized her at every turn. Most of the time, she tried to ignore him but there were times like just now when it was too much for her.

"Very well. For your sake, I'll try to keep it to a minimum." Fang Zhi conceded reluctantly and returned his attention to the lecture. It was fortunate for the both of them that Zhang Wen was always there between them. He was probably the only one who could defuse Fang Zhi's stubbornness, perhaps owing to their bond. After all, they were already friends since childhood long before she entered the mix. Still, Zhang Wen was a good person and generally remained friendly toward her so she was also considerate enough not to start or escalate anything if he asked.

"Alright, now one of our prodigal members will demonstrate how to properly cast lightning." The instructor gestured towards the three of them.

"Whose turn is it?" Zhang Wen asked.

"I did it last time." Fang Zhi replied

Yelan sighed and stood up. "I'll go." It wasn't her turn, but she wanted to get her duty over with.

She went down the steps and headed towards the court until she was next to the instructor. The man gestured towards a wooden dummy at the distance.

"If you'd be so kind, please shoot the dummy with a lightning spell-"

Yelan moved before he finished. She'd gone through this enough times to know the drill. Extending an open palm towards the dummy, she whispered the incantation quickly under her breath. Immediately, magical energy gathered inside her and flowed towards her open hand. A ball of blue light gathered on her hand before shooting forward in a bolt which weaved towards the dummy. The result was immediate: the bolt struck the dummy on the chest and pushed through it, leaving a burnt hole on it's chest.

"Excellent work! As expected of a prodigy!" the instructor exclaimed while clapping. The audience quickly followed suit. However, she wasn't thrilled by the praise at all. Quite the contrary, she was disgusted that they'd consider what amounted to a simple light show 'impressive.' She shut out the instructor's inept explanation of her technique and stood waiting. After this, there'd be a training match and her duty for the day would be over.

Right on cue, the instructor finished his explanation and began the training match. "Right, now we will begin the training match. I'll select a couple of you to test out your skill against a prodigy of the Clan. Don't worry, this is a simple training exercise. There's no need for you to be worried." He surveyed his students. "Let's see here, who would be a good…"

"I'll go."

Yelan turned towards the sound of the voice. Amidst the seated trainees, a single person had raised up his hand and stood up.

"Er, with all due respect, Lei Hua, I don't think you're quite ready for this yet. Maybe next time-"

"Please, Teacher!" the young boy bowed towards the instructor. "Allow me to test my skills!"

"Erm, well…" the instructor was quite confused, which she could somewhat relate to. She'd done this special visit a lot of times now but all that time no one had ever volunteered to face any of them. This boy, however, had offered himself with such resolve.

"I don't think you're up for it yet." the instructor argued. "Maybe it would be better if someone else-"

"It's fine." she interjected.

The whole court went silent then. She looked to the trainees, who were stunned at her words and to her two companions who were also shocked that she'd speak up. "He's volunteered himself, so he already understands the consequences. Let's not waste anymore time on trivial things."

The instructor gave a confused look at her before he conceded. "Well, if you say so." He turned to the boy who was waiting expectantly. "Come down here, Lei Hua."

"That was the first time I met your father. I still remember how he looked back then; he was wearing a green garb, tied ponytail, and round spectacles on his face. Up to that point, nobody had ever volunteered to actually face us, but he did it with such determination. I wouldn't say I was shocked, but it did rouse my curiosity as to what he had to offer."

"And? How did he do?" Syaoran asked, his eyes full of wonder.

Yelan couldn't help but be amused at her son's curiosity. This was probably the most he had learnt about his father. Taking another sip of tea, she continued. "Well, he was certainly different…"

It was unreal, she thought to herself.

'How could anyone be so inept?'

The moment they had begun, it was quickly made apparent that her opponent was not skilled with magic. He visibly struggled with channeling his magic and the spells he managed to cast at her were so weak that she could bat them aside with no effort. It shocked her so much that she waited to see if he was holding back on her, but it didn't take long for her to realize that he was already giving it everything. Finally tired of the charade, she went on the offensive and sent a strong gust of wind his way, though she held back a little to avoid seriously injuring him. Even then, it was enough to break through his weak defense and knock him down.

"Stop!" the instructor declared. "The match is over. Miss Yelan wins."

An obligatory clap sounded amongst the spectators, but she tuned them out; their hollow appreciation only made her angrier. That skirmish had definitely been nothing to celebrate.

"Okay, today's lessons are over. Make sure to remember and practice them when you can." As the students dismissed, he turned towards her. "Thank you for your assistance today."

She ignored the man and turned towards the exit herself. Today had been a parade of incompetence, not just of the trainees but of the instructors as well. She walked in a hurried pace, eager to get out and return home as quickly as possible.

"Wait!"

Yelan turned back to see a figure running towards her. It was the boy that she had just faced, the reason for all her anger. He caught up with her and bowed. "I want to thank you for the match just now! It was certainly intense!" He got up and rubbed his head wearing a goofy expression. "It showed me just how much I needed to improve."

It took everything in her not to blow away this boy in front of her, the boy who was smiling at her as if he hadn't just made a mockery of the Clan and magical arts as a whole. Instead, she turned away without a word leaving the boy behind and rushed towards the building's exit.

"And so that was how our first meeting went." She gave her son, who was looking at her in shock, a smile. "I'm sorry if I've destroyed any impression of him you may have. The truth was your father was never much skilled in the magical arts, though not from lack of effort. Please don't think less of him."

"Never!" Syaoran shook his head fervently. "I'm happy to learn more about him. Please continue."

Yelan smiled at her son's reply. "Suffice to say, our meeting left a bad impression on me. I was so furious at this person whom I considered a disgrace to the Clan just by being present that I considered telling my father to be released from my duty." Her face filled up with nostalgic amusement. "It's not exactly a pleasant first encounter, but sometimes the most beautiful things can start from the ugliest beginnings."

"Yeah," Syaoran nodded. "I agree."

"In any case, I quickly returned to my own life and a few weeks went by until the three of us returned to the training grounds. This time it was actually my turn to go and surprisingly, he volunteered again to face me. This time I was in no mood to play around and I defeated him as quickly as possible. Even so, he still greeted me in a friendly manner. I thought that would be the end of it, but the next time we came he volunteered again and the same thing happened, though on that time he hadn't faced me. Still, his persistence had already imprinted on me and made him stand out from the rest."

She looked up to the ceiling, still carrying that aura of pleasant reminiscence. "It was these seeds which made me instinctively aware of him. One day, when I was in town I saw him walking by, though he hadn't noticed me. He was behaving rather suspiciously, so I secretly followed him until he reached a secluded spot. It turned out that he was practicing magic in private. I watched him practice for a while before I got frustrated. He was getting so many things wrong, so I made my presence known and scolded him for it. Of course, he was surprised to find me there but thanked me for the advice in his usual friendly manner."

"After that day, I became more aware of his presence whenever I visited the training grounds and subconsciously tracked his progress. After that, I offered to help tutor him with magic and he accepted. At the time, I thought I was only doing a part of my duty to educate my fellow Clan members so I treated the task as seriously as I did any other one I was given. However, I kept this task a secret from everyone since I was too vain to admit I was helping someone. We met weekly at the spot where I had found him practicing. I would practice spells with him and teach him magical theories. As our sessions went on however, we started talking about other things besides magic like our families and other aspects of our lives until we talked about anything that came to mind."

She clasped her cup of tea and looked at her reflection within it. "Solitude is a delicate thing. Within it's confines, we feel safe and protected. We might even think that we're strong within it. However, the minute we step out of it, the illusion shatters. All of a sudden, the space within it seems so small and stifling."

"Likewise, my own solitude began to dissolve gradually. I would feel somehow refreshed every time we met. Likewise, the time I spent alone began to feel less and less pleasant. Even now I couldn't really say when was it that I had started liking your father, though he'd told me once that he probably fell for me first. I suppose there is no precise point. It's just the little things culminating together. " She leaned back and sighed and just for a moment, Syaoran could've sworn he saw that teenage girl in her recollection. She turned to him still brimming with that youthful aura. "Wouldn't you agree, Xiao Lang?"

Syaoran jumped at the question. "I s-suppose so." he replied with a blush on his face. "Wait, were you teasing me just now?"

"A little." she replied with an uncharacteristic playfulness in her voice. "You'll have to forgive me for that, Xiao Lang. It's been a while since I've reminisced on those times. The feeling of my heart racing when I met him, all the while struggling to understand the turbulent emotions that suddenly appeared in me; I haven't thought about that naïve, teenage girl experiencing her first love in a long time. I suppose that's understandable." Her smile faded away, leaving behind a sour expression on her face. Any trace of that young girl disappeared immediately. "I didn't really get to stay that way for long, after all." She turned to Syaoran again with a dark expression. An unpleasant aura radiated from her that made him shiver.

"Solitude provides the illusion of safety and contentment. It's a falsehood is born out of ignorance, a consequential effect in believing only in yourself and never seeing past your self-made barriers. I had broken my solitude, and so my ignorance too began to fade. It had allowed me to open myself up to new and exciting things, but soon I learnt knowledge can also be a burden."

Her eyes were now empty, looking in front of her but not really seeing what was there. They were caught up in their own darkness as she recalled her past. "Some time later, my father called me to talk privately. By this point, your father and I have been meeting for about half a year now. I had more or less recognized my own feelings towards him, though I hadn't told him yet, so it was unfortunate timing that my father told me he had arranged for my engagement and my suitor was none other than Zhang Wen. He then explained to me that my introduction to him and Fang Zhi had not been simply for our expertise in magic and the Clan's imperative; it was also a way for me to bond with my potential suitors. By their observation, I had not developed a good bond with Fang Zhi, but I had got along with Zhang Wen better. Even more, he stated that Zhang Wen had expressed interest at the idea."

"I suppose you have a little understanding of the position I was in. There I was, already with a person that I loved, suddenly robbed of any chance I had to be with him- no, that's not accurate. Rather it was finding out that chance never existed to begin with." The teacup in her hand began to shake as her hands trembled. "Shock filled every fiber of my being and then anger. I wanted desperately to yell at my father for putting me in such a situation without my knowledge, to tell him how unfair the whole thing was and to reject the arrangement with all my heart."

The shaking got even more intense for a while until suddenly, it stopped. "But I didn't do that. Instead, I faked agreement and pretended to be the ignorant self I had been. I spent the next few days wallowing in my own sadness until I decided I had to do something, and as much as I wanted to, I knew there was no way the Clan would accept my wishes."

"So the next day after I decided on my course of action, I met with your father for on our meeting place and I told him that we would not see each other any longer, I told about my engagement and then I told him how I felt about him and left without hearing his response. I had decided that would the end of it for both our sakes." She sighed and looked at her son. "But I would not be here telling this to you if it was."

"You see, I didn't know that my secret meetings with your father had been discovered by Zhang Wen. On that day, he had overheard my confession. As you can imagine, he didn't take it very well. From there, things got really messy to make a long story short, to the point that it reached my father. As you can imagine, he didn't take it well. I was heavily reprimanded for causing unnecessary conflict and acting against his wishes. This time, however, I protested and told him how I felt about your father and how unfair it was that he planned my engagement without my knowledge."

"In the middle of our argument, your father had journeyed to our house to clear things up, but his presence only further aggravated the situation. My father blamed everything on him and confronted him on his intentions. It was at that point that your father told him that he felt the same way for me and intended to marry me, which sent the situation into further chaos. It eventually came down to a point where I was given an ultimatum: obey my father or choose your father and well, I suppose you know the choice I made."

Yelan took a deep breath and sighed. "It's funny. Even now when I look back at it, my actions back then were very uncharacteristic of me. I had never followed my own instincts and acted merely upon duties and obligations up to that point but something at that moment told me that if I had chosen the other path, I would've regretted it. Your father's bravery in asking for my hand in such a manner had moved me to respond to that courage. Even so, it was an impulsive action made by an emotional teenage girl under less-than-ideal circumstances when it came down to it."

Syaoran had to agree. It certainly didn't sound like the mother he'd known all his life. "Have you ever regretted it?" he asked.

Yelan looked at him gently with eyes full of brimming conviction. "Not for a second."

The strength in her smile told him everything he needed to know and made him feel relieved. "So what happened next?" he prodded on.

"Well, I accepted your father's proposal and we married against my father's and the Clan's wishes, effectively disavowing us both. We had a small ceremony with a small audience; both sides of our families hadn't shown outward support for our decision due to it's abruptness and the Clan, but the ceremony didn't matter to us as long as we had each other. From there, we set out to build our lives. It wasn't easy; my sheltered upbringing had left me unknowledgeable to the ways of the world and I quickly learnt my knowledge of magic was of no value. Still, your father was patient in guiding me; it's no exaggeration to say that I wouldn't have made it through those early days without him. In the early years of our life together, we did all sorts of jobs to keep ourselves afloat. A few months into our marriage, I became pregnant with Fudie and it put further pressure on us, but we soldiered on nonetheless. Little by little we began to establish a foothold in the world. Around a year later, I became pregnant again with Xuehua and after I gave birth to her, your father and I opened a small shop together. A year after that, I gave birth to the twins." She sighed in recollection as a smile popped up on her face. "I suppose we were still young, even if we were struggling."

Syaoran looked at her confused. "I don't understand."

"You will someday." She quickly replied. "But no matter, that's not important now."

Yelan continued again, not giving him a chance to think on it further. "After the twins we made a promise to stop having children at least until we were better off, so your father and I continued to work to feed our growing family. The necessity for our survival drove me to expand my knowledge. Through trial and error, I made myself learn about other areas like business and economics, at least in a basic sense. However, the most important lesson I learned was how to approach with others; a skill your father performed with ease. I never did quite grasp his friendly way of communicating with others, but I did find my own way by diverting my analytical skills towards people instead of books. In a way, I balanced your father's optimism with my cautious approach. I learnt when to cooperate and when to intimidate, and it has served me well to this day."

'It sure has.' Syaoran commented inwardly.

"Still, the most important people to us were our growing family. Raising four children is quite tiresome, especially your sisters as you well know. Added with the economic pressures weighing down on us, those times were probably some of the most chaotic times of my life; if you think your sisters are a handful, just know that they learned it from your father. Even so, I enjoyed every minute of it. There was never a dull moment in the house. Watching your sisters grow up was and still is one of the greatest privileges I've had in my life." She looked at him and smiled. "You too, of course."

"It took us many years but eventually, we were able to make our way in the world. We had each other and over time we found financial stability; I thought then that the future surely looked bright; I was content with the family I had and any thoughts of the Clan had all but disappeared." She paused and sighed dejectedly. "But that was a naïve thought. Whether I liked it or not, I was still tied to the Clan."

"You see, the Clan was dead to me but I hadn't completely cut off ties with my family; my mother had remained in contact with me. She'd send me letters, sometimes along with financial aid though I had protested against it. Every few months, we exchanged letters as I continued my life outside the Clan and hers within it. Then one day, the letters just stopped. I had my suspicions when more weeks passed without her letter, but it wasn't until Wei came to my house that I knew."

"She died, didn't she?" Syaoran asked. He'd already known this beforehand, of course. Even if he hadn't, his mother's grim expression gave it away.

Yelan looked at him with sadness in her eyes. "That's right. I suppose Fudie also told you about this."

"Yes." he confirmed. "She said it was her first contact with the Clan and felt like they weren't welcome."

Yelan nodded. "She was always sensitive to those things from a young age. It was precisely why I hadn't wanted to bring them. Still, I wanted them to pay their respects towards your grandmother. I wanted her to see her grandchildren, at least in death." Her eyes began to take on a glassy tint as she continued. "To this day, I regret not being able to introduce her to them in life."

"So we all made the journey to her wake and paid our respects. As Fudie said, we weren't welcome; people either gave us looks or avoided us. We were outcasts, after all, so their reaction was expected especially with the Elders in attendance. After we prayed for her, I decided to try to talk to my father. Your grandmother's death had urged me to not remain on bad terms with him until it was too late, but fixing a relationship isn't an easy thing. If we had anything in common is that both of us were headstrong. He hadn't changed his view of me and I of him, so we ended up getting angrier at each other. After that, I left and vowed to never have any contact with him or the Clan again."

A moment of silence rose as Yelan poured herself a cup of tea and took in a large sip of liquid, replenishing her thirst. She then looked at the clock in his room. "It's getting late. I've spoken quite a lot but there's a lot more to this story. Are you feeling tired yet, Xiao Lang? I'd rather you rest if you are. We can always continue this another time."

"I'm okay." Syaoran insisted. "I want to hear about your life, Mother. It's been really interesting to learn more about the family before I came." He turned away from her and looked down. "There's a lot I don't know about the lives you've had before, especially about Father. I've never really thought about it but afterhearing it now, I feel like I've missed out on a lot of important things." A pang rose in his chest as he spoke, like a hole had just appeared there. More accurately, he was only noticing it now; the solitude he had felt in his own family.

A hand came into view and took his gently. Syaoran looked up and saw his mother looking at him with sad eyes. "I'm sorry for making you feel left out, Xiao Lang. I hadn't wanted to add my past to them and somehow turn you against the Clan for my benefit. I wanted you to shape your own opinion when the time came, but instead I ended up creating a divide between us. I know it hasn't been easy, especially being separated from us by both years and gender."

He squeezed her hand back and smiled. "I understand, Mother. I was still too young to know. I don't know how I would've reacted if you'd told me back then. There's a lot on my shoulders and you didn't want to add to them."

"Yes." Yelan spoke solemnly as she retracted her hand. "There is a lot on your shoulders, Xiao Lang. More than you know."

Syaoran was a bit taken aback. His mother now had on a heavier expression than anything he'd seen since they began. "What do you mean?"

Yelan sighed. "So far, I've only told you about my history with the Clan but nothing that seemed relevant to you yet. The truth is, though, that there is a common denominator that connects both our stories, a driving force that has shaped the path of my life and yours. But I would only start learn of this a year after my mother's death, when my father asked me to return to the Clan."

A/N: Hello! I've finally been able to update after all this time. This one took VERY long to write. To put it simply, I had underestimated the length of Yelan's story. There were just so many things that had occurred to her that it was a challenge to condense it to a conversation format. Even now, I don't think it does her justice... which is why I've decided to make a separate story for her, a sort of prequel if you will. You can see snippets of it here in her flashback, but I'm not finished with it yet (very soon, though). This one will be quite a niche thing, since not a lot of people like reading a fanfic that requires another one for it to make sense, but I just couldn't leave her story unwritten. Anyways, tell me what you think of this chapter!