Chapter 18: The Shadow of the Past - Resolution

"I'm… the strongest born child of the Clan?"

The words hesitantly left his mouth but he couldn't wrap his head around them. The weight behind them was too large that they bordered on nonsense; if those words had come from another person he would have probably dismissed them as such.

But they hadn't come from just anyone; they had come from his mother. If there was anyone he could trust to give him the truth, it was her. Even now, she looked at him unwavering like the truth of her words.

"I see by your confusion that my statement may have been too broad. I should elaborate. You are the strongest in terms of the magic you possess. There is a great deal of latent magic within you ever since your birth, Xiao Lang. All mages are born with a certain amount of magic within them. As they grow and train to use magic, they learn to tap into this power and overtime even increase it's capacity. However, you were born with an incredible amount of this natural reserve. It would normally take a mage years or even decades of training to possess the amount of magic that you possess. "

Syaoran scratched his head. The explanation did not lessen the implication of her words as much as focused them. "A-are you sure about this?"

"Very." Yelan reaffirmed. "I understand your reservations, I had them myself when you were born, but I would not give such a bold statement if it weren't the case. Your latent magic stands out very much when compared to other children born of the Clan in the last few centuries, like comparing a lake to a stream."

"I'm… the strongest…" Syaoran whispered as he looked down at his bandaged hands. Immediately, the memory of the battle came to him again and he shook it off. "I'm sorry, Mother. This is all still too much to take in. I don't feel like I'm the strongest of the Clan. I barely held my own in that battle with Fang Zhi and I know for a fact that there are mages within the Clan that are more powerful than me, like you, Fang Zhi and the Elders. How could I be the strongest?"

"You aren't." Yelan said. "Not as you currently are. Like I said, you hold the most potential magic out of any mage in the Clan, but much of it has yet to be tapped into. As you are now, you wouldn't stand a chance against more experienced mages. However, you hold more power than some of them have; you just haven't learnt to use it. You felt it yourself today, didn't you? In that battle?"

Syaoran thought back again to the battle and the exhilarating feeling of power flowing out of him like a river breaking a dam and how he almost overpowered Fang Zhi's spell. Even now, he shivered just thinking about it. "Yeah, it felt amazing. I didn't know I had that much power within me."

"Yes." She looked at her son with troubled eyes. "You didn't."

Syaoran picked up the change in her voice. "What is it, Mother?"

Yelan shook her head. "Nothing. It's of no consequence at the moment. For now, all you have to know is that your power, as considerable as it may be, is still mostly untapped. However, that did not stop the Elders from coveting it for their benefit. You were the answer to their long standing dilemma, a mage that could potentially restore the Li Clan's reputation as in the glory days of the past. That being said, they still had their reservations about you, Xiao Lang so they tried to make sure."

"What do you mean?"

For what must've been the hundredth time since they began conversing, his mother looked at him again with a sense of gravity. "Xiao Lang, what do you know of 'dreaming'?"

"The question caught him off-guard. "Dreaming?"

"Yes, the ability to dream." she reaffirmed succinctly with a finality which indicated she had given him enough for him to answer.

Syaoran searched for the answer in his mind. He knew that she didn't mean dream in layman's terms but rather in the magical sense. Still, there was little he knew about the subject other than a few books he had read and his experience with Sakura. He pieced these tidbits of information together and assembled them to a coherent answer as best he could.

"I don't know much, only that there are different layers of dreaming and most people only ever scratch the outer surface. The ability to 'dream' deeper is rare even amongst magic users but those who can do it say that they felt a higher level of consciousness that sometimes gives them abilities like seeing glimpses of the past or the future."

Yelan gave a quick nod, seemingly satisfied with his answer. "Your explanation is not that far off; few people can truly 'dream'. There are a lot of factors that affects a person's ability to 'dream', but the most fundamental requirement is to attain a level of consciousness that precariously balances between sleeping and waking. It allows one to essentially glide through the fabric of time and space. This level of semi-consciousness is difficult to attain and it's reflexive nature means that it is not a skill that can be learnt in a conventional way."

"However, there are those who have a natural affinity that can attain this semi-conscious state more easily and it so happens that the Clan had some of these individuals within them. Due to the rarity of their ability, they are mostly kept hidden and only used in specific circumstances. In your case, they wanted the Clan 'seers' to 'read' you; to see how you weave together in the fabric of time and space."

"Because of my power." he added.

"Yes. The more powerful a person is in magic, the more he or she highlights the threads of time and space around them. In essence, your power acted as a homing beacon that the seers to trace you through their dreams. In the past, these readings were done to strong offspring of the Clan, but due to the decreasing number of such individuals the practice became less well-known amongst the Clan. Readings have been few and far in between, but your birth gave the Elders a ray of hope."

Syaoran processed the information. It was a lot to take in; there were so many questions. However, one stood out in mind.

"Did they do-" Syaoran paused, and rephrased his question more accurately. "Did you let them do it?"

There was a short pause, and then the answer came. "Yes."

Syaoran gulped. He had thought as much. Immediately, a sense of dread and anticipation came as he followed up with the second, more important question. "And what did they find?"

Yelan sighed. "The details are quite vague, but there was a constant in the readings between the seers. First, your lifeline was brimming with power. They described it as a thread that grows ever brighter, from which they concluded that your power will increase. Secondly, that thread was not alone; another thread ran alongside yours, almost entangling it and shining brighter. Thirdly, this thread appears after a certain point in time which they described as a huge surge of power."

"Clow Reed." Syaoran concluded. "The release of the Clow Cards."

"Yes, although we didn't know that it was precisely the Cards at the time. All we could guess was that at some point in time you would come into contact with powerful magic in some form or the other. Even so, that was enough to put the Elders' spirits on high. It was exactly the break they needed; a member of the Li Clan who could restore it's name and glory."

"That second thread-" he began. As soon as she mentioned it his head immediately went to one person. "Was it-"

His question was stopped by a hand held up in the air ending in an outstretched palm. "That is not a question you should ask me or anyone else. I've relayed to you what was told to me, but the answer to your questions lies with you. Nothing is set in stone; your future is and always will be in your own hands, Xiao Lang, not in someone else's words."

Syaoran looked down apologetically. "Yes, of course. Sorry, Mother."

Yelan gently placed a finger on his chin and prompted him to face her. "It's alright. I understand. It's only natural that you are curious. This is why I had kept this from you; I didn't want you to take these predictions as a fact on how your life will go. Prophecies are tricky things to interpret for even experienced mages, let alone a child. I didn't want you to believe yourself to be invincible and succumb to arrogance or feel the overwhelming pressure of being the sole hope of the Clan."

Syaoran nodded in agreement. Looking back, arrogance was something he had struggled with through his stay in Japan. He always did know in some level that he was treated specially by the Clan; he didn't want to imagine how much more flared up his ego would have been if he had known all this beforehand, or how much more it would've crushed him if he couldn't live up to it. Still, if his 'reading' was so uncertain…

"Why did you let them read my future?" Syaoran asked. "If you don't entirely trust these readings and it would only complicate things, why did you agree to it?"

Syaoran thought he saw his mother wince a bit, although it was so slight it could've been his imagination. Whatever the case, she returned to her composed self quickly. "Truthfully, I was afraid. I admit that I myself had no idea what to do when you were born with such a high power, so I thought there was no loss in finding out. Forewarned is forearmed after all, and I had thought I could always disregard the information if I wanted to."

"However, the Elders took the 'reading' to heart and insisted to be involved in your training and progress. Again, I agreed because I saw that there was no harm done. Even without the prediction, they would have still insisted to be involved because of your power and as much as I hate to admit it they had the resources that could benefit your training that I alone couldn't provide. I still insisted on teaching you the more fundamental things myself as to ensure you had a grasp of the basics of magic. I also managed to convince them it was best not to tell you about the reason we were doing so, which was the prediction. It was an uneasy truce, but it worked for the both of us."

She broke off with a sigh before continuing. "But then the Clow Cards surfaced. For a relic of power to resurface during your time and for it to be Clow Reed's nonetheless… well, even I had to admit it was too much of a coincidence. They convened immediately and informed me of their decision: they would send you to retrieve the Clow Cards-"

"-because they knew my fate was somehow tied to strong magic." Syaoran finished. "Huh." A heavy feeling settled in his chest, one he recognized a lot lately; disappointment. "I didn't really think about it, but I guess I should have been suspicious that they sent a child to retrieve the Clow Cards. So it was all because of this…" Syaoran clutched his fists tightly. He had always hated being ignorant, being the only left out, and now he found out that his whole life has been underminedby this so-called 'prophecy'. He felt a bit betrayed, by the Elders, his mother, by everything.

A touch on his hand cleared away the thoughts in his mind. Syaoran looked up and saw his mother holding his tight hand gently.

"No." she said firmly.

"Prophecies aside, I would not have sent you if I did not think you were somewhat ready for it, and truthfully I thought you weren't at the time. Your training was far from complete to be sent to a mission such as this. I faced the Elders and fought hard to have them reconsider and send a more experienced mage, but my words fell on deaf ears. The promise of power had blinded them."

"I know." Syaoran acknowledged. "Wei told me already."

Her lips tightened. "This is exactly why I didn't want you to know about this. Prophecies are poisonous things, leading people to second-guess themselves-"

Syaoran held up a hand to stop her mother. "It's okay, Mother. You don't have to explain. I get it, and…"

He stopped for a moment. It was true that he felt he was cheated but in the end it didn't matter.

That was because he found something for himself there; something far more precious than the Clow Cards.

Syaoran inhaled sharply and exhaled in the same manner. "I've made my peace with it. Like you said, my future is my own to make. I may not have gotten the Clow Cards, but I found something meaningful to me nonetheless."

He poured his conviction into his being and looked straight at his mother. "So I won't dwell in the past anymore and look forward. I have something I want to achieve, somewhere I want to go back to, and I'll do whatever it takes to get there. Still, I'm grateful for everything you've told me about your past, father, the Clan; everything. I wanted- no, I needed to know the things you've told me. Now with the past clear, I can wholeheartedly look forward to the future." He bent down his head and bowed as much as his injured body would allow him. "Thank you for telling me everything, Mother."

Had Syaoran not kept his head down, he would have seen the surprised look on his mother's face. Yelan held the look of surprise for a few seconds before smiling. Gently, she put her hand on her son's head and patted it softly.

"You're welcome, Xiao Lang."

Syaoran looked down, both happy and embarrassed by the gesture. It was such a simple gesture, but it made him feel a child-like giddiness inside. He supposed it was natural given that he was still a child in the end. Still, he had yearned for his mother's approval for so long and now that she had given it, he was unsure of what to do.

He was so wrapped up in the feeling and his own thoughts hat he didn't realize until a moment later that she had already taken her hand off his head. Syaoran looked up and saw her smiling.

"You've changed a lot, Xiao Lang." she commented.

"Yeah," He could only say back. "I guess I have." It was crazy how much had happened in such a short time, but he felt thankful. Now, he had a clear purpose. The thought of that purpose and seeing her again made him smile reflexively.

"Thinking about her again, I see." Yelan spoke somewhat teasingly.

"Eh?" Syaoran quickly returned to reality and looked down, his face flushed.

Yelan chuckled, a deep voice that was somehow still feminine and nurturing. "It's too late to feel embarrassed about it now, don't you think? Although, I can somewhat understand your fascination with her. She is powerful in magic no doubt, but also in character. And yet, she is somewhat delicate, fragile, like a flower. Befitting of her name I suppose. It's almost natural that you desire to protect her. I admit she affected even me. During the time she spent here she stirred my own protective maternal instincts. Of course, her power stirred my curiosity as well, so much that I had analyzed it."

Syaoran blinked rapidly. Could he have heard that right? His mother had a motherly instinct to protect Sakura. Was she admitting that she approved of Sakura? It certainly sounded so, and now that he thought about it she had given Sakura quite the hospitality during her brief stay in Hong Kong that it had even surprised him and made him envious at the time. The idea of Sakura being welcomed into his family brought out thoughts that had not occurred to him, so he shook them off as hardly as he could before his mind could continue, ignoring the little twinge in his heart that wanted to go on dreaming. That was too far away to consider; right now he had to get the Elders' approval first. His mother's as well; even if she had said she was welcoming of Sakura it could only be curiosity. She said it herself after all that she had-

"Wait, what do you mean you analyzed her?"

Yelan smile widened a little. "Well, I had been curious of the girl who was chosen by Clow Reed to inherit the Cards, so I did some probing into her myself. Nothing too intrusive, I assure you. You remember I helped her discern the connection between her and the Water Spirit?"

Syaoran recalled the memory. "Ah, at that time you said you 'read' her, right? So you're also able to read into dreams?"

"Somewhat." She replied. "I can highlight the fabric of time and space around someone and enter the dream-like state, but it's a conscious effort and not as effective as those who possess the power to do it unconsciously. I have to concentrate a lot more and use comparatively more magic power to do it and my 'readings' are a lot lesser in both scope and accuracy than someone like the Clan seers or Sakura."

"I see." Syaoran whispered, once again in awe of his mother's ability to think two steps ahead. He knew she had 'read' Sakura before, but he wouldn't have thought she could try also to detect Sakura's power simultaneously. "What did you feel?"

Yelan leaned back on her chair, eyes set in recollection. "It was… strange to say the least. At the time her magic was mostly dormant but I could sense the sheer magnitude and power behind it. If your power is like a lake then hers felt like the ocean: deep and without end. At the same time, there was a lightness and gentleness behind it, as if it wouldn't even hurt a fly even with it's enormous strength."

Syaoran couldn't help but chuckle a little. "Yeah, that sounds accurate."

To his surprise Yelan chuckled a bit as well. "Not as accurate as you'd think, actually. My attention at the time was mostly focused on 'reading' her so I didn't really get a defined picture of her powers. I had to use another method: physical contact."

"What do you mean-" Syaoran began, but paused as he recalled what happened when Sakura was about to leave.

"That kiss on the cheek… you were measuring her powers?!" he uttered in shock.

Yelan smiled. "A short moment, but it was enough to get a general idea of the power she possesses."

"Amazing… I never would have thought…" It was all he could say. He knew his mother was smart, but this was something that had happened under his nose and he had no idea that it had happened. "I'd wondered why you were so overly welcoming of her."

Suddenly, Yelan's expression became serious. "Of course, that kiss had the good intention of wishing her luck as well, and the hospitality I offered back then was no lie, Xiao Lang. Perhaps you'd rather I treated her more like a prisoner back then?" she asked while narrowing her eyes at him.

The words sprang from his mouth before he even thought about it. "NO! Of course not!" he replied while shaking his hands in a panic. "It's true I was perhaps jealous of her back then, but things are different now! It's not like I doubted your intentions or anything. I didn't mean to imply-"

The sound of laughter cut off his panicked ramblings. Syaoran looked to the source and found himself a novel sight:

His mother, covering her mouth with her hand, was laughing into the the cloth of her sleeves. Her eyes were closed due to the intensity of her jolly, looking they were smiling themselves. In all his years, he had never seen or thought he would ever see his mother laugh in such a way.

"My, my, you are too easy to rattle. You should be calmer, Xiao Lang, otherwise people will find it easy to get to you."

Syaoran looked at his mother radiating mirth, and something happened that he didn't expect. In it's contagious nature, laughter began to sound in his throat. Even so, he welcomed the feeling and joined in her mother.

"I suppose so." he replied between laughs.

He didn't know how long they just sat there laughing with each other. It was probably only minutes or less. Even so, he felt like it lasted a long time; the moment that they shared. With each laugh he felt the gloomy weight that had dominated their conversation lift little by little until it was gone, and he knew it was the same for her. With that in mind, he had a feeling that she teased him on purpose to remove the bad air that was hanging over them and was grateful to her for it.

Eventually, the laughter began to dial down until finally they sat again in silence, their faces adorned with smiles.

"So what happens now?" he asked, breaking the pleasant silence.

"Now?" Yelan stood up from her seat and gently bent down. Casting his hair aside, she gave him a kiss on the forehead.

"Now, you rest. I've kept you up enough as it is. For these few days, you focus only on recovering. We'll discuss things when the time is right."

He couldn't argue with that. "Alright."

With that, Yelan gave him one last pat on the head before she immediately headed to the door. Syaoran watched as his mother made her way to the door. As she opened the door and exited the room, she turned to him one last time.

"Good night, Xiao Lang."

"Good night, Mother."

With that, she closed the door, finally leaving him alone in his room.

Syaoran lied down on his pillow and stared to the dark ceiling. So much had happened today, much more than what had transpired on the day of his return (something he thought impossible), but it had been a fruitful day to say the least. He stood up to Fang Zhi and even managed to clear up a lot of things with his mother about the past events that led up to him.

Still, he knew it wasn't over for him; there were still a mix of feelings in his heart and he knew he would think about the things said tonight in the future and continue to process them, but for now he felt satisfied with the way things turned out. Lying his body down on the bed, Syaoran yawned as pulled his covers up and obeyed his body as his injuries begged him to finally rest and let sleep take him.

Yelan closed the door gently, taking care not to lift the handle abruptly until only the barest of noise was made. Turning around, she looked at the window. The rain had abated and the moon was once again in full view. Taking in the beautiful scenery and the slight smell of moisture, she contemplated the events of the day..

It had been a pretty rough day for sure. She had barely gotten any rest as a whole on her trip to Beijing and the plane ride had been tiring as well. Added to that, after returning home she had spent a considerable amount of magic in the training grounds and at home healing her son. The little sleep she got watching over Syaoran wasn't enough to completely counter her tiredness and the fact that she had spent half the night talking to Syaoran also didn't do her any favors. She had little time to rest and tomorrow she would have to return to the training grounds to investigate the damage and gather witness testimonies.

Even so, Yelan felt good. She had forgotten how relieving it could be just to talk to someone, something she hadn't done since the days where her husband had been around and she could vent out when she wanted. It felt good not just to finally tell the truth to Syaoran about himself, but to share her own past with him. In a way, she knew that this conversation was long overdue; she needed to expel the poisons in her own heart and mind. She had held back because she was afraid of burdening her children with her regrets, but today had told her that wasn't the case; that they would readily stand by her and her mistakes as she would theirs. That felt her with more joy and relief than she could admit to her children or perhaps even to herself…

…which lead her to the next matter at hand.

Taking a right from her son's room, she walked straight to the corridor until she reached the intersection where it connected to another hallway. Then, she turned a right to the sight of said empty hallway.

"You girls can show yourselves now."

For a moment, there was silence. Then in another second, a distortion appeared in a spherical shape in the right wall that was closer to her son's room. The distortion became a pink energy that slowly dissipated, revealing the four figures within.

Feimei, Fanren, and Shiefa were looking at her with red, swollen eyes still dripping with tears. Fuutie, who stood in front of them, just kept her head low. She stood clenching her fists hard enough that her hands trembled. The tears that were falling down, however, did not escape Yelan.

She had detected them early, of course. As soon as they activated their spell, she knew they were listening. However, this time she let them hear everything she had said to Syaoran and it's effect on them now was clearly visible.

"And right after I gave you girls punishment for eavesdropping, you go and do it again, and using the same method nonetheless. Did you think I wouldn't notice? Even if your techniques were far more refined this time, you can't use the same trick on me twice." Yelan scolded. Despite her reprimand however, she spoke without a trace of anger or disappointment. Quite the contrary, there was a smile on her face. "What am I going to do with you girls?"

Fuutie remained silent and stood rigidly. Meanwhile, the other three had begun to sob. Tears and snot were running down their face, with the twins' faces in particular being more soaked. Despite the situation, she couldn't help but be slightly amused at how silly their faces looked. She hadn't seen them this way since their early childhood days, usually when they were caught doing something she disapproved of. The memory brought her a feeling of joy as she saw how far they had come now from those little children, and she couldn't help but smile even as she tried to play the exasperated mother.

"Well, I suppose I can let this one go. At least I know you've been paying attention when I'm teaching. You've all improved, and I don't just mean in magic." Yelan approached her crying daughters, stopping in front of the eldest, her firstborn. Fuutie didn't look up at her, still standing rigid.

Gently, Yelan put up her hand and placed it on her eldest daughter's head, patting it gently. "You've all grown up splendidly before I realized it."

With that, the rigidness that Fuutie had been maintaining broke. In a swift move, her arms enveloped Yelan and clutched her tightly as if she was drowning and her mother was her lifeline. This signaled the other sisters to the same and they launched themselves into their mother, surrounding her. If Yelan hadn't braced herself, she was sure she would have toppled over from their weight. As is the fashion with her daughters, Yelan found herself surrounded by their loud voices.

"We're sorry, Mother!"

"We'll always be here for you!"

"We love you!"

"So noisy." She said. "We don't want to wake up your brother now do we?" Even so, her daughter continued to wail and speak various declarations of love to her, all except for Fuutie, who simply clutched her tighter and dug her head deeper into her mother's shoulder.

"There, there." Yelan spoke gently, her voice slightly wavering due to the tears that had started in her own eyes, as she stroked her eldest daughters' hair with her left hand, the only limb that was unrestrained in their group hug. "I'm proud of you, you know that? All of you."

Fuutie finally broke silence and she finally joined her sisters' chorus. "I'm sorry!" she spoke, her voice muffled through the cloth of her mother's sleeves. "I'm sorry for everything!"

"So am I." Yelan replied. "You… all of you… you're the best daughters I could have ever asked for. I'm sorry for my mistakes. From now on, I'll do better for all of you."

"Same to you, Mother! We're sorry too!" Shiefa replied.

"You don't have to do anything! You're already the best mother ever!" Fanren added.

"We love you so much!" Feimei chimed in.

Her daughters surrounded her, all of them crying their hearts for her, for the past she had never told all of them, the burden she had carried alone all this time. Yelan felt that burden dissipating away as she stood there in the middle of their chaotic crying, her clothes soaked with their snot and tears. Tears fell from her own eyes as well but not from sadness. Instead, they were shed out of happiness. The pain she had felt no longer mattered; it had all been worth it if she could see her children grow strong.

"Thank you, all of you."

They continued to huddle and cry, but had any of the sisters opened their eyes, perhaps they would have seen it; a smile unlike any they had ever seen on their mother's face as their tears washed the sorrows of her past away.