CHAPTER XXX
It's him! That's what her eyes told the instant she glanced at the entrance when she heard the doorbell announcing a new customer. She of course noticed how Tom, right beside her, did the same and the lad was just as shocked as she was on the inside, only for quite distinct reasons.
Elia glimpsed in his direction and noticed the soldier wearing his dark green coat with the unmistakable division patches in his shoulder, hence he'd returned to the city very recently.
You can't, and you mustn't... the voice inside reminded her as soon as she felt herself overwhelmed with joy at the unexpected sight of him, especially after the difficult situation the morning before at the orphanage.
It was hard to fight the desire to jump on him and show how much she'd missed him, but the voice was right; their decision to maintain their relationship a secret compelled her to. Not to mention the fact that she respected her employer and workplace greatly so, under those principles, any sort of affectionate gesture was out of question.
As a matter of course, he spotted her too, but the man looked away almost immediately when their eyes met. It was brief and yet she still noticed how vigilant and discontent he seemed, making her wonder whether she had anything to do with it, or maybe that was him under stress. She doubted Gris and the boy named Teddy were involved given how mad he got whenever she apologized for something she wasn't involved with.
"No way! Is that who I think it is?" suddenly, Tom's quiet voice interrupted her thoughts, helping her focus. He sounded surprised, excited, and alarmed, all at the same time.
"Dunno. I just see an officer of the Survey Corps" she feigned absolute ignorance and secretly took another quick look at him. He'd stopped walking around the aisles and was now standing where the cleaning supplies were, looking at something fully concentrated, almost self-absorbed.
"That's… that's Captain Levi. I'm positive" her colleague said, looking down, then at her, not daring to stare in his direction yet "Sure you've heard the name somewhere, Elia. He's like the most famous soldier to ever exist, you know" he murmured, before walking towards the newspaper rack behind the register, where she was. He started removing the few ones that weren't sold that day, just for the sake of keeping himself busy and not freak out; after all, it was the first time he set foot inside the store.
You should do the same, the voice came back, and she obeyed. Elia checked her pocket watch, confirming they'd be closing in an hour. And it was Friday, meaning that aside from counting that day's total take, she needed to stay a bit longer and finish the inventory for Mr. Lee. Therefore, allowing the Captain to mind his own business there was the only reasonable option.
Minutes passed and nothing happened while she worked on that and Tom rearranged a couple things nearby, until now that the sound of the doorbell caught their attention once again. She first thought it had been him leaving but when she looked up, Elia watched Tom walking that way to greet a senior couple that just came in, one of their regulars.
A somewhat nervous Elia peeped to where she'd seen him last and confirmed Levi hadn't moved an inch. The only barely noticeable difference was the fact that his countenance had hardened; somehow, he was even more annoyed than before... Perhaps it's all in your head, the inner voice offered, reminding her of how chaotic that day had been at the hospital without Gris; she hadn't seen or spoken to her superior since the woman left the hospital the day before.
"Hasn't he been there for way too long? It's uncanny how still and silent he's standing" Tom had approached, carrying a small bag of flour, a bottle of milk and a couple candles, and left them on the desk. Elia handed him a brown paper bag and then assisted the married couple with her usual cordiality. So she couldn't comment anything about the other customer inside the store.
Both Elia and Tom followed the couple with their eyes until they disappeared behind the door, and then he automatically turned his head to the soldier while Elia refused to; she was becoming a bit concerned for the man's behavior and yet she just couldn't approach him because she was supervising the cashier that day.
"Should I go talk to him?" Tom whispered again, visibly anxious but also enthusiastic, although nervousness definitely came first "What do I do?"
"We've already discussed this, Tom" the healer responded, feeling proud of his commitment and how much he'd improved to conquer his fears and constant shyness "Don't forget to have confidence in yourself".
"He doesn't seem to be in a cheerful mood, you know" the young man pointed out with a nervous laugh as he looked to Levi, and so did she, noticing a frown and the narrowed gaze, trying to find something at the shelf in front of him "Perhaps he needs help but he's the kind of person who rather solving things by himself, or maybe he looks that tough but he's mousy too and doesn't feel ready to ask, or…" he jabbered, fidgeting.
"Tom" Elia called, and he stopped to stare at her "I know is no easy, but you need to remember that we're all the same; rich or poor, strong or weak, soldier or civilian… You can't fear people's reactions" she remarked with a friendly smile "If you offer help and he doesn't want it, that's ok but you'll know it was his choice. In any case, he'll hardly bite you for asking".
"I know, I know. Besides, we're closing in ten minutes, so he better make up his mind, right?" the lad nodded and stood tall, trying to encourage himself, as if getting ready to do something incredibly difficult "Wish me luck" he said and finally moved.
Elia observed in silence, well aware of Tom's subtle and gradual approach to the soldier. She smiled for herself when she realized he was practicing the kind of smile he'd try to introduce himself. Nonetheless, she quit looking or it'd make him nervous. In any case, there was no use because she wouldn't hear them talk from there.
Shortly after and now halfway through the list, the healer got startled when she felt Tom's hand on her shoulder. She turned to him and, aside from the hunched posture, she distinguished some panic and confusion in his face while he held his chin with a thoughtful expression.
"What's going on?" Elia asked, glancing back to where Levi had been but the man was now at the herb and tea's aisle and yet he wasn't really looking at them. His arms crossed, and his eyes fixed on the top of the furniture; she could tell the soldier wasn't happy.
"He's looking for something quite specific. Something someone said he'd probably find in here" Tom answered and shrugged. She saw him scratching the back of his neck now, and she knew that was another nervous response "I really don't think we've ever had it in the first place, but I may be wrong. Have you ever heard about a lemon scent whitening soap?"
What? Elia looked at him stunned and just as confused. Where did Levi heard they had something like that? It was true that Mr. Lee tried to put his hands on anything that'd be profitable for his business but still, this store wasn't that sophisticated compared to the ones inside Wall Sina. And she most certainly never mentioned anything like that so, was he trying to prank Tom? Impossible. That'd be nothing like him.
She looked in his direction again, only this time she met his inquisitive gaze right before he decided to face them, heading deliberately slow to where they were. And this time there was no denial; he was indeed quite upset.
"What did you say to him?" she quickly asked to her colleague, gathering all the information so both were ready.
"I'd never heard of it, but I told him I was going to ask" he explained, and Elia nodded approvingly.
"Well done because neither have I" she said, pursing her lips for a second "We should tell him that we'll ask about it to our supplier, see if he wants to pre-order, perhaps?" she offered and Tom immediately nodded in agreement.
That was the right thing to do in cases like this, although she could sense there was something odd about it. Who could have told him such thing? They didn't have that many Corps visiting the shop, but she guessed whoever did might have been there as a civilian then. Still, it made no sense because they'd never had anything like it, so she had no idea what Levi was after.
Discreetly, she took a deep breath as she prepared herself mentally to talk to him without looking suspicious. But when he finally reached them, Levi stood in front of Tom, arms folded and raised an eyebrow.
"I didn't see you going to check at the back" the man pointed out, clearly unhappy about that and avoiding her eyes on purpose.
"Umm, you see…I'm afraid we currently don't have what you are looking for, sir. But I assure you that we'll consult with our supplier outside Trost" Tom replied, trying to keep his voice from stuttering, and succeeded; making her smile proud "If so, we only need your confirmation to request that pre-order, and you'd only have to pay an estimated percentage. If we cannot find the product, you'll get a full refund, Captain".
"If that's the best option you can offer…" the soldier said in a dead tone and tired look "How long until you get it?"
"Well..."
"Good evening, sir" she interrupted, cursing herself on the inside to forget how much he hated whenever she called him that. She actually saw the hidden accusation in his gaze when he looked at her but couldn't help it though; she had to treat him like any other customer "We regret being unable to promise a date but we must discuss this with the supplier first, to check stock and see if it's possible to bring it here" she doubted it, considering what he sought was probably not cheap.
"Tch!" he exclaimed and looked to the side, clearly displeased "I was told I could easily find it here, but I see the service leaves much to be desire".
That made her angry and she knew he noticed. But she was not going to follow this absurd game any longer. What was he trying to accomplish? Teasing them at her workplace wasn't like anything he'd do so why this? And he could be as sharp as he usually was but there was a completely unnecessary aggressiveness in that last statement.
She was so confused that she was actually considering he was indeed, still pissed after the incident with Gris and she couldn't blame him, but that was something she'd have preferred to solve privately, without Tom; he had nothing to do it.
"Well, I suggest you make sure you got the right store because it's not that we don't want to provide the item. We don't have it, and we're kindly offering an alternative that you're not happy with" she emphasized, and despite her tone sounded neutral, she couldn't help a tight-lipped condescending smile "That being the case, if you're not intending to accept that or get anything else from the store, we'd appreciate you coming back some other time. I'm afraid we should have closed five minutes ago".
Was it her imagination or did she just glimpse a spark of fun in his eyes? It was incredibly swift, but she could have sworn it was there, though it'd be hard to explain given the grouchy expression he now had on his face. Poor Tom wasn't saying a thing, skeptical at the whole situation; he'd never seen her lose her temper with anyone before, but she heard him clearing his throat.
"I'm sorry Captain. If you don't mind giving us a minute" he interjected, bowing his head to him first before turning to her "Umm, Elia… can I talk to you for a minute?"
Judging by the discreetly meaningful gaze he gave her, Elia foresaw he'd probably ask what was going on there because no matter how difficult people were, they had to remain calm for a better solution; she'd taught him that actually. However, when she was about to follow him to his father's small office, Levi interrupted.
"See what I mean?" he said to no one in particular but when she and Tom turned, the soldier was looking at him furiously "You're nothing but a brat and yet you address her like that?" the scathing tone Levi used this time told her he was scolding him for real. And that cold stare was enough to squash Tom's morale.
To her shock, she saw the lad bent his head in her direction, absolutely embarrassed, about to apologize and that was the last straw she'd take. She'd been trying to help him overcome his timidity ever since she got the job, so she wasn't going to let Levi do that to him.
"Don't you dare to apologize, Tom" she said and stopped him right on time. The young man looked at her perplexed, but her eyes were fixed on the soldier. "Excuse me, sir" this time, Elia called him that on purpose to tell him off, for that and the strange conduct. Sadly, all she saw in his eyes now was absolute vexation "I'd appreciate you restrain yourself from scolding my colleague. He does have permission to use my first name. Besides, that's completely unrelated to the service we provide in here".
"Tch" he exclaimed through clenched teeth, confronting her haughty attitude with his cold anger "Guess you're just as insolent, aren't you?"
"Maybe I am, but you're no better acting this way, so please do come by at another time" the healer spoke sharply. No hesitation "… the day you tame your temper, if possible".
Tom was a deer in the headlights during the exchange. He'd kept his mouth shut because he didn't fully understand what was happening, even less when he couldn't believe Elia was just as frightening as Captain Levi; the guy was a legend, and he'd just confirmed that also not an easy person to deal with, but the woman didn't back down. And to defend him, no less.
Elia stood her ground the entire time he glared angrily at both, until the soldier looked daggers at Tom one last time before turning around and storm out.
At least he didn't slam the door, she thought and then sighed, looking at the spot where she last saw him, still exasperated but also saddened.
"You can breathe now Tom" she said to her colleague, frozen at her side.
"I'm sorry, Elia. I…" he finally snapped out of his stupor, but she flashed her palm at him to stop right there.
"That's absolutely unnecessary. You did no wrong Tom. I mean it" she said with a calmer, reassuring smile, hoping to lift his spirits, and the weak smile in response told her he believed her "Come on. Let's finish that inventory so we can go home".
While the lad checked the stock of beans, the item at the bottom of the list, she couldn't help glancing at the entrance door.
Acting like total strangers was so frustrating in general, but even harder in a situation like this; unable to understand or demand a reasonable explanation for his behavior.
This isn't how we were supposed to meet tonight, Levi…
Fuck! The soldier cursed, debating whether to call or not as he tried to block the stupid thoughts and a weird, niggling anxiety for the past ten minutes since he saw her enter her house. Now he knew why he shouldn't have succumbed to the idiotic ambition to see her sooner since the whole fiasco at the orphanage the morning before; he only ended up pissing her off for real and he was just as mad, but he wouldn't have time to go see her for at least another two weeks. So, even if this visit turned out into a big fight, he'd go for it; it was still better than not seeing her.
Levi knocked the door and clenched his hands behind his back, ready for an irked glare as he stared at the nearest window to his right. Just be honest, his inner voice advised. Don't forget you'll only have tonight, the voice reminded, and Levi snorted, expressing his contempt; that's exactly what it'd said before and he made a stupid ass move.
He'd thought watching her from afar would suffice, but the instant he saw her behind the register, so absorbed and committed on whatever she was writing down, he couldn't restrain the desire to be closer and at least exchange a few words. The only bummer was her fellow coworker, the young twat, never leaving her side and that pretty much exhausted what little patience he had.
As soon as he heard the door being unlocked, he stood still, his chest slightly high and forward while his head, trunk and legs were in a straight line, ready for retaliation.
"Can I come in or would you like to kick me first?" he offered the instant she came into view. Her eyes didn't seem like around an hour ago, when she got mad at him, but there was wariness in them "I come in peace, Elia" he stated, feeling a bit of joy to finally address her that way.
"Good" she replied in seriousness, arms folded and not moving an inch yet "What option do you think I'd go for then, Captain?" she retorted, raising an eyebrow.
"The first one. And you'd also remind me to never ask you to hurt me… or try to" he added, and her eyes squinted at the little joke he played "But you'd definitely tell me to stop and move my stupid feet inside already" he voiced, a bit more at ease at the way her face softened despite shaking her head very slowly.
"I'm glad to see there are certain things you've learned well" she replied as she stepped aside to let him in "Nevertheless, I'm counting on you having a good explanation because no matter how I rack my brain thinking of one, I couldn't find it".
The soldier walked towards the coat rack and hung his jacket there before speaking. She'd just closed the door and he knew she remained around six feet behind him.
"Last time I heard, we're not supposed to know each other" he began, taking a small pause in between "Still, that doesn't mean I cannot go see you if I want to, even less when I know I won't be here for at least two weeks" he specified and then frowned, remembering why he lost it a little "I tried to keep the brat that works with you a little busy, but damn he was persistant!" the soldier grumbled, not turning to see her.
"Are you serious? All of that was about misleading and driving Tom away?" Levi heard the incredulity in her tone, which made him grit his teeth. Was it really that unthinkable? "I even came to the conclusion that you were upset with me but then I thought, if you really were, it'd make no sense because you insisted that the situation with Gris wasn't my fault, and I believed you".
"I have no reason to be mad at you" he said, but he couldn't hide the irritation in his voice, though mostly at himself "But that kid was such a pain in my ass. He first didn't leave, and then treated you with such familiarity…".
He couldn't help it. Elia was his, and he hated hearing her name from another man's mouth, especially when he knew she cared for the guy. Still, the soldier didn't know how to explain that to her; it somehow made him feel silly, and that was also why he hadn't turned to look at her yet.
"First of all, keeping us a secret doesn't mean we need to declare war on each other in front of others" she began to say with that natural sensitivity to express herself "And secondly, Tom is my colleague, my apprentice and he's sixteen…" he noticed she'd given a small step towards him but then stopped and he heard her sigh. He was going to try to explain but right before he could, she continued "What would you say if I reacted like you do whenever others call you by your first name, like Officer Hange for example. Should I get jealous of that or her jokes?"
Levi got rigid and his eyes widened in surprise, remaining silent for a moment as he tried to find a way to explain how different that was.
"That's not the same. Hange acts like an idiot just for the fun to get my nerves, so ignoring her works better than anything else" he said looking over his shoulder, noting she was not that far and watching him "But if it bothers you, I'll make her stop".
"No need of that, Levi" she clarified, her voice full of empathy and her words of sincerity "I was only explaining that there is no difference in her friendly treatment or Tom's. Of course, each one has their own style but it's undoubtedly nothing like our thing, so it shouldn't affect us".
Us. At least he enjoyed the way that sounded with each passing day and all the more when it came from her.
"Guess I can't argue that…" he admitted after a minute and looked to the dining table in front of him. He could feel his cheeks turning crimson for what he was about to say, but cared not; after all, they'd agreed to say whatever went through their minds, embarrassing or not "I had no idea how to act without looking fishy or like a creep when I wanted to look at you, so I stayed in that damn corridor, waiting for him to disappear for a minute, but the brat was determined to stare at me. Even when he was talking to other people" just remembering the whole situation made him grunt.
"He did it because he wanted to help you" the soldier relaxed at her mild tone. She surely was smiling now and yet couldn't turn to confirm it. He wanted to punish himself for the occasional stupidity "Tom admires and respects you enormously. It took him several minutes to collect himself before approaching and give you a good impression".
"It shouldn't surprise you. I'm not good when having to interact with strangers; I lack the patience" he reminded her "And I came up with that shit about the special soap to distract him long enough, but it was useless" he complained, frustrated. However, that didn't last because he heard her steps getting closer, and from one moment to the next, he felt his left hand in hers and her body a couple inches behind him.
"You indubitably came up with something hard to figure, Captain" Elia commented, stroking the back of his hand with her thumb softly "But just so you know, it wouldn't have worked. Tom has been a good student, very committed to learning how to run the store, so he knew what he'd find at the back" she explained, and he perceived an affectionate squeeze in his hand. That was her asking him to turn around and look at her "And you're not that bad with all the people" she added but if felt as if she'd wanted to say something else.
"There's only a few that I trust. So I don't care whatever the rest thinks of me" he stated as he gave in and allowed her to make him turn without letting go of her hand. His whole body relaxed when his eyes found her right before him. She was looking down though, to his hands "I need nobody else's acceptance if you're here and trust me".
"I know and I do" she said and looked up, with a tender smile on her face "But whether you care or not, there's still people out there caring about you" Elia said, and the soldier's eyes opened wide when she let go of his hand to close the little space between both and hugged him, putting her arms around his waist "You made a new friend at the orphanage yesterday" Elia said with glee.
It took him a couple seconds to react, but then the soldier wrapped his arms around her and closed his eyes for a moment, enjoying that familiar, wonderful smell of hers for a while.
"Is this payback or you're just in the mood for shitting me for a while?" he scoffed, not really caring that she did "I'm sure that lady just wants to see me getting trampled under my horse's hooves" he said as he led her to the living room, next to the small couch by the window he' been staring at from outside before "Her eye… does it still work?" he asked while both took a seat there. Annoying and all, the old lady didn't deserve that. Besides, he needed to add that piece of information on his report about the brat.
"The doctor ordered her to stay home and rest the whole weekend, but her eye is fine. I'll go see her tomorrow since it's my Saturday off" Elia said and grabbed his hand once again. He looked at her and took delight in the joyful smile she gave away when he entwined his fingers with hers "Fortunately, it wasn't serious, just a cut right above the eyebrow. A little deep but stitches will help her heal faster. I'm sure you remember well that's an area that bleeds considerably" she said and turned to see the fading scar above his own eyebrow, the one he got when chased by Kenny's men. When their eyes finally met, he tightened the grip of her hand in his "But I wasn't talking about Gris, Levi. Have you forgotten about the girl you helped?"
The man couldn't help a crooked smile when he saw her moving to seat on is lap with her legs dangling to one side as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He closed his eyes once again, marveled at the way her fingers slid through his hair, soothing and welcoming.
"You mean the skinny brat?" he asked, still mesmerized but instinctively surrounding her waist with his arms to keep her closer.
The soldier opened his eyes when he sensed her face a few inches away and got dazzled at the sight of one of his favorite smiles; playful, warm, and sunny.
"Hange was right when she said you looked very cute talking to her" the healer commented, and her beautiful gray eyes sparkled cheerfully. But then she tilted her head to a side and the happy expression vanished when she saw him frown "Why that face, Captain?"
"Seriously?" he said sarcastically "You're not supporting Hange's crap about me fathering anyone, aren't you?" he remembered well that scene and how uncomfortable he felt "Because that cannot happen, Elia" to his great surprise, he'd made her blush hard, yet he had no clue why and his confusion was easy to see.
"I think you misunderstood me there" she replied shortly after "That's not what I meant or intended to say" Elia looked down for a few seconds, apparently trying to appease the sudden heat on her face, though not succeeding, which would have been amusing but the topic was no joking matter "I mentioned that because I happened to have a chat with her afterwards, and I could tell she was grateful for your piece of advice" the healer explained.
"You scared me for a second" he admitted, breathing out, now free from the unconscious stiffness in his posture "I thought you were trying to tell me something else" this time he felt incredibly dumb and self-aware of his face flushing again. No wonder why she went through the same a minute ago. He'd have averted his eyes, but the intensity of hers prevented him from doing so.
"No, Levi" she whispered and sighed. Her smile was gentle and honest, but he glimpsed a bit of sadness in there too "You know I've been careful. Well… leaving aside our first day together..." she hesitated and for some unexplainable reason, hearing her speak this troubled, vulnerable, was as wonderful as the times she expressed herself with eloquence. It made no sense, but he liked it "I think I shared my views about the issue long before we ended up like this" Elia said and cuddled up in his chest, as if she wanted to hear his beating heart.
"We did. That's why I didn't enjoy imagining it had changed" he confessed, secretly admiring the floral scent coming from her hair before holding her chin in his hand to make her look up and meet his eyes.
"If the world was different, maybe. But it isn't and whether the war with the titans comes to an end or not, I honestly doubt it'll change that much immediately after... I might not even live long enough to see that happen" she replied in all earnest and there it was again, that hint of sadness in her. Levi ignored that the feeling was out of wishing life was different for them.
His left arm tightened around her waist. He said nothing right away, but his grimace expressed his displeasure at that scenario, feeling also pain inside his chest because he rejected a world where she didn't exist. Elia was good and kind; he fought for all whom they'd lost but also for people like her. Unfortunately, unpredictability was a bitch and if they perished, the odds for her everyone else were no good.
"I get why you say that. I actually hate being unable to guarantee our success once we go out there in two months" it wasn't pessimism but mere facts. And knowing there was no better way or moment to share this, the soldier just said it "The date hasn't been officially settled but we'll be departing before having winter upon us. It'd be an extra pain in the ass if we wait longer".
Elia sat up straight and stared back at him, grasping how important and big this was.
"Two months" she repeated, assimilating it "Is not that long but it makes sense considering that" she agreed, looking directly into his eyes. No trace of vacillation or fear, only acceptance and resoluteness "To think of all the things that have happened to get this far… I'm not happy about it but I am glad it's finally here" she said and rested her forehead on his, closing her eyes and taking a long, deep breath.
He imitated her, no need to verbally express his gratitude to see she really got the whole picture and his reasons to keep moving forward, even if that meant they'd never see each other again. It hurt to think of it, but her support and comprehension gave him peace and was far better than seeing her cry or begging him to step aside.
"The one thing I hope for is that whatever we find or face there is worth all this freaking trouble" Levi confided to her, knowing he partly worried about letting her down if he failed to the promise he made to her sister.
"Regardless of the outcome, the journey has been merciless to all, so the fact that you and the other soldiers keep fighting is what matters in the end, Levi. Reason why, it could never be in vain".
It wasn't surprising he felt lighter at the sound of her voice stating what she truly believed. He opened his eyes, wishing to somehow immortalize this moment as he also took pleasure in the way she stroked his hair, especially the genuine sympathetic smile he saw when she put a small distance between them and then slid her thumb over his wrinkled brow with gentleness. Was this a dream? Unlikely. He never once had nor the hope or the imagination to create somebody like her in his mind.
"I shouldn't have spent that long acting like the asshole that wanted to avoid you" he declared, not really as a regret but more like an apology for the wasted time "Luckily, you being so hardheaded about me… That's the one thing I'll never complain about".
"Don't treat yourself like that!" she scolded him, pulling one of the locks of hair that reached to the outer corners of his eyes jokingly, but then she went back to solemnity "And don't speak as if we had a dead sentence upon us already. Nobody knows what's going to happen. If it's only two months, fine. If its longer than that, great. For now, let's just live whatever time we have to the fullest, alright?" she propounded, with nothing but firmness and bravery in those magnificent eyes as she caressed his cheek with the back of her hand.
"Had the world and reality been not this shitty, you'd have made a good mother" he hadn't intended to say it, but the comment just escaped his lips. Her natural, kindhearted gestures had just reminded him of the only other woman that had meant so much in his life.
Elia looked at him quite dumbfounded for a moment. And once again, he noted a glimpse of melancholy in her eyes.
"I won't say a thing to that because it's a dead end, but I've just recalled we haven't finished discussing the topic" she pointed out, tilting her head to a side. He had no idea what was going through her mind, although the lively gray in her eyes showed how curious she was "I know you're not into parenting, but would you mind sharing your reasons now that we're here".
"I'm simply not fitting for the role" Levi admitted, sincere and straightforward "Besides, I don't think it's a good idea to curse a new life with this whole Ackerman business" he offered, in view of the ghastly story behind his last name.
Elia nodded in understanding, taking her time to assimilate that, and most certainly thinking about his logic. He felt her arms going around his neck once more, and then she rested the right side of her head on his left shoulder. She remained silent for at least two or three minutes.
"Honestly, Captain... this subject was the last thing I imagined discussing today but I'm glad we're on the same page" the healer said and the genuine, placid smile on her face told him she was experiencing the same peace of mind he did.
He wanted to kiss her, and she somehow knew it because he saw her taking a peek to his lips before raising her face up, towards him. Levi watched her close her eyes and he smirked right before lowering his head a little, dying for the contact. Only when their lips met, he allowed himself to close his and enjoy this little piece of heaven in his arms, not knowing how she managed to create that smooth, scorching sensation in his mouth with that delicate sweetness of hers. They weren't even using their tongues and it still felt like a perfect kiss, one that transmitted nothing but pure longing.
His commitment to his job and the cause, he'd never fail to them, nor to his responsibilities and the brats under his care. But underneath all that there was a big part of him that constantly missed Elia's presence, and moments like this, when they finally got to be together, worked as the best balm to momentarily cure that camouflaged need of her, especially now that he was perceiving her own necessity of him. The way Elia wrapped one arm around his neck and placed the other hand at the back of his head to hold on to him while their mouths devoured each other, slow but passionately, was more than enough to know.
Drunk in the sensations, the soldier's arms around her waist tightened their embrace and pulled her closer in his need to deepen the kiss now that the sound of her breathing got heavier when his hands moved underneath the fabric of her shirt and touched the bare skin of her lower back. She shivered and slightly moaned in his mouth.
Honey. Levi thought, trying to define in one word the taste she had now that they'd taken a brief pause and he opened his eyes to look at her. He knew it wasn't the same taste, but both represented a lingering, satisfying kind of sweetness. Like right now that she'd just taken the hand she'd had at the back of his head, to his face, and he contemplated a beaming smile as she caressed his cheek with her fingertips. She'd been about to say something when he suddenly watched her sniff the air and this time, it was her body the one that stiffened right before seeing the alarm in her eyes.
"Something's burning" he mumbled, observing how quickly she got up and left for the kitchen in a rush. Levi half-smiled at the image; she was always extremely careful, but he was way too good distracting her.
The Captain stood up, removed his cravat and hung it next to his jacket before moving to the bathroom and then join her in the kitchen. By the time he did, Levi saw her moving all around the place, clearly looking for something and given how concentrated she was, he said nothing and just walked towards the sink; there were a couple things in there that required some cleaning. It was the least he could do to cooperate while she cooked, just because that really wasn't his strong suit.
"Hope you're hungry" he heard her say in a cheery mood after finding what she'd been looking for. He saw her coming to stand beside him, in front of the stove and took the lid off the pot for a couple seconds, to pour what looked like salt and pepper.
"Starving" the soldier admitted, only now remembering how hungry he was. As soon as he'd been done with a couple meetings and subsequent reports, he skipped dinner at the barracks to go see her "What was the smell from before?" he asked now that he'd finished doing the dishes, moving to stand behind the kitchen table while she washed what looked like a bunch of green, long but very thin leaves.
"Fortunately, just an empty pot" she giggled, looking a bit embarrassed "I completely forgot I'd put water to boil in it when I left to answer the door" she explained and shrugged. He shook his head, amused at the cheeky smile on her face "That reminds me… could you please put the kettle on? I had it ready but since the water in the pot boiled away, I was forced to use it with the potatoes".
While he was onto that, the soldier rejoiced in this special kind of peace he always had after setting foot inside her house. This whole simplicity of a life beside her meant so much more than any wealth or power he could have dreamt of.
"What's that thing that you're drying?" Levi asked, after completing his task and going back to stand by kitchen table. He couldn't help feeling somewhat frustrated for being unable to help more; she was cooking for both after all.
"Just some fresh chives" she answered, showing those to him before putting the small bunch on a cutting board she'd just left onto the kitchen table "Mashed potatoes taste better with a bit of that on top, but you can try some of mine in case you prefer yours without it".
The healer turned, grabbed a pan. Then she went for the salad bowl at the edge of the table that he'd seen before, but since it was covered with a piece of cloth, he hadn't seen what was inside, not until now that she uncovered it and he noticed four medium sized tomatoes and a peeled onion. Levi saw her move to where he knew she kept her utensils, opened the second drawer, and pulled a knife out. It was at that moment that he had an idea while observing her stand across the table, where she placed the sharp object and, placing the cutting board in front of her, the healer began chopping the leaves.
Despite she probably didn't know how to fight with a knife, it still impressed him how fast and precise her movements were; mechanical, but there was delicacy and elegance in them, of a very different style to his for sure.
"Elia" he called, interrupting her now that she'd finished with those and put them to one side in a small container "I cannot cook but you know I'm good with a knife" he pointed out, feeling a bit optimistic about this prospect on how to assist her "Although I suggest you show me how you want them, or I'll simply leave everything mashed".
"Alright, Captain" she agreed with an enthusiastic smile, and without further delay moved to stand behind him.
"What… are you…?" he stuttered, taken by surprise, especially when his instincts reacted as they'd normally do; sounding the alarm all over his body. However, he soon relaxed when he felt her arms surround him and heard her chuckle.
"I don't think I can show you if we do it like this. My arms barely reach. See?" her arms were indeed shorter, and it was actually amusing to see her do that "We better switch places" she suggested and quickly relocated to the front, with her back to him.
"Will this work?" an incredulous Levi asked now that he was standing there, unsure on what do until he felt Elia's hands on his wrists, leading his arms to surround her figure and then covered his upper limbs with hers "I feel ridiculous" he declared.
"It should but if you're against this method…" she said in absolute calm while breaking from their embrace, not wanting to make him uneasy. But Levi didn't allow her to.
"I said I felt ridiculous. Not that I didn't want to do it" the soldier clarified, speaking near her ear and enjoying the way he grabbed her hands to give another try.
"I know it's a bit unorthodox, but this is how I learnt to prepare medicine" she replied, turning her head to the right to look to his face. That's how he came to know she liked hearing that "If it's still uncomfortable, do let me know, Captain. I won't get mad or anything".
Levi had a perfect view of the table, the cutting board and the veggies. He was only considerably astonished to having her entire body right up against his in a situation like this. It sure was very normal for her given her parents were the ones using this technique, but this was different, although he wouldn't complain; he'd wanted her closer, and she'd unconsciously given him exactly that, but he wouldn't tempt his luck here.
"I'm fine. Just get on with it because I'm not sure for how long I'll hold before having a mental breakdown" he informed her and saw the witty smile before she looked back to the table, ready to lead him through everything.
"Alright" the soldier heard and watched the way she guided his hand to adjust the cutting board, grabbed the knife and the first vegetable: the onion "Now going back to your previous suggestion, mashed onions would work perfectly if you were cooking any red or white meat but is no good in this case; we'd get excessive juice and that'd prevent the sauce from thickening" she shared very seriously.
Notwithstanding that there was a sharp knife involved, it was impossible to subdue that pleasant itch where their skin touched. Still, he tried his best to focus and learn this as if it were a survival lesson, only her teachings were nothing like Kenny's, who'd have laughed at him hard for allowing such moment of weakness. Something his old self would have minded.
Unfortunately, by the time they made it to the part of making the final horizontal cuts to obtain what looked like tiny squares of the veggie, he could no longer ignore how mind-blowing and intimate this felt; being in close quarters while she guided his movements, plus the way they were touching... it was fascinating and also enticing. But since he didn't want to behave like a brute that lusted for her in a moment like this, he decided to go over other kind of details he'd noticed instead. Like her skin being slightly paler but the most significant difference was how delicate her hands were in contrast with his; smaller but curiously, those long, thin fingers resembled her very own grace. Healing hands embracing the fists of a killer, he heard the echo of his mentor's sarcastic tone in his head making fun of him, but Levi no longer cared; Elia knew that well and she still accepted him, therefore, the guilt that once overwhelmed him was gone.
"I like your hands" the soldier bluntly said near her ear, perceiving how that made the woman jump and blush. Even when her face wasn't in sight, her left cheek showed more than enough to be certain "Oi, we haven't finished here yet" he protested, tightening his embrace a little when she'd tried to step aside. After that, he took the other half of the onion in his hand, ready to get back into business, and so they did.
"I'm glad you do, Captain" Elia said and cleared her throat, apparently trying to control herself as she kept on leading him "I just thought you probably had this already, so receiving a compliment instead of you telling me you wanted to continue by yourself was unexpected" he could have sworn he felt her fingertips caressing the back of his hand for a second.
"Wasn't trying to compliment you" he declared nonchalantly, taking her by surprise when his arms and hands covered hers, wanting to somehow show her what he'd experienced "I was only thinking about that when I said it" Levi clarified, and both continued the task in silence, enjoying this proximity and complicity for a while.
Until getting frustrated at the way she suddenly broke contact and rush out of the kitchen. Confused and everything, he continued chopping what was left of the onion and by the time he was done, he heard the bathroom door closing as well as her steps coming closer. He looked up and froze, completely lost because it was easy to see she'd been crying.
"You should have told me if that bothered you somehow. Honesty above all, remember?" he left the knife onto the table and fixed his eyes in hers.
"What?" for some unexplainable reason, she tilted her head, looking just as confused for a moment. "Bothered me?" she repeated incredulously while grabbing the pan and walked closer, to put the diced onion inside and then returned to the stove and started stirring it after adding salt, some herbs and spices to it "When I said I was glad to know, I meant it, Levi" she said, giving a glance in his direction.
"Then why that overreaction?" he asked, and grabbed the tomatoes, though still attentive to what she'd say. "What do I do with these?" the Captain enquired, somewhat tense at the weird situation but awaiting for instructions, like a good soldier.
"Those are washed and ready, so you only have to dice them the same way you did the onion but getting larger pieces, bean sized preferably" the healer told after checking the taters and continued to stir the onion. She looked normal now, nothing like five minutes ago; no trace of tears or anything, and it was the weirdest thing "My overreaction, as you called it…" she began to say when he'd finished the first tomato "Am I wrong to assume that you've never been this close to an onion?" Elia enquired, amused to see him shrug and shook his head no, so casually "Well, just so you know and given this is a culinary lesson, allow me to enlighten you about onions, Captain. Because no matter where you go or what you try, chopping onions make most people cry. And you just happen to be part of the few lucky ones that don't".
"Here" he said, walking towards her, handing her the plate with the tomatoes. Elia looked at him impressed for his quick and impecable results, dedicating him an approving nod before he went back for the knife, board and took them to the sink and cleaned everything, inclusing his hands.
"I believe this is going to taste great" Levi turned to her and noticed she'd poured the tomatoes in the pan and continued the stirring as she watched him "I can tell you're still not quite convinced, surely thinking it's stupid" she said with a funny smile on her face and a playful sparkle in her gaze, which intensified when he narrowed his eyes at her "True, it sounds rather irrational, but onions often cause that reaction. On another hand, how could I possibly not like what you said given the way you were holding me minutes ago?" she admitted, and her face turned as red as the tomatoes "It'd be like denying how great things are whenever we forget about shyness around each other".
He responded nothing in return, thoughtful and yet smirked when he walked around the room, looking for the necessary things to set the table. He got the cups last and then went to stand beside her, to prepare tea.
"By the way, I'm sorry I called you sir" she muttered and nudge him gently. It wasn't a surprise that she was sincerely apologizing for something like that "I know you hate it, but it wasn't intentional the first time; it's how I always address customers. It won't happen again".
"What about the second one?" he questioned, raising an eyebrow, mostly to tease her.
"I may be patient but that doesn't mean you hadn't upset me. Your behavior was confusing enough to make me snap, especially when you reprimanded Tom" she confessed while mashing the potatoes and at the same time supervising the contents inside the pan, now they were boiling, or so said the tiny bubbles in the sauce. The smell was incredibly good.
"If your eyes weren't that expressive, it'd be hard to tell" he commented and noticed the tea leaves were ready to let them stand for a while "You're always so damn collected… mad or not".
"You know well I'll have a scrap with anybody who's wrong or unfair about something, and that includes you, Levi" she stated and warned while stirring the sauce "Unlike yesterday, that I didn't go against your resolve and decision solely out of knowing that was necessary. Gris' situation even proved that, but today wasn't the same".
"Well, I advise you not to pick up a fight with me unless…"
"Ouch!" she exclaimed and flinched, getting him on the alert. The soldier looked around for the reason behind that until he noticed some red liquid on the back of her hand "I think it's ready" she informed with an apologetic smile right before putting out the stove.
He observed her taking her hand to her lips, but Levi stopped her before she did, grabbing her wrist and guiding it to his mouth instead to do the exact same thing she'd intended. He closed his eyes and used his tongue to both, lick the tomato sauce that'd burned her skin and also sooth her. Out of the blue, he heard her swallow, but he still had her hand close to his mouth, so the man opened his eyes, staring first to where the skin had been irritated and then to her blushing face, not breaking eye contact for what seemed like an eternity. He wasn't smiling, nor was she, but the intensity, surprise and desire he saw in them was the best response in return, especially when he saw her tilting her head to the side and this time, an inviting smile showed up. Only then Levi smiled mischievously and proud; first at how haughty she'd expressed herself before the burnt, and secondly, because the taste of her food was like nothing he'd tasted before. Simply amazing.
"… Unless you're prepared to deal with the consequences" he was thinking about how soft and warm Elia was but also strong and challenging "I know myself already addicted to that wild side, just as I am to the sweetness" he said while still holding her hand and slid his thumb over on the spot he'd licked very gently.
He got carried away and decided to close the space between them, placing their holding hands behind his back. She was blushing hard now but still held his gaze, visibly enjoying the devilish sparkle in his eyes and accepting this game he'd started. Approaching enough, he put his mouth right below her ear, teasing her with nothing else but the tip of his nose. Levi felt the way her body trembled at the closeness of his breath in her neck, but then she moved enough to be able to see his face.
"Captain Levi. If you expect me to stay up afterwards, I suggest you don't try to trick me before dinner. I need to get my energy back" she said with a cunning expression, without letting go of him either; their hands were still attached behind his back "It wouldn't be wise to set a fire in here, you know" she whispered, lifting her chin, with a clear innuendo there. Her lips were incredibly close, tempting him "I've been already close to burn my house today at how clumsy and careless I get of my surroundings when you're nearby" that finally made him crack, unable to suppress a small laughter; she was being quite literal but still enthralling.
"Alright" he conceded, tightening his grip of her hand while still looking to her lips, but then shook his head to control himself and focused on her eyes "But do tell your eyes not to stare at me that way or I won't take responsibility of my actions" that was no joke. She looked serious but her eyes had darkened considerably in the past two minutes and, Oh God, that drove him crazy!
"I can do that just fine" she said, and he had no idea how, but she actually did it. They returned to normal, to that lighter tone, but she wasn't breaking free from the embrace just yet "Don't forget dessert comes after diner" she muttered and he closed his eyes at the way the tip of her nose grazed his, so inviting "That's usually the best part, Captain".
Her alluring tone drove him nuts, racing his pulse, making him desperate to give in and crush her lips now that they were so close. But he was determined to win this game he'd initiated and looked once again in her eyes, now completely shocked at the shameless innocence in them. How does she do this?! his inner voice yelled on the inside, marveled, and terrified for this trickery of hers.
"I'm well aware of that" he granted, and using the back of his hand, he wickedly followed the line all the way up her arm. Mesmerized, he watched her closing her eyes and bite her lower lip after breathing in deep, apparently to control herself when his hand reached the side of her face "You better regain all of your strength back 'cause I'm not letting you sleep much tonight, Elia" she shivered but didn't faltered.
All of a sudden, Levi saw her eyes popped open and she placed her palm over his hand and at first, she merely caressed it with the tip of her fingers. But she then decided to remove it gently and did the same thing he had when all this game had started; she licked, almost sucked, one of his knuckles.
"You have no idea how much I like that prospect, Captain" she finally said, and the provocative smile she gave away after that caused a stir with him.
Fuck! he shouted internally and had to break from all contact, leaving that kitchen in the sole company of the teapot, knowing that his body would have betrayed him had he stayed.
Two minutes after, when he returned to give her a hand with whatever was left, Levi stood by the door and watched her in silence while she poured the sauce in each plate, beside the mashed potatoes, feeling safe to see how normal she was acting.
"Let me" he said and extended his hands to get both dishes, still not fully ready face her just yet. He was certain that he'd see a victorious spark in those magnificently revealing eyes. And that would destroy what little control he had left.
"Hope you don't mind that the food is no longer that hot" he heard her say from behind, when he was about to turn in the hall, making him stop for a second "Well, at least, not as hot as you, Captain Levi".
"Seems like you're not just trying to win here. Driving me nuts is also fun, isn't it?" he said after that last strike, knowing there was a grin on her face at that moment.
He shook his head and walked out of there again though no longer in a hurry. He was smirking all the same, because the outcome of this crazy game always was a win/win for both in the end.
You wretch, the voice mocked him for feeling so feverish and alive but also at ease and stupidly happy at that instant. You want her that bad, and all for yourself, don't you? That question was unnecessary; he knew that was the truth. To what he responded with a smug smile that nobody would know of. Even if you don't deserve her? the voice tried one last time, but he didn't care anymore. Having had her that first time, and not only physically, changed everything.
No matter the punishment he'd have to endure for his many sins, he'd gladly pay the price because he needed her.
My brain it's still processing half naked Levi... So grateful to MAPPA for that.
About the chapter, not much happened here but I believe in the importance of seeing/reading this process to build a strong, special relationship, even more so with somebody like Levi. Besides, these kinds of peaceful/fun moments together are part of what I intended to give him: simple yet full of meaning. Hopefully it didn't turn out boring.
Namárië