Somedays she didn't even know who she was anymore. After a long day at work and then extra personal work for the Order, sometimes Tonks came home and didn't recognise herself in the mirror at all. Who was she? She sank onto the sofa tiredly, pulling at the scarf still wrapped around her throat. She hated it, it was dark blue and just boring and dreary like the rain that fell outside. Why couldn't it be a nice night to come home to? It had rained all throughout the day, drenching her more than once when she had been out on duties out amongst Muggles. So now, home once again without a fire lit she was cold, miserable, and at loss at whom she really was. She was a mystery to even her, how could she expect Remus to love someone even she didn't know?

Some of her hair fell in front of her face and she brushed the mousy brown hair back behind an ear and sighed ever so softly. Although she wished it to be her usual pink colour, she was also sick and tired of 'playing dress ups' for the day. All day at work and after she had been someone she wasn't, and although the pink was more her than the mousy brown, she just wanted to relax as her pure self for once.

Her real nature and appearance, frequently changing her real nature and appearance had always made an impression of ambiguity on the other professors and now her friends, co workers and the Order members, as if they didn't have their own secrets, too! For she could never let her real self shine through. Although she was bubbly and affectionate truthfully, after years of torment as a child for being such a freak (she could make herself look like a pig for crying out loud!) she found it hard to trust anyone...after all, who could ever enjoy the company of a child like adult? The very thought of it was crazy.

If she had Remus though…maybe she would be able to find herself…
'"Just…can't you…can't you understand that I would never be able to live with myself if I did anything to you?" he demanded, cutting into her words. "It's not the fact I don't think you can't do whatever comes in your way…not at all…it's the fact I could do something. I've lost everyone Tonks, James and Lily…Sirius twice…Peter a long time ago and yet he still exists today. My parents a long time ago as well now. How could I stand to loose you as well'
His words haunted her mind, cut into her. Did that mean that he liked her, or that he just didn't want to have any ties to anyone anymore?

Of course he didn't like her, stupid girl. Because of her powers, she was nothing but an empty shell of a chameleon, and who could ever love an animal?