Okay, now I feel like an idiot. I thought I'd updated, and lo and behold the chapter is still sitting in "Documents"! Sorry about the long delay, folks. I'm just a moron.

So, here we are at chapter one... thanks to straykitty for helping even though she said she wouldn't... -.-'' I had to get -cough- someone-cough- in character. And a great big hurrah! I love writing humour!

Disclaimer: Ha ha, funny one... When I own YGO I'll let you know, but until then...

"Darkest Africa"

Kaiba Causes Chaos

"So… we all got the same email. Are you sure?"

"Even see for yourself." Mai held out her cell-phone.

Ryou scrolled through the message. "I'm stumped. How could she know that Tristan and Joey had come over to my house, and that Tea was wet?"

"Why did they come over?"

"Help with their English essays… but that's not the issue!" Ryou shook his head. "This is weird."

"Like we have a stalker… or stalkers," said Tea. "It's freaky."

"Beyond freaky. So, what're we going to do?" asked Mai, hands on hips.

"Email!" called Tristan and Joey in unison. They looked at each other and burst out laughing.

"Now, now, children, behave." Marik grinned and stopped rifling through the contents of Ishizu's purse.

Ishizu smacked his head and took it away from him. "Be nice, brother."

"I am, sister dear," said Marik innocently. Bakura snorted loudly, and Marik's angelic expression slipped into a scowl. "You're ruining the moment!" he snapped accusingly.

"Moment? I didn't notice a moment." Bakura looked up at his light, who was sitting on the bed behind him. "Did you notice a moment?"

Ryou stared down at Bakura. "What? Sorry I didn't… I wasn't concentrating." He blushed.

"Evidently the answer is 'no'." Bakura lifted himself into a cross-legged position.

Ryou looked confused.

"Don't worry about it," Tea advised him. "It's a psycho thing."

"Do I look psycho to you?" asked Marik in an injured tone. His hair was standing up at the back, where Ishizu had hit him, and he had a gleam in his eyes that, in a certain light, could be perceived as demented.

"Do you want an honest answer?"

Joey cleared his throat. "If you guys will stop arguing long enough, Tristan is going to read the email."

"Him?" began Marik indignantly, but before he could continue to rant about how it was an insult to his intelligence, amongst other things, Tea kicked him.

"Attention: The "Gang", the Ishtars and the Ring-spirit.

Glad you all got my previous email.

Now that all of you have gathered together, with the obvious exception of the Kaiba brothers (though I believe Mokuba was all for telling you about their email), I have the chance to fill you in properly.

My screen name is straykitty. My real name is… not important. That's all you have to know about me.

I am bringing you to Africa. My… acquaintance, GottaLuvJoey (okay, Mister Wheeler, you can wipe that smile off of your face right now) will show you around. It was her idea to rid you of your preconceptions, so I disclaim any responsibility for whatever happens.

You will be on the flight from Tokyo Airport (if you're asking for a name, go ask someone else. I didn't book the flight) to Johannesburg, South Africa. A representative of mine will be there to guide you through the airport – special arrangements have been made for you. At the JHB International Airport, the representative will show you where to go. You will be staying at the Hilton Hotel… the best, they assure me.

Have a fantastic trip – I hope you learn something!

Sincerely

Meow,

straykitty."

"Meow? What does she think this is, the petting zoo?"

"Oh, no. It's a trademark kind of thing. See, her name's straykitty, so that's where – "

"Do you think I'm an idiot? No, wait don't answer that." Kaiba rubbed his eyes and turned his attention to his younger brother, who was sitting happily on the girl's lap. "What do you think?" he asked, although he thought he knew the answer.

"Let's go!" yelled Mokuba, jumping to his feet and proving Seto right.

Seto sighed heavily. "I was afraid you might say that…"

"Hey, there's Kaiba!"

"Pretend we don't know them, Mokie. No, Mokuba! Come back here! Oh, boy."

"Hi, Kaiba! Ready for the trip?"

Kaiba treated Yugi to a long, unfriendly look.

"Guess not," sighed the shorter boy, rubbing his forehead.

"Why not? Haven't you been to Africa before?" asked Yami, interested.

"No… and why would I want to?"

"That's not the attitude to have."

"Don't tell me what my attitude should be, Yugi. I'm not here by choice."

Kaiba stalked away. Yugi watched him go, then shrugged and turned to the others. Tristan was holding court.

"It's different there. Very different." He winked in Serenity's direction, but she didn't notice, deep in conversation with Mai and Tea.

"Stop telling us it's strange, you goof. We heard you the first million times!" Joey punched his friend on the arm. "Tell us something we don't already know."

"Well," began Tristan thoughtfully. "They have lions roaming freely there – in the streets and everything. I had a friend, who's sister's friend's cousin met someone from there, and they said that they swing on vines to get around."

"I wonder if we'll meet Tarzan!" piped up Tea, joining the conversation.

"I heard that they get around on elephants," said Serenity shyly.

"Tigers!" added Duke excitedly. He'd gotten his own, private invite, as he hadn't been with any of the others at the time of the first email.

"Tigers don't come from Africa, you twit! Anyway, how would they ride tigers?"

"How should I know? Never been there, have I?"

"Isn't there a war going on there?"

"No, there's the apart-thingy."

"That's finished, isn't it?"

"You know, I've never met more out-of date people in my life. The "apart-thingy", as you call it, ended in nineteen ninety-four. Africa is an impoverished continent, and South Africa will be no different." Kaiba looked back down at his laptop, rolling his eyes.

"What?" chorused the rest.

And chaos erupted.

If you have a misconception about Africa... or know somewho who has one... and I haven't listed it here, let me know. I wouldn't want to leave anything out.

Well, tell me what you think... (hint, hint)

this is GLJ, signing off...