Missing Him
By M. Elizabeth

Disclaimer- These characters are the property of NBC, Aaron Sorkin, or whoever. I'm not writing this for profit in any way, shape, or form, but because I have a lot of spare time on my hands.

Author's Notes- This is just a short piece from Amy's perspective set at the end of "College Kids". It's kind of angsty, but not really. Mostly it's just reflective. I don't like Amy all that much, but I couldn't resist writing this. It's not really a Josh/Amy fic, though there is a strand of that. There's also a hint of Josh/Donna, but it's really not about them either. It's really just a bunch of ramblings from Amy's PoV after she and Josh talk at the end of "College Kids". Well, that's all, enjoy!

Pairing- Some Josh/Amy, Josh/Donna.

Rating- PG.

Spoilers- Up to "College Kids".

I miss him.

I've spent three months telling myself that we're better off part, but then I see him and...

Well, there's just no one else like Josh Lyman, lot's of people would call that a good thing, but he has this charisma that no one else in the world can duplicate.

He's arrogant and sarcastic and completely infuriating, but at the same time there's something incredibly charming about him. He's a special man.

And all could I think about when I saw him was how much I miss him.

But of course, he made the conversation a political one, because with Josh politics always come first, and that's where we have a problem.

We may both be Democrats, but we tend to have different approaches and different ways of getting what we want.

Josh can be ruthless, I learnt that the hard way.

Oh, I always knew that Josh is one of the best politicians there is and that he knows how to play hardball, but I guess I thought that he might play differently with me.

I was wrong.

For Josh, his personal life always comes after his political obligations.

In a lot of ways, I'm the same. And that's why we're apart.

Because neither of us will back down and we both hate to lose.

He looked good though. Despite, what I said.

Oh, he looks stressed and exhausted, which isn't a surprise since he's in the middle of presidential campaign, but... Well, he has this air about him, this excitement that I know is coming from the campaign.

This is what Josh loves best, the pressure and the rush of the last leg of a political campaign. This is where all the fun is for him.

Oh, he likes working in the White House, but it's the campaign where he really comes alive. That's where his brilliance lies.

Well, usually.

I have to admit I found the Indiana story fun. 20 hours to get out of Indiana.

I'm sure it was an interesting day.

Josh, Toby, and Middle America.

Oh, yeah, and Donna.

Of course, she was there with him.

His Girl Friday. His right arm.

She's an indispensable part of the picture.

Josh and Donna are a team. They have been since the first campaign.

She knows him better than anyone else.

Even me. Especially me.

Do you know how frustrating it is to be involved with a man when there's another woman who will always know him better?

Sometimes, I swear that she even knows what he's thinking. They've been together through bad times and good times.

Oh, despite the rumours, I know that they've never had a sexual relationship. And actually, I'd be surprised if they did.

Josh is terrible at relationships and he knows it, so I doubt that he'll risk losing Donna to have a personal relationship with her.

See, Josh has relationships with women he can argue with, whom he's attracted to, but whom when it's over, his life doesn't change. Donna's too important to him for him to risk getting involved with her, because of it ended badly he'd lose her and that's the last thing he would ever want.

I think she feels the same way.

They mean too much to one another to risk have a personal relationship and end up destroying the special bond that they share. They're the most important people in each other's live and I don't think either one of them wants to damage that. So, they'll probably never get together. And you know what, they probably will each end up married to someone else.

But I bet you, they'll always be a team. They'll always have this bond that no one else will ever be able to be a part of. No matter what direction their personal lives take, they'll still be a team.

I can't even imagine Josh without Donna.

She's his best girl.

And I was just someone he slept with. Just another who fell victim to Josh Lyman's charm, but who would be a bad match for him.

No matter how much I care about him, I can't agree with him and you can't build a relationship based on arguments and conflicting jobs.

Not when one person isn't willing to invest his heart.

No, Josh will give the woman in his life his charm, his body, some of his attention and affection, but the role of the number one woman in his life will always be taken and he's not capable of giving his heart to a woman.

Maybe if he was, I wouldn't be standing in a crowded room thinking how much I missed him. Maybe if he could love me in return, then maybe we could work aside the other differences.

But that's not going to happen.

I care about Josh. Hell, I'll even admit to myself that I love him. But there's no real point. Loving Josh will only break my heart.

So, as much as I miss him, I'm not going to try and work things out with him, because there's no point.

We tried it and it was not the best experience of my life and it can't get any better. It just won't work between us.

I know that.

Still, I see him and I can't help but missing him. I have a feeling that it'll be a while before I stop.

The End