Warning: Once again, this shall be AU, OOC, and all that good junk! You are hearby warned. So, yeah, that's about it . . . And, um, I think this is the oddest fic I've ever written.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or MTV's Parental Control, blah, blah, blah -- you get it so don't sue me!
-". . ."- Denotes thought.
Parental Control: Special Edition Part III: Milliardo's Pick?
Narrator: And here we are once again back with a new episode of Parental Control: Special Edition. This episode we'll finally get to see who Milliardo Peacecraft choose for Vice Foreign Minister Relena Darlian's next date. You can literally cut the tension with a knife . . .
Noin: -narrows eyebrows- So, that's your-so-called "pick"?
Milliardo: -laughs maniacally- Hahahahahaha! -pauses and then coughs- Yes.
Noin: -grows a twitch in her left eye- Sweetie, don't you think that's a little unfair?
Milliardo: -blinks- No.
Noin: -growls- Well, I DO! -grabs Milliardo by the collar and begins to beat him up senseless- YOU -beep- AFRO -beep- CHICKEN --
-men in black mysteriously come in-
Men In Black: Hey, miss, you're not allowed to say things like that.
Noin: -blinks- Who are you people? And where did you come from?
Milliardo: -whispers through a bruised mouth- My heroes . . . -passes out-
Men In Black: No one you need to concern yourself with. Just be careful of what you say, or else. -makes weird hand movements-
Noin: -drops Milliardo- GASP! You're the FCC, aren't you!
Men In Black: -glares, "Are we that obvious?"- No, we're . . . the men in black.
Noin: -crosses arms- I can see that, but what --
Men In Black: -looks around- Someone's coming. Hmm, we must leave for now, but remember . . . We're always watching what you saaaaay . . . Remember . . . -they leave through the back door-
Noin: -blinks again- Okay, that was really strange.
Relena: -enters room with Heero in tow- Noin, who were you talking to? We heard voices, and -- Oh, my god! Milliardo! -rushes to his side- What happened to him?
Noin: -fidgets- Um, would you believe me if I said a couple of men in black came in and beat him up?
Heero: No, but I would for the sake of seeing him beat up like this more often.
Relena: Heero!
Milliardo: -suddenly recovers- Hmm, what happened?
Noin: -quickly- You were beat up by some men in black.
Milliardo: -blinks- Really? Strange, why would men in black come after me?
Noin: -smiles nervously- Who knows? Hey, why don't we all go to the living room?
Heero: We are in the living room.
Noin: -laughs- Right. Um, okay. So . . . Oh, -grows angry- Did Milliardo tell you who he "picked"?
Heero and Relena: -who are now both sitting on the couch- No.
Noin: It's totally unfair! He picked --
Duo: -comes through the back door- Hey, what's up?
Heero: -stands right up and glares- Duo? -turn to Milliardo- You picked that? Out of all those people you interviewed -- And wait, don't you already have Hilde?
Noin: -from corner of the room- And when did we get a back door near the living room all of a sudden?
Duo: -grins- Um, well . . . We broke up!
Heero: -crosses arms- So you decide to date one of her best friends, and have it all taped for her to later see?
Duo: -frowns- When you put it like that, it does sound kinda bad. -thinks and then smiles- Hmm, oh well.
Trowa: -appears out of thin air- Hello.
-everyone shrieks like a little girl, even Heero-
Heero: -narrows eyebrows- What're you doing here, Trowa? -turns to camera- And I did not shriek like a little girl -- I bellowed like a man.
Noin: -rolls eyes, "Sure, whatever." and then smiles evilly- Yes, wouldn't we all like to know?
Trowa: . . .
Heero: -impatiently- Well?
Milliardo: -grins- He's Relena's date, along with Duo.
Relena: Is that allowed? -everyone looks at her- Not that I'm complaining. -they continue to stare- Um, well, I didn't mean it like that! Oh, just nevermind. -sighs defeatedly-
Milliardo: -looks at nails- Well, I did have to persuade some of the producers of the show --
-Flashback-
Producer #1: We're sorry, but that's not how the show works
Producer #2: Yes, we cannot do that.
Producer #3: If we did that it'd be like another "Dismissed" and we've already done that enough times.
Milliardo: -cracks knuckles and locks door- Well, you can make an exception can't you?
Producer #1: Um, well . . . Uh, we can have them go on "Room Raiders"! It's our most popular show to date and --
Milliardo: -lifts chin- I don't want that. Either make the exception or else.
Producer #3: -gulps- Or else what?
Milliardo: -blinks- I don't know just yet. -grins maniacally- No ones ever made it this far --
Producer #2: -looks around- Uh, boys! I think we can make an exception this one time! Right?
Producer #1 and 3: Yes, of course!
Milliardo: -pats them on the back- Alright then. We have a deal. -they nod and he begins to leave- Oh, by the way. -they sit still and begin to sweat heavily- Is that offer for "Room Raiders" still up?
-End of Flashback-
Milliardo: -beams- Thus concludes my wonderful story of how I persuaded the producers to make an exception to their show this one time.
Heero: -growls- That's not persuading!
Noin: -rubs chin thoughtfully- Although, it is a good way to force them to do what you want. -gives him a thumbs up- Excellent work, sweetie! That was brilliant!
Heero: -mumbles- No, it wasn't. It was stupid.
Duo: Ha, I think it was kinda funny!
Trowa: . . .
Milliardo: -chuckles, ignoring everyone else's remarks- Well, I am a brilliant man.
Noin: -smiles- Really, who would of thought you could've kept a secret like this for so long? I'm very proud of you!
Milliardo: Why, thank you, Noin. I did put a lot of thought into it, and of course it was excecuted succesfully. But you were a very hard person to keep a secret such as this from, I'll give you that.
Noin: -beams- A compliment! Thanks, sweetie!
Milliardo: -flips hair dramatically- I do try to give praise where praise is due.
Heero: -sighs- Would you two cut it out already? We're still rolling here.
Noin: -laughs- Oh, right! Sorry!
Milliardo: -goes to sit down- My apologies. Now where were we?
Heero: -glares- You were about to tell us why the hell you would give Relena a double date --
Kuno: -pops in from back door- Did someone say double date?
Duo: -blinks- Um . . . Who are you? And what's with the get-up?
Noin: -frowns, "How do complete strangers creep in through that back door? And why? . . . We should reallyremove that door . . ."-
Kuno: Hmm? Fool! Why, I'm the Tatewaki Kuno of --
Girl Ranma: -lands on Kuno's head, knocks him out- Sorry 'bout that. He tends to wander around and get lost when someone ain't watching over him.
Akane: -walks up beside Girl Ranma- Ranma, Ryoga does that, Kuno's just a pervert. Anyways, let's get out of here, Kuno somehow managed to drag us into another fandom. -drags Kuno behind her and blinks- Are you actually on a double date?
Relena: -smiles nervously- Uh, well . . . sort of.
Girl Ranma: Wow. Serious? Akane would never let me do that with Shampoo and Ukyo -- especially if it was all being taped. -eyes camera-
Akane: -grins- Would you let me double date Ryoga and Kuno?
Girl Ranma: -frowns and growls under breath- No.
Akane: -smiles- Alright then, com'on Ranma let's go. We've bothered them enough as it is.
Girl Ranma: -shrugs, follows Akane and mutters softly- Hmph, like Ryoga's not a pervert.
Kuno: -wakes up- Ah! Pigtailed girl, you have come for me! I shall let you date me just --
Girl Ranma: -kicks Kuno in the face, knocks him out again- Shaddup, ya perv! Feh, let's get outta here before he wakes up again.
-they disappear-
Trowa: . . . That was odd.
Everyone: -blinks-
Trowa: What?
Duo: -shakes head- You're one to talk, pal.
Milliardo: Anyways, now that that's out of the way . . . Why don't we talk about "proper date etiquette"?
Noin and Heero: -push Relena, Duo, and Trowa out the door-
Noin: Don't look back! Run!
Heero: -blinks and slaps forehead- Why did I just do that?
Milliardo: -looks at TV- Well, we might as well get comfy and try to enjoy the show.
Heero: -growls and sits down- One of these days I'm gonna -beep- and -beep- until -beep- over -beep- dead --
Men In Black: Miss, what did we tell you?
Noin: -eyes widen- Uh-oh! It's the FCC again! They've come back for me!
Heero: Huh? -blinks and looks around- We have a back door?
Noin: -grabs Milliardo- Run!
-BEEP-
Narrator: Um, alright. A lot of stuff has been happening and we seem to be having some technical difficulties. Why don't we go and see what's going on with Relena and her dates while . . . Noin and the others take care of that sudden problem they have.
Relena: -sings- Mira como ando mi amor
Por tu querer
Borracha y apasionada
No mas por tu amor
Mira como ando mi bien
Muy dada a la borrachera
Y a la perdicion . . .
Duo: . . . Any particular reason why you're singing in spanish, princess?
Relena: Huh? -pauses and thinks- I . . . have no idea.
Duo: Uh, okay. Anyways, where do are we gonna go? In my opinion I think we should go do some mini-golf!
Relena: -blinks- Mini-golf?
Duo: -grins- Yep, trust me princess you'll love it! -grabs her hand and begins to drag her away-
Trowa: -grabs Relena's other hand- Hold on . . .
Duo: Huh?
Trowa: -narrows eyes- I think we should go to a museum.
Duo: -sticks tongue out- Bleh! A museum? No! We're gonna go play some mini-golf! -tugs on Relena's right hand-
Trowa: -frowns- Museum . . . -tugs on Relena's left hand- Mini-golf is for uncultured fools.
Relena: -softly- Uh, you guys --
Duo: -tugs even harder on Relena's hand- Mini-golf!
Trowa: -tugs back- Museum.
Duo: -pulls- MINI-GOLF!
Trowa: -pulls back- Museum.
Relena: -screams- I AM FILLED WITH CHRIST LOVE!
-silence-
Duo: Um, good for you? But what does that have to do with what we're arguing about, princess?
Relena: I . . . Have no idea.
Trowa: You dont many ideas lately, do you?
Relena: Well, everyone was arguing . . . So I felt like I had to say something.
Duo: And Christ love is the first thing that came to mind?
Relena: -shrugs- It could've been worse --
Noin: -pops out of nowhere- Yeah. Like last time she yelled out, "WILL YOU GO TO PROM WITH ME?" at a diplomatic conference. It was hilarious!
Heero: -frowns- It was not hilarious. It was embarrasing. They all looked at her like she was crazy.
Noin: But hey, at least they all stopped arguing long enough to listen to her opinion afterwards.
Heero: Hmph.
Noin: And then somebody actually told her, -pauses and does suave voice- "Vice Minister, I'd love to go to prom with you," once the conference was ajourned.
Heero: Hmph.
Noin: -giggles- But of course you had to kill it with, -pauses and does monotone voice- "If anyone's taking Relena to prom -- it's going to be me." -sighs and wipes tear away- Good times.
Heero: If you can call it that.
Relena: Um, any reason why you're both here?
Noin: -smiles- We interrupted your last date, why not this one?
Heero: -crosses arms- I only came here to stop these two idiots from continuing to argue.
Relena: Okay. Well then where's Milliardo?
Heero and Noin: He's taking a nap.
-silence-
Relena: Do I even want to know?
Noin: -raises arms- It was the men in black again!
Relena: Huh?
Heero: -shakes head- You wouldn't believe it. -"I still don't."-
Relena: Alright . . .
Duo: Yo! Can we get back to our date?
Trowa: -crosses arms- Yes, can we?
Heero: -grits teeth- You call this catastrophe a "date"?
Duo: -gives a sheepish grin- Is it really going THAT bad?
Heero: Yes, IT is.
Trowa: -leans against a wall -- where did that wall come from?- I don't think so. I think it's going rather well.
Relena: Yes, I thought so too.
Duo: -blinks- Really?
Trowa: -raises right eyebrow-
Relena: -smiles brightly- Well, I haven't been food poisoned or grossed out yet. So I would say, yes.
Noin: -sulks in a corner, "Was her date with Quatre really that horrible? . . . I thought it went pretty well."-
Heero: Relena . . . let's go.
Milliardo: -appears out of nowhere- Heero, jealousy is very unbecoming.
Noin: -shrieks- AH! H-Honey, what're you doing here? -"Or up at all?"-
Milliardo: -shrugs- I woke up and found everyone was gone, so I looked at the TV and saw that you all were here.
Noin: -slaps self, "Oh, that's right! We left the TV on!"- Uh, we were coming right back. Right, Heero? -"For once in your life, you better back me up!"-
Heero: . . . Yeah, sure.
-silence once again-
Noin: -"Not very convincing, but at least it's more than his usual, 'Hn.'"-
Milliardo: Doesn't really matter. Let's go.
Noin: -smiles- Oh, alright. Are we walking back?
Milliardo: -as they walk away- No, I brought the car.
Noin: Oooh! Can I drive?
Milliardo: No.
Noin: -sighs- Honestly, sweetie, you're no fun at all. -turns head- Hmm, Heero aren't you coming along?
Heero: -nods- I'll be right there. -turns to Relena- Relena . . . be careful. -walks away-
Relena: That was . . . very unlike Heero.
Duo: -nods- Yeah, usually he puts in an, "I'll kill you" before --
Heero: -from afar- If you two idiots do ANYTHING AT ALL to harm Relena, I'LL KILL YOUUUUUU! -abruptly stops- Hey, Noin let me go of me!
Noin: -from afar also- Heero, get the -beep- in this -beep- car before I have to -beeeeeeep- GASP! The men in black, let's get out of here! Milliardo, step on it!
-car makes a sharp turn and speeds away-
Relena: . . . I don't even know what to say anymore.
Duo: -brightens up- How 'bout we forget all the fighting and go shop around or something?
Trowa: Yes, that sounds like a fine idea, Duo.
Relena: -smiles and nods- Alright. Where do we go?
Duo: -grins- I've got just the place in mind . . .
Narrator: Where will Duo take both Trowa and Relena on their date? And what of these FCC men dressed in black, will they finally leave Noin and the others alone? -"Very unlikely."- Whoa, who said that?
---- Well, that was an experience. XD Anyways, I hoped you enjoyed it with a smile. :D And I hope it was worth the long wait! Don't forget to review, please!