Life Goes On

By Semper Mea

Chapter Five

Author's Notes: I think I've finally come up with a solution to a stubborn muse and a severe case of writer's block –

- nagging fans! That's wonderful motivation, and I want to thank everyone that has given me a proverbial kick in the butt. Here's the next installment.

Mulder

You know, it's weird how some things play out. I no longer sleep on my couch; memories of late nights watching stupid movies and sipping cheap beer haunt me, and I can no longer force myself to lie on the soft leather that I once loved. The waterbed that mysteriously appeared in my bedroom is now gone, replaced by an ordinary mattress. It is here that I've spend so many aching hours, staring at the ceiling and mourning the loss of my life.

Despite all the obstacles we'd faced, looking back now I realize that I used to be happy. The happiest I'd ever been in my life, in fact. Back then, I never understood how great I had it; a job that I loved, the friendship of the woman that I loved. Both things that I'm going without now.

I wonder what I'd do if I ever saw her again. Some days I'd trade my next breath for just one more glimpse of her. One last chance to let my eyes travel over the features my mind won't allow me to forget.

Other days I'm so damn angry that I've sure I'd pull my gun on her if fate afforded me the chance. It was she, after all, that walked out the door, effectively ruining my life. She's the one that's had no trouble moving on, while I'm stuck remembering. Something twists in my gut every time that I realize how little she's probably thought about me in the last three years.

I've thought of nothing else.

Dylan

I was surprised when I came back to our hotel to find the room empty. The note next to the telephone told me that Dana intended to take her rental car for a drive. It didn't tell me where she'd gone or when she'd be back. I wasn't worried; she'd lived here for years and had been fine.

I was roused from a deep sleep by a muffled sob coming from the bed next to mine. I run a hand through my tousled hair as I sit up. "Dana?"

She sniffles in the darkness, and it is a moment before she replies. "I'm fine, Dylan; go back to sleep."

I've been with her long enough to understand that 'I'm fine' is code for 'there's something seriously wrong that I don't want to talk about.' Soundlessly, I climb out of my warm bed and into hers. She is curled onto her side, the blankets beneath her are already damp from her tears.

I pull her into my arms, and she accepts my embrace without a struggle. "Shh," I whisper in what I hope is a soothing tone. "Don't cry, baby. What's wrong?"

There is a long pause while she collects her thoughts. Finally she replies, "I almost killed him, Dylan. I left him without a second thought. Why didn't I see that it would kill him?"

"It's not your fault," I tell her. "You can't live your life regretting the past. All you can do is to try and make today better."

Together, we fall asleep. Before I drift off, I know that this will be the last time I will be allowed to hold her like this.

Author's notes: I know it's short, but the rest of what I have didn't seem to fit in this chapter. I know that you rabid readers are waiting for the reunion, but alas, it is not to be quite yet. Just keep waiting; it'll be here soon (I know that soon is a relative term, but I've already got about half of next chapter written). As always, thanks for your feedback in advance.


Also, I could use a beta. Any takers?