DISCLAIMER: Evangelion belongs to the legitimate copyright holders, if and until I win the lottery. This story is merely for my own enjoyment.
This story is a Lemon. Which means a whole lot of naughty adults only stuff happens within. The mature rating is not there just because of edginess.
Standard:
"This" is speech.
'This' is thoughts.
"This" is memories.
To Be Human
Conference Room: The day after Zeruel's Attack
"The cost to repair the damage done to headquarters, the Evas, and the associated delays to our other plans is immense." The red-lit member of SEELE said as the members of the Human Instrumentality Committee, sans Gendo, met to discuss the previous day's battle in a room almost as dark as their mood.
"It's truly a miracle the damage wasn't worse if the preliminary reports are accurate." The green-lit member said thumbing through the sheaves of data that had been relayed to them by their numerous sources and channels.
"Be that as it may the loss is still considerable, and he will have to answer for it." The blue-lit member almost spat out the bitter words as an image of a bearded man with steepled hands materialized at the empty head of the table.
"Ikari, explain." Chairman Lorenz Keel demanded of the Supreme Commander of NERV.
"The Angel was defeated." Gendo Ikari said simply from behind his customarily folded hands.
"That's all you have to say?!" The blue-lit member, always the most confrontational with Gendo almost roared at the seemingly indefatigable Ikari.
"Not a single Eva Unit remains combat effective!" The yellow-lit member added, his tone one of anger as well, as he joined the fusillade against the NERV commander.
"Victory costs what it costs. The alternative is extinction." Gendo said coolly to try and calm the situation, though his palms never moved from their guarded position. "Attrition has always been factored in to the scenario." He added after the members remained silent for a moment, pondering his words.
'Ours or yours.' Lorenz Keel thought at that moment but did not voice this doubt to Ikari directly.
"There is a difference between attrition and recklessness Ikari." The green-lit member warned Gendo with a stern look on his face.
"Even so the Eva's performed well and the battle was a success." Gendo said seemingly unphased by the hidden and blatant hostility of the committee.
"If you call two-thirds of the Eva force achieving Godhood, that have the potential to ruin all our plans in an instant, every time they are activated, success." The blue-lit member said, still indignant over this fact weeks later, though he gave voice to the thoughts of all the SEELE members in that moment. It sat uneasy with them having to rely on these Units, but there was no choice.
"That has been the case for some time now and I am assured the threat is benign." Gendo said trying to defuse the situation, though it still seemed not even a hair moved on his impassive body and if it wasn't for the sound of his voice one would think not even his lips moved.
"While it is true they have sortied twice so far without incident that is no guarantee for the future." The green-lit member cautioned as he remembered the fate that had befallen Units 03 and 04.
"Prioritize repairing Unit-00. Our orders placing it as the designated vanguard still stand." Chairman Keel said, cutting through the debate and accusations with firm decision.
"Understood." Gendo Ikari said as his form dematerialized as quickly as it had come, leaving the Committee members alone.
"I don't like it. Too much has gone awry with the scenario." The yellow-lit member said as he voiced his concerns to the committee.
"We should have put a bell around his neck!" The blue-lit member stated heatedly.
"A bell was there. But it didn't ring." The red-lit member said matter-of-factly.
"A bell that doesn't ring has no purpose. We'll make sure the bell works next time." Chairman Lorenz Keel said, his tone growing harsh.
Gendo's Esoteric Office: Less than an hour later
"My, my!" Ryoji Kaji said as he looked at the broken glass covering the kabbalah that decorated Gendo Ikari's office as he surveyed the damage to the Geofront now apparent with the coming of day. Scorched blast marks, toppled buildings, wrecked, burned out carcasses of equipment worth millions, and the innumerable cratered footprints that dotted the entire subterranean area. "So how did you explain all of this to the committee, I mean to SEELE?" The spy said, he had used his credentials as UN Inspector to get this meeting with NERV's leaders as they couldn't reasonably deny him after an Angel attack of this magnitude.
Kaji is seen by many who know him as an enigma. But really though he's quite simple, he's just seeking the truth for its own sake. To that end he works under the auspice of UN Inspector, ostensibly for SEELE, though he did begin to work for Gendo when it became clear to him that he wasn't going to get anywhere further in their organization. Hence why he stole Adam from under SEELE's noses in an attempt to get closer to the truth in the hope that Gendo would reveal it. But alas that has yet to happen and Kaji is experiencing the same stonewalling he had with the Committee. All the while Kaji was still turning over stones and working with contacts in Japanese Intelligence, the "moonlighting" that had made him unwelcome in NERV headquarters for most of the time except now.
"We are not responsible for the actions of the enemy." Vice Commander Kozo Fuyutsuki stated, as he stood to the side of a seated Gendo in his imposing desk.
"And the actions of berserker Evas?" Kaji said as he remembered the incident with the 12th Angel and its two S2 organs that had SEELE in an uproar, that still bubbled just below the surface.
"It is human nature to seek to ascribe blame." Gendo said from his traditional guarded pose that managed to unsettle even the seasoned spy.
"I guess they don't understand it any more than we do." Kaji sighed as he turned around, broken glass crunching under his foot. "And the pilots?" Kaji asked, trying to gauge Gendo's response. Silence hung for a moment before Gendo answered:
"They serve their function. For now."
The Katsuragi Apartment: Some Days Later
Asuka Langley Sohryu was lying face down on her pillow in her bedroom. Her mind wandering as it often did when she was alone. It was interrupted though by the irritating ring of the apartment's phone that with a sigh Asuka got up to retrieve. Listening to the voice on the other end before responding:
"Okay Misato, I'll tell the baka when he gets back from the store." Asuka said before hanging up the phone.
Shinji had gone to the store by himself to do their grocery shopping since they worried that them going to too many places together would start to raise eyebrows at Section 2.
Soon enough the brown-haired boy returned. Sweaty and hot from the trek he unceremoniously dumped his schoolbag next to the pile of shoes by the doorway and went to the kitchen, placing the plastic bags on the kitchen table and letting out a sigh before he felt the lithe hands around his waist that told him she'd snuck up on him again.
"Asuka-!" Shinji was silenced as his redheaded lover covered his lips in a kiss, filled with passion, and what he knew was a hint of desperation. He'd gone straight to the store after school, so he was still in his uniform while Asuka was in her preferred tank top and shorts as their bodies melted into each other. She soon though broke the kiss and brought her mouth to his ear:
"Misato won't be back until seven." Asuka whispered what she'd learned less than half an hour ago over the phone. the implication of this statement clear by her sultry tone and the fact that she'd draped herself over him with her right leg between his.
"Well, I need to start…" Shinji began only for Asuka to cover his mouth with another kiss. "…cooking…" Shinji managed between kisses as he too joined in the passion with his hands darting over her "…in an hour then." He finished as his mouth went to softly nimble at her neck.
"Plenty of time." Asuka nearly gasped as Shinji's touch sent goosebumps across her arms and legs.
Usually, Asuka liked a little more foreplay, but for reasons she didn't really understand ever since she and Shinji had been together her lust went into overdrive after an Angel attack. Maybe it was the after-effects on her hormones of all the adrenaline that had saturated her bloodstream. That primal link in human physiology between violence and sex. Or perhaps it was the result of her subconscious reminding her that she and the man she loved were mortal, and though they had cheated the reaper this time, the next time, and there would be a next time, they would not be so lucky.
Whatever the reason, the German redhead was in full nymphomaniac mode. And since today was the first time they'd had any serious length of time to themselves since battling Zeruel she would not waste the chance.
Deftly moving past a warmwater penguin snoring in a bean bag chair with three empty beer cans strewn about they made their way towards Asuka's room, their hands and lips still all over the other as the sliding door parted and then closed behind them, encasing them in the one place they could be themselves.
Now Shinji took control and he not-quite-pushed, not-quite-laid Asuka onto the bed as he perched himself on top of her. They stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity as their eyes stared into each other conveying the need they each had for the other in a moment of eye contact before their eyelids closed and their lips meant for another passionate kiss as Shinji's hand went to Asuka's midriff and pulled up her tank top so that the fabric of her tank top scrunched up under her breasts.
He stopped kissing her lips and began kissing her stomach, that while it did have muscles, they were not very pronounced, leaving it one alabaster surface. He went slowly, for about five seconds, before he went for the spots on her belly that he knew were erogenous in the extreme.
Her legs kicking and stomach muscles spasming seemingly uncontrollably as his tongue made circles around her navel filling her with a sensation that was like a mixture of being tickled and aroused at the same time.
"Stop…that…baka!" Asuka said between spurts of uncontrollable giggling as she tugged at Shinji's brown hair until he finally acceded her request and she sat up, her hands going to the hem of her tank top.
She'd not bothered to put a bra on underneath, a fact he'd noticed when his hands were dashing over her body moments ago, yet he still was rendered speechless as he saw the sight of her bare breasts swinging back and forth from the motion of removing her top. The creamy white orbs with their brown nipples standing at attention in evidence of his lover's arousal.
"You're staring again pervert." Asuka teased, though jokingly as she swung her bust seductively while she said the words.
"They're just so beautiful." Shinji said as his hand reached out and cupped her left tit. Massaging it gently in his palm while his index finger and thumb twisted and excited her nipple.
Asuka bit her bottom lip to suppress a moan as she closed her eyes: 'He really does know all my buttons doesn't he.' She thought as her eyes opened and she gazed into his cobalt eyes.
"Oh, so you're just interested in my boobs, typical man." She teased, her voice, gaining some of its usual fire.
"That's not what I said." He said calmly as he stared into her cerulean eyes. Their faces unconsciously inching towards each other until Shinji lunged his face forward those last few millimeters and their lips connected.
"You didn't brush your teeth." Asuka said, just now noticing this fact, somehow, despite all the other kisses they'd shared in the last five minutes. Her contented smile never left her face though.
"I got distracted." Shinji said as his excuse. His hands groping both her orange sized mounds in his hands to accentuate the point.
"Touché." She said, smiling through a wince, as Shinji's fingernail went across her nipple a bit too roughly.
"Sorry." Shinji said as he realized what he'd done, the smile leaving his face.
'Oh no you don't.' Asuka thought as her mind thought of a lewd way to restore the mood. Grabbing each of Shinji's hands she dragged him to his feet on the side of her bed. Without missing a beat, she started unbuckling his belt, the black school pants dropping in a heap around his ankles, while a suspicious bulge was revealed to be residing under his boxers.
"Your rhetoric is getting better, I think the baka deserves a reward for that." Asuka said rather, well more like downright suggestively, as her nimble fingers tucked under the hem of his blue boxers and pulled them down to join his pants.
The action revealed Shinji's member in all its glory, mirroring the swinging of Asuka's bust earlier when it as well was released from the constricting confines of clothes.
Asuka took the cock in her right hand as her left went to massage Shinji's bulging balls. Her tongue soon went to the tip of his rock-hard erection and licked the slit there before taking the cockhead in her mouth swirling her tongue around the hard fleshy bulge before removing it and then placing light kisses on the underside of his shaft. Lifting it up so that it was between her eyes as she looked up at the glazed over eyes of her lover.
Satisfied that he was now putty in her hands she took him in her mouth again this time also sucking at his shaft rather than just the tip. Taking in about half his length with each motion she made.
She'd only just begun but already he felt so close, it'd been days since he'd had any kind of release. He'd been so tired with all the battle debriefings, mental and medical checks, and other tedium that followed the days after an Angel attack to even have time for lefty and righty, truly a man's worst nightmare. A part in the back of his mind also knew Asuka was also aching for release, otherwise she wouldn't have pounced on him the moment he got home.
But that thought was a whisper in the storm of blissful agony Shinji was in, as his cock felt like it was going to burst at any moment as he desperately tried to keep from cumming just a second longer.
Asuka gave one more bob of her head before removing her mouth from his cock though her hands continued their motions. Had Shinji had his eyes open he would have seen that Asuka was about to say something, a snide remark or some such, when she got a surprise. Several spurts of hot white cum, covered her neck, from her chin down to her sternum. The thick liquid beginning to flow down her chest to just the top curve of her breasts before losing momentum.
Shinji expected Asuka to be maybe a wee bit annoyed with him but instead he was surprised:
"Huh, been a while hasn't it." Asuka said understandingly as she craned her head to try and get a look at what Shinji had done to her.
Suddenly the thought from earlier that Asuka also was aching for release thrust into the forefront of Shinji's mind. Determined to give her that Shinji picked her up and placed her back on the bed. Not even giving her the time to wipe the cum off her chest as he tore her shorts off, together with her lacey red panties that he tossed off to the side. If he'd been more ceremonious about the whole thing, he'd have noticed the dark splotch Asuka's arousal had left on her underwear.
He silenced any protests that Asuka may have had with a passionate kiss to her lips as his hands went to her breasts, kneading them furiously while his thumbs excited her nipples. A soft moan, more a whimper really, from Asuka was all the encouragement Shinji needed to continue.
He broke the kiss, his hands relocating to her knees to open up her legs, which they did easily and exposed her sex. Every time Shinji looked at the hairless mound it never ceased to amaze him. Sometimes there was only the bare whisper of a slit between her pale labia, sometimes her clit or inner lips would poke out, and others like now he could even clearly see her hole, uncovered by her pussy's folds.
'Baka's staring again.' Asuka's more rational, prideful side told her. 'Shut up.' Asuka's hormones replied.
Her hormonal urges weren't kept waiting long as Shinji soon got to work. He began by kissing her leg, starting from her knee, and placing special attention on her sensitive inner thigh, sending a jolt of electricity through the redhead that threatened another round of goosebumps. Before at last his lips and tongue reached her most private place. He Started with kisses around her labia, before opening them up his thumbs to get at her more delicate lips and clit. His tongue alternating between piercing into her wet hole and ferociously darting back and forth and up and down and circling around the sensitive nub above.
His face felt the heat that was coming out of Asuka's insides, that felt to Shinji like his face was next to a stove rather than his lover. Her juices flowing down his face before slowly dripping off his chin onto her sheets.
If the building heat in Asuka's belly was intense for Shinji it was torturous for Asuka. It felt as if her insides were on fire, begging for just that one last hurdle to go over the edg-…Oh! Fuck that's it!
Her breath croaked and her hips and back arched in the air as that threshold was finally crossed as Shinji's fingers replaced his tongue and attacked the wrinkly and sensitive folds of her hole.
Panting heavily as she came down from her high, her chest heaving causing the splotches and threads of cum on her neck to seemingly dance. As her mind slowly came back to reality, she became aware of Shinji's erect-again cockhead stroking her lower lips with a seemingly feathery touch. Shinji coating his lower head with her wetness as he lowered his lips to hers and they shared a deep kiss as Asuka's body readied itself for another round in the throes of passion.
Shinji's member slid into her easily, his shaft brushing against her sensitive folds as he slowly hilted himself into her, giving her body time to adjust. He felt the tip of his cock touch what he called her "bottom" and what science called her cervix. Asuka felt that comforting sense of fullness and his weight on top of her and she found his tongue with hers, its enthusiasm conveying to Shinji her desire.
He grabbed her hands in his and guided them, so they were above her head as he began to slowly pull out his cock from her insides only to return again. Shinji built up a rhythm of long deep strokes, pulling his cock almost all the way out of her, leaving only the head in before pushing his entire length back into her again and bottoming her out with each stroke.
She felt his shaft brush against her wrinkly, wet folds. His actions rekindling the inferno that had so recently been sated yet still would burn as hot as ever. Their tongues as well as danced together in their kisses as both her pairs of lips played host to her lover.
But at the next stroke Shinji also furiously shoved his tongue into her mouth, subduing her own and exploring her mouth unhindered. Now both her pussy and her mouth were completely filled and dominated by those appendages that so frequently brought her pleasure. This full penetration caused her to moan, as much as circumstances would allow, and she gripped his hands as tight as her muscles would allow in response to the onslaught and he returned the gesture. The lovers seemingly wanting to grind the other's bones into powder.
However, Asuka was not one to just lie there and passively receive pleasure, she also wanted to give it. So she rolled her hips and closed her legs around him, tightening the walls around his shaft and ever so slightly lifted her ass up from the bed almost like she was trying to ride him. While simultaneously her tongue launched a counterattack and now it was Shinji's turn to have his lover's tongue explore his mouth.
It never ceased to amaze Shinji how Asuka could be underneath yet still manage to be in the driver's seat. Her body convulsed again as her thighs pressed against Shinji's sides mirroring what the folds and creases of her pussy were doing to his cock.
Their hips began moving in synch. Both moving to maximize the contact between their bodies. The muffled moans and hitched breathing, the unique slapping sound of their flesh connecting filled Asuka's room with the sound of their lovemaking. Shinji could feel Asuka tightening around him, the heat and wetness of her pussy rivalling, maybe even surpassing, what his mouth and tongue felt earlier. Asuka could feel Shinji's balls tightening as she felt fewer wrinkles on her ass each time their hips connected. Both of them were so close.
Asuka reached her peak first, her hips stopped moving for a moment as she felt her orgasm wash over her, breaking the kiss with Shinji so her lungs could take in needed air as her body shook beneath Shinji. He gave her a moment before he started moving again searching for his own release.
Powerful, swift thrusts brushed past her tight walls until she felt the telltale twitching of his cock inside her followed by a spreading warmness as his balls emptied themselves into her. She wrapped her hands around his back and kissed his cheek. They stayed like that for a while before Shinji leaned up and exited her, his cock still stiff despite everything.
He looked at the sight before him. Her toes and fingers curling and gripping the bedsheets as she calmed down and her breathing became normal. His viscous cum flowing down her labia and ass cheeks, as well as his earlier load still on her chest and neck, glistening with sweat from the heat and exertion. She knew Shinji was one who liked to see the results of his efforts and though it caused her cheeks to glow as bright red as her hair, she kept her legs where they were for a moment to let him soak in the view.
It was enough to make him go in again if only they had the time. But they did not. So, after a last few kisses Asuka went to clean herself off while Shinji belatedly put away the groceries he had brought home, before he himself also got cleaned before they both went to the kitchen to cook dinner.
They were making one of Misato's favorites. Tempura shrimp with steamed rice and vegetables. Asuka donned an apron as she cut the vegetables to place in the steamer while Shinji battered and fried the shrimp. The sounds of the bubbling oil and steaming water filling the kitchen as they worked in silence, seemingly preternaturally knowing how to avoid getting in the other's way. Soon the food was ready, but it was the only thing that was.
"Do we have to tell her?" Asuka asked as a sigh escaped her lips as she voiced the concern that had been building ever since she left the bliss of the bedroom behind and entered the kitchen.
"Yes." Shinji said as he placed the last dish on the table.
"But she already knows everything important, why not just leave it at that!" Asuka continued as Shinji placed Pen Pen's sardines in his bowl for when he woke from his drunken stupor, before the brown-haired boy turned and faced the German redhead, back straight and eyes confident as he spoke.
"You remember what it was like in there." It was a statement not a question though truth be told both of them had trouble fully remembering the details and nuance of being in the Shadow. Like trying to remember a dream from last week. "Why did they ask so much about us?"
"Who cares?!" A nearly hysterical Asuka said, her hands gesticulating wildly.
"It's not just that it might be important." Shinji said as he came toward her and hugged her in a tight embrace, her head resting on his chest and her lithe fingers clenching at the fabric of his shirt like she was afraid he might vanish if she didn't hold on. "We can't hide forever."
They had changed each other. They loved each other for that. Needed each other for that.
"I just can't lose you." Asuka said a moment later as she picked her head up to look into the eyes of the man Shinji had become. Gone was the uncertainty and passivity, eroded by love yet still his kindness and selflessness remained. Asuka's fire had made Shinji actually want to be alive rather than merely exist. 'Vigor.' Asuka's mind absently told her what Shinji had gained.
"And I you." Shinji said as he looked into the eyes of the woman Asuka had become. Still confident but deriving her worth from just being Asuka and not a pilot and being sure enough in herself to show care and frailty. His true affection had opened her eyes to the sham that was and showed her what true unconditional love is. 'Tenderness.' Shinji's mind said mirroring Asuka's.
A flower can bloom in the dark, but if it isn't taken to the light, planted in the fertile soil and watered, it will wither and die without the world seeing its beauty. That is the fear at the back of their minds. Shinji sees it, Asuka doesn't want to see it. But they both know a relationship founded on secrecy, whose only pillar is passion, cannot endure.
"I'm home!" The lovers heard Misato say as the front door hissed. They shared one last kiss, conveying with it all their love to the other and thanks for making them the person that they were before separating and greeting Misato:
"Hey Misato!" The two said at the same time, their synch training still milling about in their minds.
"Hey guys! Ah my favorite!" Misato said as she grabbed a beer from the fridge. "Ohh! That looks great on you Asuka!" Misato teased as she noticed Asuka removing her apron too late as the three of them sat down at the spread that Shinji had made.
"Thanks Misato." Asuka responded rather halfheartedly and quietly to Misato's teasing. Which if Misato was less tired would have sounded alarm bells but instead, she just shrugged, opened her can of Yebisu and downed it in under ten seconds.
"Ah Yeah!" The tired Misato exclaimed as she crushed the can in her hand, grabbed another one, and dug into the waiting food.
The three ate in relative silence. Well Misato ate while the two pilots more poked at their food. Words were easy but the real test is when it is time for action.
"Misato" Shinji finally began after a deep breath, "We never got to finish our conversation from earlier." He said as he felt Asuka put his hand in a vise-grip under the table and out of view of Misato. The NERV Major paused and looked at the ceiling for a moment, perhaps in the hope if her eyes had something bland and uninteresting to look at it would free more bandwidth for her brain.
"Ah right" She said looking back at them while at the same time stuffing her face with another shrimp. "You said they were interested in the human condition." She said comically with her mouth full.
"Yes, though it seemed one specific part specifically." Asuka almost alliterated as her nervousness made her forget how much Japanese she knew.
"Well, what?" Misato asked growing a tad impatient with all this dancing around.
"Our relationship." The two lovers said in synch with each other as they brought their hands up and placed them on the table. Their guardian's eyes went wide, and it was a few moments before her mouth managed to form words.
"How fa-?" Misato tried to ask before Asuka cut her off with a response.
"Completely." Asuka answered, the tone of her voice as she said the word leaving no doubt as to the extent of their relationship and that this was not a joke or a prank.
"Since Mt. Asama." Shinji added as he squeezed Asuka's hand, and they shared a look into each other's eyes as they braced themselves for what was coming.
Now Shinji and Asuka had prepared for all the ways they thought Misato would react. Going full commander mode and berating them, forbidding their union, immediately having Section 2 remand them to separate living spaces, but they never anticipated how she really did respond.
Instead of all the fire and fury they had expected, Misato wordlessly sat there, like a deer in the headlights, her eyes seemingly glazed over, mouth agape. Asuka and Shinji glanced at each other nervously, Shinji extending a hand toward the silent Misato only for her to get up and walk outside of the apartment, the door hissing behind her as she left. A few moments later they faintly heard the distinct roar of her car's engine, and they were left wondering what all this meant.
Misato meanwhile was speeding through the streets of Tokyo-3 in her Alpine, seemingly trying to break every traffic law and speed limit there was before her brain absently got an idea. She pulled her handbrake, sending her car into a screeching 180 degree turn before literally putting the pedal to the metal and heading toward the Geofront and NERV HQ.
Once there she pored over Section 2's files and reports on Shinji and Asuka and realized they had no clue what was happening right under their noses.
'How?! How!?That makes no sense!' Misato thought before it dawned on her that really it did. Since they recruited the agents from the best of the best of the security detachments and bodyguards for politicians and businessmen. A job in which discretion was vital and where you don't ask or think about why the tycoon, you're protecting spends four hours in an apartment with a woman who isn't his wife, you just secure the perimeter.
'NERV's only concern is that they can pilot. Beyond that they don't really care.' Misato thought as she had an epiphany about just how much of a cog the children were in the machine of the organization. How much she was just a cog…
She closed the files and reached into her jacket and fished out her phone. The device rang three times before it was answered.
"Katsuragi." Ryoji Kaji said in greeting. "What's up?"
"Kaji." Misato began, her tone devoid of its usual life, "We need to talk."
"I know a place." Kaji said. Instantly picking up on the disquiet in her voice. Dropping everything he agreed to meet her at a bar he knew that served a decent drink, and as an added bonus had many quiet corners for sensitive conversations.
They meet just shy of half an hour later, and at a corner table Misato told him everything, about what she'd figured out about the Eva's, Angels, and Shinji and Asuka.
"Well, we did say they'd be good together…it's just…a lot." Kaji said as he sipped his whisky on the rocks as his mind absorbed this new information.
"They're just so young to be doing it all already." Misato said after she gulped down a shot of the sake she had ordered.
"They're also too young to be risking death as often as they are." Kaji pointed out as the ice in his tumbler clinked together as he swirled the drink in his hand while his eyes fixated on the ripples the spirit formed, perhaps thinking the truth could be found in them.
"None of this is fair." Misato said as she poured herself another round of sake and downed it quicker. 'All just cogs in the war machine.' Her mind told her as the alcohol failed to blur out that inconvenient notion.
"I guess it's only natural they found solace in each other." Kaji said as he gave up searching for the truth in his drink and instead looked for it in Misato's dark eyes. "That's what everyone does isn't it?" Kaji said as he forced lips to form his habitual smile.
"Just worried they'll screw it up like we did." Misato almost sobbed.
"We're here now, aren't we?" Kaji said as he grabbed her hand, his smile replaced by a look of serious determination as he stopped her from drinking another round of sake, he really didn't want to repeat that experience. Misato's hand went up to his face and caressed his unshaven cheek while her lips formed a small smile.
"Did you say anything to them?" Kaji asked after a few moments of silence.
"No…I…" Misato began, looking away from Kaji in shame "…I just couldn't. It was like it was happening all over again. I just had to leave." She just shut it out and ran away rather than dealing with the situation in front of her. That's what she had done after witnessing Second Impact firsthand. Become a mute who shut out the world for years. When she realized Kaji was like her father she ran away from it as well.
'Ironic considering all the times I told Shinji to stand firm and not to run away. You'd think I'd heed my own advice. What kind of guardian am I?'
These questions tumbled around in Misato's mind for the rest of the evening as her sake was slowly, well not really slowly, depleted as she and Kaji did their best impression of small talk, leaving the big questions for later.
Eventually, as usually happens when alcohol and the opposite sex mix, they headed back to Kaji's apartment and well, one thing led to another.
Afterwards, Misato stared at the ceiling as the afterglow and slowly fading buzz combined to produce unsettling thoughts in her mind.
Did she call him just because she wanted to feel alive? Because she knew calling him meant sex? Just because she'd derive validation of her existence from the pleasure, he gave her? Or was their relationship something more?
Misato rather than dwelling on the existential angst these questions posed reached for the pack of cigarettes on the nightstand, reasoning that lung cancer would kill her slower than the dread from contemplating any of those queries.
The whirling smoke filled the bedroom with its acrid stench while Kaji also stared at the ceiling, perhaps also pondering the nature of their relationship, though his words disproved this hypothesis.
"If it's been going on that long they have to be using some kind of protection." Kaji realized in the afterglow.
"Probably but I've never seen any."
Misato wasn't sure if it really mattered. As a high-ranking officer in NERV she had access to quite a lot of non-publicly available data. Officially the birth-rate hovered around 1.07 children per woman, not great but manageable, though in reality the so-called Baby Dearth was in full swing, and the actual birth-rate was closer to 0.15-0.25 children, not just in Japan with its historically low fertility, but everywhere. The governments of the world could massage the data all they wanted, but people are not blind.
Then again, the Baby Dearth, Angels, and Eva all had to be connected somehow. And with Shinji and Asuka's proximity to all of it, it was probably better to be on the safe side.
"You haven't been teaching her any of your craft, have you?" Misato playfully asked as she poked Kaji's ribs.
"No, honestly." Kaji responded with a light chuckle, tacking on the last word after a few more jabs from Misato.
"Are you going to tell NERV?" Kaji asked a moment later getting to the heart of the matter. The question prompting images of a white giant crucified in the bowels of Terminal Dogma to flash before Misato's mind.
"No" Misato began. "If the relationship has been going on as long as they say it has, then it's coincided with a steady rise in Synch scores and combat performance." She said as she listed the positive effects of their relationship before sighing and continuing. "The commander in me knows their relationship could pose a problem with command and control on the battlefield, yet at the same time if we separate them and try to force an end to their relationship it's likely to unhinge their mental states and ability to pilot."
"But if you tell NERV they'll probably demand that you do something." Kaji said putting the pieces of Misato's reasoning together.
"Exactly." Misato said as she stubbed out the cigarette in the ashtray and fell backwards, her head making a satisfying smack as it hit the pillow.
"So, what now?" Kaji asked.
"Well…" A devilish grin crossed Misato's face "If they're mature enough for that they're mature enough to be left on their own for a night." Misato said as she curled up next to Kaji. "Which means…" Misato continued though left the last part unsaid.
Kaji's mind though wasn't on the purple-haired bombshell looking for round two, well it was, but not in the lewd way.
Being a Triple Agent is not an easy or safe road. He had only embarked upon it because truth was his obsession, or at least it was until Katsuragi rekindled something else in his heart. But he was already in too deep, made too many enemies, too few allies. He had decided to live, but death rarely stops its march based on man's decisions. Already the rival powers that he had pledged to serve were demanding irrevocable actions for him to prove his loyalty. To that end the words left his lips:
"Katsuragi, I need your help with something…"
The Neo-Ayanami Apartment: Some Weeks Later
"That's the last of the bags." A tired Toji Suzuhara said as he placed the glossy bags covered in English phrases he didn't understand and with handles seemingly designed to be as painful as possible, in the hallway.
Toji had recovered fully and had even joined them for a Synch Test the previous week. He had the lowest score, barely enough theoretically to even activate a unit, though for someone with no experience, no training, and no Eva it was enough to be kept on the roster as a backup. Mostly for NERV to keep up the façade of the children the "Marduk Institute" selected were special in some way.
Misato had finally been around to Rei's apartment the previous week as well and after seeing it had immediately gone to Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki. The old sensei had looked at the pictures that the Major had brought and sighed:
"We'll move her."
There was no shortage of housing in Tokyo-3, which stood in stark contrast to the rest of Japan where space was at a premium especially with the flooding and irradiating of the Kanto Plain that had been home to nearly a third of Japan's Pre-Impact population. It was why Katsuragi's apartment block was nearly empty. The building had been finished in the days before the 3rd Angel's attack, with Misato flashing her NERV badge the day the last construction workers left so she could get out of her cramped one-room apartment. And then Sachiel came, and all of Misato's would-be neighbors backed out leaving the building nearly empty. Tokyo-3 still had a sizeable civilian population composed of those too-stubborn to leave or who had signed binding mortgages before the Angels returned. But still the population was nowhere near where it should be, though it was enough to provide urban amenities and support NERV's functions.
As it was the Neo-Ayanami Apartment, as Asuka had named it, was about the same distance from the Katsuragi apartment as to their school in a new development, like Misato's, though it was only one bedroom.
Shinji had offered to help Rei move, with Asuka immediately tagging along for obvious reasons, while Hikari, in her role as class representative had insisted on coming as well so she could see where her classmate lived and verify the new address for the school. Toji was there as well as Hikari thought the extra muscle would be needed to move Rei's belongings.
Problem though was all that Rei owned fit into two medium-sized boxes, mainly clothes and some books. The new apartment was fully furnished so nothing else needed moving.
"That's it!?" Hikari had said seeing the two boxes Shinji and Toji had carried in and placed in Rei's new bedroom.
"It is all that is needed." Rei had responded in her usual fashion.
"Wondergirl" Asuka said as she looked around the bare white walls of the apartment "This is too boring! We need to spruce it up!"
"OOOh yes! There's a mall near here!" Hikari responded excitedly as she grabbed one of Rei's hands while Asuka took the other. But the blue-haired girl didn't budge.
"That is unnecessary." She said laconically "I require nothing else."
"Please, Rei." Shinji began "We just want to help." Shinji said a smile on his face. A moment later, Rei relented and allowed herself to be almost dragged along by the two friends while Toji and Shinji shared a grimace as it dawned on them what going to the mall with girls entailed.
Hence Toji's complaining about the weight of the purchases from their impromptu shopping spree.
A fair bit were new clothes for Rei, well more Hikari and Asuka living vicariously through Rei's dimensions, though some of what they bought were paintings to make the apartment livelier. Rei had eschewed the posters and other paraphernalia typical of a teenager's room and had instead been drawn to these. Most were realist of romanticist landscapes though some were impressionist portraits.
They'd also bought the basics for any kitchen pantry, rice, miso, sugar, salt, and so on, reluctantly Rei agreed to Shinji, with Hikari's help, preparing a meal for all of them, fried tofu and vegetables with miso soup and rice.
While the two designated cooks were in the kitchen, Toji was drafted yet again, this time by Asuka to help place the pictures on the wall. Though here 'help' really meant do all the work and reposition the artwork ten times while Asuka and Rei debated the finer points of lighting and reflection.
"It's good to see you smiling so much." Hikari said as they worked together.
"Thanks, Hikari." Shinji said with a grin on his face as he looked at her "Could you pass me the ladle?" Shinji asked.
"Here you go." She said as she handed him the utensil.
Shinji took the ladle and stirred the miso for a moment before lifting up the ladle to taste the soup. As the warm liquid flowed paste his tongue, he closed his eyes and smiled. Though it wasn't the miso, excellent though it may be, that made him smile. No that was the memory that had kept replaying in his mind again and again for nearly a fortnight:
It was the day after Shinji and Asuka had told Misato. She'd returned and they sat at the kitchen table. The NERV Major's face now stern and serious, evidently having overcome the shock from the previous evening.
"What are you going to do Misato?" Shinji had asked a few tense moments after she had called them here.
"That depends on how you answer these questions." Major Katsuragi said, and after letting out a sigh added "I want the truth. Nothing else. Understood?"
Both the pilots nodded in understanding before Misato continued.
"Do you two really love each other." The NERV Major asked first, stressing each word.
"Yes." Both responded immediately and in-sync with the other.
"Are you using protection?" Misato asked as she continued her line of questioning.
"Yes." They again answered together.
"Did you really…" Misato began though paused as she looked for the right words. "…break it then?" She said this directed only towards Asuka rather than the both of them.
"No." Asuka admitted after a moment and with her eyes looking down at her knees as she remembered the deception she had laid after Sahaquiel.
"I had been so worried I'd taken that from you! I'm so glad you got to experience that with Shinji!" The purple-haired guardian blurted out as she stood up and rushed over to squeeze Asuka in the tightest bear-hug she'd ever felt.
"Misa...to…" Asuka managed as her lungs struggled to form words under Misato's embrace.
"It was Shinji right?" Misato teased with a wink as she finally let go of the German redhead and looked at her wards.
"YES MISATO!" The two lovers exclaimed, not wanting to discuss that experience right now.
"Okay Okay…" Misato said through a chuckle her earlier serious persona long forgotten.
"I'm not going to tell the higher ups, that'll just complicate things, so you've got to keep up your charade for Section 2." The Major said after a few moments once she had collected herself.
"Isn't that dangerous for you Misato?" Shinji asked, the worry etched in his voice.
"Technically, and I mean very technically, this does fall under my purview as your commanding officer and guardian, so I do have the authority to do this." Misato said trying to convince herself as much as the pilots, though given what she and Kaji had discussed, willfully withholding information like this from her superiors was fairly blasé.
"But if the Commander or Dr. Akagi knew they'd likely override you." Asuka said, correctly deducing the logic as Kaji had the night before.
"Yep." Misato said as she went over to the fridge, frowned that only twenty gallons of beer remained, then smiled as she grabbed a cold Yebisu and popped the top.
"Why Misato?" Shinji asked as he stood there, holding Asuka's hand, their fingers intertwined in a tight embrace. Major Katsuragi took a sip of her beer, and repeated the distilled version of the idea that had been bouncing around in her head since her wards told her they were secret lovers:
"Because we're not just cogs in the machine…. we, you, everyone deserves to be happy."
Shinji Ikari opened his eyes again his grin almost ear to ear as he recalled the memory yet again.
They hadn't gotten to stand before the world without fear, but it was a first step, one less worry in a sea of troubles. Misato had of course been quick to forbid any frisky business and sleep in separate beds while she was around, but they could live with that.
Hikari meanwhile remembered that she had forgotten to leave next month's prescription in Asuka's locker, so she went to go find her redheaded friend. They went to the hallway and checking that no one, well really just Rei, was there Hikari handed Asuka the medication.
"You sure you're not going to need these?" Asuka said with a wry grin as she placed the pills in her own purse.
"Asuka! That's so improper!" Hikari whispered in the harshest tone she could manage, but Asuka could tell her heart wasn't really in it. "Is it really like what you said?" Hikari asked a moment later, her face nearly crimson.
"It's all of that and more." Asuka said as her own face colored at the memory of their past slumber party where she conveyed in maybe a little too much detail her and Shinji's relationship. "But only when you're ready." Asuka added squeezing her friend's hand to reassure her, so she didn't rush into decisions best made with a clear mind.
While the boys' better halves were out in the hallway Toji and Rei were left alone to put up the last painting in Rei's relatively spacious bedroom.
"That should do it." The tracksuit wearing jock said as he adjusted the frame so it was level. "What do you think Rei?"
"It is acceptable, Pilot Suzuhara." Rei said in her usual blank way.
Toji chuckled at the mention of his pilot status as it brought back memories:
He'd gone with Shinji to the locker rooms after their synch-test determined to get some answers.
Despite what Asuka may think of his intelligence Toji had thought this through, he'd kept his eye out for cameras, which he didn't think they'd have in the locker room, but it never hurt to check, and he turned the showers next to them to drown out any listening devices there might be.
"Hikari told me." He said simply to his friend. A few days prior he'd seen the pills in Hikari's bag and had questions, and Hikari, rather than telling him the lie she had told her doctor had told him everything. She just couldn't lie to him, not after almost losing him.
Shinji just stood there in his plugsuit, nodding for a moment, before turning to look at his friend with a serious look Toji had only ever seen once before, when he and Kensuke through circumstance ended up in Unit-01's entry plug during the battle with the 4th Angel.
"Well, if Hikari told you then you also know why she knows." Shinji responded, his tone wasn't angry, it was hard for Toji to put a word to it. Stern perhaps? Formidable? It lacked venom or anger, but also kindness.
"Yeah…" Toji said awkwardly as both his and Shinji's faces softened and looked away from each other for a moment.
"Why though Shin-man? Of all girls why her?" Toji asked at last deciding he'd come this far and wanted the answer.
"Because…" Shinji began after a moment of looking at the shower head spewing forth water. Collecting his thoughts, he continued "… With her I feel alive, that there is someone who understands, who cares."
"Alright, I get it." Toji said after a moment. He hadn't really listened to the words, but he'd seen the look in Shinji's eyes, the window to the soul, and seen the passion in them, understanding that the feelings were true.
"Just don't tell Kensuke, he's a good friend, but secrecy is not one of his strengths." Shinji said, returning to his more awkward normal tone of voice. Both fiends shared a laugh again at the expense of their bespeckled otaku.
"Your secret is safe with me." Toji promised.
"Pilot Suzuhara." Rei said bringing Toji out of his reminiscing.
"Yeah?" Toji said as he turned to face his blue-haired comrade-in-arms.
"W-" Rei began before being interrupted.
"Dinner is ready!" Shinji called out from the kitchen.
"Oh boy food!" Toji said almost child-like and dashing to the doorway to the kitchen before remembering someone had been talking to him. "What did you want to say Rei?"
"Nothing." Rei said slightly shaking her head. "Let's eat."
The world's four Eva pilots plus Hikari ate and made small talk that even Rei joined in once or twice until the sun began to set and everyone said their goodbyes.
The two couples left, Toji and Hikari walking hand in hand while Shinji and Asuka were on either side of the pair to keep up the illusion for any watching eyes.
Rei Ayanami, First Child and designated pilot of Unit-00, now alone, sat on her new bed, it was softer than the last. She had never really concerned herself with physical comfort or what might be called "happiness" or "pleasure" it was utterly irrelevant and pointless to her purpose. Yet, as her eyes glanced at the paintings on the wall, as her mind remembered the pleasant taste of their dinner, better than any she'd had with the Commander, a small almost whisper of a smile appeared on her lips.
It was dashed though as other things passed before her mind's eye and her lips brought forth the question:
"Why her?"
A/N: Well, here we are. The cat's out of the bag, well mostly. For those expecting Mama-Bear Misato to act different I based this response on the duality of her character. She's a tough competent commander but is damn near clueless when it comes to relationships and people. We see this in the canon with her continual struggles with her and Kaji's relationship, her failure to really connect with and help Asuka or Shinji with their deep trauma, her simply letting Asuka run away, thinking it best they don't live together anymore, her seeking to comfort Shinji sexually after the assumed death of Rei, the list goes on. So, to me "Deer in the Headlights" seemed like a plausible response to this unexpected development, that and to my knowledge no other fic did that. Also, I wanted to lay out as concisely as possible my interpretation of what Kaji was up to during the whole series, since it is never explicitly stated, and even the Eva Wiki has to use some guesswork. This had less lemon, but the special was all just lemon, and I had a lot of threads to tie together. As you can see I'm trying to do one chapter per episode, so now we're getting into the arcs of the show where all the really bad stuff happens, so stay tuned to it changes. As always let me know what you think.