Chapter five
"Then everyone said that my chocolate bars tasted terrible!" Calvin told Hobbes in his room.
"Maybe you're not a good cook." Hobbes said.
"The chocolate bars tasted good when I made it! You tried it, too!"
"Maybe it expires very quickly." Hobbes said.
"Nah, food doesn't expire that quickly."
Calvin snapped his fingers.
"Tracer Bullet!" He said.
"Calvin, you're not going to call him are you?" Hobbes asked.
Calvin got out his MTM 2000, and dialed Tracer's number.
Tracer was in Calvin's stomach.
Don't ask.
That's where he lives
Tracer was watching Sherlock Holmes on his TV.
His phone rang.
He answered it.
"Yes, and welcome to Tracer's residence. How may I help you?"
"Tracer?" Calvin said on the other line.
"Hi, Calvin." Tracer Bullet said.
Tracer was one of Calvin's alter egos.
He's a private eye, he has a New York accent, and he came to life in my story, Calvin and Hobbes the MOVIE!
Spaceman and Stupendous also came to life in the story.
"Hi. Listen, Tracer, you see I'm running for school president, and everyone in school likes me. I think they're going to vote for me."
"What's the problem?" Tracer asked.
"The problem is that I made chocolate bars for everyone at school. They said that they tasted horrible."
"Maybe you're not a good cook." Tracer said.
"Or maybe someone replaced my chocolate bars with dirt shaped like bars! Someone is trying to sabotage my chances of winning! I can't figure this out on my own. I need your help."
"Sorry, Calvin, I'm watching Sherlock." Tracer said.
"Fine, then I'll tell everyone your little incident. You know, you going to Tami Debra's birthday party, and the cake…"
"Okay, okay! I'll help you!" Tracer said.
"Thank you." Calvin said sweetly.
Calvin hung up.
Tracer also hung up.
Calvin put his MTM 2000 away, and seconds later, Tracer Bullet appeared in front of Calvin.
Calvin screamed.
"You need to quit doing that!" Calvin screamed.
"So, where do you want me to go?" Tracer asked.
"Anywhere!" Calvin said.
Tracer shrugged and walked out of Calvin's room.
"Hi, I'm Tracer Bullet.
I'm a private eye.
Today, I'm solving a case.
A case mild-mannered Calvin can't solve.
Mild-mannered Calvin was running for school president at his school, but someone is keeping Calvin from winning school president.
I can help.
I can solve cases just like that.
Faster than a leopard running a marathon.
Okay, I can't run cases faster than that, but I can solve anything.
I'm trying to find out who is the person whose keeping Calvin from winning school…I think you get the point.
Right now, the pieces of the puzzles are not fitting.
I'm talking a walk down the street, trying to find the suspects.
The suspects were Moe, Susie, "Bucky", and Tommy Chestnut.
First up is Susie.
She lives down the street.
I walked up to her residence, and knocked on her door.
The door opened, and there she was.
"Good afternoon, Miss Derkins." I said.
"Is that you, Calvin?" Susie asked.
"Me? No, I'm not mild-mannered Calvin, I'm Tracer Bullet, private eye." I said.
"Whatever. What do you want?" Susie asked.
"Well, someone is trying to keep Calvin from winning school president, so…"
Susie slammed the door.
She's not spilling.
Huh! I always thought that girls would talk about secrets, but this one won't crack.
That Susie dame was madder than two cats fighting over a piece of fish.
I decided to go to Moe's house.
That Moe kid is big, vicious, and let me tell you.
He's not intellectual.
I went to his house.
He lives in a broken down little house.
He lives in…I'm a bully Drive.
I'm not joking!
The street name says it all!
That's where he lives.
It's the next street up Calvin's house.
I knocked on his house, and there he was.
"What do you want, Twinky?" Moe asked.
"I'm not Calvin, I…"
"What do you want Twinky?" Moe interrupted me.
I sighed, and said, "Someone is trying to keep Calvin winning for school president, and…"
SLAM!
He wasn't cracking either.
Well, "Bucky", the buck-toothed nerd will spill the beans.
Yes siree.
I knocked on the door, and he opened it.
"What do you want?" "Bucky" asked.
"Don't even think about pulling pranks on me, I have an eye of a vulture."
I ignored him.
"Someone is trying to keep Calvin from winning school president…"
SLAM!
He wasn't spilling.
I was starting to get suspicious about this.
I have to search for clues.
I didn't even bother going to Tommy's Chestnut's household.
He wouldn't tell me who the person is either.
I was at Calvin's school.
I opened his locker to see if there were clues in there.
Hmm…nothing.
There was a mini refrigerator in Calvin's locker.
I wonder…I opened it, and there was…a pink barrette?
It had a red flower on it. So whoever replaced Calvin's chocolate bars with dirt must be a girl!
Can't be Susie…she's a good girl, but she's the only girl on the list, but it can't be her!
I have to search for more clues.
I was in the stadium.
This was where Calvin gave his speech to the audience.
I was on the stage, hoping to find something.
Hello.
What's this?
It was a…flower?
It said PROPERTY OF…EISUS SNIKERD.
Who would have a name like that?
Maybe, just maybe the letters are scrambled!
Maybe If I unscramble the letters, I'll finally find out who the person is!
Let's see…NIDREKS USISE?
DERNIKS SUIES?
Wait…SUSIE DERKINS!
Of course!
I should've known!
Susie!
She was the one!
She tried to keep Calvin winning from school president!
I have to tell mild-mannered Calvin right away!
Case closed."
"No way!" Calvin said.
"Yes way. It's Susie."
"I knew it!" Calvin said.
"Thanks Tracer."
"No problem." Tracer said.
"No can I go home now? I just missed two hours of the Sherlock marathon!"
"Sure." Calvin said.
Tracer bolted in Calvin's body where he belongs.
"So it's Susie! I'm going to tell her right now!"
"We can't! It's 10:00 at night!" Hobbes said.
"You're right. Tomorrow, we'll do it! I'm tired." Calvin said.
"Me too." Hobbes said.
Calvin and Hobbes went to bed.
Calvin and Hobbes woke up the next day.
Calvin brushed his teeth, washed his face, put on his clothes, and went downstairs to get ready for school.
Calvin was at the bus stop, waiting for Susie.
10 minutes, Susie walked up to Calvin.
"Hi, Calvin." Susie said.
Calvin just gave Susie a smile.
"What are you smiling about?" Susie said.
Calvin didn't answer because the bus was coming.
Susie and Calvin got on.
Susie was sitting at seat #22.
Calvin sat next to her.
He still gave Susie a weird smile.
"Calvin, why are you smiling? It's creepy." Susie said.
"I think you know." Calvin said.
"Huh?" Susie said.
Calvin took a big, deep breath and started to talk really fast.
"Iknowwhatyoudidderkinsdon'tdenyityou'retheonewhoreplacedmychocolatebarswithdirtshapedlikebars…"
"FREEZE!" Susie said.
Calvin stopped.
"What are you talking about? I didn't do anything." Susie said.
"Alright girl, stop playing dumb. You were the one who was trying to keep me from winning school president by replacing my chocolate bars with dirt!"
Susie sighed.
"Alright It was me." She said.
Calvin laughed.
"I'm good!" Calvin said.
"Shut up, doofus. At least let me tall you why I did it." Susie said.
SUSIE'S STORY ON HOW SHE…WELL, YOU KNOW
Let's see…It all started on a Monday morning.
I was on the second to teach kindergartners to multiply when I saw a flyer.
The flyer said: WANT TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT? THEN SIGN THE CLIPBOARD! THE CLIPBOARD IS LOCATED ON THE SECOND FLOOR IN ROOM 209.
So I signed my name on the clipboard, then you showed up.
You wanted to run for president also, so you signed your name on the clipboard.
I was so mad!
If you were school president, kids would spend their hours playing outside.
I want the students to have a good education!
The next day, I saw you put chocolate bars in your locker.
I was thinking that if your chocolate bars were replaced with dirt, then nobody will vote for you, they will vote for me!
At recess, I scooped up dirt from the ground, and put them in a brown paper bag.
The next day, I put the paper bag full of dirt in your locker.
Those chocolate bars were so good…I-I mean I threw your chocolate bars away!
I knew you wouldn't stand a chance!
I didn't know you would find out!
I mean you are a 6-year-old kid who eats paste in art class and talks to himself in every class.
END OF SUSIE'S STORY
"Hey, what's that supposed to mean!" Calvin said.
Susie shrugged.
"C'mon, let's get the other candidates." Susie Calvin nodded.
They went inside every room in the school to find the other four candidates.
"YOU WHAT!" "Bucky" said.
"Yes, I cheated." Susie said.
"I would expect something from Calvin…"
"Hey!" Calvin said.
"Bucky" continued, ignoring Calvin.
"But you? That's so unlike you!"
"Yeah, It's about time. She was always a goody goody two shoes!" Moe said.
By the time Moe finished talking, they reached the principal's office.
Mr. Spittle was sitting in his desk, dipping his doughnuts in his coffee when he saw Calvin, "Bucky", Moe, and Tommy, Susie and Calvin walking to his desk.
"Good morning students." Mr. Spittle said.
"What are you doing here?"
"Get Miss Wormwood." Susie said.
"We want her to be here, too."
"Okay." Mr. Spittle picked up his phone and pushed Miss Wormwood's room number.
"Yes, hi, Miss Wormwood…Please come down to the office. Uh-huh. Thank you."
Mr. Spittle hung up.
"She'll be here any minute." Mr. Spittle said.
Two minutes later, Miss Wormwood came into the office.
"What's going on?" Miss Wormwood asked.
Susie told Miss Wormwood to sit down, because the story that she's going to tell is going to be a long one.
"That's the whole story, Miss Wormwood." Susie said.
"I'm sorry, Susie, but that's against the rules." Miss Wormwood.
"I'm afraid you are disqualified."
"I understand." Susie said.
"That means I win!" "Bucky" said.
"I'm sorry, 'Bucky', but we didn't hear your speech." Miss Wormwood.
"That means I'm president!" Moe said.
"Moe, your speech was terrible." Miss Wormwood said.
"Then I'm president!" Calvin said.
"Thank you, thank you. Spittle, make an announcement on the PA speaker."
"Calvin, you're not going to be president either."
"Why!" Calvin asked.
"We can't play outside all day and less school hours. Everyone in school is going to have a bad education, and they'll get held back."
"Then that means…"
"I'm president!" Tommy said.
"Yes, Tommy." Miss Wormwood said.
Mr. Spittle made an announcement on the PA speaker.
"Attention students and teachers, your new school president by default is…Tommy Chestnut."
Even though they were in the office, Calvin and the others heard screaming and cheering in the classrooms.
"Can you believe it? I didn't win!" Calvin said.
"Well, at least you tried." Hobbes said.
"That's the most important thing."
"No, the important thing is that I LOST!" Calvin yelled.
Hobbes sighed.
"Well, at least you're good at something." Hobbes said.
"Yeah, like what?" Calvin said.
"Planning water balloon attacks on Susie." Hobbes said, holding a box water balloons.
"Great idea, Hobbes!" Calvin said.
"Susie is playing on the sidewalk with her stupid doll, Binky Betsy. Let's go!"
Calvin and Hobbes ran behind a tree behind Susie to attack.
"Ready…aim…FI…WOAH!" Susie was right in front of Calvin and Hobbes, holding a water balloon.
"You really do have a big mouth." Susie said.
"Uh, Susie, Hi!" Calvin said.
"I really hate to bug you, so…"
Calvin grabbed Hobbes and ran away from Susie.
Susie followed Calvin.
Calvin hid from Susie all day.
Okay, so Calvin is 98 good at water balloon fights on Susie.
Two percent because of that big mouth of his!
THE END
CREDITS
E.G. Daily: CalvinTommyTracer Bullet
Tara Strong: SusieMoe
Charlie Alder: Hobbes
Tom Kenny: "Bucky"
Jeff Bennet: Mr. Spittle
Tress Macneille: Miss WormwoodKid with red hairGirl red hair
Everyone in school voted for their five candidates. Here were the votes:
Susie: 48
Moe: 3
Tommy: 56
"Bucky": 0
Calvin: 60
Now, I need suggestions for another Calvin and Hobbes story. Please R&R and type your suggestions there. Who know? Maybe your idea can be on my story.