Chapter 16 Halloween

(Author's Note: in the BUFFY Season 4 Halloween episode "Fear Itself", Willow dressed up as Joan of Arc and her boyfriend Oz played "God in human form". I've always wondered whether that gave Barbara Hall an idea.)

"Oh, good Lord," Helen said, as Joan of Arc and Albert Einstein came through the front door.

"Do you like them?" Joan asked. "They let us wear our costumes all day at school, and you should have seen some of the others. Grace was a witch, Adam was the Scream picture. Maggie played a harem girl, though a bit overdressed for one."

"Even some of the teachers got in the act," said Einstein. "Lischak was dressed as the assistant headmistress from HARRY POTTER. Too bad you don't work there anymore."

"Sorry I missed this one day," admitted Helen. "Might have gotten material for more paintings. Some people think Bosch got some of his images from masques."

"Is Dad here?" asked Joan. "I want him to see our costumes before we take them off."

"He's running late. Something about a big confession. But he told me not to halt dinner for him, so we can start."

Joan and Einstein settled down to eat, the latter taking off his mask. About halfway through dinner their father sailed through the front door, exclaiming "What a weird day! And that's not even counting the fact that it's Halloween."

"What happened, Dad?" asked Luke.

"Let me get a bite in, before I start. I've gone a long time without eating, and it'll take a long time to tell."

So they seated him at the table, and after finishing the course he began his story. "Just after lunch we got an Email at headquarters. The writer confessed to vandalizing the church, the synagogue, and the mosque."

"But somebody already confessed to all that," said Helen. "Joan interviewed him more than a week ago."

"Yeah, and Emails can be forged easily. So we paid a visit to the writer's place. His housekeeper said she had been told we were coming, and gave us a package her employer had left with her. In it was a signed confession, and relics from all three places of worship. By comparison, Reynolds wouldn't even explain details, such as why all the targets were in Arcadia when he lived elsewhere in Maryland. The new confession is far more convincing."

"Who was the writer?" asked Joan.

Will sighed. "Ryan Hunter. I owe you an apology, Joan. You suggested Hunter months ago, but I didn't think you had any proof."

"I don't care, as long as he's behind bars."

"But he isn't. It seems that in the past few days, he has been systematically shifting his assets to offshore accounts that we can't trace. Just after giving the housekeeper the incriminating package, he left -- nobody knows where. The motive behind the confession was to clear Reynolds, not to surrender himself."

"But- but-," stammered Joan. This doesn't make any sense. God must have foreknown that this would happen. Why did he keep me from turning Hunter in?

DINGDONGDINGDONG.

"Front door. I'll get it," said Helen. Putting on a calm face, she went and answered the bell.

"Trick-or-treat!" came a shrill voice.

"Here's your treat, little girl. Lovely princess costume. But are you out all alone?" That was typical of Mom, to worry about strangers.

"Nah. My older sister is looking after me. She's just hiding 'cause she doesn't have a costume. Hey, does Miss Joanie live here? She used to baby-sit me."

"Yeah," said Joan, walking to the door. "I live here. Who--?" and she stared. The spirited little girl was wearing a princess costume instead of the usual odd hairpiece, but Joan had no doubt that she was looking at Little Girl God.

"Can you come trick-or-treat with us, Miss Joanie?" said Little Girl God, clearly putting on an act for the sake of Will and Helen.

"As long as I can bring my brother."

"Yeah. Bring him too."

"Is that OK with you, Mom, Dad?" Joan asked, turning toward her parents.

"Sure, Joan," replied her father. "Just stay together, and don't wander too far from the house. Halloween can get strange."

So Joan of Arc and Einstein went out with the Little Princess. Once they reached the sidewalk and were out of their parents' hearing, Joan of Arc was in a bellicose mood indeed. "Ok, what's going on?"

"I'll let my 'big sister' explain."

"But you don't have a big sister," said Einstein. "Not unless you're a Greek goddess."

"Call her what you want," said Little Girl God. "There she is."

Joan turned where the girl was pointing, and gasped. "Judith!"

"Hi, JoJo."

Luke tore off his Einstein mask and put his glasses on to make sure that his eyes were not deceiving him. He had not seen a ghost before.

"What are you doing here?"

"What better time for a ghost to be out than Halloween? But seriously, JoJo, I know that you're very troubled, so I decided to pay you a visit. And I'm always around, you just don't see me most of the time. I like to keep tabs on you."

"Wait a minute," Luke interrupted. "How do we know you're not God in disguise, impersonating Judith to play on Joan's emotions?" Little Girl God had disappeared by now.

"Go to hell, Luke," Judith said serenely.

Joan giggled. "I think that proves things, Luke. God never casually curses people. I mean, the curse might WORK."

"All right," he said grumpily. "But I want an apology."

"Sure, I apologize, Luke," said the ghost. "I only said it to make a point. It should be clear that, if my soul can be redeemed, yours is in MUCH less danger."

"Ok, but I still want to know what you're doing here. Are you being a spokeswoman for God?"

"No, Luke. I can see things from my perspective that aren't clear to you mortals, and I volunteered to come explain things."

"OK, let's get to the important points," said Joan. "I read CRIME AND PUNISHMENT, and boy, was it depressing! The main point was that the policeman refrained from arrest because he wanted Rascal Nicky, or whatever his name was, to turn himself in of his own accord. But Hunter didn't do that. He cleared his cousin, then fled. So why didn't God want me to turn Hunter in and defeat him once and for all?"

"God doesn't want Hunter put away, Joan -- He wants him REDEEMED. Hunter is an extraordinary mixture of good and evil. The evil you know about, but he did good works for God for years, and even at the last he saved Adam's life and inspired immense loyalty in his cousin. I told you last spring that this was a supreme test, JoJo. Putting him in prison would be easy. Redemption will be more difficult, and you will play a role in it. That's why God wanted you to learn all about Hunter -- so you could understand that he was not totally evil."

Joan looked thoughtful, remembering a conversation she'd had with God on that very subject at a different time, "He has some light left…" she murmured, "And light is always worth fighting for…"

"What about Hunter's accusation that God has been playing games with us?" asked Luke. "The avatars, the riddles?"

"To quote your own hero, Luke, God is being subtle but not malicious. The universe is too complex for mortals to understand. I have an advantage, being a spirit, but I don't understand everything either. God can't display Himself to you in His essence, but He can show bits and pieces of Himself -- to you, they appear as different kinds of humans. As for the riddles, it is difficult to explain a concept in words. The best God can do is arouse your curiosity, get you to investigate a problem until you understand it to your satisfaction."

"I think I see," said Luke. "But in the future I'm going to set one condition. I'm not going to violate computer ethics unless God convinces me up front that it's justifiable."

"That's between you and God. My work here is done, and we can have some fun. JoJo, I was watching the day you posed for Adam. Nice boobs."

"What!" exclaimed Luke. "Joan, you didn't-- Ithought you said--"

Joan didn't answer. She only turned very red.