TITLE: Harry Potter and the Obligatory Sequel, Chapter Eight
RATING: PG-13
DISCLAIMER: Belongs to J.K. Rowling, etc.
BETA: The Incredible Irisgirl12000, and all further mistakes are mine.
NOTES: I actually read a bodice-ripper for this. As much as I could stand, anyhow!
SUMMARY: Snape delves into the bodice-ripper, Harry tries to get his help, and Hermione fights to keep the D.A. non-discriminatory…which might be a horrible mistake.

Chapter Eight: The D.A.—An Equal Opportunity Study Group

Snape yawned, nuzzling his way deeper into the pillow. It was now almost two in the morning, and he still couldn't seem to drift off. He tried to assure himself that it wasn't because the Potter brat wasn't within earshot. He very logically insisted that Harry was safe and well in Gryffindor tower, and exactly where he belonged. He very carefully thought around the fact that 'where Harry belonged' was on the left side of the bed, where Snape had, horror of horrors, for some reason left room for him.

Harry wasn't even present, and he was still taking over Snape's life.

Snape gave a grunt of displeasure, sitting up and punching his pillow. He'd looked forward to his return to Hogwarts from the moment he'd left last summer, and now the place felt…like it was missing something. Hell, his bedroom felt like it was missing something, and he fumed internally, knowing exactly what that something was. He'd have to deal with all of it at some point.

For now, he got out of bed and paced for a while, trying to take his mind off things. He could feel his stomach churning, and the last thing he wanted was have to make himself another potion to counteract an ulcer.

He looked around for something to do, and finally began putting things away from the summer. Snape wouldn't have let the house elves touch them, particularly since they had an inclination to make his robes smell of flowers after washing them. He simply couldn't abide going round reeking of roses. In one of his robes, he found the bodice-ripper he'd confiscated from Potter, and opened it curiously.

It was obviously a Muggle book, although he'd be the first to admit he had little experience with 'romance' in any culture. He flipped through it casually, muttering criticisms as he did so. "…far too pleonastic," he said at one point. "Good God. 'Her lustrous golden hair caught the rays from the setting sun, illuminating her porcelain face, her pouting, delectable lips forming his name…' Gah! How saccharine." He threw himself back on the bed, a small corner of his mind now avidly devoting itself to the memory of Potter's pouting lips, and insisting that 'delectable' wasn't that bad a word to describe them. "This entire scene ought to be taken out and shot. And the whole 'devouring her mouth, thrusting his tongue, filling her with bone-melting, exquisite longing…' I could retch, I really could."

He rolled his eyes, shifting to get beneath the bedclothes. He'd forgotten how arctic the dungeons were at night, even in late summer. Of course, if Harry had been there, they'd be warm. And far less lonely. Snape tried not to think about it, immersing himself in the silly novel. "Well, you're well up on verbs here. 'His hands and mouth were plucking, sucking, biting, pinching, pressing, kissing, licking, squeezing, fondling…' and likely manipulating, handling, slobbering, poking, nibbling, weeding, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, doing arithmetic, yielding unending, breathtaking pleasure, and making me violently ill, as well. 'She climaxed over and over, her body thundering with orgasmic glory, and still she wanted more.' Bit of a trollop, isn't she? Of course, he's no prize either, with his 'grunt of sheer masculine pleasure,' and how her 'sexy, womanly scent had been driving him crazy since the first moment he met her.' This is the trashiest, most puerile, dry-heave-inducing concoction of idiocy I've ever had the misfortune to lay eyes on."

Severus squirmed, getting comfortable, unaware that there was a small smile on his face. He was enjoying his dissection of the bodice-ripper far more than he probably should. "Hmmm," he said aloud to the empty room, "You know, for all the 'satin covered nipples,' with 'jutting peaks,' the 'rosy aureoles,' not to mention the 'heaving swells of pale flesh,' and 'silken handfuls' of breast, I've yet to see a single male organ. Where are all the 'turgid lengths' and 'throbbing cocks?' I must confess my disappointment. Perhaps the work is too 'soft' for that sort of thing." He grunted with amusement. "I wonder what Potter thought of all this?"

He stopped suddenly, no longer seeing the book. Harry had been reading this absurd book. He'd said it was because the 'hero' reminded him of Snape. The Potions Master was still for a long moment before hurriedly whipping the thing round to take a look at the cover. To Severus, there was no real resemblance. The man—Pirate Dan, or whatever his name was—stood with chest bared and thrust out, one hand on his cutlass, his long hair rippling in the wind. It was as dark as Snape's, but not at all greasy, although his skin gleamed as though someone had rubbed oil onto it. The man snorted.

"All right. Let's see how well this waste of time can be adapted. Ahem. 'Kiss me, Severus.' She—no, he—strained his face upward. With a grunt of'—oh, let's skip that bit of nonsense…'Harry tried to return his rapacious kisses, but Severus was too fierce and passionate.'" Snape paused, biting his lip to keep from laughing. "I suppose in some alternate universe, it could happen. 'Panting for breath, he rolled them onto their sides, and…he…wrapped his leg around the man's hip.' Mm-hmm. '"Harry," he gasped out, waiting until his lashes fluttered open. "Don't worry sweetheart, I'll be gentle." His mouth covered…his, and he sunk into his body. Giving him time to adjust, Severus laved…' Damn it. The constant 'he' and 'his' makes it confusing. In order to identify each more clearly, I'll have to say 'the boy' or refer to him by name, that's all. Right. So. 'Severus laved Harry's lips with his tongue, gently sucking on the boy's lower lip.' Ah. Much better. So to speak, at any rate. 'It was Harry who changed the pace. "More," he groaned huskily. It was the sexiest sound Severus had ever heard in his life.' I imagine that would actually be rather hard to argue. 'And he gave the boy more, much more. He drove into Harry with strength and voracious power, releasing the boundless love he'd been holding in check.'

Well, now you've gone and ruined it with pointless sentiment, haven't you? And it was just getting good, too. Or marginally better, at any rate." He gave a sigh, reaching for the glass of water he kept at his bedside and taking a sip. "This is ridiculous. I can't believe this is what I'm spending the night doing."

Squirming back under the covers, he tried to get comfortable. Before drifting off, he caught sight of the rakish seaman once more, and couldn't contain a slight smirk. He doubted his body was at all similar to the hero's, but Harry had seen it before, and it hadn't put him off. Besides, however out of practice he might be, he was sure he'd more than satisfy the boy. He'd make certain their initial lovemaking was exceptional. Potter would doubtlessly be amazed.

OoOoOoOoO

"Potter, if I did that, I might as well take over the Defence position, and it hasn't been offered me, nor would I be financially reimbursed for it. It's out of the question."

Harry groaned. "Oh, come on. You don't have to be there every time. Just give me some ideas, and show up once or twice. Please?"

"Absolutely not. Why are you so intent on seeing me jobless and destitute? The headmaster would never allow it, and I simply haven't the time for your silly study group. Do you have any idea how much work I have to do on any given day?"

"It's not a silly study group," Harry informed him through clenched teeth. "It's serious. I'm glad Remus is back this year, but that doesn't negate the threat to my life, and frankly, I'm going to need all the help I can get."

"And I shall be happy to give you what assistance I might. The rest of those tiresome little sods can bugger off—or ask Lupin for help, if they like."

The boy looked away suddenly. "All right," he said. "If that's what you want, I'll let it drop."

Snape gave him a suspicious glance. "That was far too easy. What are you up to?"

Harry blinked wide, green eyes at the man. He knew he did ingénue like nobody's business. "Me? Stop being so paranoid. I'm just taking you at your word, that's all."

Snape gave a sniff of disbelief, but didn't bother to argue further. Still, he kept looking at Harry, who was now tapping one foot repeatedly against the leg of his chair. "Will you cease that racket?" the man finally bellowed. "And that chair—bought specifically for you, might I add, as a gesture of affection and acceptance—was not inexpensive. I do not appreciate your attempts to dismantle it with the heel of your shoe."

Harry stared. "Jeez, I was barely touching it! Calm down, would you?"

Snape still looked disgruntled. He shifted uncomfortably. "How have your classes with the werewolf been, so far?" he eventually asked.

Harry shrugged. "I've only had the one. It was all right, except that he made me stay after and—can you believe it?—checked my neck for love bites. Just because I was wearing a shirt with a higher collar than normal. Then he did Finite Incantatum, just in case I was glamouring them so they couldn't be seen."

Snape sighed. "If you don't like it, don't be involved with me," was all he could say.

"It's not that bad," Harry hastened to tell him. "Though I might have lost my temper a bit when I called him a damned headcase who ought to be locked up."

Snape gave yet another sigh, eyeing the clock on the wall. "Perhaps you should return to your rooms," he said. "I have things to attend to."

Harry's shoulders drooped. "All right," he agreed sadly. He gave the man a peck on the cheek as he left. Why couldn't things ever be easy? Why couldn't Snape ever be easy? His inner voice replied, Because then he wouldn't be Snape, he'd be Blaise. And I thought you didn't want that.

Harry grimaced at this logic as he shut the door behind him. That doesn't mean I'm happy with never having sex, he pointed out furiously, taking no notice that he was, in fact, arguing with himself. I just wanted it to be with someone special. I wanted it to be with Snape.

He blew his bangs out of his eyes, taking the dungeon stairs two at a time. Then you'll have to do it on his time, and on his terms, he replied rationally.

Harry frowned, wishing he could punch himself and not look stupid. I really hate you sometimes, he thought. Then, Good grief, I'm losing it. I'm really, really losing it.

OoOoOoOoO

Severus opened the door to Blaise's knock and motioned the boy in, groaning slightly in a put-upon way. "What have you to report?" he intoned.

Blaise gave him a cheeky smile. "Aren't you going to invite me to have a seat?"

"No. Get on with it."

"Very well, I'll have a seat anyway." He did so, crossing his legs at the ankles.

Snape scowled, pacing before the fire. "Well? What is it you wanted to tell me before we were so…before the interruption yesterday afternoon?"

"Before your boyfriend started feeling clingy, you mean?"

Snape didn't deign to answer this.

"Don't worry, I'm not judging. I've been there, after all."

"Just shut up," the Potions Master growled, infuriated by the little bastard's reminder that he'd been with Harry, as well. "If you haven't anything important to say, I suggest you leave now, before I stuff you up the fireplace."

The boy gave a soft laugh, not the least intimidated. "Don't get angry. The truth is, I can't blame Harry. You're a very attractive man."

"Get. On. With. It," Snape ordered through clenched teeth.

With a sigh, the younger Slytherin shook his head. "I just wanted to warn you that you are as much a target as Harry."

"I think that's hardly breaking news, Zabini."

"I mean to say that I actually think he's rather focussed on you, at least for the moment. According to what I've found out, the man's becoming obsessed with you. He is enraged that you crossed him, and livid that you seem to have got away with it. The Death Eaters are a bit mutinous these days, and he apparently feels you and your escape have something to do with that."

Snape gave a shrug, although he looked uneasy. "There is little that I can do about that," he muttered.

"Just don't take anything for granted," Blaise advised him. "And don't trust anyone."

"Really? Not even you?" the man replied dryly, arching an eyebrow.

The youth smiled slowly, getting to his feet. He prowled over to Severus, invading the man's personal space. He was so much shorter that he had to rise to his tiptoes to get in Severus' face. "Oh, especially not me, Professor," he breathed. He cupped Snape's chin in his hand, as the man froze in shocked outrage. "I'd be insulted if you trusted me."

Snape shoved the boy away, causing him to stumble. "It's a very good thing I already knew better," he remarked bitterly. "And this time, you stay away from Potter," he ordered.

Blaise adjusted his robes, his lips tight. "I have no interest in Potter," he spat, "frigid little prude that he is."

The man's laugh was low and long. "If that's how you feel, then you'd be doubly disappointed in me, Mister Zabini."

Zabini headed for the door, but looked directly into Snape's eyes before closing it behind him. "We'll see about that, Severus Snape."

OoOoOoOoO

"Pay attention, Mister Potter," Professor McGonagall's voice reminded him, and Harry looked up quickly, the picture of scholarly interest. The moment she turned her back, he slipped Hermione's note out again.

Why don't we start the D.A. up again tomorrow afternoon? I can get the word out, and I'm sure a lot of people would be really interested in coming, It read.

Harry bit his lip. Getting Snape to help was a complete failure, but he still had a few tricks up his sleeve where the Potions Master was concerned. Maybe it would be best if the man didn't come to the first few, just so he didn't scare anybody away. After glancing up to make sure McGonagall wasn't looking, Harry dipped his quill into the inkbottle.

All right, then.

He followed her and Ron out of class at the end. "Be careful," he reminded Hermione, "and remember that even if Umbridge wasn't around anymore, I still don't want that Edgecombe chit in class."

Ron nodded at this. "There are probably others who might be trouble, too. After all, the Slytherins are most likely all on Voldemort's side, and might even send someone just to spy on us."

"We can't keep all the Slytherins out just because they're Slytherins," Hermione said sharply. "They might not all be bad, and if even just one of them would consider being on Harry's side, we should encourage it."

"That's batty!" Ron said angrily. "If you want to make nice with them, do it somewhere else. The D.A. is too crowded and…and we're all using curses and whatnot—and it would be the perfect opportunity for one of them to off Harry!"

"They wouldn't dare—especially if Snape were there. They'd know they were being watched," she argued.

Harry ducked his head, hurrying to Charms. He hadn't told them that Snape had refused to come. He wasn't sure how to break the news—and besides, he was sure he could change the man's mind…eventually.

OoOoOoOoO

Harry was unprepared for the large group that awaited him in the Room of Requirement. He squeezed in through the door, and stopped for a moment, staring, before making his way over to Ron and Hermione.

"Is it just my imagination, or is the room…bigger?" he asked.

"Oh, Harry, don't be such a twit. Of course it's bigger," Hermione said with exasperation, barely looking up from the list she was going over. "How on earth would it have fit everyone here, otherwise?"

"Yes, but…just where did all these people come from, anyhow? There are a lot more than last time," Harry pointed out.

Ron rolled his eyes. "Well, you must have noticed both Ginny and Colin were really excited," he said. "And since we don't have to keep the whole thing a secret anymore, they got some of their friends, and they got some of their friends…you know how Colin gets when he's excited about something, Harry." He cleared his throat a bit before squeaking, "Harry Potter's teaching it, and he's my best mate and he's a hero and he's a champion Quidditch player and he's the BEST and he's the most handsome bloke in the school and I can't wait for the D.A. to start up again so I can sit and stare vapidly at him and drool and so my heart can explode when he smiles at me!"

Harry flushed and elbowed Ron in the side. Colin was in the room, too, after all. "Shut up," Harry muttered desperately. "And how did you even say all that without running out of air and passing out? Anyway, he's not that bad."

Colin spotted them, waving at Harry and squirming through the crowd to get to him. "Hiya, Harry!" he exclaimed. "Are we almost ready to start? Oh, my gosh, I'm so excited I couldn't sleep last night so I got up and got out my spell books and went over everything I thought we might need, just in case you wanted me to help out with something—do you want me to help out with anything, Harry? I'd be a great help!"

"Oh, yeah, Harry," Ron said sarcastically. "Mine was way off. He doesn't sound like that at all." Even Hermione was hiding behind her list, though the way her shoulders were shaking seemed to indicate she was giggling.

Harry stared at Colin. "Um. Gee, Colin, I don't know, yet. Maybe we should…maybe we should sort everybody into groups. I'd like to do it by, you know, by how good they are at certain things. Because we're all different years, and some of us are bound to be ahead of others. I'm just not sure where to start."

"Let's get everyone seated, and then you can explain," Hermione suggested. "Then Ron and Colin and I can…maybe sort of test them on a few different spells, and divide them up accordingly?"

"Great idea, Hermione," Harry said gratefully. "We'll see if—" He broke off, gaping at the door. "What is he doing here?"

"Who?" Hermione craned her neck, trying to see over the students.

"Blaise Zabini," Ron replied, sounding just as disgruntled as Harry. "Why would you invite that whore?"

Hermione frowned at him. "He is Head Boy, you know, and besides, I didn't exactly invite him…" she sort of trailed off, muttering.

"What?" Harry demanded.

"I just…told him that the D.A. was starting back up again, and if anyone was really serious about opposing Voldemort, they should come."

"Hermione, you didn't," Harry moaned.

"Well, it should be safe enough. Professor Snape will make sure he doesn't do anything."

"Professor Snape's not coming," Harry snarled.

"What?" Ron replied. "We were counting on him to keep everyone under control with his looming, swooping and menacing act. What happened?"

Harry looked away. "Nothing," he forced out. "He's just really busy with the start of term. Maybe he'll come once we've settled into it."

"Oh, Harry," Hermione said. "I'm sorry. If I had known, I would have waited before—"

"Hello, lover," a cool voice said loudly.

Harry glared at Blaise. He brought the whistle to his lips, blowing a few short, loud blasts on it. "Right! Everyone sit down and pay attention! This is the first session of the D.A. since Umbridge left, so things are a bit different. As you may have noticed, there are more people who want to be members. Well, before you sign up, I think you ought to know what you're getting into. This group isn't a game, and it's not a place where you can get together and gossip with your friends."

Harry paused, looking at Lavander Brown and Padma Patil, who had the decency to shut their mouths and look a bit embarrassed. "Sorry," they mumbled.

"The D.A. is to help you learn how to fight, and how to defend yourselves. It's not a regular defence lesson, because we have those, now, and I reckon the teacher is a pretty good one. But in here you can brush up on your techniques, and get some real practice. The point of this class is that you know what to do if you're ever attacked by a Death Eater, or if you're ever attacked by Voldemort."

A lot of the students winced at the name, but others—like the Creevey brothers—just looked excited and impressed.

"So I'm warning you right now, that if any of you think you'll be joining up with Voldemort, then we don't want you here. And if I ever find out you're on his side—and I will find out, because Hermione here knows some really sneaky ways of doing just that—then you'll have made an enemy out of me. Trust me, you don't want me for your enemy. I'm going to make you sign up for this, and if you do, I'll expect you to show up every time, work your hardest, and stay loyal to Dumbledore. If you're not interested in that, then I suggest you leave. We'll have the sign up sheet up front, so after class you can sign up or not. Is that clear?"

He looked around at everyone, but no one said anything. Everyone seemed very serious all of a sudden, and it struck him how much older they all were since the last time they'd tried this. He hoped this time it would really make a difference.

"Right," he said, letting out a breath. "Then welcome to Dumbledore's Army."

Thanks to:
BabyGia103: I'm really glad you're enjoying my stuff, and I've been enjoying your reviews!
Forgottenfayth: I'm sorry you ran out of story! I'll have another chapter up soon.
Valanthe: I think it's mostly to build suspense. If you get the good part done quickly, people get bored with the rest of it!
Aribella: Eee! Yes, I love torturing him, and I love Colin, too. He's my new obsession, so he'll have lots of little cameos. Sooooo cute. And I usually don't go for cute!
Miki23: Well, I'm glad Ginny is getting under someone's skin, because Harry's been pretty oblivious so far, hasn't he? Oh, he knows what she's doing, he just doesn't know what to do about it.
Snape's Nightie: Oooo. You sure you want that? You wouldn't believe what I've got up my sleeve for next chapter, then…
Tristheweathewitch: Sorry, the big sister in me tends to do that. My sister never got grounded, and look at the stuff she gets herself into! I'm actually not crazy about Shakespeare, other than MacBeth. I'm particularly not fond of Romeo and Juliet. I always felt like the great tragedy about it was that their families didn't realize that they'd get over each other in a couple of weeks if left alone. Come on, Romeo was seeing someone when he met her, and was like, twice her age. He'd have gotten bored fast. She was fifteen. She would have moved on. Sheesh. Um. Done with my irrelevant tangent, now! ; )
Sbyamibakura: Well, death by UST would be a fairly original plot, but unfortunately, they'll have other, larger problems!
Chantelli: Hee! I know exactly what you mean. Do you know how often I stumble into the kitchen, chanting 'Coffee. I need sweet, life-giving coffee,' to my roomie?
Fairchilde: Thanks! Is he genuine? Is he the spy? Whose spy? Sev's, Dumbledore's, or Voldemort's? Voldemort is definitely going to keep his hand in…
Johnnydoggspitt: I'm pretty sure Harry will be more than happy to give Snape some better memories. That's only if Snape doesn't let his pride get in the way of being taught, of course!
Klondike Bar: And I get so happy whenever you review! ; )
Sweet Mercy: Hmm. When I was in high school, we said 'sneaky.' Everything we liked was sneaky. I love words. I love making them work overtime! Yeah, Blaise and Sev are definitely up to something, and hopefully it will become clearer soon.
Qem: Well, I'm not a huge fan of Shakespeare's sonnets, but I do have Alan Rickman doing 'My Mistress' Eyes' and it's awfully good. I'd like to hear him do a bit of Yeats or Frost, or Neruda, myself…
Lillyseyes: Despite popular belief, Blaise is not the root of all evil! ; ) He is the root of some evil, though, and he'll do his best to shake things up.
Lotrox: Oh, he will! He's always working on it. They'll be getting into mischief next chapter, for sure.
Jenonymous: I love big words. That's one of the reasons I enjoy writing Snape so much. The contest was certainly Blaise preparing for the attack, though I won't say whether the rest of the Slytherins had foreknowledge. There'll be lots more Ginny and Colin, though probably not together.
CortneyK: (laughs) He really does, doesn't he? That's why we love the old grouch.
GryffRavHuffSlythendor: Hee! I always tack on an adjective to the first person to review. I think Blaise is probably well known for his discretion. I definitely think Snape will have to learn the Patronus spell in private. Nothing that makes him happy is appropriate for public places, I'm sure!
And the Perpetual Purplepaper: And more there shall be! (feeds the obsession)