A Wise Decision
Harry makes a wise decision.
Harry frowned as a Thought hit him. "Ouch!" he exclaimed, rubbing where he had been hit. "Did you have to do that?"
The Thought nodded. Harry rolled his eyes. "What do you want?" he asked it.
The Thought surveyed him through serious eyes that strangely resembled Dobby. "Harry Potter must become wise man if Harry Potter is to defeat Everyone-Knows-Who."
Harry mused on it momentarily. "Hey, that's a pretty good idea!" he exclaimed, sitting up straighter. The Thought vanished, leaving Harry to contemplate what to do about this new revelation.
"Hmmm," said he loudly. "A wise man would know what to do about the Horcruxes."
Well, duh. He 'Hmmmed' and 'Hmmmed' some more. "I know!" he said, throwing a finger into the air as he stood up in excitement. He hurried over to the bookcase full of books that Dudley had never and would never touch, books that Harry had never and probably never would after today.
Conveniently, the book that he was looking for was the first one he laid eyes on, as it always is in these stories. He pulled the book out with a dramatic flourish, on an awkward angle that conveniently allowed the narrator to read the title. It was titled: 4 Steps To Becoming Wise.
Harry opened it up, and read the first step aloud. "Step one: to be wise, you must want to know as much as you want to breathe."
Well, Harry thought, that was pretty easy. After all, he would die if he didn't breathe, and he would die if he wasn't wise. A surge of enthusiasm overtook him as he scrambled to read the next step.
"Step two, you must have some ambiguous say that sounds profound, and tell it to anyone who asks for advice."
Step two wasn't so easy. Harry thought about it. He thought about it again. Eventually, he gave up, and got out a piece of parchment and drafted a letter to Hermione.
Dear Hermione;
I'm reading a book on how to become wise. It says that I need to have some profound saying that I tell everyone who asks for advice. I think this means it should be very general. Do you have any ideas about what it could be?
Harry,
Wise Man No. 59285
Harry then sat back and did nothing while he waited for her reply.
Dear Harry;
I'm so proud! I read that book. My saying is: knowledge is power. Since you copy all my work anyway, maybe you could elaborate on that?
Hermione,
Wise Woman 47883
Harry thought about it. She was right. The next day, he asked the Dursleys what they thought about power. Aunt Petunia shook her head and started babbling about wizards being so obnoxious, Uncle Vernon blew his top and told Harry not to talk about his abnormalities while under his roof, and Dudley told him that power corrupts, which was strange. Dudley must have been reading 4 Steps To Becoming Wise himself.
Harry thanked Dudley, and finally decided what his profound saying would be. Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Seek knowledge. Be evil.
Now that Harry had the first two steps down, he was well on his way to being wise. He sat down on his bed and pulled out the book.
"Step three:" he read. "The truly wise know that they know nothing."
Harry frowned. "I already knew that I know nothing, you didn't need to tell me that. Moving on to step four. Step four: Do nothing."
Harry sat on his bed, absolutely riveted. So all he had to do to be wise and to defeat Voldemort was to do nothing. All anyone had to do was to do nothing. They could win the war, and Voldemort would definitely lose because he was doing something.
So Harry put his plan into action. The whole light side became wise, and there were many strange profound statements rocking the foundations of the Wizarding world. One such statement was: "Magic is a recessive trait." Another, "Magic is a dominant trait" and, the most shocking, "Magic is a magic trait." The three magic wise men killed eachother during a heated debate.
The Wizarding world thought they were smart.
But they weren't. Eventually, Voldemort killed them all, thinking to himself that writing that book as a teenager had been the best thing he had ever done. Well, technically, he didn't write it. He made a bunch of profound sounding statements and mushed them together. The book in question was sitting on Harry's bed in Privet Drive. Though it was not printed on the cover, if Harry had thought to look at the title page, he would have noticed the inscription.
The only thing required for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing.