A/N: I'm sorry this took so long to get out. This chapter was pretty difficult for me to get through, and to add I've been getting an insane workload from school. Yay.
Big thanks to all the people who have reviewed, and enjoy :)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I collapsed on the floor, my whole body suddenly feeling very heavy. I couldn't think, I couldn't see, hell, I don't think I even blinked. All I could do was stare at the little white thing I had dropped onto the floor.
Positive.
My hands started to shake. I don't know how long I just sat there, staring into nothing, before the tears came. I was so distraught I couldn't even sob or cry like I so desperately felt like doing. The tears just flowed down my cheeks, dropping onto the floor. I felt so burdened with so many feelings and I felt so heavy. Yet I felt nothing. I was numb.
I can't be. I just... can't be. There's no way.
It's a mistake.
And no matter how much I wanted to tell myself that the test was wrong, it wasn't. It was the second one I had tried.
I honestly don't think I could ever describe fully what I felt in that moment. All I know is that it all combined into a big feeling of helplessness. I was frightened and I felt like I was completely out of control of my own life. I couldn't understand why this was happening to me. You always hear about it happening to other people, but you don't think it's ever going to happen to you. And when it does... words can't describe what you feel. You think that after being worried about it for so long, you're ready for that final test, no matter what the outcome. You think you're ready for that final blow, but when it comes, it drops on you like the weight of the world.
It was so surreal, I thought I was dreaming.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I knew I had to tell Gippal sooner or later. We had seen each other only a few times since that night. The Machine Faction was keeping Gippal extremely busy, and my dad thought the amount of time I had been spending with him wasn't healthy or something and he barely let me see him. I guess he was starting to get suspicious of us after I didn't come home that one night. To add to all of the stress I had going on, dad was treating me like I was a child. He rarely let me go anywhere other than work. This only added to my increasing anxiety. He didn't understand that I just needed to get away. With everything I had going on, I just felt like I needed to talk to somebody. Anybody. And when I did actually get to see Gippal, he was always so exhausted or frustrated with work that we barely talked. He was already under so much stress that I didn't want to tell him about my pregnancy worries. I figured once I found out for sure I would tell him.
Well, when the day came to tell him, I just couldn't do it. We visited a couple more times after I took the test. I knew Gippal could sense something was wrong, but I just gave him excuses about my dad being a jerk or not feeling well. I had my little speech all planned out, but every time I went to tell him I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't know if I could stand to do this to him. He had so much going for him. He had a great career, fame, and he was respected and admired by many Al Bhed. I couldn't do this to him.
One day, nearly two weeks after I had taken the test, I finally decided that I was going to tell him. No excuses. I was tired of having to lie to him all the time.
I entered his headquarters at Djose like I usually do. Pretty much everyone there knew who I was. The guards let me through without even a blink, and a few people greeted me as I walked up the stairs to Gippal's office. I could feel the nervousness start to build up inside of me again. I had to stop several times on the way up because I seriously thought I was going to be sick.
I stopped in front of Gippal's door, afraid to enter. I was sweating, my hands were shaking, and I just couldn't bring myself to reach for the doorknob. I stood there for a few minutes, trying to calm myself, just trying to keep the tears from coming already. Once I could breathe normally again, I slowly moved my hand towards the doorknob, turning it slowly so it wouldn't make much noise.
I opened the door, and noticed that the room was pretty dark. I figured Gippal was resting or something, so I tried to be quiet as not to disturb him. I walked through the first part of his office, which was a lounge-type area, before I stopped at another door. It was open about halfway, and I could hear two voices coming from it in loud whispers. Wait... two voices?
Unable to contain my curiosity, I leaned my head over a little to get a better view. The room was dim, but I was still able to make out what was going on. I could see Gippal... he was laughing about something. The other person was a woman, and I immediately recognized her. It was a receptionist lady that worked at the office. She was a beautiful and attractive Al Bhed woman that often greeted me on my visits to Djose. She was tall and had features that any woman would be jealous of. She was twirling a lock of her short, wavy hair with one of her fingers, and I heard her laugh too.
There was a few moments of silence. The girl just stood there, staring at Gippal intensely. He was staring back at her, his eyes not leaving hers. Slowly, the girl leaned up towards him and her lips locked with hers.
She kissed him.
And Gippal kissed her back.
I was on the verge of throwing up. Not being able to watch any more, I ran out of his office, beginning to sob uncontrollably. I was pretty damn sure that Gippal and his little receptionist
could hear me, but I didn't care.
I couldn't feel, I couldn't see. I just ran blindly down the steps, sobbing, tears clouding my vision. I ran into a man, knocking him down, and I couldn't even utter an apology as I just kept running out the door. I wasn't aware of the people looking at me, yelling things at me. I just had to keep running.
Where was I going? I didn't know. I just had to get away. I had to keep running.
I don't know how long I ran or how far it was before I finally collapsed. I don't know if it was from exhaustion or from the fact that my body felt like it was going to break under the weight of my emotions. All I knew was pain, and all I could feel was my heart being wrenched from my chest, and all I could see was nothing.
Black.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rei's hand gripped mine tightly as we stepped off the hover. Her excitement had diminished somewhat and she was more nervous. I gave her a reassuring smile and ruffled her hair, causing her to smile back. We could do this.
I scanned through the crowd of people that came to greet those just arriving for my dad or brother. I didn't see either of them. So we both just stood there and waited while the crowd started to thin out.
"Mommy... let's go!" She tugged on my hand, and I could tell she was growing impatient.
"We have to wait for your grandpa, Rei. Just a few more minutes." I knew my answer was probably a lie. By know I doubted they were even coming for us. They didn't want us in the family anymore.
Another five minutes passed. By then there weren't that many people left, and I was becoming worried. I would have to find a way to tell my daughter that her grandpa and her uncle didn't want us, and I didn't want to have to do that.
Just as I was thinking about leaving, a bald figure emerged from the people walking along the city.
Cid.
He certainly had aged a bit since I last saw him. He had more wrinkles around his eyes, and especially on his forehead. With all of the frowning he did, I wasn't surprised. He still had the same stern, grouchy look. Yup, it was dad.
His face brightened a little when he saw us, although I wouldn't exactly call it a look of happiness. He stopped, and I could feel his eyes scanning me. I gave him a small smile. None of us spoke for nearly a minute. The air was so tense that even Rei could feel it. She was clinging onto my leg, hugging her bear tightly. I almost wanted to laugh.... Rei was scared of Cid.
After staring at me for a while, his eyes moved down toward little Rei. She just stared at him.
"Cu... oui sicd pa meddma Rei So... you must be little Rei" He smiled at her. He opened up his arms for her to hug him, but she just clung onto my leg tighter, staring at him blankly.
"Cra tuach'd cbayg Al Bhed She doesn't speak Al Bhed." Dad glanced at me disapprovingly. She did know a few words, but not enough to formulate sentences. She was having enough trouble with her original language so I had not pressed a lot of Al Bhed on her. I still felt a little ashamed, however. Dad seemed pretty disappointed.
"Don't be afraid now, Rei. I won't bite ya." Cid smiled, and Rei moved towards him apprehensively. He picked her up and swung her up in the air, causing her to giggle and scream. Rei was smiling when he set her back down. "See? I'm not so bad." He motioned for us to follow him, and we walked for about ten minutes before we reached our destination.
It was a small house tucked on the edge of a busy street. It was beautifully detailed, and I took in a sharp breath when I saw it. "Dad... you have a house!" When I was growing up, when never had our own home. We traveled a lot so we mostly inhabited airships. When we did stay in city, we stayed at the town building.
Dad had told us that when we were very young we had a house. He told us about how Mom made it real pretty, and she loved that house. I was so young that I didn't really remember much of the house, just when it burnt down. Brother remembers some of it, though. He always told me about it when he told me about Mom.
Anyway, I was amazed to find out that Dad had finally got a house. He told me that he would never be able to get another one... not after what happened. It would just hurt too much, you know?
"Yeah... I guess I did." Dad rubbed the back of his head and grinned. "Thought I'd might as well get one, now that we're back Home. Don't travel much more anyways."
He led us into the house and showed Rei and I around. It had two bedrooms that Dad and Brother inhabited. We were going to sleep in Dad's room, and he was going to sleep on the couch. I thanked him, and when he left the room I set my suitcase down on the floor. Rei jumped up on the bed and I got a few of her dolls out for her to play with. I knew she was going to be bored and lonely here, but it was only for a few weeks. We would be out of here soon enough.
After taking a short nap with Rei, we had dinner with Dad. He said Brother was out working for the day and would probably be back later that evening. They were getting Home ready for the celebration tomorrow. He updated me on what had been happening- Brother had mostly been traveling and doing different work, but in the last few months he came back to help with work on Home. I imagined he wouldn't exactly be thrilled to see us- I hadn't communicated directly with him since I left. I'd only talked and wrote to Dad, and for a moment I wondered if he even knew that I was here.
After dinner, I took Rei outside so she could play. She ran around in front of the house for a little while before a young Al Bhed girl approached her. I guessed she was around three or four. The girl asked if Rei wanted to play with her, and even though she spoke all Al Bhed Rei recognized the word for play. She did know some of her own language. When she turned around to ask I gave her my nod of approval. Ecstatic, she bounced across the street to where the girl was at. The two girls bounced a ball around for a while, and Rei would giggle when she would send the ball way past the other girl's reach and she would have to chase after it. I just sat on the steps of Dad's home and watched them, smiling.
They did this until it was nearly dark outside. Rei was disappointed when I had to call her in. She was covered in sand, and I had to brush it all off her clothes and dump it out of her shoes. I was even brushing it out of her hair later that night. Ah, the desert childhood.
I was feeling pretty tranquil by the time we went to bed. Rei was exhausted from playing and was out as soon as her head hit the pillow. I found sleep hard to come by, however. I heard Brother enter the house, and I hoped he wouldn't try and talk to me or something. I didn't feel like a confrontation at the moment. After a while the house grew completely quiet, and I assumed he went to sleep. All I could do was think about the next day. I was going to try and avoid Gippal as much as possible. I really did not feel completely ready to talk to him the day after I arrived. I still hadn't figured out what I was even going to say to him. I guess that would depend on how he would react.
Eventually, my thoughts quieted and I fell into a light sleep. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I awoke the next morning to find Rei jumping on the bed in an attempt to get me up. I reached up and grabbed her, bringing her down on the bed so I could tickle her mercilessly. This sent her into a fit of giggles before she finally pleaded with me to stop. I let go and she bounded off the bed and out of the room. The smell of breakfast flooded the small house, but I wasn't really hungry. I buried my face in the pillow and was about to drift off to sleep again when Dad yelled something about the food being done. I yawned and rolled over in the bed, not really wanting to move. I somehow managed to gather the energy to get up, however, and I stopped in the bathroom. I splashed some cold water on my face to wake me up, and after I dried my face in the towel I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked like a mess. My hair was all over the place, and dark spots were beginning to form under my eyes. Lovely.
After making myself fairly presentable, I entered the kitchen where everyone had already begun eating. Dad was sitting down next to Rei, and Brother didn't even look at me when I sat down. He was chatting with Dad about some new thing he was working on, and I didn't pay much attention. I was too nervous too eat, and I mainly just picked at my food. Today was the day.
All the way through the meal Brother didn't look at me once. He was avoiding me. He didn't even say one thing to Rei, his own niece, the entire time either. I was pretty sure he didn't even introduce himself to her, and she was probably wondering who he even was. He still looked the same as he ever did, and I'm surprised he didn't scare Rei with his looks. It was really starting to bother me, though, how he wouldn't even acknowledge my presence. I hadn't seen him in over two years and he can't even manage a "good morning." That's Brother for you.
Eventually we got ready to leave. The festivities were to begin early, and I'm sure everybody would want to crowd the center of the city so they could hear Gippal or somebody give some big, heartwarming speech. We walked down the street, and about ten minutes later we reached the town center. It was pretty big, and there was already a bunch of people gathered around the stage. Some people were working on machina for later in the day, when they were going to have a few bands perform. Leave it to the Al Bhed to make an awesome show.
After about fifteen minutes, the crowd started to quiet down a little. A man came up on the stage and talked for a few minutes about the events that were going to occur during the day. He then introduced Gippal.
My breath caught in my throat when I saw him. It had been so long... and he looked almost exactly the same as he used to. He smiled and waved at the crowd as he stepped up to the podium, and the people cheered. He obviously still had influence.
He had been standing there, about to begin his speech, when his eyes first locked into mine. I could feel him gazing at me, and his mouth was slightly open. His face was blank, and I could not tell what he was thinking or feeling or anything. I just stared at him blankly as well... I couldn't bring myself to do anything else.
There was no turning back now.