TITLE: Harry Potter and the Obligatory Sequel, Chapter Twenty-Four
RATING: PG-13
DISCLAIMER: Belongs to J.K. Rowling.
BETA: The Incredible Irisgirl12000, and all further mistakes are mine.
SUMMARY: Harry's plan begins to take shape, but what happens when he needs something no one seems to have?

DEDICATION: I know it's rare for me to do this, but this chapter is dedicated to Spicysteweddemon, and the picture that inspired the snow scene http/ as well as Rory8 for nominating 'Someone to Understand Me' at multifaceted, where it won as a runner up. You're both the best!

There are only a couple of chapters left, guys! Hold on to your hats!

(P.S. I'm sorry for any reviews I've not responded to lately; I've been working loads of overtime and reading a lot and…no excuses. Fifty lashes with a wet noodle! So sorry! I'll try to do better, I promise! Also, stupid was not letting me download this for some reason.)

Chapter Twenty-Four: The Most Mythical Creature of All

Severus limped slightly as he paced the hall outside the hospital wing, scowling. Ever since McGonagall, Tonks and Lupin had rescued them a couple of days prior, the Headmaster had been unconscious. Now that the man had finally come to and stayed to, as it were, he and Harry had booted everyone else out of the hospital wing, and Severus wasn't privy to the conversation inside, which naturally made him both apprehensive and prickly—or more so than usual, at any rate. A third year boy came to ask Madam Pomfrey to remove a supernatural splinter, which Snape extracted himself before terrifying the brat with a lecture on how he could now possibly suffer from wood rot in his fingertip, causing him to flee, whimpering, to the restroom to disinfect himself.

It was all very unsatisfying. Potter was much more gifted when it came to whimpering.

Finally, finally the door opened, and Snape hobbled in. "Enjoy our little tryst, did we?" he growled at Potter. Albus was asleep, his skin a disquieting greyish colour.

Harry grinned. "I can't believe you'd be worried that I could possibly be in here fooling around with the Headmaster," he replied.

"I wasn't," Severus said shortly. "I simply dislike being left out as much as you do."

Harry ducked his head. "I'm sorry. I just had to make sure my idea would work," he added.

"Do I even want to know?"

"Well, Dumbledore thinks it's brilliant, so—"

"Keeping in mind this is the same man who thinks 'blubber' a fitting and proper word to include in a momentous start of term speech," Snape interrupted.

"Yeah, he's great, isn't he?" Harry replied with a charming smile. "Anyway, I had a good look at some of the potions in that book."

"Why?" Snape moaned in exasperation. "I've done everything short of shoving pages of the textbooks straight down your throat for the past several years, and you've never shown any interest in them before."

"That was before you told me not to," Harry informed him patiently. "I can't help it; I'm a teenager. We're pretty much wired that way."

"Good grief." Snape's leg was really beginning to twinge, so he made his way over to his bed, and Harry hopped up beside him, resting his head on Snape's shoulder. "Out with it, then. What's your cunning plan?"

"Well, one of the potions disables magical ability—just temporarily."

"That would be the Depletion Dram—and it's not the easiest brew of the bunch, to put it mildly."

"No, probably not. But if we could get Voldemort to take it, he'd be very vulnerable."

"How the bloody hell could you convince him to do so?"

"I wouldn't. You would."

Snape groaned again.

"Look, it's easy—all we'd have to do is brew some Polyjuice Potion to make you look like Pettigrew. You could get close enough. You're the only one who could get close enough. He'd take it from you—I know he would! Plus, you're probably the only one in the whole country who could make it."

"Patent exaggeration. There are at least two others. Oh, wait—Munse died of diabolical diphtheria last winter. Never mind. Do you realize that to make this potion you need the blood of a young virgin—willingly given? With her full knowledge and understanding?" Snape demanded.

Harry blushed furiously. "So? We're in a school! There are plenty of kids young enough to—"

"Yes, and all of them are the souls of discretion, no doubt. Do you really suppose it would be safe to simply pick one?"

Harry's forehead wrinkled as he thought this over. "Wait a second—I know what to do. We just have to be sure ask the right person, that's all."

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"I can't, Harry," Hermione said stiffly, grabbing her books from the table and marching away.

"But you have to, Hermione, please," Harry hissed, hurrying after her. "If you refuse, then we won't be able to—"

"I didn't say I refused, you absolute ignoramus!" she whispered furiously, rounding on him. "I said I can't!"

"Huh?" Harry blinked. "Oh. Oh. Whoa—wait—who—"

"Who do you imagine?" She flicked her hair over her shoulder, grinding her teeth. "Really, if they handed out an Oblivious Oaf of the Year award, you'd win every time, hands down."

"That's not very polite," Harry returned. She didn't answer, flouncing off to the dorm. "Great. Now what am I supposed to do?" He sighed, scuffing his shoe on the floor. "At least Ron ought to be happy he beat me at something," he added under his breath. And where was he supposed to find a virgin at this late a date?

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"You owe me," Harry insisted fiercely. He'd thought of asking another member of the D.A., but after watching Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil giggle and make some rather disturbing regarding Firenze, Harry just wasn't certain any of them would be any help. Most of them had boyfriends, and none of them seemed to have any morals. Now that Harry was actually paying attention, he'd become quite convinced that the entire female population at Hogwarts was just ravenous for sex—or it might have been his paranoia. The whole situation had been giving him vexing dreams, that was certain.

"Shut up and go away!" Ginny responded, her face the same shade as her hair. She'd had a tracking spell put on her until Dumbledore was well enough to make a decision regarding her fate, and Harry had no trouble cornering her in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom.

"You tried to kill me! If you'd only do this, it'd look a lot better for you. You can't spare a few drops of blood for a bloke you supposedly loved?"

"For one who could never love me back? Harry—it doesn't matter. I can't anyway. Snape—Snape made me take a Captive Concoction. It interferes with just about everything. He said I shouldn't even try making potions until I'd been off it for a month."

"Really?" It sounded like a load of bollocks to Harry—why wouldn't Snape have suggested giving that to Voldemort, if there was such a thing?—but Ginny obviously believed it, so he let it go. "Well, thanks for nothing."

She grabbed his arm. "I really am sorry, Harry. I can't help it that you're so wonderful. I just thought—I mean, he's so old. And ugly. And—and mean, Harry! I really thought…you'd be happier with me. I'd make you happy."

Harry shook his head. "Thanks, but no thanks. I am happy. And even if I weren't, you wouldn't be able to change that. Snape's the only one who could make me happy. He—sort of holds that in his hands. Look, I've got to go. I do—still care about you. I hope you know that. Take care of yourself, would you?"

She nodded, trying to give him a brave smile, but it came out sort of tremulous, and her eyes were watery. "You too, Harry."

OoOoOoOoO

Snape pushed himself. And then he pushed himself harder. It was cold outside, and he could see his breath, but Madam Pomfrey had advised short walks round the grounds to strengthen the leg muscle that had been torn. It had only been a week since the injury, but between his healing potions and his determination, Severus was quickly mending.

As he rounded the castle wall, Snape spotted Harry, sitting on a stone bench with his chin resting on his hands, looking disheartened. Severus considered asking the boy to discuss his problems, but that would undoubtedly lead to…the boy discussing his problems. And really, it was bad enough to be back at his job and straining his thigh muscle—Severus really didn't cherish the thought of being whinged at.

So he decided to distract the brat, instead. He looked around for something useful, and quickly had an idea.

"Ow! WHO THREW THAT?" Harry roared.

Snape chuckled, ceasing when a snowball bounced of his protection charm. "Tsk, tsk, Mister Potter. You'll never get through that way."

Harry plastered an exceptionally fake smile on his face and straightened up, sauntering toward the Potions Master. "Gosh, I should have known that wouldn't work on you; you're much too clever for that."

"Mm-hmm," Snape replied, leaning down to allow Harry a kiss. One of his arms flashed out and grabbed Harry's wrist, stopping the boy's hand and its cargo of snow perilously close to Snape's collar. "And that, as well."

"Did you use Legilimency on me?" Harry demanded. "That's not fair!"

"I should hardly need Legilimency to play 'spot the asinine plan Potter's cooking up.' It's only written all over your face." Snape took a seat on the bench, pulling Harry into his lap. "What were you looking so morose about?"

Harry shrugged and wrinkled his nose. "Nothing much. It's just that Hermione isn't a virgin and she's angry at me for not expecting it, and Ginny won't let me have her blood."

"It's a very good thing I already know the preface to this conversation, or you'd be over my lap in an entirely different sort of context and not enjoying it so much."

"Don't bet on it!" Harry chirped with a mischievous smile.

"I must say I hope Miss Granger isn't so fecund as Mister Weasley's forebears."

"Fecund? Um, I think she's pretty clean, actually," Harry replied.

Snape rolled his eyes with a sigh. "Don't be obtuse."

"I can't help the way my head's shaped!"

"Do belt up, Potter. You're purposely annoying me, aren't you?"

"But… you make it so easy," Harry protested with a snicker.

"I'll keep that impertinent mouth of yours occupied," Snape warned with a growl, kissing him.

Harry happily threw his arms around Snape's neck, and one of his legs slipped to the outside of the Potions Master's, leaving him straddling the man. "I love how quick your tongue is," Harry said in a muffled voice.

"Mind the leg," Severus responded, kissing him hotly. There was nothing so sweet as the tender cavern of Harry's mouth, no feeling in the world that equalled the brilliance of Harry's fingers shyly slipping up the nape of his neck, no sensation as breathtaking as Harry's thighs spread to him, and Snape could go mad just from the very idea of the boy inching forward until—

"Good afternoon, Severus. Harry. I'm so pleased to see the two of you looking so fit. You seem to be recovering nicely." Remus Lupin stood above them with a half-disapproving, half-amused expression.

"Oh, ah…hi, Remus," Harry replied dolefully, getting back to his feet.

"I hate to interrupt your quality time, but this is the sort of scene that you, Snape, typically frown upon."

"You're wrong."

"I beg your pardon?"

"This is the sort of scene I typically rain hellfire and detention down upon. But as it's my scene, I don't think we quite need the dramatics."

"Indeed. Aren't you lucky that I came upon you, rather than yourself?"

"I suppose you're going to make us leave?" Harry asked.

"No. You're quite welcome to sit back down," Remus told him graciously.

"Really?"

"Yes. I'll just be sitting between you." He promptly seated himself beside Snape, who was disgruntled by this turn of events. It was, after all, a smallish bench. "I'll just read," the man continued, taking out a book. "You can go about your business," he added.

"Well, all right," Harry replied with an impish look. "We were just discussing the shocking amount of underage sexual intercourse that goes on round here."

Remus' ears turned pink, but he didn't say anything. Snape tried not to smile. Harry plopped down on the other side of the werewolf, but leaned around him to continue his conversation with Snape. "So anyway, Ginny's useless."

"Good," Snape said shortly. "I didn't trust the little nightmare anyway." He didn't add that he'd made certain the girl wouldn't be involved in Potter's latest potions brainwave by convincing her she wasn't capable. Her participation would only aggravate the situation.

"Well, I'm put off that—er—certain people are having sex and I'm not. It's utterly, unmistakably unfair."

"I promise we'll remedy it someday," Snape told him with a gleam in his eye. "Preferably the moment you graduate. I plan on dragging you straight down to the dungeons and—"

Remus cleared his throat meaningfully. His eyes were still on his book, but he hadn't turned a page.

"Although, I don't promise I can wait until we get to the dungeons."

"I know I won't be able to," Harry responded with a grin, leaning over to clasp Snape's hand.

"Please introduce a new topic of conversation," Remus dictated primly.

Harry laughed. "But it's so cute when you blush and squirm!" he kidded. "Don't you think so, Snape?"

"Riveting," Snape replied dryly.

"I'd do him in a minute," Harry told the Potions Master conversationally, winking.

"I'm sure it would take more than a minute," Snape retorted. "Though knowing you—and your lack of experience—it might take a lot less."

"Could you get any worse!" Remus finally demanded, exasperated.

"Is that a challenge?" Harry laughed at the peeved look on the man's face, but then fell silent, rolling a ball of snow into a perfect sphere. "I just don't know where we're going to find a virgin for that potion," he said with a sigh.

Remus turned immediately to Snape. "What the sod does that mean? You'd better not have—have—deflowered him, Severus, or it will go very hard for you!"

"That's right," Snape replied, eyes unfocussed, not the least bit cowed. "Harry, you are a virgin."

Harry blinked, then smiled a little. "Gee, I knew I was saving it for something." Snape bit his lip, holding back his amusement. "You always think of everything," the boy added with admiration.

"Yes. Unless we have to factor you in," Snape responded. "You tend to throw everything off."

Harry beamed. "That's why you love me."

"Trust me, that isn't it."

Harry turned his back and muttered a couple of spells.

"What exactly are you doing?" Snape asked. Remus kept glancing over at the boy warily. Harry leapt to his feet and ran to Snape, who also rose, ignoring the sour look on the werewolf's face.

"Look what I made!" Harry held up a little snowman… or a little snapeman, judging by his long, crooked carrot nose.

Even Remus had to laugh. "It's… it's quite adorable, Harry," he said.

"Yeah. Cute as the original," Harry said, looking up at Severus with love shining from his eyes.

Snape smiled softly. "But still not as cute as you," he murmured, tracing Harry's jaw with a fingertip. He leaned over to kiss the boy's nose, but paused with a querying look at Remus. "Am I begging to be hexed?"

The werewolf sighed. "I suppose I'll let it go… so long as I can see daylight between you," he added severely.

It was awkward kissing in front of an audience, but somehow it warmed Snape right down to his toes. He rather thought it nice to be able to show Harry off, and hoped he'd be able to do it again in the future. "All right," he said after a moment. "Let's go see what we need for this wild idea of yours to work."

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"Will this really work?"

"You're the idiot that thought it up," Snape replied, sounding disgruntled. Remus trailed behind, looking determined.

"Harry is a very bright young lad. I'm sure we should take his thoughts into consideration," the werewolf said.

"Hey, thanks!" Harry responded, pleased to have an ally.

"Don't mention it. Or anything more about your impending lack of virginity, if you would be so kind."

They traipsed down to Snape's labs, where the man set out his ingredients. "Lupin, get the book. It's locked in my liquor cabinet."

Remus came back a few minutes later, plus book, sans shirt cuff. What was left of his sleeve was ragged and singed. "You might have warned me you put a Conflagration Curse on the cabinet," he said.

Harry was sitting atop the counter, swinging his legs merrily.

"What would be the amusement value in that?" the Potions Master replied, cracking his knuckles. "Right. Now. Let's get to work." Harry and Remus waiting in tense silence as Snape read the instructions thoroughly, occasionally barking out a command that they retrieve an ingredient from the storeroom. Eventually, he was ready to start. "There is one thing that really bothers me about this," he said.

"Just one?" Remus queried. He looked vaguely ill, but then he generally looked like something run down by a lorry.

"Why on earth would the—Voldemort—accept Pettigrew back. I'll need a good cover, and that little rat doesn't provide one."

"But he will," Harry insisted. "Dumbledore and I talked about it."

"Professor Dumbledore," Snape and Lupin responded in chorus.

Harry merely rolled his eyes. "We're going to give you some black eyes and boils and stuff—really make it look like you've been put through the ringer. You'll say we tried to squeeze information out of you, but at an opportune moment, you transformed and got loose. He's done it before," Harry pointed out.

"As many faults as Albus has, I don't see him manhandling anyone," Severus said doubtfully.

"I worried about that too, but Dumbledore made a good point. He said Voldemort would believe that—because Voldemort expects Dumbledore to treat his followers the same way Voldemort would treat ours."

"Ah. And the next step? What fabulous feat is intended after Voldemort's taken the potion?"

"I… can't tell you that, yet. I'm really sorry, love! But if you get caught—well, Dumbledore—sorry, Professor Dumbledore—says we need to keep it close to our chests."

"I see. Well, one of you needs to retrieve a bit of Pettigrew's—biological makeup. Each potion takes close to a month, so at least they'll be ready in unison."

Remus gave him a weak smile as Harry ran off to cut bits off the rat. "And we only have a good four weeks to worry ourselves sick," he added with false joviality.

"Indeed."