A/N Okay.. i love that everyone is mad at Sam. I'm mad at Sam and I know he didn't mean to do it. Which he didn't. Sam's just Sam. Don't worry angry mob.. Josh won't just forgive him flat out.. and as for CJ who's deed was much more disasterously traumatizing to both Donna and I.. She's.. we'll she has to live with knowing 'how we got here'...
"Is it too soon?" He looked hopefully at Donna, who bit her lip thoughtfully. He could not leave this silly party fast enough.
"No. You're tired out from running a presidential campaign.."
"And you?"
"Josh I think they know."
"They know.." He said, gesturing to the White House family clustered behind them. "But they.." He chucked his thumb towards the West Wing. "..Have no idea. Is this how you want it to come out?"
"I don't care how it comes out." She sighed, rolling her eyes. "I just want it out."
"Really?" She nodded. "Then I'll just have Will add it to the briefing tomorrow morning. Oh by the way.. the former DCOS apparently was, in fact, in love with his assistant. You remember her right? The hot little number half his age?"
"Hot little-? Josh, I'm not half-! It's only ten years! Unless you're actually sixty three. In which case you are down right miraculous in-!"
"Ah-bup-bup!" He sputtered grabbing the beer from her hand and looking at her pointedly. "You're done."
"Hey Will? If the press asks, yes I'm taking my drunken barely legal mistress home." He yelled across the room.
"Got it!" The press secretary called over the now cat calling crowd, nonchalantly raising his eyebrows in a goodbye. Donna grinned at Josh like he was nuts before he lead her from the Residence.
"Yeah." He leaned over the side of the bed, muttering into his cell phone, utterly amazed that the woman beside him never stirred.
"Josh."
Sam? Damn it! He should have checked the damn-.
"Did I wake you?" He sounded shocked.
"What time is it?"
"One thirty." Sam told him incredulously.
"In the morning?"
"No.. Josh.. in the-." His voice teetered on amazement.
"I slept till one in the afternoon?" He looked back at Donna who was finally stirring behind him. "We slept till one in the after-."
"You have got to be-?" She bloted upright.
"We haven't done this since-." Roslyn. They both though, exchanging glances.
"Yeah." She breathed.
"Hey Josh?" Oh yeah... Sam.
"Yeah." He turned his attention back to the phone.
"I wanted to.." Josh swallowed hard. "I think we should talk." Josh's eyes drifted shut, he tried to focus on the sound of Donna moving around the room behind him. "Josh?"
"Yeah."
"Is it Lou?" She said frantically, grabbing for the phone. "I need to talk to her."
"No" He tried to move away. "Baby, it's not Lou." He muttered moving out of her grasp and running his tired hands across his face.
"Baby? Wow that's-." Sam began.
"Shut the hell up, Sam." Josh growled. Donna stopped moving and sat down on the bed beside him.
"It's just.. you guys are really-." Josh felt his chest tighten. He should have checked the caller ID.
"Yeah. And thanks to your help it only took us-!"
"Josh." Donna whispered softly laying her hand on his shoulder.
"Like I said, we need to.."
"What if I don't want to hear what you have to say?" Josh snapped.
"Josh.. Leo wouldn't want-."
"Leo wouldn't-? Don't Sam. Don't you dare tell me what Leo-!"
"Josh." Donna put her hand on his arm and took the phone from him. "He's right." He watched her lift the phone to her face. "Sam? We're at the townhouse." She ended the call, running her hand back down Josh's back. "He's your best friend. Leo just died Josh. I'm sure the President could tell you something about not leaving things unsaid." Josh leaned into her, kissing the side of her head before standing back up.
"Get dressed before Sam gets here and gives me another reason to kill him."
"I'll try to keep from prancing around naked in front of guests.. but you know me." She got up and tossed a pair of jeans at him as she slipped into the bathroom.
He wandered into the kitchen pulling a white T-shirt over his head. He opened the fridge, it was empty. They hadn't been here in a month. He chuckled remembering how he'd given Donna the bed and slept on the couch. Only because Bram was there too. (He'd made him sleep on the floor, for sport.) He and Donna had shared a bed before.
They'd shared his bed before.
Last night they'd shared his kitchen counter too, and the-.
The knock on the door shook him from the memory. He took a deep breath before opening it. Sam Seaborn stood on the other side looking pathetically remorseful.
"Hey." The trench coat and briefcase were gone. His hair was no longer slicked back but it's usual youthful mess. He stood there in tan slacks and a blue Harvard sweat shirt, looking like the old Sam for the first time in a long time.
"Hey." Josh nodded at the bag in Sam's hand.
"Bagels." He held it up. "I know how empty a fridge can get when you're only seasonally in DC. " He smiled hopefully. Josh nodded.
"Thanks." The tone of his own voice even made Josh feel cold.
"Sam." Donna's warm voice called out as she walked into the room. She took the bag from him, hugging him gently before moving across the room to Josh and kissing his cheek. She shot him a quick smile. "Am I covered enough?" She whispered, he s mirked at her before giving her a quick once over, just in case. "I'm gonna make coffee."
"Did she just say what I think she-?"
"Yeah." Josh shot down his playful question and flopped on the couch. "What do you want Sam?"
"My best friend's forgiveness Josh." He settled himself in a chair.
"I don't know if I can give you that." He told him in an honest whisper, never looking up.
"I never meant to hurt you Josh." He shook his head.
"I know that." Josh nodded, he knew he didn't mean to hurt him. "It's not that." He stood up turning to face Donna as she pressed start on the coffeemaker and joined them in the living room. "It's not about what it did to me. It's about what you thought of me. What you thought Donna should think of me."
Donna gave him a sweet look.
"You thought I.." His voice trailed off and he swung his wounded expression to Sam.
"I just wanted Donna to have the best. I-."
"And you thought I didn't?" Josh accused. "You thought I was so damn selfish that I didn't care about what Donna needed?"
"Josh don't pretend that you don't always come first with every-."
"Not with her!" Josh yelled.
"Josh." His head bobbed down at Donna's plea.
"Not with her Sam. I loved her. I love her. I wouldn't ever have.. ever.." He shook his head. "My best friend. My oldest friend.. didn't think enough of me to.."
"Josh I am sor-."
"I know that Sam." He whined. "I know that, but it doesn't make it any better."
"It was between me and Josh, Sam." Donna whispered softly. "You and CJ should have never been a part of it. I should have never let you be a-."
"Donna." Lyman shook his head at her. "Don't. This isn't you're fault."
"It's not all Sam's either." She pleaded.
"I know that. It's mine too." She started to protest. He gave her an appreciating grin. "No. It is." He looked back at Sam. "I haven't forgiven myself either if it makes you feel any better."
"I miscalculated what Donna meant to you." Sam choked out. Josh sniffed and shook his head.
"How long have you known me Sam?"
"Twenty three years." He answered glumly.
"How could you not-?"
"It was a difficult situation Josh."
"Yes it was, very difficult. That difficulty is the very reason why it was so damn important that she knew even if I couldn't tell her. I couldn't Sam. I couldn't and you just shouldn't have."
Seaborn nodded remorsefully.
"How could you think I would hurt Donna?" He almost sounded like he was going to cry. "I could never-." He watched her walk back to the kitchen to check the coffee. Josh leaned in closer to Sam whispering harshly. "You weren't here for Gaza. You don't know what that did to me. What it did to her. That is the only reason I can even still speak to you, Sam." Seaborn's face paled. "You have no idea. It's not part of some flippant sarcastic comment you can toss at me-." His eyes shot to Donna, making sure she was still out of earshot. "I almost-." His head swung down to his chest and he took a deep breath. "You'll never know anything like the guilt I feel over Gaza."
"Josh. I-." Sam closed his eyes. "I wasn't thinking. I was doing fifty things at once, it popped into my head. I know there's no excuse..but I wasn't thinking."
"No it was what you were thinking." Josh swallowed hard. "What kind of man am I if that's what my best friend thinks of me? What kind of friend tells you that your betraying your president by leaving like Toby accused me of." Sam's eyes shot to his. "Ironic huh?"
He let it sink in a little.
"What kind of friend tells Donna to do 'something-anything' with out me? It just seems to me that maybe the solution is to get new friends." He looked back at Donna, she handed him a cup of coffee.
Gesturing for Sam to pour his own. Apparently the only person she brought coffee to was Josh. More irony.
"How do I forgive that?" Sam said nothing. Josh looked at Donna.
"I believed them Josh." He looked at his hands. "How did you forgive me for not believing in you?"
"You proved to me that you did. You never stopped trying. You just.. loved me anyway. No matter how hard I pushed, you pushed back."
She looked at Sam.
"Did you catch all that?" She smiled as he nodded slowly.
"Just so we're clear.." He shot Josh a warily uncomfortable look. "I don't have to.. 'bring you coffee' .. too? Do I?."
"Sam."
"I'm just saying that would be a deal breaker you-"
"Shut up, Sam." Donna finished for him..