The funeral was over with, Sam went back to California. Santos and Bartlet closed themselves in secret meetings leaving CJ and Josh seething at each other in the office next door.

Josh poured over the lists of tasks watching the staff meticulously. Donna watched Josh meticulously, as if at any second he was going to self destruct.

Lou watched Josh shake his head in a concentrated effort to stay awake.

She didn't want to tell him what she had to tell him. He wasn't going to like it at all.

"Josh can I-?" She asked from the doorway.

"Sure.. sure.." He waved her in.

"I don't want to be your Deputy, Josh." She said quickly. "I can't handle you."

He blinked at her.

"I don't want you to be my Deputy, Lou." He told her blankly.

"Okay, why the hell not?" She almost laughed at the way her brain had demanded it be said.

"You can't handle me. I need-." He shook his head. "Why am I telling you this? You just said you didn't want to be my-."

She nodded putting up a hand to stop him.

"Bram said you were going to ask me to stay on."

"I was." He looked up at her, trying to stay focused. "I am."

"Okay?" She looked at him like he was insane.

"Yeah um.. as Communications Director." Excuse me...

"What?" She breathed. "I thought Bram was your choice for.."

"Your Deputy." He looked at her like she was a moron.

"My..." She looked at the wall. "Josh I-."

"Deputy." Josh repeated standing up and walking to the door. " I don't have timefor this. I need you. Santos needs you. Your country needs you. Pick a damn office and shut up." He swung the door open and left her sitting there speechless.

"Ma'am?" Helen Santos looked up at the lovely blond. She smiled sweetly.

"Donna, I'm glad you came." She gestured for her to sit. "Please eat."

"Thank you for inviting me." She sat down at the table with her.

"I thought you could use dinner. Is Josh letting you all eat over there?" Donna's face paled. "It was a joke Donna."

"I know that Mrs-."

"Helen." She said sharply.

"Helen." Donna repeated.

"How's he doing?" Donna started to fidget.

"He's... Josh." She mumbled.

"Is he sleeping? Matt's not sleeping." She looked at Donna, the younger woman gave her a cautious look. "I'm just Helen tonight Donna.."

"Ma'am I'm sorry but the last time a First Lady told me she was 'just' someone, I really put my foot in my mouth. "

"I need you to be candid Donna." She tried to sound understanding.

"If this is about Josh.." She was nervous. Worried.

"I want you to be my Chief of Staff, Donna."

"Oh." Her eyes were huge.

"I figure it might help the both of us, dealing with being the 'woman behind the man'. I'm not as good at it as you are Donna." And I need a friend.

"You want me because of Josh?"

"I want you because you are fierce, ambitious and brilliant. The fact that you are capable of controlling someone like Josh Lyman is just a plus. " Helen smiled. Donna tried.

"I haven't been doing a very good job of that lately." She said quietly. Her smile breaking apart.

"I thought after the election you two would have more time to.." Helen leaned forward.

"Me too." Donna whispered.

"But.."

"He's a man possessed." She looked close to tears. "He hasn't been home in two days." Helen reached out her hand to the other woman. "I'm loosing him and I need him. It's not like before, before when I left it was just me but now.."

She looked up like she had just given away missal codes.

"You're pregnant?" Donna froze for a second and then nodded, tears streaming down her face. "You haven't told him?"

"No. I don't want him to-. He's pulling away. I can't use this to-. How will I ever know then?" She took a deep breath to stop the steady flow of tears. "I'm so sorry Mrs. Santos. This is really inappropriate."

"Donna, please. I want you to be my COS. Josh or no Josh. Will you think about it?"

Donna nodded. "You need to tell Josh." More nodding. "Are you and the baby alright?"

"Yes Ma'am." Donna's smile returned just mentioning Josh's baby. Helen Santos knew that smile. It was the smile that said 'I'm pregnant with the man I loves child'. She'd had it herself, twice. She wondered how Josh hadn't noticed yet.

"We are going to eat dinner and then you are going to get Josh and go home." She ordered.

"Thank you Ma'am." Helen Santos looked back at her, hoping her husband's COS was smart enough to realize how damn lucky he was.

"Josh." He didn't look up. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, hovering somewhere between desperate and stubborn. "Joshua?"

"There you are." He sounded annoyed. "Where the hell have you been?"

"What?" Where the hell has she been?

"I've had Edy calling you all day to set up a meeting." Her heart hurt.

"A meeting?" She tried to keep the panicked anger out of her tone. He didn't seem to notice.

"Yeah." He turned his head and looked up at her over the file he was holding

"You could have just met me at home Josh."

"It's a work meeting." He explained to her like she should have assumed as much.

"Work?" She tried to follow his words.

"Yeah.. work.. job? Hello? Back to my being your-."

"Don't say it Josh." She put up her hand and tried not to cry. He looked at her for a second and then back to the file. "Don't say back to you being my-. I don't know if I could handle it if you said-."

"Donna." He sighed.

"You haven't been home in three days Josh."

"I'm working." He lifted the file. "I need you to start working."

"I can't work for you anymore." The words were out of her mouth before her heart had time to soften them.

"What?" The words slipped slowly out of still lips. Had he not been acting like a complete ass three seconds before, Donna would have cried when she saw the look on his face.

"Josh.. " She moved to the desk and knelt down in front of him. Wishing she could tell him everything. Wishing it could be different. "I'm not going to wait eight more years."

His eyes betrayed him in a pained flash. She squeezed her own shut and reminded herself why she was doing this. He let her take his hands in hers.

"Helen wants me to be her Chief." She watched a small flicker of pride flash through him and she squeezed his hands. "I don't know if that's what I want or not. I have to think about it. What's important to me now Josh is us."

"Donna.. " His voice was soft and scared now, he rubbed his thumbs against her wrists. "I don't have time for us now."

"That's just it. You will never have time for us. You have to make time Josh." She sniffed, trying to shake away the one tear that had slipped out of her pooling eyes. "Helen wants an answer in four weeks." She lifted her eyes to his. "And so do I."

She held his eyes and waited, watching the flickers. Fear. Betrayal, Abandonment. Anger. Worry. Reluctance. Back to Fear. Then it faded back into his stoic but stressed work face.

"Josh?"

"I can't do this.. not here.. not now."

"Come home with me Joshua." She begged. "Come home Josh, please?"

"I.. " She could tell he wanted too.. but.. " I have to go to California."

"Now?" She wanted to cry again.

"Tonight." He told her.

"Josh?"

"I need Sam." She nodded her head in realization. "I.. need Sam with me."

"You want me to drive you to the-?"

"I called a car." He looked at the wall. "Donna.."

She stood up, putting one hand on his face and kissing him.

"Donna." This time it was a plea. A plea that cut her to the quick. A plea that tested her new found maternal resolve.

"I love you." She met his eyes. "I love you."

She felt his gaze follow her out the door, she wondered if he could see how her shoulders shook in silent fear that she wasn't enough to save him from himself.