Lies, too many lies and too many sacrifices. Donna understood that all too well.
When Lou, Bram and Annabeth filed in Josh had tightened his grip on her hand. Donna flashed her eyes to Sam who sat down knowingly at Josh's other side. She watched her husband's lips twitch up slightly, the fact that the two people he trusted the most in the world had him surrounded was not lost on him.
The door from the East Wing opened and the Santos' moved into the oval. Margaret let Ainsly and Joe Quincy in before shutting the door behind her.
It had struck Ainsly as odd that Joe Quincy hadn't seemed surprised when they'd told him. She hadn't known about the crash he'd witnessed. Or how Josh had breathlessly asked the secret service agent at their door about Donna's whereabouts or how she'd appeared ghostly white with worry in the door way. Maybe that was the night he'd known there was truth to the DC rumor about Josh Lyman and his assistant. Maybe he'd even known then that Josh had residual side effects from Roslyn.
'There were rumors?' Ainsly had asked raising an eyebrow at his nonplused expression.
'No.' He'd said honestly shaking his head. 'Not one.'
'Good, then we did our job.' She'd said softly.
"Josh? You want to tell us why we're all here?" Santos looked around slowly. "With White House consol and your personal attorney.. ten days into the administration?"
Sam felt Josh take a deep breath next to him. He fixed his eyes on his best friend and waited.
"Because you're not Jed Bartlett." Josh said slowly raising his eyes to Santos. Matt looked confused. "And this administration should make that clear from the start."
"I'm sorry I thought we covered that then days ago?" He waved his arms. "We all sat in the sun? I took an oath? It started with I Mathew Santos.."
"Sir, you're aware of the secretive nature of the previous administration?" Sam asked ignoring the sarcasm.
"The MS."
"Among other things Sir." Sam continued cautiously. "There were other things."
"Leo's addiction problems." Annabeth supplied from the other side of the oval.
"CJ's involvment with Hoynes, Toby and the NASA leak. My unintentional involvment with a call girl..." Sam cleared his throat.
"You weren't very good at keeping secrets." Helen decided. "Everyone knew everything." Sam felt Josh stiffen.
"No. Not everything Ma'am." Donna said softly, Josh lifted his head up.
"The Christmas after I was shot at Roslyn I developed Post Traumatic Stress Disorder." He watched Matt's eyes carefully. "Donna figured it out almost immediately, but not before I'd screamed at the President in this office, made a scene at a national concert and put my hand through the window of my apartment."
Donna's hand smoothed down the back of his head resting at the nape of his neck.
"You're better now though?" Bram whispered naively. "I tend to be able to stop myself from punching out-."
"Joshua." Donna squeezed his neck. "It's an ongoing condition. He takes medication when he needs it."
"You have... attacks?" Helen asked quietly.
"Episodes." Donna corrected nodding at the First Lady.
"Election Day." Lou breathed. Josh met her gaze while the rest of the newly informed held there eyes on him.
"Yeah." He answered her non-question.
"They're not usually that bad." Donna assured her.
"How bad?" Santos said in alarm.
"It wasn't a thing. Donna took care of it. Five minutes tops." Lou reported.
"No." Josh was shaking his head. "Not that trivial. Donna got me out of sight. It wasn't-."
"The worst of it was over though." Donna told Lou. "The actual flash back.." Josh winced and she readjusted her grip. "That was over. That doesn't usually happen. If I had been paying attention it never would have-."
"Donna stop." Josh pleaded. "You didn't-." He kissed her knuckles and rubbed his face with his other hand.
"What.. does.. usually happen?" Santos looked at Donna.
"He gets.. more moody than usual... jumpy... He as trouble concentrating..." She looked at Sam.
"The thing with Otto a few days ago..." Sam looked back at Donna who nodded. Josh had been yelling at the young speech writer over something stupid until Sam interrupted with a bottled water and a poignant look. Josh had left the room to take a pill muttering an apology to the young man. "Donna and I know the signs." He looked at her again. "She's filled in Peter."
"The rest of you should probably.." Josh started.
"Josh's doctor is willing to talk to everyone about warning signs and what the best course of action is." Ainsly looked at Sam before turning to Annabeth. "He's willing to make any public statements-."
"Public?" Santos' eyes lit up.
"Yes Sir." Josh told the man. "No more lying. Sam left the previous administration because of the MS lie. Leo's silence came back to haunt us. I don't want to pull a nutty at some public function and have Annabeth have to explain why we lied to the American people again. Donna and I put our lives on hold for years because of what it may have done to the administration. Withholding that truth was a big part of why she and I left the White House the way we did." He smiled at her. "Toby.. Hoynes.. it was all about untold secrets. You told the press we were people first." Annabeth nodded at him. "This is a part of who I am."
Santos nodded. Helen took his hand and squeezed it. Matt shot Joe Quincy a look.
"What about his medical disclosure."
"His evaluation says he's fit for duty. That's all it has to say. He disclosed to the board. They found him fit. That's all. The medication is on the fence. It's as needed, we could compare it to a prescription cough medicine.." He shook his head. The ethical stuff will be up to Ainsly."
"We have mental health groups and victims rights groups standing by. Stanley Keyworth is well known and respected. If he says Josh is alright people will believe him. We're ready."
"How do we?" Santos looked at Annabeth who was looking at Donna.
"Danny Concannon." Donna said with certainty. "Call him tell him Josh needs his for a thing." Annabeth nodded. "We'll have him do a fluf peice on us. The baby.. how we came to be in the first place. He can stick the PTSD in like it's old knowledge. A climate check." Annabeth finished writing and smiled at Donna.
"CJ?" Santos whispered.
"She knows it's coming." Sam told them. "I told them something was coming about your thing." He told Josh.
"Again with 'the thing'" Lou sighed in frustration. "Bram and I are knew to this little White House posse. You guys want stuff out in the open start talking in words. Trust us."
Donna looked at her husband.
"You're right." Sam told them softly. "It's a habit."
"Talking in code." Ainsly added.
"Secret Code." Annabeth mumbled.
"I'll... you'll have to remind me.. I'm.. not very good with.." He glanced painfully at Donna.
"Speech?" She teased.
"Trust." He rolled his eyes.
"That too." She grinned at him. He looked at Lou then back at Santos.
"No more secrets?" He raised his eyebrows searching for approval.
"People first." Matt nodded.