Chapter 7

Forgiveness and Friendship

It had been three days since their fight, and neither of them was speaking to the other. If they needed something, they would ask Dianne to play messenger, something Dianne was not so happy about. Things at the Criminal Law Department had gotten quiet lately, and whether they knew it nor not, the other was feeling miserable, although Lily could not figure out why.

One morning, Lily was trying to sign some papers, trying to busy herself with work, but her mind kept drifting back to what had happened. She kept on evaluating herself, and found out that James was right, and she felt horrible for it.

She had wanted to apologize to James ever since, but negative thoughts held her back. What if he didn't accept her apology? What if they would have another row again, which resulted in ruining whatever mixed-up relationship they had? Yet still, she could not understand why she was feeling so much misery and guilt.

"I've fought with him before, so why do I feel so bad now?" Lily wondered to herself. Before she could continue thinking, her door suddenly flew open and Sirius Black barged in.

Lily stood up. "Sirius, I didn't know you were coming, what's wrong?" she asked him, frowning a bit.

For once Sirius did not look amused or happy. On the contrary, his eyes were dark, and he seemed quite angry. "What's wrong? You want to know what's wrong, Lily? Fine. You are".

"Sirius, I don't know what you're talking about," Lily said, now looking troubled.

"I think you know perfectly well what I'm talking about, Lily," Sirius said, his eyes spitting fire and his fists clenched. "I'm tired, okay? All these years, ever since James was thirteen years old, I have stood and watched him practically beg on his hands and knees for your attention, and I have stood and watched you always ripping his heart out and breaking it into pieces. For goodness' sake, Lily, haven't you ever wondered if James was hurt every time you rejected him? Of course he was! I had to be the one to cheer him up, to pick up his heart and put it back into place. It's always been like that, even now, and I can't stand it anymore!"

"Sirius, I----"

"And you know what the worst part is? Every time, every damn time this happens, it's always James who's left wondering what he did wrong. Every time, he always asks me, 'Sirius, what did I do wrong this time?', I'm sick of it! But you know what really agitates me? It's the fact that, no matter how much you shatter his heart, no matter how many times you step on it, James is still always there, ready to give everything for you, and you don't even realize it!"

Lily was shocked frozen. How could she have not known this? As slight tears blurred her vision a bit, she said, "Look, Sirius, you don't have the right to just barge right in here while I'm working just to yell at me for always rejecting your best friend!"

"No, Lily, you don't get it. You're doing more than just rejecting James, your slowly ruining his life! His whole world revolves around you, can't you bloody see that! He once told me that one way or another, he'd get you to love him, and I supported him all the way. But you know what? Enough is enough, I've had it! Look, you may be my friend, but I can't just stand here and watch you destroy my best friend's life!" Sirius snapped. "Do you know that he didn't go to work today? He was so upset about what happened; he's crashing at his house, refusing to leave, because he felt so guilty about yelling at you".

"Sirius," Lily said, her voice quivering as she spoke. "It's not my fault that he's acting so crazily over me! I can't help it, but for goodness' sake, didn't you even stop to think that I'd feel bad whenever he looked downcast because of me! I'm not that cold, you know!"

"But it is your fault! He's ruining his own life, all because of you, and I don't understand why," Sirius said, as he continued to stare at her with those dark, enigmatic pools of grayish-blue, staring at her so intensely that Lily felt like he was boring into her soul, as if to awaken all the guilt- for which had all been her fault- and bring it to the surface. And good god, it was working. "After all," he added snappishly. "From what I've seen, you're just not worth it".

And with that, he turned on his heel and left, leaving a dumbstruck Lily behind. Once the door closed, she slowly made her way back and sat down. That being done, she buried her face in her hands, and once again, stray tears began to escape.

She hated herself right now; not only had she ruined her work relationship with James, who was almost bordering on becoming her friend, since she realized now that all her active, actual, hate had slowly faded with only annoyance remaining, and that all the times she had said, "I hate you," were just exaggerated, but she also had one of her oldest and closest friends mad at her. She groaned, knowing that she had supremely messed up big time.

..------..

The next Monday, Lily arrived at her usual time at the Ministry. Her expression was vacant, and had a tinge of sorrow in it. She had made a decision, and she planned to apologize to James as soon as she arrived and after she got settled in her office. She went inside her office, and was surprised to see two dozen white roses on her desk.

Smiling softly to herself, she went to her table and took in the beautiful sight and the lovely smell of the roses. She found the ivory card among them. She opened it and read it.

I'm sorry, forgive me?

James

Her heart churned with guilt and a lump rose in her throat. Composing herself, she took a deep breath, left her office, and went to James's room.

She found him standing, watching the view from his window, staring intently into it. Lily approached him and tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey," she said softly.

James gave her a half smile as he turned away from the window. "Hey. I take it you received my flowers?"

"Yes, they were lovely." Lily paused, and blurted out, "James, I forgive you. Actually, I'm sorry. You shouldn't even be apologizing, everything was my entire fault".

"Lily, come on. I yelled as well, I had just as much fault as you".

She shook her head. "No. I was too caught up in myself that I failed to recognize that you were just trying to make me a better lawyer. And," she shifted uncomfortably, and then continued, "I'm sorry about something else too. I guess I never realized how much I hurt you whenever I rejected you, Sirius was completely right-----"

"Wait a minute, Sirius talked to you about that?" James questioned. When Lily gave him a look, he thought, "I have to talk to him". Turning once more to Lily, he said, "Look, I said sorry, you said sorry, we forgave each other. So we're okay, right?" He smiled at her. "Back to being civil co-workers then?"

Lily grinned and shook her head. "No," she said simply. Upon seeing James's bewildered expression, she laughed lightly and continued, "I've been thinking it over, and I've figured that all my active hate has faded. Only I'm sometimes annoyed at you, but hey, it's natural. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is--Friends?"

James had a thrown aback expression on his face. "Fr-friends?" he managed to choke out.

"Well, if you don't want to---"

"No, no, I want to. You don't know how long I've waited for you to say this. Friends it is," James said, grinning like a five year-old who had just received his long-awaited Christmas present.

"Right. Well, I'll see you later then," Lily said, smiling as she gave a glance at James, who grinned back. She then left James's office and headed for her own, feeling more light-hearted and happy than she had felt in weeks.

..------..

The week passed without much incident. Everyone was adjusting to having Lily and James being in the same room together without a fight erupting, but everyone was pleased all the same. Finally, they could get their peace and sanity back. Or whatever was left of it, that is.

"So Lily," James said one evening as he strolled into her office to find her reading a rather thick book. "Are you coming to the Order meeting tonight?"

Lily looked up from her book, gave him a small smile, and said, "Of course I am. We can't afford to miss it, not at a time like this".

James nodded in agreement as he took a seat nearest to her. He just spent the next minutes looking at her as she read the book, as if memorizing every intricate detail of her face, of the way she tucked her hair when it went to her face, or of the way she bit her lip when she was frustrated.

"You know James," Lily suddenly said, not looking up from her book and pulling James out of his trance, "If you persist on looking at me so much, then I suggest you take a picture, as it'll last longer".

Feeling quite embarrassed at being found out so easily, James cleared his throat and said, "Who said I was looking at you? I was, uh…..staring at the plant behind you!"

Lily finally looked up with an amused, almost mocking smile on her face. "The plant? James, I don't have plants in my office, in case you haven't noticed".

"You're enjoying every minute of making me uncomfortable, aren't you?"

"Well yes, I believe I am," Lily smirked as she stood up and placed the book back on the shelf.

"Lily," James said after a few minutes of comfortable silence. "What did Sirius say to you?"

Lily turned to face him, her expression unreadable. "It doesn't matter, James, he just came here to talk about something, that's all".

James frowned, looking thoroughly annoyed at being kept in the dark, but said nothing. After awhile he said, "Lily, you want to go to the meeting together? I mean, it is almost seven, and we are still here, so, how about it?"

"Sure, whatever. That'd be fine," Lily replied shortly.

When it was almost seven, Lily and James got themselves ready, and after giving a signal at each other, Apparated out of sight.

..------..

"Sometimes I hate Apparating," Lily muttered as she fell suddenly onto the cold, stone floor of a deserted hallway that was dimly lit by torches.

"Sometimes I hate Dumbledore and Moody for the over-tight security," James muttered too as the two helped themselves up. They straightened themselves out and walked to the end of the corridor until they found the door.

James took out his wand and gave it a wave, and instantly, the door went open to reveal a very busy Order of the Phoenix inside a circular room, all seated and waiting for Alastor Moody, who was sitting in for Albus Dumbledore since he couldn't make it to that meeting, to begin speaking.

"Potter, Evans, your late," Moody barked as they entered. All heads turned in amazement and surprise at seeing the two together. Surely they didn't go together? After all, they were constantly acting like children and bickering, how would they stand each other if they went together?

Lily checked her watch and said tiredly, "We're late by one minute, Alastor, one minute".

"One minute!" Moody barked, raising his voice. "What if you had been late one minute while in a fight? Huh? What would have happened then? You might be killed, someone else might be killed, or Voldemort might escape just because of that one minute you lost. This is training for you, you know!"

"Crazy……." Sirius Black muttered to himself.

Lily and James only gave each other amused, almost exasperated glances before they took their seats, James beside Sirius and Lily beside Alice Longbottom. When everyone's heads turned towards him, Moody cleared his throat and began to speak.

The meeting had gone smoothly enough. They were almost over when Moody said, "Now, I need two people to keep an eye on some people who we suspect are Death Eaters. We need someone from the Ministry". Before anyone could volunteer, Moody spoke again, making everyone jump in their seats in surprise. "Potter, Evans!" he said. "I want the both of you to do it, working together, no arguments".

Everyone looked at the two as they stood up, waiting for an objection from Lily. But much to their amazement, Lily simply smiled at James and said, "Alright, we'll do it. It's no problem, right James?"

"Not at all," James said, grinning.

Suddenly, Moody jumped and looked at the two suspiciously. "Alright," he said slowly. "Admit it. Who are you and what have you done with the real James Potter and Lily Evans?"

Lily and James laughed. "Alastor, it's us, nothing happened. Well, we decided to quit being childish and become friends, that's all," James explained.

Moody still looked at them weirdly and said nothing. He stared at them through his magical eye, then, seemingly satisfied, turned away from them.

A squeak of a chair was suddenly heard as Sirius Black suddenly stood up from his seat and said hurriedly "Eh, Moody, I've got to go. I'll see you lot later" and with that, he exited through the door, closing it quite forcefully.

Lily looked at Sirius's retreating figure worriedly, knowing exactly what was wrong. James looked troubled as well. Moody simply stared at the door, shook his head and said, "Eh, let him go. We're done here anyway. Remember what I've told you, and you'll be alerted on the next meeting soon". And with that the people stared filing out of the room.

Lily and James were among the last to leave. Lily found James taking his coat and striding purposely out the door.

"Where are you going after?" Lily asked him.

"I'm going to see Sirius and sort this out. You see how he left when I announced that we were friends? I don't like it. He's been giving you nasty looks since you got here. Heck, he's been acting strange all week, and I want to find out why," he said determinedly as he gave her a goodbye and Apparated out of the place.

Lily sighed, and left as well, guilt weighing down on her like a ton of bricks at what just happened. When she reached home, her only hope was just that, whatever the outcome of Sirius and James's talk would be would not damage their friendship in any way.