I Never Gave Up
Disclaimer: I own nothing except a few characters you don't recognize. The rest belongs to the great genius, J.K. Rowling.
Chapter Twelve
Confessions on a Dance floor
Lily Elizabeth Evans had not counted on waking up the next morning beside James Potter on the couch, the dying embers the only remains of the fire last night, but that was exactly what happened. As she stirred, she felt a pain in her neck, and she cringed. She returned herself to a proper sitting position, and as she did so, James stirred beside her and slowly, his eyes opened.
"Good morning Lily," James said groggily as he became fully awake, lightly working out the painful kinks in his neck.
"Morning, James," Lily said, lightly laughing. "We stayed out all night. Unbelievable," the two then laughed.
"I trust you had a good night?"
"Well, if by a good night you mean sleeping next to you in the living room, and waking up at ten in the morning, knowing that everyone else in the house has probably seen us, well then yes," Lily smiled and she placed a hand over her mouth as she stifled a yawn.
James laughed lightly, "Well if it's any consolation, I slept better than I had in weeks. The waking up part is the only thing that hurts," he smiled ruefully. "Well, we'd better get back to our rooms. I'll see you in the kitchen, okay?" Lily smiled and they both went upstairs and went inside their respective bedrooms.
Minutes later, they saw each other at the foot of the stairs, so they decided to make their way to the kitchen together. When they entered, they were surprised to find Sirius there, sitting on the chair near the Spanish-tiled countertop, nursing a cup of coffee.
"Hey Sirius," Lily and James chorused as they walked to the bread basket to get something to eat. Lily took a bagel, and as she smeared some cream cheese on it, turned to find Sirius grinning a broad, wicked grin that Lily knew only too well.
"Alright, Sirius, admit it," she said in her firmest voice as she took a bite of her bagel. "I know that grin; it used to mean that you pulled a prank or that you have some blackmail material. Cough it up". James turned and groaned when he saw Sirius's smile.
"You know me to well, Lils," Sirius said, still grinning as he fished for something in his pocket. "But I'd like to know one thing. How was your night, Lily? You and James looked pretty cozy on the couch, I must say," and with that, he showed something to the couple, who made disbelieving gasps and turned to look at Sirius with incredulous looks on their faces.
"You—you took a picture. Of us. While we were sleeping," Lily said, her voice disbelieving. "Give it here, Sirius".
"Nah," Sirius said, looking as though he was enjoying himself. He turned the picture so he could see for himself, and sure enough, it was a moving print of Lily and James as they slept soundly together on the couch. "You look so sweet together here, hmm, I wonder how much I could get if I sold this photo to the Daily Prophet?" he said teasingly as he waved the photo tantalizingly in front of Lily.
Lily's eyes widened. "Don't you dare, Sirius!" She made a grab for the photo but he was too fast; he ran out of the kitchen, and Lily chased him, James laughing. Sirius ran outside and Lily followed, but then, just as she was near enough to be able to grab the photograph, Sirius tripped, and Lily, losing her balance, fell down on the snow-covered ground as well.
"You guys okay?" James said, laughter dancing across his eyes as he helped Lily up.
"Yeah," Lily said. "And I'll be taking that, if you please," and with one fluid motion, she swiped the photo out of Sirius's grasp and pocketed it.
"Fine, you keep it. I expect that you'll frame it and put it up on the wall and decorate it with little hearts," Sirius said teasingly. Lily glared mockingly at him as the group entered the house once more, to be met with Chelsea, who was looking at them with a questioning gaze on her face.
"What on earth happened to you three?"
..------..
There were only a few more hours till the Ministry New year's party, and the entire household was in a buzz. The house-elves were busy helping their Mr. and Mrs. Potter to get ready for another party they were to attend, and the four friends were excitedly anticipating the event.
"Can you imagine?" Chelsea said. "In a few more hours, we're going to have a New Year. Time flies fast, doesn't it?"
"Yeah," Lily said, looking at her friend from her very comfortable position on the couch, which happened to be with James's hand around her shoulder. "So much has happened this year though, but I'm looking forward to another year, personally," she looked significantly at James, and he smiled.
"I can't wait," Sirius said from his place by the fire. "The Ministry plans great New Year's parties, I remember last year, there were a lot of people having a great time, and many were drinking from a severely spiked punch bowl. Parents had to practically drag their children away from trying it".
Lily laughed and retorted, "Hmm, well, if I recall correctly, you were the one who spiked the punch, so I'm guessing that you had a great time".
"You spiked another punch bowl?" James asked Sirius, groaning. "Man, you used to do that in Hogwarts, McGonagall usually got you in detention during party nights. Too bad I missed that". The four laughed as one, until a clanking of the clock chime signified the arrival of five o'clock.
Chelsea and Lily stood up. "Well, we'd better get ready for the ball. We'll meet you at the stairs, okay?"
"What, you need two hours?" Sirius asked them, surprised. Chelsea merely gave him a peck on the cheek, and Lily merely waved as the two women left, leaving the best friends in the sitting room. "What on earth do girls do with themselves that they need two hours for it?" he asked James.
His best friend merely grinned. "I don't know, but who the hell cares? At least we love the result". Sirius merely rolled his eyes as the two left the room as well.
..------..
It was already a quarter to seven, and James and Sirius were waiting impatiently by the stairs, wearing very dashing and expensive-looking black dress robes. "Where are they, I want to go already!" Sirius grumbled impatiently as he paced the floor. James laughed lightly as he leaned casually on the banister, looking at his friend.
Suddenly, there was a light noise heard, and the two men looked up to see Chelsea arrive, wearing beautiful satin dress robes in a lovely shade of burgundy, that sparkled along with the diamonds she was wearing. Her hair was let down in loose curls, and she looked absolutely wonderful.
"You look great, Chelse," James said as she arrived at the bottom step, seeing that Sirius was still too dumbfounded for words. His best friend snapped out of it, however.
"Hey, you've got your own girl, go compliment her," Sirius told him. James laughed as Sirius kissed Chelsea lightly.
"Hey, where's Lily?" James asked her, now looking quite anxious.
"She's coming down in a second, she just had to fix her hair, I heard her grumbling about it not cooperating today as I went downstairs," Chelsea briefly explained. The group engaged in quiet chitchat for awhile.
Suddenly, Sirius, who was facing the staircase, stood open-mouthed. "She looks beautiful," was all he could say. Chelsea and James hurriedly turned around, and saw Lily descending down the stairs.
She was wearing royal blue robes with a lighter-shade of gossamer sleeves that spread out at the end. Her make-up was just right, and her hair was pinned up in a very becoming fashion. On her neck glistened the necklace that James had given her, and it set off her whole look beautifully.
Once she reached the bottom step, James turned to Sirius and said, "Hey, you've got your own girl, compliment her". The two men laughed and James turned to Lily, who was standing self-consciously in front of him, waiting for him to say something.
"So, how do I look?" she asked him.
"Well, let's put it this way. Not even the most beautiful star tonight will be able to compare to you," James told her, looking very serious. Lily laughed and rolled her eyes at his lame pick-up line.
Lily turned to the others. "Shall we go? We have five minutes till it starts". The group nodded, but before they could exit the foyer, a house elf came running up to them, bearing a camera that seemed to big for his size.
"Master Richard and Missis Margaret want Finney to take picture of you four," the house elf said breathlessly. The four looked at each other, but James nodded. Finney snapped his fingers, and a stool appeared. He climbed on to it, and positioned the camera.
"Somehow I feel like we are going to prom and the parents want a memorable picture of us," Lily, who was beside James, muttered to Chelsea, who was on her right.
"Prom? What's that?" James asked her interestedly.
"A traditional high-school party. It's a muggle thing," Lily briefly explained to him. He simply nodded, still not really understanding. The elf motioned for silence, and the four put on their best smiles.
There was a loud flash and after some smoke cleared up, the elf bowed to the four and left to develop the picture. James and the rest laughed as they reached the doorway and took a tattered old phonebook. They all touched it, and within seconds, and a flash of bright blue light later, they were gone.
..------..
"Wow," Chelsea whispered as they made their grand entrance in the grand ballroom. They were in the home of Lady Lisette Silverson, a wealthy figure in the wizarding world, and she had graciously volunteered to make her home the venue for the party.
All eyes were on them, and the girls felt a little self-conscious when they noticed. James and Sirius didn't' seem to mind. Once they had reached the bottom step, the four were immediately greeted with crowds of people, and they found themselves caught up in conversation for the next few minutes. The strains of the orchestra playing were lovely, and an air of anticipation was in the air as everyone awaited the coming of the New Year.
Suddenly, dinner was announced and they all headed to the very lavish dining hall to eat. It was a lovely occasion; there was a light murmur of polite conversation as they ate, and Sirius had succeeded in spiking the punch bowl again, much to the amusement of James and the dismay of the senior members of the Ministry.
Once dinner was over, there was only at least four more hours till New Year. During that time, they occupied themselves with dancing, performances, and talking. It seemed like everyone was having a great time.
Finally, it was already 11:30. Lily had been asked by many men to dance, and James did not like it at all. He sat down, observing Lily waltz with some stranger, who was looking at Lily smilingly.
James, for all his mischievousness and arrogance, was not a violent man. He wanted to throttle that stranger.
"Look at that guy, Sirius, he's making a move on Lily, I don't like it," James growled to his best friend, his eyes narrowed as he surveyed the couple. "And by Lily's expression, I think that she isn't enjoying herself as well".
Sirius groaned and said, "Yeah Prongs, and that explains perfectly why she's smiling widely? For goodness' sake, mate, calm down. If you don't like her dancing with other guys, then go cut in!"
"You know, you're right, why didn't I think of that before?" James said. He gave Sirius a grin and walked purposely towards the dancing couple. Once there, he tapped the shoulder of the guy and he respectfully bowed out.
"Hey," James said, grinning at the woman he loved. "May I have this dance?" Lily smiled and nodded, and James took her hand as the orchestra began to strike up a new, slow, tune. They fit together perfectly; they danced together in perfect rhythm, and they looked-and felt-so right for each other. Their eyes were closed as they slow danced, basking themselves in this bliss. They suddenly came crashing painfully down to earth when the orchestra gradually stopped playing and the host took center stage.
"Good evening, everyone! Now, only three minutes more till we welcome the New Year and the question on my mind is: Who will be your first kiss of the year? Couples, especially those on the dance floor, even if you are just friends, are strongly encouraged to share their first kiss together-on the lips- as soon as New Year hits, because they say that friendships will be intensified, and romance will blossom and strengthen even more. Two minutes more, everyone!" the host, a male wizard in very stylish grey robes, said enthusiastically.
Lily and James stared at each other after hearing this. Lily's heart was thumping wildly in her chest, and so was James, and they waited in anticipation for someone to speak. Finally, James spoke, saying tentatively, "Lily, I mean, we are here and all, so uh, not that it'll ruin our friendship or anything, but can---can I---?"
Despite herself, she said, "Just a light peck on the lips, I don't feel too comfortable about anything deep with anyone who isn't my boyfriend".
"I'll take what I can get," James grinned roguishly up at her, and she resisted the urge to laugh. Overhead, the host was giving the countdown. "Ten….nine….eight….seven….six…five…four….three….two…..ONE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!" As he said that, everyone clapped and fireworks began erupting outside. Across the house, various couples and well, more adventurous people, began to receive their New Year's Kiss.
James, deciding that it was now or never, suddenly leaned in and pressed his lips to Lily's in a very light peck on the lips that, when he pulled away and they both smiled, secretly left them longing for more.
He gathered Lily into a hug, and as the orchestra began to strike up again, James took her hand and they began to dance again, now closer to each other than before.
"I love you," James suddenly whispered. Shocked, Lily pulled away from him and gave him a startled, surprised, and suspicious stare.
"James I—look let's talk upstairs, people are staring. The outside is too noisy anyway." Lily said quietly as she took James's hand and led him upstairs, and into one of the guest bedrooms, where they were conveniently alone.
"What did you just say to me?" Lily asked him, refusing to meet his eyes.
"I love you," James said, as if it were the most obvious and simple thing in the entire world. "I have ever since we were at Hogwarts and-----".
Tensing up, Lily interrupted, "James, I----no, you don't love me, you only had a crush on me back then and----".
"Maybe so, but I know how I feel about you. If I wasn't sure before, I'm sure now," James replied, frowning. This wasn't going the way that he imagined. He had not expected Lily to rush into his arms and tell him that she loved him too, but he had not expected her to be this disbelieving and doubtful as well. A simple thank-you would have sufficed, damn it.
"No James, this is impossible. We're friends, for goodness' sake, all you feel for me is friendship! You have a distorted view of it, but all you feel for me is friendship, nothing more!" Lily said, her voice cracking, as she began to look even more nervous.
"I thought so too, at first!" James replied, not liking the way that this was going. "Look, yes, I admit, when we were at Hogwarts, I only had a crush on you, I thought it would eventually go away. But then I saw you, again, and when we became friends, when I saw this whole other side of you, my feelings only intensified even more. I chalked it up to friendship at first, but there was no point denying it. It was love; I never gave up on you".
"You—you can't be in love with me, that's ridiculous! I-I don't love you," Lily whispered, her heart breaking just to see James's pained expression as she said those words. It was hard enough just saying those words at all.
He laughed mirthlessly. "I never expected you to, Lily. But I never expected you to be this negative about it. But tell me something," a spark suddenly came into his eyes, his voice hardening. "You keep repeating over and over that I don't love you. Tell me, who are you trying to convince, me, or yourself?" Lily knew the answer right away, but she opted to say nothing.
"Lily, listen to me. I tried to ignore these feelings for awhile, but now, I can't. You're the only woman I've ever loved like this, Lily. The only one. I'm in love with you, but if you think that I'm being selfish, or that I'm making everything difficult, then-----".
"James, please, stop it. I—I can't handle this right now, okay? I have to go," and with that, Lily turned and ran out as fast as her feet would permit and, not caring or remembering about her things in the Potter mansion, she Apparated directly to her own apartment.
"Damn it!" James cursed loudly, kicking the antique armoire in frustration. "I can't believe that just happened, she doesn't love me, she doesn't even believe that I do, what a wonderful way to start the year," he told himself sarcastically as he sat down, contemplating on what to do.
Once Lily arrived at her apartment, she kicked off her shoes and ran towards her bedroom. Once there, she flung herself on the bed, and then allowed the tears to flow. Outside, the noisy clamor of the fireworks only worsened her mood.
"Good going, Evans," her sub-conscious told her sarcastically, "You're doing it again. Running away whenever you're faced with something you don't know how to handle. You seem to very good at it, don't you think? You ruined a chance of a lifetime, you broke his heart, you should be ashamed of yourself!"
"I couldn't help it," Lily answered back. "He just suddenly said it, out of the blue, how the hell am I supposed to take it? I don't want to be hurt; he doesn't really love me anyway".
"James was right, it's not him you're convincing, it's you," her sub-conscious said. "And that's just sad and pathetic". And right then and there, Lily realized something. James was absolutely right.
Everything he had said earlier was all sincere and true. He really did love her, and for some reason, she did not want to accept it. And for the first time in a very long time, Lily Elizabeth Evans felt scared and ashamed.
And not because she had just about ruined her wonderful friendship with James Potter by the way she acted.
It also wasn't because she hurt him so badly that she couldn't bear to look at him without having her own heart break again.
No. Lily Evans was scared and ashamed because, whatever else she might have appeared to be, whatever she might have thought, denied, and said, there was no avoiding the fact that she was falling in love with him as well.
She just didn't have the guts to tell him.
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Well? How was that for drama and confession? It was quite sad, but this was one of my favorite chapters to write. Hope it is for you too, just let me know!
I'm almost done with this story. The next chapter is going to be quite dramatic with a bit of a cliffhanger, I guess. The only clue I'm giving is that something will ruin a moment. But until then………..