Disclaimer: I wouldn't lie: I don't own Naruto.
(Track 14)
Chapter 14: Forgiveness
A few months later, and a few weeks before Sakura was due.
"Looks like you made some good tips tonight," one of Sakura's coworkers commented as Sakura counted her money at the end of the night.
"Yeah, I got a few big groups who were very generous, I think because I look so pregnant now. I feel bad, they really don't have to give me extra or anything."
"Just appreciate it, girl. Oh, and your husband's here to walk you home. You know, this is the first I've gotten to catch a glimpse at him. He's very good looking, if you don't mind me saying so," her friend remarked with a wink.
"Yes he is," Sakura replied with a sigh. "Well, I better not keep him waiting. I'll see you tomorrow." She waved as she left the back room and met Sasuke outside. As they had started walking down the street, Sakura commented to him, "You know, you really don't have to meet me here every night. I'm fine walking home by myself."
Sasuke just shoved his hands into his pockets and didn't say anything in response. Sakura took that to mean he was going to keep coming every night anyway. Well, she didn't really mind the company, even though rarely did either of them say anything during the walk. Throughout the months they had been living together, they eventually were able to pick back up where they had left off as comrades from 3 years ago, and while Sakura was very content in their growing friendship, she sometimes wondered if Sasuke ever felt more than that.
After they had returned to the apartment, Sakura immediately went back to the bedroom change out of her work outfit. "Sasuke-kun!" she called from the bedroom as she walked toward the door and opened. "Did you already take your shower..ahh!" she cried out in surprise as she nearly walked into him, not realizing he had come up to the door thinking that something might have been wrong.
When Sasuke nodded to her in reply, she responded, "Ok, then I'm going to go ahead and take mine and go to bed."
"You've been going to bed early lately," he observed. She was still getting used to Sasuke offering a comment without being prompted, although it still didn't happen as often as she would like.
"Yeah, due this lovely condition of pregnancy I feel tired all the time, and it doesn't help that I have trouble sleeping at night. If it's not my back aching, it's the baby kicking, or I have to get up and go to the bathroom all the time…sorry, you probably don't want to hear this," she apologized as she lowered her gaze.
"It doesn't bother me." I'm the reason you're suffering through it right now, he thought.
When she looked back up at him, Sakura realized they were still standing fairly close to each other in the doorway of the bedroom, and she temporarily forgot about taking a shower as she was distracted by his dark eyes that were gazing back at her.
Every once in a while, it would seem like she would catch a glimpse of something in the way he looked at her, or feel something tangible in the space between them. But it was so rare and fleeting that she could never be sure if it was anything more than just her imagination, and the only evidence she had even made such a momentary observation was the excited feeling it left behind in the pit of her stomach every time. And this was one of those times.
Her heart pounded in her chest as she found herself wondering once again what exactly was the nature of his feelings behind that ever-composed exterior when she suddenly jumped back at the sound of a knock at the door. Who could – oh no! They weren't supposed to be here for another few days! Sasuke is definitely going to kill me!
Willing herself to be calm as she saw the look of confusion spread across his features, Sakura slowly spoke as she walked to the front door, "Sasuke-kun, now, I know this is going to be a bit of shock, and you're not going to like what I did, but-"
"Who is it, Sakura?" he interrupted.
"Well…um…well, you might as well just see for yourself," she concluded as she reached over to the knob and swung open the door and Sasuke's eyes widened in shock.
"Yo!"
"Holy crap, Sakura-chan! You've gotten HUGE!"
About a month prior Sakura had brought up the suggestion of returning to Konoha.
"No! Absolutely no!" Sasuke shouted at her.
"But why not? Huh? Do you really think you can take on both Itachi and Kisame? Don't forget they always travel in pairs. And even if Kisame agreed to let you have a one-on-one fight and you defeat Itachi, do you think he's just going to walk away? You'd still have another serious battle ahead of you. You're strong, but to take on two Akatsuki members back-to-back if not simultaneously, by yourself isn't very smart, and I'd really prefer you coming back alive," she reasoned. "And it makes a lot more sense than just sitting here in this apartment. We'll never find Itachi this way. If you're serious about this, then you're more likely to run into your brother if you stick close to Naruto; he is his target if you remember," she yelled back at him.
"Yeah, I remember. Do you think I could ever forget that day? You know what I discovered that day? That even after all that training, after all that work, I was no closer to beating Itachi than when we were younger! And not only that, but he had no interest in me, only Naruto! Do you know what it's like to have the person who took everything away from you fling you aside like you're nothing? Do you?" He glared at her angrily.
"No," she answered meekly, "no, I don't know what that'd be like. I'm sorry…I-"
"What are you sorry for? You're always apologizing. I'm the one who…" he trailed off instead of finishing what he was going to say. "If you want to go back, you're more than welcome to, but I'm staying here."
Not sure whether to be furious with him or pity him, Sakura let the subject drop, although she was already developing plans in her mind. Fine, if you won't go back to Konoha, then I'll bring him to you. You're going to need help whether you want to admit it or not, and besides you need to face him at some point anyway. So even though you may hate me for doing this, it's something you need to do, and there's a better way to do this than how you're going about it.
"I can't believe how big you've gotten!" Naruto exclaimed as he lifted his pink-haired friend up in the air.
"Do you have to say it like that!" Sakura complained in annoyance as she bopped him on the head and he put her back down.
"I'm sorry, Sakura-chan, I just can't get over it," he replied with a bemused look on his face as he stared at her swollen abdomen.
"Right…so how are you doing, Kakashi-sensei? Was the trip ok? I wasn't expecting you for a few days yet," Sakura conversed in a much sweeter tone.
"Everything was…well, the trip went ok," he replied vaguely. "Long time no see, Sasuke," he called to the boy who hadn't moved since Sakura opened the door.
"Hn," was his only reply as he walked over to the couch and sat down on it, arms crossed.
"I see he hasn't changed much," Kakashi commented.
"Well, you guys showed up just as I was about to get ready for bed, but I can stay up for a while," she offered as she quickly changed the subject.
Naruto replied, "It's ok, go ahead to bed if you're tired." Kakashi nodded in agreement.
"Are you sure?" Sakura asked as she looked between the two of them.
"Yes, I think you should, too. You were complaining of being tired earlier," Sasuke practically ordered from behind her.
"Well…ok, if everyone insists. Good night then." She waved awkwardly at Kakashi before turning to give Naruto a hug and walking back into the bathroom to take a quick shower. As she closed the door behind her, she thought, Well, that was uncomfortable. I wonder if they were purposely trying to get rid of me. Suddenly staring at the door with a nervous expression, she tried to convince herself that everything would be fine with Kakashi there to mediate. She tried not to think too much about the possibility that the apartment might not be in one piece in the morning as she finished up her shower and waved to everyone as she walked across the hall and into the bedroom to go to sleep.
Everyone in the living had waited until Sakura had gone to bed before venturing to say anything. But now that Sakura had entered the bedroom, Naruto stared at Sasuke's profile, trying to hold back his rage at the boy's silence. "Aren't you happy to see us, Sasuke?" Naruto questioned through clenched teeth.
"I didn't invite you," was all Sasuke gave for a response. "And keep your voice down, unless you're trying to keep Sakura from sleeping," he accused.
"Do you want to take this outside?" Naruto challenged back.
"After you," he replied back.
"Ok, I think it's about time for me to interrupt," Kakashi butted in. "Maybe we should all just go to sleep and hold off the nice chat until the morning?" he suggested cheerfully.
"Fine," both boys answered simultaneously.
Eying the one futon and the one couch, Naruto asked in his typical manner, "So if there's 3 of us, where do I sleep?"
Sasuke observed him eyeing the closed bedroom door. "Don't even think about it, we have extra blankets and I'll just sleep on the floor," he explained as he went over to the closet only to discover that Sakura had thought ahead and already bought or rented another two futons. Not wanting to admit his lack of knowledge, Sasuke just silently spread the other two futons on the living room floor as Kakashi ordered Naruto to move the couch and coffee table off to the side.
After he could hear that Kakashi had fallen asleep, Sasuke quietly got up and looked over at Naruto's futon to see it was already unoccupied. He's getting good, I didn't even hear him, Sasuke thought. Immediately taking note that Naruto was sitting at the kitchen table already dressed, Sasuke quickly threw on his clothes and they almost made it out the door before Kakashi warned, most likely with a smirk beneath his mask, "You two better not burden Sakura with having to heal you two in the morning."
Naruto just grinned while Sasuke smirked as they entered the hallway and closed the door quietly behind them. Sakura, who was having trouble sleeping watched from the window as two shadowed figures left the building. Her first instinct was to run after them, but she stopped herself. No, they need time to work things out between themselves; I'll only get in the way. Besides, I have a few questions for Kakashi-sensei. I just sincerely hope they don't kill each other in the meantime. Ignoring her strong sense of worry, Sakura walked out into the living room.
"Kakashi-sensei," she whispered, "are you awake?"
"Yeah," he replied casually, although he made no move to get up; his back was to her.
She sat down on the couch and tucked her legs underneath her. "So why'd you show up early?" she asked him.
"I figured we should stop here first before traveling to the Sand village to check up on you two."
"I see. So you don't know any information yet?"
"No, but we'll leave in the morning and be back in a few days with hopefully some news."
"So how mad was Tsunade-sama when you left?"
"Pretty furious," he replied simply.
"I'm guessing I've got quite a punishment racked up against me for when I return," she remarked with a smile.
"Probably," he answered light-heartedly before turning serious, "but you know he's going to have it a lot worse if we can convince him to return."
"I know," she replied quietly.
"Sakura, what are you doing here?" he questioned her.
The two boys reached the clearing and turned to face one another, neither one speaking a word, the only noise was the wind blowing in the trees surrounding them. Finally, Sasuke broke the silence between them. "So you want to finish our fight from before, huh?" Sasuke remarked, glaring at his former teammate as he fell back into a fighting stance.
Naruto stared just as intensely back at him. "If that's what you want."
"Then why'd you come out here then if not to fight?"
"I want answers from you. I want an explanation," he cried out in exasperation.
"Oh," Sasuke replied as he relaxed in his stance. Well, I might as well say it now, I have to do this at some point. Sasuke let out a sigh before beginning the apology he had practiced. "I'm…I'm sorry, Naruto, for trying to kill you back at the Valley of the End. Especially now with the curse seal gone, I can really see how far I let myself go. But even with the curse seal, and seeing my brother again, that's no excuse for what I attempted. And the only reason I tried to kill you was because he said that if I did, I would gain-"
"Who cares about that! I'm talking about what you did to Sakura-chan!" Naruto interrupted.
"…what?" Sasuke asked, feeling uncharacteristically dumfounded. "You mean you don't…you mean you forgive me for that?"
"Sure," Naruto shrugged. "I'm not saying I don't feel hurt by it, but that's not going to stop me from doing whatever it takes to convince you to come back to Konoha."
"Why?"
"Because you're my friend, Sasuke. Because you…you became like a brother to me. And because of that, I'll never give up on you," Naruto said defiantly.
"You believe in me too much. I'm only going to disappoint you again," Sasuke replied flatly as he started walking back toward the apartment building.
"Sasuke!" Naruto called, not moving from the spot where he was standing. He waited for Sasuke to stop and turn back around. "How could you hurt Sakura-chan like that? Do you have any idea what you put her through when you left her? I had to watch her every day put on a fake smile and pretend that everything was all right, and it pained me every time I saw how miserable she really was. And it's all because of you! How could you do something like that?"
Sasuke remained silent for a few minutes before answering. "I don't have an excuse or a good explanation for why I did it. I thought I was doing the right thing by leaving her for good, but really, I never should have went to her in the first place. Do you think I don't regret that? I never meant to hurt her, I just thought…I don't know what I was thinking. If it were up to me, I'd leave her alone from now on. It'd be easier on her that way. But she insisted on coming with me, so if that's what she wanted…well, I'm trying my best to take care of her, but I can't give her what she really wants."
Naruto answered right away to assure him, "You'd hurt her more by leaving again. It's you she wants to be with. Anyway, can't you understand that despite what you've done, we still want you around, both of us? So after you fight Itachi, what do you have planned? Are you going to run away again, or are you going to return to Konoha?"
So he's not going to insist that I come back right now, huh? "I don't know what I'm going to do," he replied as he once again started walking back toward the apartment. He was definitely starting to feel awkward with the conversation.
"Sasuke!" Naruto called once again, still not having moved from that spot.
"What is it this time?" Sasuke called as he kept walking.
"Don't you at least want to have a little sparring match? I'm sure you're dying to know where you stand against me," Naruto taunted, knowing very well what type of situation made his former teammate feel more at ease.
"Where I stand against you?" Sasuke replied as he stopped and raised an eyebrow at him. "You won't be able to put one scratch on my forehead," he claimed arrogantly as he tapped it with his thumb. Now this was a more comfortable situation.
"Even so, you still should put this on," Naruto suggested as he tossed something over to his friend and rival. Sasuke caught it and stared down at his old forehead protector. He slowly ran his finger along the scratch Naruto had made during that battle. As he was doing so, Naruto made the comment, "Nothing that can't be fixed."
A smirk gradually gracing his features, Sasuke tied the forehead protector in place and assumed a fighting stance as Naruto also readied himself for the fight. Thank you, Naruto.
The next morning, Sakura took Naruto with her to run some errands just as Kakashi had asked her to the night before so that he could speak with Sasuke alone. They walked through the town stopping at various shops to replenish the supplies for Kakashi and Naruto's trip to the Sand village. Their conversation had been casual and about general topics, until they left the grocery store to make their way back to the apartment.
"So how are things really going, Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked finally.
Sakura had been wondering when he was going to bring up the subject, and she hadn't planned on bringing it up herself if he wasn't. "They're going well. I'm happy here, although I definitely miss being back in Konoha, my family, and I've even missed you," Sakura teased with a smile.
"And Sasuke?"
"He treats me well. He actually started training me in genjutsu recently, by his suggestion, too." Naruto made no attempt at a reply, so Sakura continued, "We get along pretty well, and he seems to be opening up a little bit more. I really don't mind living here."
"But does he love you?" Naruto asked.
Sakura sighed. "I honestly don't know how he feels, but probably not. But I haven't really expected that from him for a long time," her voice trailed off.
"Has he tried to…"
Sakura shook her head, knowing what Naruto was going to say before he could finish his sentence. "No, nothing like that has happened between us again." They walked the rest of the way back in silence until they reached the apartment building.
"Oh, crap! I forgot to pick up napkins, we're all out," Sakura spoke in frustration. "I can go back if you want to go ahead up to the apartment."
"Don't be ridiculous, you go up and I'll go back and buy some."
"Are you sure you don't mind?" Sakura asked him.
"No, go relax and take it easy, I can run out and back quickly," he insisted.
"Ok, I'll see you in a bit then," Sakura called as he was already running back in the direction they had walked. She smiled at his enthusiasm as she climbed the steps to the apartment. I sure do miss having him around, Sakura thought cheerfully as she came up to the door. She was about to open the door when she overheard Kakashi and Sasuke's conversation.
"This was all her idea," she overheard Sasuke say in what sounded to be a frustrated tone as she pressed her ear up against the door. I guess he's talking about insisting that he take me with him, she surmised.
"Well, Naruto and I will be gone for a few days. I suggest you make your decision and tell her how you feel before then." It was more difficult to make out what Kakashi was saying since he was talking in his usual casual tone.
Is Kakashi-sensei telling Sasuke he has to decide how he feels about me within the next few days? But why would he insist on that? Hearing no more words being exchanged, Sakura very audibly turned the knob and opened the door. "I'm back!" she called cheerily as she walked into the entryway.
"Ah, where's Naruto? He didn't get lost did he?" Kakashi asked jokingly.
"No, I just forgot something so he went back to buy it. He should be back in a few minutes," she explained. Sasuke didn't bother to say anything or even look up at her from where he was standing in the living room. "Are you two leaving as soon as Naruto gets back?"
"Yeah," Kakashi replied.
An awkward silence descended upon the room as all three of them looked off into different directions. "Oh yeah!" Sakura exclaimed. "I bought some o-bentou (boxed lunches) for you guys to take with you. It's my treat since I can't go with you guys. I would have liked to visit Chiyo-baa-sama's grave," Sakura spoke a little sadly. But someone has to stay and make sure Sasuke-kun doesn't try to run off again, and I can't travel nearly as fast as Kakashi-sensei and Naruto in my condition, so I'm stuck here, Sakura thought, recalling what she and Kakashi had discussed the previous night.
"That was a nice gesture, Sakura. And I'll be sure to pay a visit there for you," Kakashi replied.
"I'd appreciate it," Sakura spoke softly.
At that moment, Naruto flung open the door and entered the room with his usual exuberance. "I'm back!" Naruto called. "What did I miss?"
After Sakura wished each of them a goodbye, Kakashi and Naruto set off for the Sand village, and Sakura and Sasuke were once again left alone in their apartment.
Sakura immediately occupied herself by putting away all the things she had purchased that morning.
"So were you going to tell me they were coming?" Sasuke blatantly asked her.
Sakura let out a sigh. She hadn't heard that tone of voice since they had fought over a very similar subject. "Yes? Maybe…I hadn't decided yet, and I was supposed to have another few days to think it over. I knew you'd be mad about this, but that wasn't why I was hesitating to tell you. It was because I thought you might run off again if you found out." She didn't hear any response from Sasuke behind her. "And I'm not sure if you know why they're here, but the reason-"
"I know. Kakashi-sensei already told me," he interrupted.
Sakura slowly turned around as Sasuke walked up behind her, and was shocked when she felt a pair of arms wrap around her tightly. Swallowing hard, she soon wrapped her arms around his body to return the hug that had taken her by surprise.
I was planning on doing this alone, I thought that was the only way I could achieve my revenge. But maybe it is better this way, he contemplated before whispering the words, "Thank you," in her ear. He felt her squeeze him tighter as he spoke them, and he took in the feeling of her closeness as she did so.
After a few minutes, Sasuke released his hold on her and took a step back. Suddenly feeling very awkward with his action, he quickly explained, "I'm going to go train by myself. I probably won't be back for a while, so I'll see you when you get back from work." Sakura looked like she was about to say something, but he spoke first, "And don't worry, I'm not going anywhere. I will be back." He took one more step back before turning and walking out the door.
Sakura just stood unmoving for a few minutes yet, not sure what to make of what just happened; it certainly wasn't what she was expecting, and she wasn't sure what to expect next. Her heart pounded heavily in her chest as she recalled Kakashi's words about Sasuke making a decision about her.
Sasuke had sprinted as fast as he could the entire way to the clearing where they normally trained. He paused for a moment to lean against a tree when he arrived there. I can't believe I just did that. Why did I hug her like that? I didn't even realize I was doing it until I had already done it. She had just looked so…vulnerable as she was trying to explain herself, thinking I'd be mad at her. Well, I was trying to be for doing that behind my back, but…she's right in that as much as I'd prefer to not have them involved in this, I probably can't do this alone. When she had said that she and Naruto were willing to help me, I never thought they'd do anything like this.
He let out a sigh as the end of the conversation he had had with Kakshi played over again in his mind.
"What do you intend to do about your revenge, Sasuke?" Kakashi asked him.
And he responded angrily with, "If you're asking me if I'm going to choose to stay with her or fulfill my revenge, you should already know my answer from my actions last time. I never wanted to bring her here, but she insisted on it. So I brought her along. I had no intention on fighting Itachi with her here, so I got her to agree to go back to Konoha when it came close to the time for the baby to be born, so I was going to start searching for him then and just train in the meantime. I never had any intention of putting her in danger."
"I guess she didn't tell you then," Kakashi mused.
"Tell me what?"
"Why Naruto and I are here. Team 7 was assigned a mission. Itachi and Kisame had been sighted traveling outside the border of the Wind Country, so Naruto and I are leaving shortly to get all the information we can to track them down and take them out. You've been assigned this mission, too, if you'd like to accept it. The Hokage-sama has been gracious enough to agree to reduce your punishment if you accept and succeed in this mission, thanks to constant letter writing from Sakura. She sent a letter every day for weeks for Naruto to deliver to Tsunade until she caved in. Sakura's been quite persistent on your behalf. You should be more than grateful to her," he lectured him. "Not only is she making arrangements for you to fulfill your revenge, she did so in a way to not only increase your chances of success but also make it easier for you to return to Konoha."
Sasuke hadn't responded but the words hit him pretty hard.
Kakashi continued, "And you know what else Sakura told me? I had asked her last night why she was here, and do you know what her answer was?" Kakashi hadn't expected any response from the boy, so he answered right away. "'He's clearly set on this path of revenge. I can't understand the pain he suffered, but it must have been great if he feels the only way to resolve it is to kill his brother. So if his heart is set on going down this dark path, I'm at least going to make sure he doesn't go down it alone so when he reaches the end, he'll have someone there to pick him up and guide him back if he needs it.' That's what she said, Sasuke. She's not making you choose. And Naruto isn't either because he feels the same way and is eager to help you in whatever way he can. And while I still don't like the idea of revenge, you can thank those two for convincing me that at least this way is better than you doing it alone. You have a choice in letting the darkness of your revenge continue to take over your heart, or letting your friends in to help bear the load and at the same time start to work your way back to being a ninja of Konoha." He paused a moment before bringing up the question he had already asked. "So all that's left is what are you going to do about your revenge? Are you going to accept this mission, accept our help, or do you still insist on doing it on your own and outside the framework of Konoha?"
The only thing he could say at the time was, "This was all her idea?" It was a question, but it came out sounding more like a statement from still trying to wrap his mind around what all she had done for his sake, and sort through a mixture of anger and gratitude that conflicted within him.
"Well, Naruto and I will be gone for a few days. I suggest you make your decision and tell her how you feel before then." Kakashi spoke in his usual casual tone.
Sasuke sighed again. He had convinced himself for so long that he had to do this alone, that only he could take care of this task. There were a number of reasons that would make his decision rather obvious: he'd have a higher success rate certainly if it were 3 against 2; it would make his return to Konoha easier if he wanted to go back, although he was sure there'd still be plenty of punishment waiting for him; he wouldn't have to feel alone anymore. The last reason was the most convincing and the most hindering at the same time. But he let himself smile a little as he thought of Naruto's comment when he gave him his forehead protector back, and how much Sakura had done to bring this about. He certainly didn't deserve teammates like that, he knew that for sure, but could he accept what they were offering him? He used the entire day to go over that very question in his mind as he trained to the point of exhaustion before returning to the apartment after dark.
Sakura was already asleep in her room when he returned, so he quietly showered and got ready for bed and went to sleep himself. He woke up in the middle of the night, though. He sat up and strained his ears trying to figure out what woke him up. He could vaguely hear muffled noises coming from the bedroom. Sasuke quietly walked up to the door and pressed his ear against it. Is she crying? he thought from what he could make from the sounds. He cautiously opened the door and found her curled up on her side on the bed, her back facing him. Her body was shaking, so he guessed that indeed she was crying. A little hesitant to disturb her, but unsure if it was something serious that he should check on her just in case, he spoke up to alert her of his presence, "What's wrong?" He had meant it to come out with more concern, but his voice wasn't used to conveying such emotions anymore.
He watched as her body stiffened before she sat up in the bed, leaning on her arms behind her. "Nothing, I'm fine," she responded blankly.
"Do you…do you want to talk about it?" he forced himself to ask. It didn't seem as serious as the last time she was upset, but it was still the least he could offer after all he now knows she's done for him.
She shook her head, her tears glinting in the moonlight streaming in through the window.
"I think you should," Sasuke insisted, somehow gaining a little more confidence that this was the right thing to do. "Come out to the living room." When she didn't make any indication she was about to move, he added, "I don't mind listening." It's the least I can do…
Sakura took a deep breath and threw off the covers and followed him out to the living room. She lazily plopped down onto the couch as Sasuke hesitantly sat down next to her, but not too close. "Um…what is it this time?" Sasuke asked when he saw she made no attempt to start the conversation.
"It's always something with me, isn't it?" she responded bitterly. "Always something I'm crying about."
"I…uh…I didn't mean-"
"I was just thinking about what I did. Talking to Kakashi-sensei reminded me of exactly how low I let myself fall. I let you have sex with me! I did that, it was my fault! I brought this upon myself, and I hate myself for being so stupid!" she screamed as she held her round stomach.
"But I asked you to do it."
"But you didn't force me, I decided to do it. How could I be so stupid!" she shouted again.
Sasuke nervously tried to work up the courage to say the words he'd been meaning to say to her. She needed to hear them. "If you're this upset…if you're this upset about it, think of how I feel knowing that if it weren't for me, it never would have happened." She turned to him in shock at finally hearing something of how he feels. She looked at him with wide eyes that begged to hear more from him. Sasuke dropped his gaze in shame, "I'm sorry, Sakura. You don't know how many times I've cursed myself for ever even coming up with the idea, let alone carrying it out and hurting you and using you like that. I still can't believe I actually did that," he managed to get out, though his breath was a bit shaky. "But don't blame yourself, because I know you did it for my sake, so let me take all the blame for it. It's what I deserve."
But at his words, Sakura only started to cry harder. Did I say something wrong? I was trying to make her feel better about herself by- his thoughts were cut off as she suddenly threw herself on him, wrapping her arms around his body and crying violently into his chest. He gently placed a hand on her head and lightly ran his fingers through her hair, letting her cry on him for as long as she needed to.
After a while, without lifting her head up Sakura finally spoke up again, "Sasuke-kun, why did you do that? Why did you come to me?"
Sasuke looked down at her, but made no reply.
"Was it just for an heir before it was too late? Was that the only reason?" she questioned him.
"I…I don't know," he finally responded.
Sakura pulled herself away from the embrace and simply nodded. Wiping away her tears with the back of her hand she stood up. "I'm going to go back to bed now, I think I want to be alone now," she said solemnly as Sasuke watched her walk back into the bedroom and close the door behind her. He wished he could be for her what she wanted him to be.
Sasuke then also stood up from the couch and climbed back into his futon on the floor, but sleep eluded him for the remainder of the night.
Sasuke had once again spent the entire day training by himself, but this time when he came home, although the apartment was dark, he noticed that the bedroom door had been left open. Walking over, he paused in the doorway as he took in the sight of Sakura sitting on the windowpane gazing out the open window; she was bathed in moonlight. Not wanting to disturb the serenity of the scene, he remained silent where he was. A few moments later though, Sakura sensed his presence and slowly turned her head around to face him.
"Welcome home," she spoke softly to him across the room.
"What…what are you doing sitting at the window like that?" he asked in low tones. "Can't sleep?"
She placed her hand on her stomach as she replied, "Yeah, the baby's been kicking a lot tonight. But this is something I do whenever I feel lonely, look up at the stars," she explained. "The moon's nearly full tonight, it's really pretty."
"Do you feel lonely here with me?" he questioned her from across the room.
"Sometimes," she remarked with a smile. "You have a tendency to go off in your own world, so I do feel a little like I'm alone, sometimes."
"Hn." Lonely, huh?
They looked at each other for a few minutes, neither one venturing to speak. But eventually, Sakura broke the silence. "What are you thinking, Sasuke-kun?" she asked quietly.
"I think I have an answer to what you asked me last night," he replied.
"What was the question again? I can't remember."
"You asked me why I came to you in the first place," he answered.
"Oh." She paused before nervously prompting, "So what's the answer?"
"I guess part of it was because I felt lonely. And it always seemed a little better when I was around you. I'm sorry I was so selfish." Sakura made no reply but just kept staring at him from her position at the window. Sasuke began to stammer slightly, "I guess…I guess those words you had said at our parting, they…they…you don't know how many times those words played over and over again in my mind. And no matter how resolved I tried to be to put them out of mind, they never left me. So eventually I started to devise a plan, and over time, the plan replaced the original reason. But I never really planned to carry it out, just thinking of the possibility helped relieve the loneliness some. But one night, I caved in and left Sound for Konoha. Do you know what night that was?"
Sakura shook her head.
"It was the night my brother killed my clan. I'm not trying to excuse my behavior or decisions, I was selfish and I used you. I just…I just thought you'd want to know since you're always asking me what I'm thinking." Sasuke turned and began to walk away, but Sakura quickly closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around him from behind when she reached him.
"Please, Sasuke-kun, stop," she begged as a few tears ran down her cheeks. "I forgive you, Sasuke-kun. I forgive you. Please, don't leave. Just stay with me for a little bit."
But instead of replying, he pulled out of her embrace, but immediately turned around and bent down until his lips met hers. He lifted his hands up and caressed her face as he continued to kiss her desperately. He felt the door that he had done his best to close on his emotions nearly 10 years ago, the door that had been threatening to open back up since he joined team 7, the hinges of which that had been loosened from Naruto's words the other day, now flung itself wide open with Sakura's words of forgiveness.
Letting his hands drop from her face, he quickly enclosed them around her waist and pulled her in closer to him as he felt her wrap her arms around his neck. After a few minutes, Sakura felt him guide her slowly over to the bed and he laid her down gently on it as he stretched himself out on top of her, careful not to put much weight on her stomach as his kisses moved from her lips to her check, then down to her neck. Sakura's heart raced faster than it ever had in her life as she felt his lips and hands caress her body so gently yet desperately. She closed her eyes from the overwhelming sensation before opening them again when she no longer felt his lips on her neck to find him gazing at her, his face close to hers.
She swallowed hard and stared back up at him. How am I going to tell him that I'm not ready for that yet? she asked herself as she tried to work up the courage. But I don't want him to change his mind because of that. But I just can't right now, I'm not ready yet.
As she was still devising how to word it, she heard Sasuke say gently, "We don't have to, I understand," as he slowly dropped down onto the bed next to her, his arm draped just above her round stomach. He slid his other arm underneath her neck as he rested comfortably beside her, still not even sure what exactly he was feeling at that moment, but not particularly caring.
After getting her heart rate back down to normal and pulling herself out of the bubble of disbelief, Sakura rolled onto her side to face Sasuke. "Thank you," she gratefully expressed to him.
Still feeling the rush of all the feelings he had been hiding, repressing, and denying for so long coming to the surface, and even acting on some of those, Sasuke furrowed his brow as he replied, "You don't have to thank me. You've done a lot more for me."
A tender smile spread across her face before she suddenly cried out, "Oh!"
"What?" he asked, a little concerned.
"The baby started kicking really badly all of a sudden," she informed him.
"He did?"
"He? You think it'll be a boy then?"
"I don't know, maybe," he replied. And then without a word, for the first time, he slid his hand down to gently rest it on her stomach to feel the movements of the baby, their baby, growing inside. Sakura gave a momentary look of surprise, but her expression quickly softened as she covered his hand with hers, their fingers eventually interlacing as Sasuke leaned in to kiss her once again. Is this really happening? Can I really do this? he doubted himself as he did so.
When they had ended the kiss, Sakura once again cried out, "Oh!"
"Is he kicking again?"
"No, a craving just suddenly hit."
"I'll get it. The usual?" Sakura nodded her head. "What topping this time?"
"Hmm, chocolate syrup sounds good."
"I'll be right back." He then climbed out of bed, but before he exited the room, though, he walked over to the dresser they shared and tossed her pajamas to her while he took his own with him to change into in the bathroom.
As he was getting the dessert, Sakura changed into her pajamas and sat back down on the bed, still feeling like she was half in a daze. She couldn't believe it, Sasuke did feel that way about her. The feeling was more overwhelming than she ever could have imagined. But she tried to contain her excitement as Sasuke returned with the ice cream.
"I know my appetite's increased, but one bowl would have been plenty for me," she remarked, nodding to the more than one bowl he was carrying.
"One's for me," he replied.
"I thought you didn't like sweet desserts."
"I don't, but I thought I'd try to figure out what you liked so much about it."
"Oh, ok." I still can't get over how much more at ease he is now, she thought as he sat down on the bed, facing her. I always knew it was in there somewhere, but I almost stopped believing it'd ever surface. She looked into his bowl and saw he had use strawberries as his topping, which suddenly looked very appetizing to her. Noticing the focus of her attention, Sasuke pulled the bowl a little closer to him as he protectively started to eat his dessert.
Sakura also started eating, but there was something she had to ask him. "So, you're really ok with this, right? Because you really don't have to decide anything now if you're not ready. I'd rather you not make a rushed decision that you might later regret."
Noticing the look of concern on her face, Sasuke replied, slightly confused, "What are you talking about. Rushed decision?"
Sakura confessed, "I overheard your conversation with Kakashi-sensei, and how he said you had to decide before they returned about how you felt about me."
"He didn't say anything like that," Sasuke corrected her as he continued to eat the ice cream, although making a slight face at the taste.
"He didn't?"
"No, he was talking about whether I was willing to accept his and Naruto's help, along with the mission to…" Sasuke's voice trailed off as he let the spoon slip out of his grasp and clank against the side of bowl.
Sakura quickly set her bowl down on the dresser next to the bed, and did the same with Sasuke's before she reached over to hold him. "It's ok," she spoke softly near his ear. "They would want you to have this, it doesn't mean you've forgotten them or love them any less. You're still going to go after him as soon as Kakashi-sensei and Naruto come back with information; you're still going to accomplish your goal." She squeezed him a little tighter with no intention of letting go until she knew that he was all right. And while it broke her heart to see him in such a state, she also felt a slight twinge of happiness that he was finally letting her comfort him. "It wasn't your fault that it happened, what he did. You don't have to carry that burden alone, Naruto and I and Kakashi-sensei are here for you now," she whispered to him as she let him hold onto her for support.
"Sakura," he spoke up after a while, his voice so despondent, "why did you first start liking me?"
After pausing a moment to think, she replied, "Because you were someone with so much talent, and you always exceeded everyone's expectations while I only continued to disappoint myself. I guess I felt if I could get the attention of someone like you, that then that meant I was the type of person I could be proud of. But also, just being around you, I felt like I could pretend I was already like you. I realized that after you left that I had always leaned on you for strength without ever really finding my own. But it was because of you and Naruto that I had the courage to eventually find that strength…um, sorry, I didn't mean to ramble on like that about myself."
"No," Sasuke responded quietly, "thank you."
She turned her head to kiss him on the cheek as she asked him, "Did you want to go to sleep now?"
He nodded dejectedly as he lay down on the bed, pulling her gently down next to him. Pulling the covers over them, Sakura slid in close to him and pressed her body against him, resting her head on his chest and her arm across his body as he wrapped his arm around hers. He used his free hand to run his fingers through her hair absently as he allowed her presence to soothe the painful throbs of his emotions. He kissed her on top of her head before shifting his position slightly as he tried to relax himself for sleep. He felt her hand run gently up and down his side as she whispered to him, "I love you, Sasuke-kun." But even those words couldn't completely erase the all the anxiety and anguish he felt, and it was a long while before he was finally able to fall asleep, only to meet with images of the night his clan had been killed. But somehow, even in his sleep, he could still feel the hold she had on him.
And in the morning when he awoke, although he could see the images from his nightmares in front of his eyes, he wasn't alone anymore. His gaze fell upon her face as she slept peacefully in his arms, a small smile touching the corners of her lips. And a tiny sliver of comfort planted itself amongst the grief and sorrow that filled his heart.