This is what my friend would call a "crappy chappie". It's short and not a heck of a lot happens. But nonetheless it's nessesary. This chapter starts to set the stage for events that occur later on. Please bare with me. :bows: Think of it as a filler...expect it won't continue on for a year...

More Guiltridden!Tala ahead. I hope you enjoy!

Edit Fixed the formatting from hell.

Tala wasn't even aware he had fallen asleep until he awoke the next morning with a crick in his neck and vague recollections of dreams lingering at the edges of his mind. His dreams were the same as they always were; rearranged and distorted memories of better days. On more nights than not he would be haunted by an image of Kai that never spoke, only mouthed familiar words without a voice. The dreams would never remain with him long after he awoke, the phantom memories fading into the background as the mundane rhythms of daily life took over.

It was late in the morning when Tala awoke, facing the blank TV screen with the remote still sitting in his lap. For what seemed to be a long time, he laid propped against the pillows at the head of his bed, trying to hold on to the shreds of his dreams that were rapidly disappearing from his memory. Whatever had occupied his mind during the night had left him with a feeling of deep peace that was fading away the longer he laid awake. The heavy feeling of guilt that had plagued him the night before was returning to linger in his chest. It made him feel heavy, sluggish to the point that he was finding it difficult to convince himself that he wanted to drag himself from the bed. He had no responsibilities to take care of, he reasoned, no real reason why he couldn't stay where he was for the entire day and dwell on his situation. A serious contemplation of what he was doing and how it would inevitably effect Kai was long overdue, so he stopped trying to think up reasons to get up, and resigned himself to a day spent in bed, thinking over his relationships.

He rolled over, tucking his arm beneath the pillow and letting the remote fall to the floor with a clatter. The realization that he needed to put serious thought into his relationships rather than relationship was bothering him a level that was deeper than just guilt. As much as he wanted to stop what he was doing, the cheating, lying, everything, he couldn't figure out a way how. A nagging feeling had Tala convinced that he would die of loneliness if he tried to remain celibate until Kai came back. He needed to feel needed; important, wanted and in control. Sitting in his room alone at night with only letters, photos and shoddily shot video made him feel like he had been abandoned. It wasn't the truth, not even close, but the feeling remained. Kai was half a world away, living a life with people that Tala knew nothing about. He had moved on to something better and more fulfilling, while Tala remained behind on his own in the same place he had been trapped for his entire life.

That's dumb. Kai didn't abandon me.

Suddenly restless, Tala rolled to the other side of the bed, staring with glassy eyes at the photos he kept next to his bed, partially obscured by a small plant to hide them from prying eyes.

He's gone because I lost that bet, not because he wanted to move on.

Tala closed his eyes, inexplicably feeling worse the longer he looked at the photos. He and Kai had been happy; they had fit together like two halves of the same person.

And because I failed at the one thing I should have been the best at, he's gone.

He sighed, sitting up and running a hand through his knotted hair. Laying in bed wasn't making him feel better or make the situation any clearer. No matter how he looked at it, everything remained the same. Kai was gone, and the feeling of loneliness and abandon was slowly driving him mad. The urge to feel needed and appreciated no matter what the cost, was, or had already become, compulsive. He would never be able to stop. Not until Kai was back in Russia with him for good.

Which could be a very long time coming.

"Goddamn it."

He stood slowly, stretching out his cramped limbs and heading towards the door. If he stayed in the room any longer, he really would go nuts. He needed a walk in some fresh air; a space to clear his head and take his mind off of the guilt that wasn't leaving him.

He opened his door, hoping that the rest of his team wouldn't be around. The last thing Tala wanted to do was have to explain to his oblivious friends why he was moping around wallowing in his own misery. He had barely taken a step out in the quiet hallway when he noticed a post marked envelope at his feet. The mail, left at his door by Ian or Bryan the day before. He had been so out of it when he had come home the night before that he hadn't even noticed it fall to the floor from where it had been stuck in the door.

Stooping, he picked it up, a flurry of anticipation rising in his throat. Kai was the only one that ever sent him letters. The moment the envelope was in his hand however, he felt his spirits drop. The letter was far too light to be from Kai. He turned it over, reading the return address and postmark with a frown.

The hell?

He opened it quickly, tossing the torn envelope in the floor and reading the note inside. By the time he reached the signature at the end, he was smiling. For once in his life, he was actually happy to have gotten a letter from someone other than Kai.

I'll be damned.

Suddenly, his desire to get out the abbey didn't seem so urgent. He turned around, heading back into his room, his return letter already being written in his mind.

This was supposed to be posted a few days ago but...yeah...KH2...

Dedicated to Kuroisaisei, MasterFranny, and BlondeNekoTwo-Tail. With Special thanks to Kuroi.

Please let me know what you think. : ) An internet cookie to anyone who guesses who the letter is from. XD