"WAKEY WAKEY, HANDS OFF SNAKEY!" screamed Gary's overly obese, fat arse, large breasted, inconsiderate piece of fat cousin, Jugley. Jugley was the most spoilt, ignorant bastard in London, and for that Gary hated her, I mean, him.
(A/N: I tend to get a bit gender confused sometimes… Sorry 'bout that!)
For the last ten years, his Uncle Vageon and Aunt Pussytuna had raised Gary. The reason being, Pussytuna was his mother's sister. His parents were killed by Lord Moldifoot, the most vile and evil Masturbator in the world, who was also at large for committing such crimes as wearing a skort, socks that didn't match, and, the worst of all, he never tzujed his sleeves (A/N: a technique where sleeves are rolled or pushed to sit just over the elbow). Anyway, I will get back to him later, now we are talking about Vageon, Pussytuna and Jugley.
Today was Jugley's 11th birthday and he wanted to go to the Zoo. But everybody knew it was to watch the tortoises hump. So anyway, the little bastard ran up and down the stairs a few more times and Gary eventually took his hands from his pants and got dressed.
As he walked into the kitchen, Aunt Pussytuna glared at him.
"Just cook the breakfast, and try not to fuck anything up you little cock-sucker!"
"Yes Aunt Pussylicker!" replied Gary, sniggering.
"It's Pussytuna, you little screw-ball. I want everything to be perfect for my Juggles special day!" sang Gary's Aunt as she walked behind Jugley.
She covered Jugley's eyes with her hands, something quite difficult to do when you consider the size of his head. She led him into the living room, where Uncle Vageon had just finished placing the last of the boxes containing his birthday presents.
Aunt Pussytuna quickly lifted her hands away to reveal the mound of boxes on the living room floor.
"How many are there?" screamed Jugley.
"942, counted them myself, same amount as the rolls on your stomach, son!" grinned Uncle Vageon; pleased his son was to take on the family eating trait.
Jugley opened the first to reveal a pheasant. See, Jugley loved eggs, but more specifically, pheasant eggs. However, Jugley had not yet eaten breakfast, and therefore took the liberty of eating the bird alive! He then opened another box, and another, consuming the poor buzzards before they got to see light again.
"Get my Jugley some bacon!" squealed Pussytuna to Gary "Can't you see he's hungry? And bring the vacuum, there are feathers everywhere!"
About an hour later, they pulled up at the London Zoo. Jugley leaped out of the car and gave himself a black eye when his breasts bounced and hit him in the face. In seconds, the tub of lard was out of sight.
(A/N: Yes, I do realise someone with such a body mass should have more trouble running… meh.)
Vageon called Gary to the back of the car. "Here, grab these."
Gary put out his arms while his Uncle filled them with picnic baskets, drink bottles, picnic mats, pheasant eggs, half eaten pheasants and some bread.
"You, Pussytuna and I will have to buy lunch from the cafeteria, because there was only enough room for Jugley's lunch on the back seats and in the trunk of the mini bus."
See, Uncle Vageon really didn't hate Gary as much as everyone thought. Secretly, he had been taking pictures of Gary in the shower and while he slept 'in the closet' under the stairs.
(A/N: But we won't tell Vageon that we know… just yet)
Eventually when everyone caught up to Jugley, he was standing at the tortoise exhibit looking very disappointed.
"What's wrong dear?" asked Pussytuna.
"One of the big turtles died!" he sobbed and he began to cry. Everyone looked sadly at one another. "Which means that we won't get to see them hump!" Jugley continued, wailing loudly, and attracting stares from normal people of a normal weight.
"Let's go to the reptile exhibit. Gary… you always liked looking at that snake with one eye!" joked Pussytuna, not realizing she was directly poking fun at Gary and his sexuality.
(A/N: Although, I'm not sure if he really knows yet…I haven't decided… I'll let you know how that goes.)
Anyway, at the reptile pavilion, the Dickweeds and Gary were looking at a Burmese Python.
Jugley screamed through the glass "Move, you one eyed-prick!" not realizing what he had just said. Gary let out a small giggle.
But everyone knew why Jugley liked looking at snakes; it was because he missed seeing his own under the layers of breast and fat!
When the python made no sign of movement, the family continued on through the exhibit, leaving Gary to stare at the one-eyed-snake a little longer.
"I feel sorry for you, having to look at such offensive looking people. What is there to do for fun 'round here?" Gary asked rhetorically.
But the snake lifted its head to reply with "It's always good on occasions when I escape, to go and watch the tortoises hump!"
Gary didn't know what to say! At this point, Jugley realized the snake had lifted it's head, so he began to run for the enclosure, but his huge tits bounced up and hit him in the face yet again, sending his overly obese, fat ass, large breasted, inconsiderate piece of fat body into the air and back to the ground, making an earthmoving "CRACK!" Everyone in the zoo, and in the lower part of London was forced to the ground by the quake.
The vibrations of the quake gave Gary a hard-on and shattered the glass of the snake's enclosure. The half-sighted snake slithered its way out of the glass box in which it lived, towards Gary. Once it reached its destination, it began talking to his very hard penis with a really weird lisp!
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Gary questioned the python, confused as to how the snake thought his genitalia could converse.
"Just a little chat, from one one-eyed snake to another! Yes, I am indeed deprived!" answered the reptile.
"Well… what did it say?" continued Gary
"He too is quite deprived, and if he doesn't find a dark hole to hide in soon, he may be reduced to nothing!" explained the snake, concerned for his newfound friend's welfare.
Back at the Dickweed's home on Princess Drive, Aunt Pussytuna was tending to Jugley's black eye, and numerous other fat related injuries from the course of the day. Meanwhile, Gary was in the small closet under the stairs, attempting to awaken his penis to ask it some questions, because you see, Gary was now questioning his sexuality, and thinks his 'old mate' might hold the vital clue. But suddenly, uncle Vageon knocked on the door.
"Isn't it time for your shower, boy?"
Author's NotesRoosterEgg: Yeah… Last line was kinda gross, wasn't it! REVIEW OR DIE... and if you have not yet reviewed chapter one, prepare for your cremation!
Oh, and keep an eye out for chapter three… it's complete, but I'm just too lazy to post it! Blame Sheikgoddess cause she's Beta'ing it for me!
Sheikgoddess: Mwahahahahahahahahahahaha! You will never get it you hear me never!
RoosterEgg: Hands over some pieSheikgoddess: It will be in your inbox tonight!