Portrait of a Fallen Angel
Chapter 1: Face of God
I'm drained but aching for more
And the devil inside
Is reading the words of the saddest poem
To be engraved on the stone of my grave
At school, he would watch her. She'd ignored him ever since the gonorrhea incident and the nights in the ravine. Their relationship had only lasted for a couple of days, but it had been the most amazing couple of days he'd ever experienced. Not because she was good at what she did, but because she had seemed happy. He had been happy. If he had to do it all over again, he would have dumped Alex and Amy and the other girls he had been with and focused on Emma. Only Emma. She was beautiful
I'd kill to share your pain
(And carry the shame)
And she was in so much pain. Watching Rick die had nearly killed her inside. She was so fragile now. She wore a smile and a laugh, but she was different. She was not happy. She was slowly dying on the inside.
And sell my soul for you just to say:
I dream what you're dreaming
And feel what you're feeling
Loves our shadow on the wall
With the face of God
He knew they had so much in common. Secretly, he loved to read and to care about her issues. He had been to every single one of her rally's and protests. He had been there, encouraging her, watching her, threading in and out of the crowd so he wouldn't be seen. He was in love with this girl. This crusading, cause-driven, dedicated, truly beautiful girl.
Nothing will be enough
For the ones who keep on stumbling
In the garden of withering trust
With out the courage to leave
He had to have her. He had to feel her love him. There had to be a way. Inside, he knew he could never have her. She would never be his. Her hear, if it belonged to anybody, belonged to the man who left her in Wasaga beach. To Sean.
Oh, I'd take my life
For your kiss
(Grant me my wish)
And lose it all
to take you across the abyss
He'd contemplated suicide many times. But he knew that if he killed himself, there would be no way he could have her then. He knew his love for her could take her places. Could take her away from her pain. It could carry her across the abyss of dark thoughts he could see swirling inside her pretty head. He could take her away, if only she would let him. He could end her pain.
You dream what I'm dreaming
and see what I'm seeing
loves our shadow on the wall
with the face of God
Several times she had looked at him when she thought he wasn't looking. When she thought he wouldn't notice. He had even wondered if maybe, possibly, she could love him, too. Then he realized that he was not Sean Cameron, or Chris Sharpe. He was Jay. Delinquent, thug, Jay without any life and any future beyond the walls of Degrassi.
Labrynth in the shape of a heart
loves secret architecture
I find myself to be lost
in the arms of your fate
He would surrender himself to her, if only she would ask. If only she would hint that it was what she wanted. If she would do so much as smile at him, or acknowledge that he was alive. He was under her control. Her eyes locked him in, forcing him to love her. Her eyes, her hair, her face, her body, her voice, her talent, her…it all drove him crazy.
The way this chapter works: There is a song verse from HIM's "Face of God". The paragraph underneath the verse relates the verse to Jay. For instance, paragraph 1 explains how Jay feels drained, like the devil inside is reading the saddest poem. Get it?
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