"That's the last of it."
Tom turned to the young man next to him, watching as he crossed to the middle of the room and into the bedroom where he was now standing.
Everything was…empty. But everywhere they looked, their minds were filled with memory.
In their heads, barren shelves still held souvenirs from various trips, the sofa still had her soft throw, and the empty coffee table was filled with PADDs from engineering.
And the bedroom…Tom looked at the sparse bed, trying to come up with something, anything to feel closer to her, but there was nothing there.
The mattress and the sheets were newly replicated. Tomorrow, Maintenance would come in and give the walls a fine scrub, set the bathroom to its default settings and take away B'Elanna's personal modifications. By mid afternoon, a new crewmember would take over the quarters on Deck 9, Section 12. But to both Harry and Tom, the room would always be B'Elanna's.
It had taken them months before they could do this and though Tom knew that this day would come and prepared for it, he didn't think there would ever come a time that he would be ready.
But he did it anyway.
"Are you going to be okay?" Harry asked him.
He nodded; his grip tightening on the isolinear chip is hand. There was nothing of B'Elanna here anymore. Most of her things had been recycled, save for the things that she had left to the crew in her will.
There was nothing in here but ghosts.
"I just…I need to be alone, Harry."
There was a moment's hesitation, before Harry put a comforting hand on his shoulder and turned to leave.
And Tom was once again alone with his memories.
-
Voyager was having one of its few peaceful nights, with no attacks and no repairs going on. The corridors were deserted, with most of the lights dimmed to half illumination.
Harry waited until he was on the turbolift before tapping his COM badge.
"Ensign Kim to the Captain."
There was a slight click before her voice came through the lines, deep and reassuring
"Captain here, Harry…So how did it go?"
"It went…alright. He sent most of the boxes off to Maintenance, signing on the release forms. He's following B'Elanna's wishes to the letter; he even delivered some of the items himself."
The lift stopped and he got out on his deck, heading for his quarters.
"There was a minute when he went down to Engineering to give Joe some technical manuals that was particularly difficult, more for Joe I think than for him."
There was a pause as he entered his room.
"Then we just…we went back to B'Elanna's quarters."
The captain was silent for a minute, and he could hear someone whispering in the background before she came back again.
"Things seemed to have gone very well, Harry. Thank you for being there."
Harry merely sat down on his desk, mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. He spied a lone isolinear chip, still sitting near his terminal.
B'Elanna's last letter to him.
He picked it up and placed it in, his mind already playing the words over and over even before his hand pressed play.
"Don't say thanks Captain, I needed this…just as much as Tom did."
-
Captain Janeway signed off after a few minutes, sighing before going back to the dinner table where Chakotay had been listening.
"That went pretty well," she said, taking another sip of her wine "It's been months now; I personally didn't think he'd be able to do it. It's a good thing he thought about it, I don't think I could have ordered him to."
Chakotay reached out his hand and she took it, her lifeline and touchstone.
"You could have, it would just be very painful" he answered meaningfully.
Last week's memorial service had taken a toll on everyone. Even though it had already been six months, the gathering had made everyone feel B'Elanna's loss anew. And no one missed her presence more than the senior staff.
"I know we've had dozens of meetings, but somehow I still expect her to show up on that door instead of Carey. When I call for engineering, I have to take a few seconds to remind myself that she won't be answering."
"I know," he answered, "Every time I look at the duty rosters I have to remind myself that we're one crewmember down, that I don't need to assign her..."
They were both silent for a moment, grateful for each other's company, savoring this time—their time-together.
"Speaking of duty rosters, I've given Paris the day off tomorrow. He could use a few hours off the helm."
"That's a pretty good idea. Though he'll probably spend it working on the Flyer, trying to get it ready for the race."
"It's a good thing we have that ship," he answered. "Otherwise, I don't know what else he could have done."
-
Tom looked at the gray and yellow grids before turning to the panel and slipped in the isolinear chip.
He'd found it under B'Elanna's bed, when he was starting to pick through her quarters. The simple footlocker was her hiding place, where she stored various mementos and most of his surprise gifts.
The label had simply read: Tom's Program.
It had surprised him, since B'Elanna hardly wrote any holodeck programs for him. Most of what she had were training or beach programs, all of which were stored on the database and only needed slight modifications.
This was an entirely new program written from scratch..
Usually, it was he who made programs for them: a new restaurant program in Paris (sort of a gag gift), a hiking program, his boat on Lake Como, a ski lodge on the Swiss Alps; although most of his recreational programs were for himself.
The F1 racing, the mountain climbing, his F14 dog-fighting program. All for himself and took hours to make, much to her irritation. If he'd only known that his time with B'Elanna would have been cut short…
That was probably why this program meant so much, now that he'd seen it. When he'd first keyed it in, he almost couldn't believe that it was B'Elanna that made it, had made it for him, for them, probably as some olive branch to spending more time together.
"Computer, initiate program Torres-Omega-Pi"
There was a beep as the scenery came to life.
It was a stretch of mountain road, not unlike that of the cliffs of Monaco, only sharper, with the turns tighter. It was a challenge that she knew Tom would have enjoyed.
And right in front of him was a race bike, a Buell Lightning done in electric blue.
He reached for the bright blue helmet dangling from the handle bars, staring at it for a while before putting on his gloves. A perfect fit, just like the jeans and the shirt and the leather jacket now had on. It was exactly what he would have worn had he programmed it himself.
B'Elanna had thought of everything…almost everything.
Tom donned on the helmet and got on his bike, starting the engine, hearing it roar in his ears.
"Computer, initiate Paris Modifications Delta One"
The computer took a few milliseconds to process his request before the monotone announced "Modifications complete."
For the past weeks, he'd worked done nothing but fly the ship, fix the Delta Flyer, and spend time here, in her program for him, adding and finishing his modifications.
The afternoon sun shone high above his head, and he knew as soon as he turned the dangerous cliffs, the seas would come into view.
Maybe she'd thought that they could spend some time on the beach below. He'd never know now, would he?
He gunned the engine, ready to tackle the road ahead as he slapped down his visor.
"One last thing computer," he said. "Disengage safety protocols."
Alarms were blaring in his head even as the computer cheerfully told him that there was no way in hell could he do that.
But the modifications had taken care of that…among other things.
There were some serious drops, but Tom didn't mind them as he tackled a turn dangerously close to the edge.
All he could feel was the speed as he moved on the ground, sending a loud rumble in his ears.
"You spend more time with Harry playing that stupid Captain Proton than you do with me!"
"C'mon, you know that's not true. And I have a hot part for you as Captain Proton's sexy engineer girlfriend."
"I know you love me Tom, but you have the weirdest ways of showing it."
His hands tightened on the bars as he shifted gears, compensating for the steep ascent that she'd put in, feeling the strain on the engines.
"Dawn is the best time to go parking."
" I thought you said any time was the best time to go parking."
"With you, it is. I don't even need the car."
He took another steep turn and for a moment he slowed down as the beaches revealed themselves. Gulls were flying high overhead, he could almost smell the sea…
In a few minutes, he knew that his modifications would kick in.
"The best damn ship in the Delta Quadrant."
"She's my baby too, you know. With the number of times I've helped build and rebuild her, you could almost say she was my ship."
The rider came down fast, jumping on the road higher up on the cliff, the sun glinting on the red metal.
Minutes from now the two of them would share the same road, and he readied himself for the challenge.
"Do you ever think of home? Do you ever wonder?"
"Everyday B'Elanna."
"A lot of times I'm worried. What if we never get back?"
"Then that's okay too. You are my home, B'Elanna, and Voyager is our family."
There was the sound of crunched gravel and burned tires as the rider fought to catch up with him, already no more than seven meters behind his rear wheel.
"Sometimes I think you like your engines more than you do me."
"Not really, she can be just as difficult. She even has your eyes."
"Damn, you're good," he muttered as he swerved to avoid the rider who was edging him to the face of the cliff.
If he could keep this speed up…
"It's one step forward and two steps back, I'm sick of this relationship Paris!"
He banked hard on the left, making a tight turn while making sure his opponent couldn't get through.
"Well, your attitude sure ain't helping, Torres!"
Tom kicked up to a higher gear, his rearview mirror showing that the rider had just done the same.
"I don't' think I've ever been jealous of a car before."
"And how many girlfriends have you had who can soup up a 1969 Camaro?"
"Just you, Chief."
"You bet, now hand me that box wrench…"
"Just a few more…" Tom thought
He saw the end fast approaching, and the exit to the Marina that was just a few kilometers below…
"You're scaring me Tom. Some day something will happen that really will crack open that head of yours…"
"Great. Then you can finally find out just how much is in it."
"Pig."
"But you'll take me anyway."
The designated finish line came into view, and Tom slowed down, revving his engine and doing a wheelie. The rider behind mimicked his moves, as the two of them edged to a stop right next to the beach exit.
His heart was pounding, adrenaline pumping through his veins. He reached down to turn off the engine, feeling the bike shudder to a stop.
He pulled off his helmet and wiped some of the perspiration on his forehead.
"Great race!"
The voice made him turn to his left, watching as the other rider left her bike and took off her own helmet, shaking down her soft dark waves.
Her eyes were bright, and her smile lit up her face.
"You were pretty good Helmboy, but I'll get you in the next race."
His eyes watered as she approached him.
"B'Elanna" he breathed.
This was his modification. To share the holoprogram that she made for the two of them.
When he first ran it, he knew. He wanted her. Missed her. Would take her, in any shape or form—a dream, a hologram, an hallucination.
He needed to hear her voice, have her talk to him. to hold her again, even if it wasn't real, because God knows that without her, nothing around him seemed real anyway.
But he couldn't do it.
Even as she ran to put her arms around him, he knew that he couldn't do this to himself—to her. It wasn't real. It wasn't her.
He took one look at her, her pert nose, those amazing ridges, and the smile and that laughter that he knew to be just for him…
"Computer, end program!"
And just like that, she was gone.
How much more of this…
Tom stared at the empty holodeck, angry and hurting. He'd cried so hard, ached for so long, he wondered when the day would come that he no longer had to feel so…alone.
But even as he wished for all the pain to go away, he knew that he would never want to stop missing her.