Warnings for themes of both suicide and homicide, as per usual.
Monster! Monster!
The cries of fear at her terrible power silently rang in the halls of her ice palace. She tried to shut out the roars of her abominable creation chasing her sister from her safe haven by closing the double doors to her balcony.
There was no such thing as "safe." Not while she was still here. She was so stupid to think that she would ever be free. She was born with this curse, after all. It was idiotic to believe she would die without it.
"Don't feel, don't feel," Elsa said to herself.
She exhaled, trying to calm herself down. She looked down at her hands, then her eyes drifted onto the intricate giant snowflake embedded into the floor of her ice palace. She felt the ice shift underneath her, the palace groaning menacingly as if telling her that she wasn't worthy of possessing the destructive power of winter.
Of course she wasn't. She was too timid. Too weak.
If only her powers held no danger to them, only the beauty and splendor like when she created the palace.
But of course, it was never that easy.
The palace continued to creak and groan. She backed herself away when she saw icicles prick and grow from the faceted walls and ceilings.
She couldn't stop it. No matter how many years she tried, she couldn't hold it in; and now Arendelle was ruined because of it.
She never wanted any of this to happen. But perhaps... she should have? Would it give her the control she needed? Would all the storming rage of power inside of her finally heel if it had a master to compliment it? There would be no regrets, no internal torment, no guilt.
The troll told her that fear would be her enemy. And she was scared. Should she embrace the danger instead? Love the terror and destruction?
She closed her eyes and huddled into herself.
No. Thinking like that was wrong. She needed to fix this. Somehow.
"Mama? Papa?" Elsa whispered into the thin mountain air. "I don't know what to do. How do I stop this? How do... How do I stop... me?"
Her eyes trailed off to the balcony. Should she...? Would it even work?
Elsa felt the faintest pull towards the ledge, the space and void before it tempting her; but her feet turned her around to the crystalline staircase that lead to the foyer the floor below. She clutched her sides, hunching even more inward as the ice cracked in response to her terror at the mere thought of willingly falling to her death.
No. There was no way to know if the cursed winter would even end if she died. She shook her head and breathed rattled breaths.
She was scared. She didn't know what to do. She couldn't, can't control her powers. Her fear was unstoppable. It clamped and choked her throat, begging her... forcing her to watch herself buckle under the crushing weight it built up in her chest.
She couldn't breathe. Oh, God. She couldn't breathe. She was going to die.
She held on for dear life against the rail of the staircase, her head beginning to grow lightheaded as it continued to feel like her airway was constricting. Elsa couldn't tell how long she clung to the rail. Time felt like it was spinning out of control, yet crawling into a stop.
Suddenly, the doorway to her ice palace bursted open, two men throwing themselves into the chamber below her with crossbows at the ready. They spotted and shouted after her as she rushed back up to the top of the stairs.
Her heart beat in her ears, each pull of her lungs a chore. The abundance of adrenaline in her veins livening her feet as she thoughtlessly and instinctively ran for self-preservation. Her mind finally caught up as she found herself back in the upper chamber, the two men having caught up with her.
She begged them to stop. She didn't want to hurt them. She didn't want to die.
Her fear brought her powers closer to the surface, its energy tingling across her skin. She backed away slowly.
A crossbow fired. An arrow whistled in the air. The queen flinched.
Cracking open her eyes upon realizing that the arrow hadn't hit its mark, she saw that she subconsciously created a wall to intercept the crossbow bolt's trajectory. It almost hit her in the head.
Something inside of her snapped in that moment.
Instinct completely overrode her judgment, the will to fight for her life influencing her actions when the rest of the time she felt like fleeing. She thought nothing of pinning both men down in quick succession, and even less when the idea of just getting rid of them entered her mind. There was a creeping sense of joy that danced in her chest, welcoming the thought of bloodshed at her hands.
"Queen Elsa! Don't be the monster they feel you are!"
The voice cut clear into her consciousness, bringing her back to the present. She realized that she almost impaled one of her pursuers and nearly shoved the other off the mountain. A sick feeling settled in her stomach at the thought that she almost killed two men without any restraint. Those pleading words saved her from becoming what she feared the most.
She wasn't like this. She never wanted to hurt anyone.
Still the rush of almost committing murder electrified her, feeling at home in her bosom. That was so… wrong.
What was happening to her?
Author's Note: To be quite honest, a huge reason why I took so long to finish this chapter was due to having too many W.I.P. chapters. Downside of telling a story not in chronological order, hahaha. Don't worry, the next chapter for this will be published sooner rather than later because it is already finished.