If Not Now When Chapter 2: Who is Lizzie Puff the Magic Dragon?, a dark angel fanfic

Jade - DA- If Not Now When?

Title: If Not Now When?
Author: Jade
Rating: PG-13 I think a little bit of language
Show: DA
Genre: Angst/Romance
Pairing: M/A ALL the way:D
Type: WIP
Summary: Alec leaves Seattle. How will everyone react, especially Max?
Disclaimer: I don't own anything or anyone apart from Storm.

A/N: This is AU as Biggs is alive and well kicking!

A/N 2: It may seem like i'm making Max out to be the devil at first but please just bear with me.

A/N 3: Please Read and Review

Mood Music: Linkin Park 'Crawling', The Rasmus 'In The Shadows'

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Chapter 2 - Who is Lizzie Puff The Magic Dragon?

Location: TC - Kitchen 1100

Storm had dragged Alec by the cuff of his shirt into the first available room which had been the kitchen. Alec had been skirting around the issue for a while and Storm just kept on asking the same question.

"Why?"

"I need to leave."

"But why?"

"I just have to."

"You don't HAVE to do anything."

"Storm please don't make this any harder than it already is."

"Look i've been trying to track you down since your 'stunning' speech this morning so just spit it out already!"

"Just let it go Storm."

"I can't ok! i just can't! I can't just watch you leave and do nothing! Do you have any idea what this is gonna do to J? How are we gonna explain that his medium fella just upped and left!"

"If it is any consolation i think he already knows." Alec said dejectedly with his hands in his pockets leaning against the work surface.

"How on Earth can he know? Everybody is stumped! Why now? After all you have done and accomplished why leave now! You can't do this to us! Oh forget about us, you can't do this to yourself!"

"That's exactly who I am doing it for! For ME!"

Storm looked at him perplexed.

"I can't keep on doing this. I have to leave before I lose myself. I'm losing my essence. I feel it draining away. You must have noticed it. It's killing me to be here sweetheart. To be so close but kept so far. I have done everything i can possibly think of to make her see how far I've come. I can't do it any more. I'm beginning to hate her and that's not fair. I just need to put some distance between myself and this ... situation." As he talked Alec walked around the kitchen aimlessly, just picking up utensils and then putting them down again.

"But.."

"I know it's nothing new. It's been like this even before you came but it's beginning to affect my judgment as a soldier too Storm. That's what I can't handle now. I can live with un-requited love but..." He paused "Remember the op we had to run to pick up those x8's a month ago?"

"Yeah, I remember. It was successful wasn't it?"

Alec smiled bitterly.

"Depends on your definition of 'successful' I guess." Once again he met her questioning eyes. "What all of you outside the op don't know is that we nearly lost the whole team just because I panicked. Me who was top dog at Manticore panicked during a simple retrieval op." He said pointing at himself with his index finger.

"It was her job to help Mat detonate the bomb. Mat got caught by a stray bullet. All I heard on the headset was 'Man down!'. I ... i thought it was her Storm." He looked up at Storm with his eyes aflame at the pain that was resurfacing. "I thought it was her. I lost it. I jumped out the van and blurred over to their location without giving a second thought to all those soldiers under my command. I put their lives in jeopardy and for what! NOTHING! There has always been nothing between us and that is how it will stay!" He paused and re-collected himself. "I know that. I have finally accepted that too. Lucky for me I didn't pay such a big price to finally come to terms with it. Mole took over and gave the necessary intel to the rest while I just stood there watching her in the shadows. She was covered in his blood. She had come to the aid of her fallen comrade. She was doing her job. I couldn't do anything but watch. I don't know why that particular scene affected me so much. It's not like it was anything new. There is always blood. We always end up covered in it. The smell, the colour, the way it feels on our skin. How warm it feels as it drains away from a body and makes it cold. It was a pretty normal day by our standards right? It shouldn't have bothered me, but it did. It made me see so many things. Things like how that could very easily have been her. Do you know what I would have done if it had been her? I would have gone and killed the person who had pulled the trigger. I would have gone and screwed up the mission and let those kids die. The thing is I would still do it now." He looked at her with a grim expression on his face. "I would still make the same choice now."

"But you love her."

"I can't let that be everything that I am. I can't let that define me as Alec. I can't let that determine my actions. Our kind depend on me Storm, you know that. We ALL depend on each other. I can't screw things up just because of this. This is the one thing that I'm actually good at. I can't let these feelings ruin the bigger picture for us. If I lose that then I'll just die inside. I need to leave. I'll still be a part of this. You know I will. I'll just do it from another place. I'll find new contacts. I'll meet new people who may feel charitable." He added with a wink which got a small smile from Storm. He continued more seriously. "I need to be me again. I need to let go and start my life again. I'll die inside if I stay and make a wrong decision. I need to know you understand me."

"I understand. I just don't want you to be all alone out there. I don't want you to get used to that feeling of loneliness while you go and act out the martyr. " replied Storm begrudgingly.

"Don't worry I have no wish to act the hero and ride off into the sunset on my motorbike and wait it out till my princess is ready." he said with a smile playing upon his lips.

"No I wouldn't dream of it. Even you are not that much of a masochist."

"I'll see how things are and once i'm settled then if you like you and Biggs could come too?"

"What and leave Her Royal Highness Max and Lizzie Puff the Magic Dragon? How could you ask me such a thing?" Storm asked sarcastically.

"Oh i'm gonna miss you." Alec drawled while he pulled her to him and hugged her.

"Easy there tiger my time spent in the tank was long ago, I still need to take regular breaths!"

TBC