Title: Cold
Author: Courtney
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. If I did, the show would suck, but Denny would be alive.
Spoilers: Season 2,"Losing My Religion" (finale)
Summary: I guess you could call it a missing scene from the finale. Izzie's thoughts as she lays with Denny.
Feedback: It's my drug of choice. Remember, the more prolific the feedback, the more prolific the author. Any words of wisdom are greatly appreciated.
Author's Notes: Okay this is my first GA fic. After the oh-so depressing finale end, I was in a bleak mood and this happened. It kind of wrote itself at 1 o'clock in the morning as I was listening to "Breathe Me" by Sia and "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol . Chasing Cars is the inspiration actually. Get it if you can. It's amazing. Well, without further adieu, I give you: "Cold."
Cold. That's how he felt. Izzie lay nestled beside Denny, her thumb tracing the outline of his jaw. Just hours ago he had commented on being warm for the first time in his life, but now he was cold again. A single tear crept down her cheek, but she hurriedly wiped it away.
Big girls don't cry Isobel.
Her mother's voice filled her head.
You have to be brave Izzie. You can never show your emotions, it's a sign of weakness. You don't want to be weak do you?
She wasn't weak. She was strong; always strong. She never let her guard down for anyone. But then she had met Denny ... They had made a connection instantly. He barely knew her and yet he had recognized what a wonderful woman she was. Even as Izzie had begun to fall for Denny, she hadn't let the protective wall she had built up crumble. He was the first person she had ever loved with all of her heart and when he proposed - for real, the second time - the walls around her heart gave way. She was happy, and she deserved to be. She had only left his side for a little while, so she could dress up and make herself pretty for him. Those few minutes she had spent getting ready had potentially cost Denny his life. It was all her fault. Denny didn't care about how she looked, he only cared about her. If she had not been so concerned about her vanity, he might still be with her. Another tear escaped from her eye.
Be strong Isobel. Show no emotion. You are tougher than that.
Why had she been stupid enough to fall for a guy like Denny? He was a heart transplant patient after all. Was it because he loved her? Was it because he treated her like no other man ever had? Was it his wonderful personality? His goofy smile? She stroked the side of his face gently. It was still cold. She sniffed back more tears. She was going to be strong. She didn't need anyone or anything. Then why did she feel so empty?
This is what you get for letting your guard down Isobel. It is no one's fault but your own that you feel like this.
It was all her fault. She had let her guard down, and look what it brought her. Misery. Pain. Loneliness. Cold. She snuggled closer to Denny. It was not fair. He had finally gotten his new heart. It was time for him to start making his own choices, is that not what he had said? Well was it his choice to die? To leave her alone in the world with a sense of utter helplessness?
You're not alone Izzie.
This time it was Denny's voice that penetrated her thoughts.
So long as you're alive, you'll never be alone. You'll have your friends. Your family. And me. I'll always be with you.
It was a lie. He was gone. He could never be with her again. No more sharing a laugh about something stupid George had done. No more cuddle sessions. She had opened up her heart to him and he has crushed it in one fell swipe.
I know you feel as if you'll never love again, Izzie, but believe me, you will.
Love. Such a pathetic and unimportant word now. Love was just a feeling, a figment of people's imagination to help soften the blow of losing someone or something. Love couldn't cure cancer. It couldn't wake someone from a coma. It couldn't heal a person's heart. No, love was just something foolish people - weak people - used to make themselves feel better.
But love does exist Izz. I know right now you must think there's no love left inside of you, but there is. It's what will help you move on. Everyone has the ability to love Izzie. Some people even have excess amounts of love. Like me. My heart was so full of love it couldn't handle it, so it gave out. But that's okay, because I died deeply and madly in love with you Isobel Stevens.
She couldn't handle it. A giant sob escaped her lips, tears flowing freely. Denny. He was the one thing she cared about and now he was gone. Forever. One day, though, maybe she would move on. Maybe she would meet another man who made her feel this was, and she would learn to love and open up to others again.
But those thoughts were for the distant future. Here, in the present, Denny, the man that was her whole world, was dead, and Izzie felt nothing but heartbreak. She grabbed Denny's arm and wrapped it around her shoulders, breathing in his scent so she would remember it forever. She was supposed to be at the prom, but that didn't matter anymore. All she did was lay beside Denny, forgetting the world around her. She closed her eyes and felt Denny up against her. He was still cold, just like her heart. But unlike Denny, one day her heart would stop being cold, and maybe, just maybe, it would be able to heal.