Disclaimer: Still don't own any of Red Dwarf, Friends or anything else that is connected to this story. (The bit about the muppets was originally from a female comedian from "TheComic Side Of 7 Days" - Not Lucy Porter, the other one) Anyway, read on and all reviews welcome - Even flames as I feel like having a barbacue
Vita Amici
Rimmer flopped down in one of the big comfy chairs - Time for his break.
"Don't think you can slope off Rimmer – We still want to annoy you!" Lister grinned as he, Bobby and Danny each took another comfy chair round the coffee table.
"Define sloping – I only moved from the bar to here, True after another pint or two you will be physically unable to do that but I just thought it was a point worth making." Rimmer replied sighing heavily.
"Whatever Rimmer – The long words don't make you sound smart."
"Just go away Lister and take the beauty buddy and tag along kid with you." At this Rimmer received glares and Lister pretending to hit Rimmer with his guitar.
"I saw that."
"You had your eyes closed – How could you have seen it?" Lister asked, rolling his eyes.
"Technically I didn't but that doesn't hide the fact that you did do something." Rimmer retorted.
"Whatever Rimmer. So Bobby where you from?" Lister asked as he began to unsuccessfully juggle the drinks mats.
"Canada." Bobby replied wondering if now would be a good time to run for his life from the bickering weirdos… Still – They liked sport.
"NO! Really? I just thought you were taking the piss!" Lister blurted laughing. At this Bobby resisted the urge to leave or smack Lister with his guitar for real and just sipped his pint.
"Hey Howard." Hattie smiled as he tapped her on the shoulder.
"Hi, I was just wondering, tomorrow –" He began nervously
"Yes?" She encouraged excitedly.
"Could you do an extra shift? Its just I've got a date and you and Arnold both live above the pub but I thought that he needed some time off… Is that ok?" He asked seeming oblivious to Hattie's hurt expression.
"Yeah… Sure." She replied monotonously.
"Thanks." He smiled kissing her on the cheek before returning to his crossword. Hattie touched her cheek softly before walking over to the other's and sitting on the arm of Danny's chair.
"Hey gorgeous." Danny smiled as he slid her onto his knee for a hug.
"Oh get a room." Rimmer muttered lazily.
"Excuse me but we are just friends – I don't have to have an intimate relationship with every woman you know!" Danny retorted. She knew he meant nothing by this but it still hurt her – The most famous womaniser in town wanted to be just her friend. Still it could be worse – How she wasn't quite sure but it could be somehow.
"What you talking about?" She asked lightly.
"Well, we were discussing the fakeness of Bobby's Canadian accent but decided that was too easy so have moved onto politics." Lister summed up.
"Politics?"
"Yes, politics."
"Why?"
"It seemed like a good idea at the time."
"I don't really know politics, the young guy is leader right?" Hattie asked biting her lip.
"Yes Hattie." Howard replied as he joined them, dropping the half finished crossword onto the coffee table and sitting in the last chair.
"Now, for 1$£ do you think you could name the political party he represents?" Rimmer asked sarcastically.
"Start with a hard one why don't ya!" Hattie whined.
"Hattie – we are talking about the government who controls Britain here!" Howard answered, shocked.
"So? I don't pay attention to stuff like that – Ok?" She defended, cursing herself silently for sounding so dumb.
"It's the Labour Party in power at the minute." Bobby answered quietly.
"Yeah – How'd you know?"
"I just gather information I guess, and I have been living here for the past 2 months – Not that I really support any of the major parties." He added.
"Same here – They all speak crap to me." Howard agreed.
"What about you Rimmer? Bet you're a Tory huh?" Lister scoffed.
"As a matter of fact I am – So what?"
"Rimmer, Any older and they'll be voting a skeleton in as leader." Lister joked, finally abandoning his mat juggling game in favour of building a house of drinks mats – like a house of cards but with larger, slightly soggy cardboard squares with "Beefeater" on one side.
"I think we've got a good government and leader." Danny voiced, blowing a piece of Hattie's hair from his eyes.
"You support Labour?" Rimmer scoffed loudly.
"Yes – What's so wrong with that? – I get to vote yes to the Euro and wear red at the same time!" He pointed out.
"The leader knows nothing – He has no experience! – He still has acne for Christ's sake!" Rimmer protested.
"Yes that was a problem, nearly cost him my vote." Danny admitted.
"So why'd you still vote for him?"
"He started using the lotion I sent him."
"Oh great." Rimmer sighed.
"Anyway, do you really think I'd vote for the Tories? Apart from being old and alive during WW3, They have no taste in clothes or policies. They are so much like bad taste drones any muppet could do the job – In fact a Muppet should do it! – Let's have Kermit The Frog as the next Tory leader! – They'd still not get into power but at least they leader would be less ugly than usual!" Everyone laughed but Rimmer who wondered if it was too late to go back to the Space Corps.
"Yes, but if he did become PM that would make Miss Piggy the PM's wife." Hattie pointed out.
"You're right there Hat – Even I wouldn't take that chance." Danny admitted. "Right, I'm going to work – There's a Speedo shoot 3 blocks down with my name on it." He said pushing Hattie gently to one side and standing up.
"Oh by the way Dave, You know that little problem we had with me not paying your rent for you any more, and you still not paying the rent anyway? We're getting evicted next week." Danny said as he picked up his jacket and walked to the door.
"Oh great man, thanks for telling me."
"No problem. Don't know about you but I'm sure I'll find someone in my little black book to keep me warm."
"And you're saying I can't?"
"Yes – As long as you don't try to play your music… Or sing." Danny added on his way out."
"Oh SMEG! You know the government doesn't do enough for people like me." Lister blurted as he demolished his two card tower with a swipe of his hand.
"Lazy people?" Rimmer asked grinning.
"No, the poorer community – The minorities. I should start my own party – Fight the government and the unfair landlords all in one go!"
"Sure Lister – And the day that happens Satan will be wearing a pink tutu to work." Rimmer scoffed, sighing as the only other people left in the pub before the 4pm afternoon closing got his attention to pay their bill.
"There's some spare rooms above the pub you know, There's only me, Hattie and Arnold since the last 3 tenants left – You and your friend could move in." Harold suggested, resulting in Lister grinning and Rimmer dropping a tonne of loose change on the floor in shock...