Disclaimer: I own nothing… sniff …sniff.

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Chapter Two

Vinegar and Peanut Butter

Emily's POV

I hummed softly to myself as I drove along the familiar highway toward home. I had been absent for about two months, and had decided suddenly to return to my old stomping ground. I loved Europe, I lived and breathed it and yet the lure of Paris cafes and English museums could not satisfy the desire for my family and friends in the U.S.A. ( I know that sounds totally unbelievable)

So, here I was driving along and trying to think how Mom, and the family would cope with my sudden reappearance at home. I grinned in the dark, and thought with delight about their reactions.

But my mind was called back to the present because a huge gush of wind slammed against the car, and I had to fight for control of the vehicle. The strange thing about it was there wasn't a cloud in the sky or a drop of rain.

"What the heck was that?" I wondered aloud as I righted the car. A flash of lightening lit the sky like a beacon and for a instant I could see the whole valley in which my home lay.

"Welcome home Emily" I said.

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Barbie's POV

I suppose mentioning Rivendell wasn't exactly the smartest thing I've ever done. Especially since this was obviously NOT Rivendell. But it really seemed to freak Aragorn out, who was not in a good mood. But hey, time travel isn't for everyone!

"Of what do you speak?" he said narrowing his eyes" For this is certainly not Rivendell."

I looked around the living room. "Y'know, I think I just might agree," I said pleasantly, attempting to back away from his sword, which he had under my chin.

Oops, bad move, bad move! It seems Boromir didn't appreciate time travel any more than Aragorn did, and firmly pinned my arms to my side.

"Perhaps you would like to explain-- Gandalf waved his hand vaguely--all this." His tone wasn't hostile, but I could feel him looking me up and down, trying to decide if,

A: She's a thrall of Sauron and must be destroyed!

B: This is bad dream and should end soon.

Or C., She's harmless.

I tried to look innocent. I mean, what can one wimpy sixteen year old in pajamas do to nine guys who were, "On A Mission".

"Um, I think I can explain," I said, then thought "Wait a minute! I have no idea why their here any more than they do!" This was going to be so much fun! NOT!

"But first, do you think you could let me go first?" I asked, twisting round to squint up at Boromir. Darn it! I'd left my glasses in my bedroom.

What follow is silent communication,

Boromir. "I'm not letting go!"

Gandalf. "Yes, you are!"

Boromir." She is probably a witch!"

Gandalf. " The most she could possibly do is kick your shins!"

Boromir. " But-"

Gandalf. "If you don't, I can tell everyone about that incident involving the city records being used for-"

Boromir. "OK."

I looked around the circle of faces, checking to see if - yes, they were, all there! And despite the fact that they all looked vaguely hostile,( except for the hobbits, I mean, they barely passed my waist, and I am not that tall) I couldn't help feeling excited.

"Our.. explanation?" Welllll, thank you, Mr. Reality Aragorn," I thought.

Aloud, "Why don't you guys.. er.. gentleman( or dwarves, or elves or hobbits, or wizards) sit down. You might need to when you hear what I have to say."

"Is that a threat?" I heard one of them mutter, I think it may have been Boromir.

I couldn't believe that though. I mean, you could just see his affection for me showing through it all.( snickers heard in background.)

Anyway, the hobbits huddled up on our luxurious Salvation Army couch, Gandalf held the fort in the big recliner, Aragorn took possession of our brown swivel chair, Boromir took the other couch (Think; sulky Council slouch) and Legolas and Gimli stood. I think this was pre-buddy stage, because they seemed busier giving each other the evil eye than figuring out where they were. Go figure.

"Ok, guys," I began ( Exit evil eye. Apparently dudes are interested in their surroundings). I took a deep breath, 'You 're not in Middle Earth. Or Arda , whatever you call it. This is just plain Earth, the year 2004."

Dead silence reigns.

"Gandalf-" Frodo, Aragorn and Legolas began.

"Wait! I'm not insane or evil or anything, I-I can prove it!" I said, wondering how in Valar's name I was supposed to do that. "Just- wait a sec I have to get my glasses," I added, rushing down the hallway to snag the needed specs. After rummaging around my desk, I slid them on, spying something as I turned to leave.

"Hmmmm, my dad's portable radio, may as well take that too."

Pippin was in the middle of asking Gandalf what glasses were, when I hurried back in, busy fumbling with the radios knobs.

"See, watch," I cried triumphantly, as a little red light came on. Wrong-very- wrong station. Rock music filled the room, with plenty of screaming and drums. The hobbits cowered on the couch and Legolas involuntarily covered his ears. Whoops! I hastily switched the radio off.

"Sorry guys, that was just some rock music. I didn't mean to play you that," I apologized, wondering who had been using the silly thing last time.

"You call that music?" asked Legolas incredulously.

"Uh….no..," I said vaguely, staring at his eyes, brown, not the greatest sign, but wow! Back to the subject at hand.

"So that is one of your modern creations?" inquired Gandalf curiously.

"Yeah, we have a lot of other things you guys don't, like electricity, telephones, all kinds of things."

"How do you know anything about us?" asked Gimli suspiciously. I could not repress an evil sounding snicker.

"Actually, I know a lot more than you think. In fact, I know all of your names, homes, and the mission you're on, Gimli son of Gloin. "But" -I held up my hands as they all stiffened- "I have no idea why your here, I'm not a witch or anything, or an ally of Sauron. I am a perfectly innocent girl. Oh, and my name is Barbara Grace Paul, but everyone usually calls me Barb or Barbie. My little sisters call me bossy."

"Well, whoever you are, what's this?" Merry and Pippin were staring at the VCR, and I had to smother a laugh at the thought of showing them Pride and Prejudice.

"Have you ever heard of Galadriel's mirror? Never mind if you haven't, I'll explain that later. This screen can show people doing things, sorta like her mirror can, or maybe a palantirs more like it."

"Bother that!" said Frodo impatiently, "If you already know of our mission, what are we to do about the quest and-the Ring?" His eyes darkened a little, and he hesitated before saying the last two words, as if he were afraid to. Gandalf laid one hand gently on his curly head, and was about to say something, when the door was thrown open with a bang.

The Fellowship went into High Alert, pointing all their various weapons at- my older sister, Emily. She dropped her suitcases, and stared wordlessly at the axes and such held unto her nose. She swayed a little, and then, with a little sigh, crumpled to the floor in a dead faint.

"Guys! That girl is MY SISTER!" I said checking to make sure she hadn't hit her head or anything( she hadn't) and then running into the kitchen. They all properly ashamed, and I rummaged 'round in the cupboards. In lieu of old fashioned smelling salts, I grabbed some vinegar. I was just trying to figure out how to wave a five gallon bottle under her nose, when Pippin shrieked "She's awake!" Dropping the vinegar( no cap unfortunately ) I rushed back into the living room.

Boromir had lifted her onto the couch, and I looked at her." No, she's not!" I said disappointedly, her eyes were still tightly closed.

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Emily's POV.

I was vaguely aware of being lifted and of someone shouting that "she" was awake. I wondered who they were talking about. I suddenly felt a very large hand laid cross my forehead and a deep voice say,

"She has no fever I believe the maiden has only fainted."

Of course I didn't I haven't been sick in months and I felt fine! Wait just a second…A deep voice? Barbie didn't have a deep voice by anyone's standards. It must be a burglar!

I kept very still because I didn't want to alert them to the fact that I was conscious. If I could only get to a phone, and Barbie what about her? Was she alright?

Again I had that feeling you get when another person is close to you. I opened my eyes enough to see a man's face inches from my own, It was bearded with long hair. It must be some kind of biker gang!

I lashed out blindly and my fist connected with a sharp crack against the nose of the biker.

He staggered away, and I jumped up and was immediately seized from behind. I should have thought about that, of course he would have fellow burglars!

I struggled with my captor but the hold was only tightened and I couldn't move or touch the floor.

"Em! Em it's alright they friends we're fine!" I heard Barbie shouting above the din of arguing voices. I looked around and my eyes focused on Barbie in her pink bathrobe surrounded by four children and a lot of tall strangers. I looked at the strangers again, they looked familiar somehow. The one I had punched was holding a towel to his nose which was bleeding freely. I was glad at least he had gotten it! But he was wearing some kind of weird leather vest and cloak. His hair was about shoulder length and red-blond, He looked up at that moment and if looks could kill I would have been really dead.

Just than an guy dressed like a Dooms Day prophet came up to me and said "Legolas put her down now! She is Lady Barbara's sister."

That clicked in my brain, Legolas?

I was gently lowered to the floor and I turned to see the most beautiful creature bow and say " Forgive me, my Lady, I hope I did not cause you harm?"

"I..I ..err …..Barb ….I ..who…what? Is going on and who is this?" I stuttered. I was still looking at the creature who had just spoken to me. He was not human, he was humanoid sure, but everything about him told me that he wasn't a human. And the Dooms Day Prophet had called him Legolas?

My eyes followed along the curve of the creature's ears and sure as I was standing there, they tapered to a delicate point! I have never been a fan girl of Legolas but I was looking at the real thing and I was scared out of my mind. I backed away and suddenly felt like crying.

Barbie out her arms around me and pushed me into a chair and whispered fiercely, "If you cry I will totally kill you. Now repeat after me " I will not be a Mary Sue and cry"

"I will not be a Mary Sue and cry" I repeated dumbly as my eyes went from person to person in the living room. "Barb, it's them! I mean the Fellowship of the Ring!"

Barbie looked annoyed and said "Oh really I hadn't noticed, I thought it was Asland and his Marsh wiggles?"

"But their here, and their real, and their here and what are we supposed to do with them?" I asked.

I was really worried that I was going out of my mind. The guy in gray came forward (Gandalf, I realized) and said in a kindly voice " For give us my Lady we meant no harm and neither did my companion Legolas. We were merely…. startled by your actions"

"We should trust neither one of them. They're spies of Sauron or of Saruman not doubt. We should not be swayed by the fact that they are women!" this came from the guy I had hit. It was Boromir I now knew. Great I started out on the right fist ..er … foot with the most suspicious member of the whole Fellowship!

So I asked the only question that came to mind "Is anyone hungry?"

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Barbie's POV

Portrait.

I have never seen a sight as, laughable but serious since I watched the Fellowship try their first, genuine, All American peanut butter sandwich.

Pippin, who was the most enthusiastic about the whole thing, took the first bite. The expression on his face as a most peculiar one. You may reproduce it by means of an upset stomach, a headache, and a violent toothache. Maybe. Aragorn ate his with the philosophy of "Hey, food is food."

Gandalf was sneakier. Slowly, and very carefully, he hid his in his sleeve. So that's what those huge things are for.

Sam was mentally adding ingredients, and Merry and Frodo downed theirs with the expression" lets just get this over with, ok?" Legolas was obviously thinking "Oh well, what can you expect? They're human."

Boromir watched the others before trying his, as if half-expecting them to keel over from poison or something. His was eaten with" Gondorian food is waaaaaay better" in mind. Gimli was the only one who actually seemed to like it. (Good for you ole buddy!)

While they were in the kitchen, Emily and I paced the living-room, straightening the cushion covers, lowering the blinds, then jerking them back up again, adjusting the doily's, anything.

Finally Emily sat down, head in her hands. "What are supposed to do with them Barb?" she asked, sounding seriously stressed. "Um, I don't know, you're the oldest," I said, falling on a age old technique. "That is SUCH cop-out Barb," she said exasperatedly. "Well, it works for me," I replied comfortably.

"Y'know, you're being way too causal about this whole thing." I decided to change the subject. "I figured out where we can put them all for the night. The hobbits can have the master bedroom, Gandalf can have the couch, and the other guys can have the bunk beds in the boys room."

We both fell silent. Then-

"Barb?"

"Yeah?"

"This…is not happening."

"Nope."

But it was.

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BanbieBunny. Thanks for reviewing! We'll be hoping to see more of you-and your reviews (hint hint.).