Picture: Winkle is contentedly typing away at his desk when a quiet "ahem" comes from the doorway. Fearing what he might see he looks up slowly. There in the doorway is Snodgrass wearing a singular outfit. He is wearing flood pants with suspenders and a embroidered shirt with a wee-scavie around his neck as well as an elven cloak over his shoulders. There some odd patches of hair on his feet as well.

Winkle: "ah….what exactly is that supposed to be?

Snodgrass: This is my hobbit suit for when we visit Lily Took this Spring, I thought I should do all I can to fit in."

Winkle: "Snodgrass, your 6'2 ! You'll never fit in ever! No matter what you wear."

Snodgrass: "Perhaps if I hunch over like this." (Snodgrass bends over in half.)

Winkle: "And you intend to do this the entire time we're in Hobbition?"

Snodgrass: "If I have to, Gandalf did. Why can't I?"

Winkle: "He did that because he was an old man, you are only thirty eight!"

Snodgrass: "Winkle you idiot! You told them how old I am!"

Winkle: "I love shattering peoples images of us! Besides we can just edit it out later. I mean what would they think of they knew I was only twenty seven!"

Snodgrass: "Hummm, Winkle old chap this is live."

Winkle: "Live! This is Live! Arghhhhhhh!

Snodgrass( aside to us) : "And he thinks that he likes shattering public images!"

Primevera TookI know poor Haldir, at least he showed that he really cared for the sweet thing before he left. As you can probably guess from the above dialogue we will visit in the Spring! See you then!

AraelMoonchild: "I love it when you can cry/laugh/squeal over the story, I loved the wedding as well. Winkle cried through the whole thing didn't you old chap?"

Winkle: "I did not! I was merely wiping away some dust tears, the golden hall was full of dust motes."

Snodgrass: "Sure, we all believe that one!"

Mary: Keep reading, we always love reviews!

Mayhem : "What can I say that can describe our feelings when you said how much you loved us? It was so beautiful and moving! Thanks from the bottom of our hearts! Keep reading!

CrazyroninchicIn this chapter you are the elleth that catches the little boy falling off of Barbie's saddle, You will get your name in the next up date!

Slayer3: Yes, you lucky devil! We all think you're the luckiest reader of all! But anyway, what's the happy snow dance? NO! YOU AREN'T A MANICAL SINGING IDIOT! HALIR WOULD NEVER HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH YOU IF YOU WERE!

There that rant is over.

Annamariah: Sure you can be an elven archer! Everyone wants to be an elven archer why shouldn't you too! We are glad the last chapter had you crying because it was supposed to. Keep reading!

Chelsey-pudgeYour OC is appearing in the next chapter as well! Lucky you!

Siriusly Sirius Lily BlackI hope you will like your OC, he will be mentioned later in the next up date!

Ty-Kwan-DoPerfect1 Your friend is perfect! We needed someone just like her! We will use her name so she can know which one she is. Tell her thanks for the compliment!

AnbuShinobi379Thank you! We needed some OC's we could kill off. Don't worry she will die an noble death, very touching and feeling. You will met her in the next up date. Keep reading!

Chapter 18Jackie Chan and Gollum Impersonations

Emily's POV

We have been riding or walking for the last seven hours and according to Theoden we have another five still ahead of us. Now I want to know who's bright idea it was to build the nations stronghold out in the middle of NOWHERE!

Of course I don't ask Theoden this as it would be taken the wrong way, but I still wonder. I can see him up ahead with Gamling and Háma, his two bookends. They are so continually with him that I joked to Barbie that Theoden was really a puppet and the other guys were pulling the strings. "Sidekicks, don't leave home without them!"

I know it's sound horrible, but in times like this you are allowed a little silliness. Speaking of silliness Gimli was regaling Eowyn with stories of dwarven women, and I could see Aragorn watching her face closely.

I have never seen Aragorn interact with Arwen, at least not in real life, but I think that any girl would think a guy liked you if he was paying as much attention to you as Aragorn was to Eowyn. No wonder the poor girl fell for him, he wasn't exactly careful. And honestly if Arwen had gone to the undying lands, I think in time Aragorn would have grown to love Eowyn and would have married her too. Sorry if that offends any of you Arwen/Aragorn purists, but that is the truth and I was there and you weren't!

Ever since the wedding Legolas has kept his distance from the rest of us, walking alone, a solitary figure. I know that Barbara's has given him back his necklace because he is now the glowing elf he was when we first meet him three months ago. Three months ago!

I can't believe it has been that long already! Our family must be going insane wondering where we are! My family would go insane to hear I was married and now we were on our way to Helm's Deep! So much can change in a few short weeks!

I am a married woman.

I am now married to Boromir of Gondor and will here after be known as the wife of the Steward.

Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh! Is it okay if I am scared?

The wedding was wonderful I couldn't have wanted any different if I had the chance to plan it. Well, I guess I could have done without the argument between Legolas and Gimli, honestly though those two are getting on my nerves. I suppose Legolas's blessing more then made up for it though, I was really close to tears the whole time. However this was Barbie's turn to be the weepy Mary-Sue and I was the beautiful bride.

Oh, my gosh, I am a married woman!

"Excuse me, my Lady?"

I looked down and saw a little girl of about five walking beside me. Her hair was light brown and tangled in a mass around her sweet heart shaped face……which was really dirty.

"Yes?" I asked.

"May I ride with you for a while, this walking makes my legs tired."

I stopped Pigeon and lifted the little thing into my lap and settled her in front of me. She patted the horses mane and said "She's a lovely horse, my Lady. I hope when I'm grown I have one just like it."

She twisted around in the saddle and looked me over with her big blue eyes. "You aren't very pretty without any hair."

"Well, thanks a heap." I thought

"I see, I don't really like it either, but I had it cut off in a battle." I said. He eyes got big and she asked "Did you kill any evil creatures?"

"I hope so, they weren't very nice to cut off all my long hair were they?"

"No, they were very mean to do that, I'm glad I have all my hair right here." she patted the ratty nest, and smoothed her rough dress down with her hands. I watched her eyes travel from her own homespun to the delicate materiel of my elvish dress.

She touched the beading on my belt and said "Your dress is pretty, I wish I could have one like it."

"Zara! What are you doing brothering the Lady? Get down here right now!" demanded a harsh voice. I turned to see the boy Barbie had taken out the other day in the Meduselde. His nose was a little crooked, and blue looking and only added to his disagreeable expression.

The little girl jumped and made as if she would slid away, but I held her in place. I felt her hands tighten around mine a little as if she wanted to stay.

"She is not causing any harm young man. Please I wish her to remain with me and keep me company."

He ignored my words and still sent the girl a look to freeze anyone's blood.

"Zara, get down now!" he insisted. He was an ugly boy, big and gangly for his age, with long and greasy looking hair. I was about to argue the point further when Boromir rode up and said "Is anything the matter dear wife?"

I saw the boy swallow at the word "wife", I knew that the boys of Rohan looked up to Aragorn and Boromir as role models; and I think the boy was afraid of what my husband might do.

"Nothing at all dear, this sweet child simply wishes to ride with me and her brother is a little worried about her brothering me." I said. "Which she isn't." I added hastily.

Boromir turned to the boy and said "Do I have your consent for your sister to ride with my wife, Master Bela?"

"Of course….I mean yes, certainly my Lord…..is there anything I can do for you my Lord?" He asked his voice cracking as he hurried to speak. I suppressed the urge to laugh because I could see that for Bela, it was like meeting his life long hero.

Zara, however didn't bother at all, she giggled into her hands. This proved to be a bad idea however as Boromir's head whipped around to eye her sternly. How right Tolkien was when he said my husband was stern of glance.

He rode closer and leaned over so his face was mere inches from Zara's. "Tell me young miss, were you laughing at your noble brother just now?"

"N-no…I mean yes…I mean no!" she said trying to see which was the correct answer. However I think that she got it wrong because before I knew it Boromir had lifted her out of the saddle and handed her down to her brother.

"Now miss, when you have more respect for your brother then you may ride with my wife. But not till you learn proper respect, it's a hard lesson and I am sorry to have to give it; but if you want to be a noble woman someday like my Lady wife then you must show you have the right manners, understand?" he asked kindly.

Zara's head drooped and her lips trembled slightly, but she answered without crying "Yes, my Lord."

The little mite then turned to her brother and humbly begged pardon. He looked a little sheepish at this and quickly said it was alright.

Zara was handed back to me and she sighed happily, and Bela was rewarded with Boromir inviting the boy to ride with him. I was about to go about finding out more about my little friend, however Barbie came roaring up with a horde of children hanging off every graspable part of her horse.

"Hi! What are you all up to?" she asked. A little boy was hanging around her neck and asking "And what did Jackie Chan to do next my Lady?"

I looked at my sister and raised a brow. "Jackie Chan? Come on Barb! This is Middle Earth for crying out loud!"

"Yes, but remember that he's one of the great warriors from our land right?" Barbie spoke through her teeth and give me the look.

"Oh fine, but Barbie?"

"Yeah?"

"Just don't tell them that Michael Jackson was a great Minstrel, okay?"

"Oh pleaszzzzzzzz!" she said and began her story again. "So then Jackie Chan turned to the evil Balrog and said "You can't kill me because I'm too great a warrior."

And so it went, all day they children listened to made up stories about the great warrior of our time, Jackie Chan. Go figure.

Barbie's POV.

I had to let those poor kids ride with me. I mean, honestly, how could I let those little tykes walk while I had a horse? So I let first one on, then he mentioned his little brother, had to take him of course, then I had to take that kid's little friend, then she had a cousin, and the cousin had both a brother and a sister, and so on and so forth. Altogether I had to have at least seven or eight little Rohanian's riding with me.

Oh yeah, and they asked a lot of questions. One of the most frequent was why my skin was so dark. I told them I had been born that way, and that I looked a lot like my dad. For some reason they found this hilarious, and kept giggling behind cupped hands at the idea of a girl looking like her father.

Frankly, giggling drives me absolutely bonkers, so I had to stop them somehow, and booting them off my horse wasn't even an option with me. So I tried something I have found effective with a lot of children ( trust me, I have plenty of younger bothers and sisters) I told them a story. I started with something nice and tame, like Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

They hated it. They said that Snow White was really silly, and they liked Grumpy the best of anyone. A close runner-up was the evil Queen. Disney, was apparently, not their cup of tea. Finally a little boy with tow hair and squinty eyes inquired in drawling tones if I could tell them a story with a lots of fighting and "nice things like that."

"Alright." I agreed quickly "I'll tell a story about one of the great heroes from my land."

"What was his name?" someone piped up from the back.

"Jackie Chan!" I blurted out, on the inspiration of the moment.

"Ooooh!' they all breathed.

"Go on, tell us about Jackie Chan!"

And so I did, inventing tales in which our valiant warrior went through more trials than Beren himself, wielding his magic sword, Kung Fu. He also had a special secret power called "Special Effects" with which he foiled as his enemies, and their number were legion. They cheered every time he slew yet another seemingly unstoppable Easterling or one of those strange creatures known as CIA agents.

I admit, I was lying through my teeth. But hey, who could say me nay, they had never watched Rush Hour One or its epic sequel Rush Hour Two. Occasionally Jackie Chan's mysterious friend Arnold Schwarzenegger would make an appearance, and an equally mysterious group of people known as Trekkies led by Captain Vin Diesel showed up.

That was in the account of how Jackie kept the defense of the Alamo with Davy Crockett of course.

Okay, back to the real and very cold world.

I was riding near the front because I didn't want to miss any of the action. The fifteen elven soldier-essess? that had insisted on staying with us when the others returned to Lothlorien seemed to be missing their commander, so I decided to keep them company. (Am so helpful) I rode right up between two of them.

"I hope I'm not intruding." I said politely.

"Uh…no, not at all."

"Oh good!" I said happily, and then made a wild grab for one of the kids who had begun a slow motion fall towards the ground. He was sort of sliding off, while trying to grab onto his brother's leg. I couldn't really reach him, and I was afraid he'd hurt himself, when one of the elves helpfully grabbed him and hauled him up on to their horse.

"Now you can sit with me." she said, patting his head.

"Thanks." I said gratefully.

The boy seemed scared of her though, and sat very stiffly in the saddle. I had found out later that they were very superstitious about elves, and were sure that they were continually putting spells on unsuspecting persons. The elf didn't seem to mind though, and asked him his name, and did he have any brothers and sisters? She had an older brother and three younger sisters, didn't he think that was interesting?

The boy didn't say anything, but nodded curtly at each of her friendly inquiries. I wondered why he was so frightened of her, she looked nice enough to me. Long brown hair streamed out from under her helmet, and her hazel-green eyes twinkled in that way some people's do. Like…Gandalf's when he was happy, only prettier.

Emily's POV

Okay, look Barbie's rambling so I had better take over. Honestly she was comparing a elleth to Gandalf for lord's sake!

The elleths were pretty, and all and the children and were afraid of them, but this is totally beside the point of what was going on around us. While it was lovely talking to the children and seeing all the people making their way toward Helm's Deep there was the very real feeling of dread hanging over all of us.

I could see the fear on the faces of the parents whose children we were having fun with, many of whom carried weapon like tools on their backs or shoved into their packs. Sure, they were dirty and sweaty with tangled and greasy hair, but they were human beings. I thought of Saruman's words, "There shall be no dawn for men."

It's scary thing to realize that he means you, and me, and all those who are precious to all of us. All men, ……..oh and women too!

Image that you knew some of the men would never reach Helm's Deep, then image what you would tell them if you had the chance. Go kiss you wife and tell her you love her! Hug your children and bless them for everyday you had with each other!

Don't waste any time!

And suddenly like a bolt of lightening I knew that was what I was supposed to do! I looked down at the little girl in front of me, her hair was all brushed and braided now, I couldn't resist the urge to fix it up.

"Zara, do you have a papa?"

"Oh yes! He's the strongest man in Rohan, Prince Eomer says so!" she boasted proudly. I hugged her a little and said "I am sure your very proud of him, maybe you should go and tell him so?"

"But he knows I do!" she answered with a look at a stout man riding nearby.

"I'm sure he does, but Daddy's always need encouragement, Lady Eowyn is always telling King Theoden how she loves him. I think we should all follow her good example."

Zara considered this for a minute her little face twisted in thought, then like the good girl she was, she nodded .

"Will you let me down now, Lady Emily?"

"Of course, there you go, and see if you can coax your Mummy into giving your Daddy a kiss too!"

I let her slid out of my arms and she ran up to the big bay and was swept up into her daddy's embrace, she wrapped her arms around his neck and planted a big kiss on his cheek. Then and she said something that obviously pleased him as he hugged her again. I sighed, this was going to hurt so much.

All the rest of the morning I encouraged this kind of good behavior in all the children and it acted like a chain reaction among the people. Soon mothers and fathers were walking together and talking in hushed tones, children where with their families instead of scattered hither and yon.

"You're a good woman Emily."

I turned and saw Boromir had come back to ride with me having finally gotten rid of the ugly boy. He grinned at me his brown eyes sparkling between his bangs. ( Did I ever mention how much I adore those bangs? Well I do.)

"I still can't believe we were married this morning. It wasn't exactly the wedding I had always thought I would have had in my time."

"I am sorry it couldn't have been more formal dear, perhaps when all of this is over.." He gestured to the walking people. "..then we can have a proper wedding in Gondor as well. I know my father will insist on it anyway."

"Is your father really as..er…stern as they make him out to be?"

Boromir sighed and flicked a bit of hay of his sleeve before answering. "My father is a bitter man, Emily."

"Because of your mother's death?" I asked tentatively.

"Yes, that and other things. He cannot see past the end of his nose in many matters. He looks to me to make things right and I would do it. I would see the glory of Gondor restored."

"I have never been there, but I can picture what it looks like, the white Tower of Ecthelion. Glimmering like a spike of pearl and silver. Its banner caught high in the morning breeze. Being called home by the clear ringing of silver trumpets." I paused ( I know I am bad, totally stealing his lines.)

"And one day our paths will lead us there. And the tower guard shall take up the call: 'The Lords of Gondor have returned!'" I finished with relish.

How can I describe the look on his face? Surprised, pleasure, and a little bit suspicion (I know that look! The very first one I can remember seeing on his face!) I had just repeated something that he had said Lothlorien to Aragorn when I wasn't around to overhear it.

"How did you know..? About Minis Tirith? You described it just as though you have been there before." my husband said. I patted his arm and said "I have, in my dreams, but someday you will show it to me in real life. Besides I can't wait to meet Faramir!"

A big smile spread across his face at the mention of his brother. "Really? I think you would get along with him well, he's like you in many ways."

"Like what? I asked suddenly curious. I could see we were stopping soon, all the people were settling and starting cooking fires. We continued our conversation as we rode up.

"Well, for one thing you are both great readers and seem to hold education above fighting." Boromir said as he dismounted.

"That's true, but how do you know that I am a great reader?" I asked as Pigeon came to her prancing stop.

Boromir smiled sheepishly as he reached up to help me down. " I saw you reading quite a bit when we were still in your time, you never knew I was there."

"You were spying on me?" I laughed, this was such a sweet idea!

"What was I supposed to do? You were so suspicious of me that I could never get close to you."

"I was suspicious of you! That's a joke! You gave me all this looks like you wanted to kill me! Was I supposed to fling myself into your arms and declare my undying love?" I asked as I slid down into his arms. He held me to him and whispered "That would have been nice."

romantic interlude

"You realize that I loved you the first moment I saw you." he said a few minutes later.

"No, you didn't!" I said.

"Well, no I didn't. But I did later, and that is what really counts isn't it?"

"Sure."

Barbie's POV.

More scary than orcs. More terrifying than a cave troll. More horrific than having to spend Christmas Day with relatives you don't like.

Lunch a-la Eowyn.

"What do you think this is?" I asked, poking at some…things floating around in my stew.

"I don't think we should worry about that. Food is food." Ah, Gimli logic at its purest.

"Yeah. Sure. And so you think I have a death wish?" I said, and put my bowl down. I'm not apologizing, that stuff looked positively vile. And I couldn't even tell what it was!

"I don't think I'm going to eat that either." Legolas set his bowl down too, face a little green.

"You mean you actually tried that?" I said in disbelief.

"Yes. But never again I assure you. I'd rather eat spearheads than that" Legolas shuddered, and searched for the right word.

"You two are just picky." Gimli scowled at us. "Wasting perfectly good food. And made by that nice girl too."

"Oooh Gimli, you think Eowyn's a nice girl? Haha, I think I'll go tell her that." I got up as if I was about to do so.

"You do that and I'll tell her you thought her stew was disgusting." Gimli threatened.

"Besides Barbara." Legolas countered "She wouldn't care. Any fool could see that she's in love with Aragorn."

"Any fool but Aragorn." I said wryly.

"WellI suppose that's because he just assumes everyone already knows he's betrothed to Lady Arwen." Legolas said, trying to lessen his friend's obvious denseness.

"That still doesn't excuse him from being a total…never mind, here comes the man himself." Aragorn, who looked rather furtive, sat down with us.

"Hi." I said innocently "What are you doing here? You looked kind of sneaky."

"I do not sneak." Aragorn said with dignity.

"I do." I confided "I sneak around all the time…like Gollum! Shneeheehee!"

Aragorn and Legolas jumped about a mile in the air, and stared at me.

"Did you say" they said simultaneously

"No! I did not say Gollum. Oh crap!" I say the stupidest things sometimes.

"What do you know about Gollum?" Aragorn asked.

" We knows everything!" I whispered, in a hissy, Gollum-y way. Aragorn stared at me for a minute, and began, very slowly to back away.

"I think I'll be going now." he said. Coward.

"Don't go!' I said "We already knows about the nasty ranger, don't we my love? Yes, we do. What's it's say? Is Aragorn losing his nerve?"

"Now Barbara, don't be ridiculous." Legolas said, but he was looking rather freaked himself. I scowled nastily at him, though my teeth weren't yellow.

"Nasty elves-ss locks us up in a filthy dungeon, yes, they do. We knows all about them." I said, trying desperately not to laugh at the expression on Legolas's face.

"Amen!" Gimli, apparently, was the only one who I wasn't scaring.

"What are you agreeing with?" I asked, in a normal tone of voice "That elves are nasty, or that they stick people in filthy dungeons?"

"Both." Gimli explained further. "It is a well known fact that elves are impatient and bad-tempered creatures who enjoy imprisoning innocent folk for absolutely no reason. What-so-ever."

"If you are referring to a certain incident in which certain intruders would not explain their presence in a certain wood, the elves were not to blame."

Gimli snorted loudly at this, and some of his stew slopped onto the ground. Poor ground, I thought.

"Well, what did you expect us to do? Your people suddenly appear in our forest, and you want us to welcome them with open arms? Especially since you refused to tell us what you doing there?" Legolas and Gimli began to argue…AGAIN! Somewhere along the along line it reverted to their earlier argument about Gimli's grandfather (on his mother's side, you must remember) having supposedly killed a wood elf.

"I already told you, dwarf it is impossible to kill an elf unless

"Unless you stab it somewhere vital, or the silly thing dies of grief, you already said that. The point is that he did kill that elf, and if you think you going to call my grandfather an liar

"I'm not calling your foolish grandfather a liar, I'm simply stating that it was impossible for him to have killed that elf byI tuned out at this point. I was getting a creepy, ice-water down your back kind of feeling, and then I thought I heard a voice float across the plain to where we were sitting.

"Send forth your Warg riders."

"Guys, we need to go. Now." I jumped up.