Pinky & the Brain are the property of Warner Brothers.
Gatchaman, The Kagaku Ninjatai, the God Phoenix, Berg Katse and Sosai X are the property of Tatsunoko.
Thanks to Julieann and Allison for mecha ideas.
Muffled scratching sounds emanated from the overturned coffee cup. Jinpei did his best to hide his new acquisitions from his sister's all-seeing eyes. Well, almost all-seeing. When Jun turned her back, he slid the cup and its captives off the edge of the counter and onto the palm of his hand. Covering the cup to prevent escape, he turned it upright and dashed upstairs to his room, almost overcome by excitement.
The mood inside the cup was considerably less jovial.
"You realize that this is all your fault," the shorter mouse accused.
"I'm sorry, Brain, but I found Roquefort in the store room!" said the taller one.
"Smelly as it was, that mass you encountered was not, nor will it ever be, a dairy product," stated Brain.
With that, the pair was shoved into a tiny mouse cage with a water bottle, a tray of moldy gerbil food, and the mandatory squeaky wheel. There they stayed until nightfall while Brain plotted and Pinky amused himself in the exer-wheel.
As night fell on Utoland City, five apparently innocuous bracelets began beeping. With the sun gracefully departing from the sky, five young people slipped off to parts unknown as the daybirds drifted to sleep, and the nightowls began to open their eyes.
The spinning wheel squeaked to a stop and Pinky began dabbing at the sweat on his brow with a towel.
"What are we doing tonight, Brain?" asked Pinky.
"Same thing we do every — where did you get that towel?" said Brain.
"I borrowed it from Douglas Adams," Pinky answered.
"Yes, but, it wasn't here a moment ago!" Brain insisted.
"This is Gatchaman, Brain. As long as it fits the plot, it doesn't have to make sense," Pinky explained.
"Or even be scientifically possible, it seems," Brain muttered, "So much the better… Pinky, get over here and help me push this cage off the table so the door will pop open and we can make good our escape from this foul-mouthed, pre-pubescent human."
"Why do we want to do that, Brain?"
"So we can try to take over the world!"
With that, Pinky and the Brain strained against the bars of their mouse cage, sticking their feet through the bars on the bottom of the cage to the desk top below.
"It's no good , Pinky. We're too heavy. We'll have to find another way out," Brain panted.
"I know!" Pinky exclaimed, then reached through the door. In a few quick motions, he slid the latch aside and pushed the door open. He shut and latched the door behind him, and ran to the opposite side of the cage from Brain. As he began shoving the cage again he asked, "Does this help, Brain?"
Brain fumed.
At that moment, the balance of force versus weight shifted and Pinky pushed the cage over the edge of the desk. An annoying squeak above his head caused Brain to look up from his landing spot in time to see the exer-wheel bearing down on him.
From his inception, the Brain had been blessed by a diabolical creativity. Unfortunately, Warner Brothers had not seen fit to extend that creativity to the use of vulgarities, leaving the Brain with only one avenue to express his inner frustration at the situation. He glared.
"So, what's the plan tonight, Brain?" Pinky asked.
Pinky's query took the edge off of Brain's frustration as he focused on his latest megalomaniacal scheme to conquer the Earth. It did absolutely nothing for the headache, though.
"In recent years a peculiar phenomena has developed, Pinky," Brain explained, "Humans have abandoned the traditional restaurant dining experience in favor of something called the 'All-You-Can-Eat-Buffet."
"What's an 'All-You-Can'... What's that, Brain?"
"It is a brilliant plan perpetrated by the likes of 'Steak Houses' and Chinese food restaurants around the world. They convince people to spend vast sums of money on sub-par food, stale desserts, brown lettuce, and the best part is that they make the customers serve themselves," Brain explained.
"I still don't get it, Brain. How is that going to help us take over the world?" Pinky asked.
"Observe," Brain said, "This vial contains a highly concentrated form of my DNA. We will convert the restaurant downstairs to an 'All-You-Can-Eat' buffet. When our customers consume the food treated with this substance, they will be powerless to resist me."
"Oh, wow. It looks like soy sauce, Brain!"
"That's what I'm counting on, Pinky."
With that, the two would-be rulers of the Earth scampered down stairs and went to work. Pinky got to work in the kitchen as the Brain picked up the phone.
"Acme Signs and Manhole Covers, what can we push off on you today?" said the nasal voice on the other end of the line.
"Do you have any 'All-You-Can-Eat Buffet' signs in stock?" Brain asked.
"Yes, sir, how would you like that delivered — UPS Ground, 3-day Express, Overnight, or FTL?"
"FTL?"
"Faster-Than-Light, sir."
"Excellent! Please ship it 'FTL' then," Brain answered.
"Your total is $15,999.97. May I have your credit card number, sir?"
Brain searched frantically around the register for anything resembling a credit card. Finally he found one stuck up underneath the register and he read the numbers to the saleswoman on the other end of the line.
As the FTL delivery van pulled up outside the door, the saleswoman said, "Thank you, Mr. Nakanishi. It was a pleasure doing business with you."
Aboard the GodPhoenix. Buttons flash as the image of the mech-of-the-week lumbers across the main view screen. Oddly enough, it strongly resembles a lump of Limburger Cheese. It stops its progress through the streets of Utoland occasionally, but only long enough to spray a green gas at people on the street who promptly clutch their throats and pass out. The only sound is the snoring coming from the Pilot's chair.
"G-5, this is Nambu Hakase calling, respond."
"G-5, please respond."
"G-5, wake-up dammit! Respond!"
"I don't know what to tell you, Karen. Instruct Visa to pay the charges, we'll take it out of his paycheck."
Back at the Snack J, Pinky placed the final tray of DNA-laced food on the buffet line. When Brain unlocked the front door, he was promptly trampled by the herd of humans that had been gathering outside ever since the "All-You-Can-Eat" sign was lit. Brain recovered quickly and jumped behind the cash register as the leader of the herd numbly handed him a five-dollar bill. Brain passed the man a plate without a word, and so it went for some time — take their money, give them a plate, yell at Pinky to hurry it up with the popcorn shrimp, repeat.
It began softly in the back corner. A small child tugged on the shirt of his mother with a simple request. It spread from there, from booth to table, until every voice in the room echoed in unison, "We want cheese! We want cheese!"
It was either fate, or an incredible coincidence (or just MAYBE it was required for the plot — you be the judge) that the Limburgenkatse passed in front of the Snack J. The mech's gunner spotted another unsuspecting family entering the restaurant and took the opportunity to blast them with Limburger fog. The green gas wafted through the open door as its targets collapsed on the sidewalk.
When the patrons caught the scent of cheese, they bolted through the door and chased down the smelly mass. The gunner was taken by surprise by the maddened crowd, so he pulled the trigger and held it down until the gas completely obscured the crowd and anything more than 3 inches from the camera.
Katse sunk deeper into the plush La-Z-Boy that had been installed in her quarters. With hir right elbow propped on the arm, and hir head in hir hand, she wondered.
Who in their right mind would invent a cheese mech?
Sosai, of course, but who ever said Sosai was in his right mind? And then, to add insult to injury, he had to name the darned thing the "Limburgenkatse"!
Naturally Sosai had wanted his prize mutant to command this fermented joke. And naturally Sosai had picked a costume to match.
Sosai did this on purpose. He knows I'm a Vikings fan!
And how could Katse not love a team that was called "The Purple People Eaters"?
What Katse wouldn't give for the warmth of his customary cape & mask. If nothing else, it looked considerably more distinguished.
The vox box in hir room crackled.
"Katse-sama, we are proceeding toward the UN building per your orders, but,"
"But what?" Katse asked, barely letting hir annoyance into hir voice.
"We're under attack, sir."
"The Kagaku Ninjatai?"
"No, sir, I mean yes, they're on board, but we're being mobbed and the gas isn't working!"
Damn!
"I'll be there shortly," Katse gruffed.
Katse stood up. This disguise would be difficult to work with. All of hir other disguises worked because the build was similar to hir own. Not like this overweight, middle-aged buffoon. S/He was naked from the waist up. The left half of hir body had been painted bright green, the left was the most obnoxious color of yellow. The icing on the cake was the stupid piece of foam-rubber cheese s/he had to put on hir head!
IT'S EITHER THIS, OR THE SHAKESPEAREAN ANT, AGAIN Sosai had said.