She put Courtney and Joey down for naps and laid down on the couch. She looked at some pictures of happier times in the Baron household. Times when he was home. She smiled at the picture of him holding Courtney for the first time. "She was five months old and scared as hell of you, John." She spoke aloud, even though he wasn't there. "She cried and cried and cried when you picked her up. Even now, she's shy with you. She knows you as 'Daddy', but you're still a stranger to her and I don't know how Joey will respond when you meet for the first time. He doesn't even know you as 'Daddy'. You're just a voice and a picture to him. When will you ever truly be 'Daddy'?" She pounded the arm of the couch. "When will you ever be 'Husband'?" When do I get you to myself without the Army, your mistress, interfering?"
Day to day of being both Mommy and Daddy was taking its toll on her. She was in a constant state of tired and she began to wonder if she'd always be both to her children. She couldn't even see them as his kids. After all, she went through both pregnancies practically alone and both births alone, so the fact that he was their father seemed odd to her at times.
She got up from the couch and went to their room. In the closet, she pulled out their wedding album and thumbed through it. Jesus, he was handsome then and time hasn't changed him at all. She thought as she lovingly fingered his photo. His Dress Mess uniform did him justice. She loved him that uniform. He always looked regal, like the Baron his last name said he was.
She loved him in his DCUs. There was something she found appealing in the pictures he sent her. His Kevlar on his head with his Wiley X sunglasses protecting his eyes, his Carbine poised and ready to shoot at any moment and that damn thigh holster with the Beretta snapped in securely. She found that to be sexy and wanted him to wear that home from work one night. That way she could seductively remove it and make him succumb to her will.
God, I love him! She thought as she cried, alone in the closet, her hiding spot away from the children and reality.
As much as she loved him in his Army issued gear, she thought he looked best when he was in his jeans and t-shirt, mowing the yard. She leaned against the back wall of the closet and wiped a few tears. This deployment seemed a lot harder for her than the previous ones. Maybe it was because one of their closest friends had been killed by an IED while on routine patrol. She worried more and more every day that it would be him.
She wiped her face some more and stepped out of her hiding place. She looked at the calendar and knew that it was only a matter of months before he came home. And she already had that night planned out and she smiled in anticipation.