We see Winkle once again at the computer, nervously biting his fingernails, and hesitantly pecking at the keyboard.
Winkle. "Now let's see, how exactly would Snodgrass do this, um, uh, how exactly does he do the reviewers response?
The Computer. "In the most insane way possible, Mr. Winkle, sir.
Winkle. "Oh! All right, whatever you see…computer.
faeriekittie306animelover. I could put down Fk306, but it seems so disrespectful, especially with a lady. Thank you so much for your review, if Mr. Snodgrass were here (he's away on a business trip) I'm sure he'd be doing a dance, or something…interesting like that. One little thing I feel it is my duty to point out. In your name, you have "animel". the correct spelling is "animal. Just my writerly observation!
Hitokiri YumemiTwice in one day! You can't imagine how flattered we are! And we will attempt to give you each perfect chapter as frequently as we can! College of course, makes it a bit difficult for Snodgrass sometimes, but he valiantly plugs away at it.
Primevera Took( Winkle is now seen jamming cake into his mouth, spraying crumbs everywhere as he tries to speak.)
Winkle. "A hake heavy hine hwe hupdate? Ippy!
Primy. "Excuse me?"
Winkle. "I said, a cake every time we update? Yippy! And it is yippy, I love Rosie's cake! I love hobbits! I love their cake! I love hobbits, but especially their cakes! And about Lady Barbara listening to Eomer…well, just consider how she handled past situations…and enjoy this chapter! And don't you just love Elrohir's earring? I thought it was the funniest thing!
Slayer3. This is Winkle, so unfortunately I have no idea what you're talking about, since Snodgrass usually does reviewers response. He's away, you understand, so I volunteered for the job. But thank you so much, you're one of our most faithful reviewers ( hands you a sparkly gold wand) Enjoy!
Annamariah. Yes, I think it was disgraceful the way PJ left out Glorfy and the twins. But as you can see, the twins did have a big part in it, since Barb and Em were actually there! And those guards are so stoic…I've always wondered what would happen if I poked them in the stomach…but don't tell Snodgrass that! He'd do it!
Valiant Warrioress/Pancake. I have to say, I love your name. It's just so unique! And I know exactly what you mean about horrid eyesight; my glasses are so strong you could probably use them as magnifying glasses! And are you addressing the random question to us ( Snodgrass and Winkle) or Emily and Barbara? For myself ( Winkle) I would like to be one of the Istari, but I'm a bit short for that. Snodgrass is much taller, but I think he'd rather just be a chameleon, so he could change to whatever he wanted. Barbara, I think, always will belong to the that race of which the bard doth so eloquently say "There are souls like stars that dwell apart." And Emily…I'm not sure, but I have the sneaking suspicion that she would be an elf. That's unfair, but I just think she would be. But a Gondorian-dwelling elf seems a little odd…ah, well. Enjoy this chapter!
Nolitari. Barbara is, as she herself as admitted, rather sneaky. Elrond must've been pretty occupied not to have heard her! Poor Peredhel, nobody gives him the respect he deserves. And I hope you weren't tapping your foot the entire time you were waiting! You probably would've worn a hole through the floor!
AraelMoonchild. If you return to the Helms Deep chapter, read Barbara's battle POV. She watches in helpless horror as an elf was killed by a sword-wielding orc. It was you. WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I FEEL SO GUILTY! SOBSOBSOB, FORGIVE ME!
Indigo-Moon. Liked your review, it looked rather like a free-verse poem. Emily is so flattered you like her best, and sends you a white flower from the tree of Condo… I mean. Gondor! Mice on coke are dangerous, so be careful! And please…NO MORE COTTON-WOOL
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Denethor's POV
I am mad surely, the wizard has cast a spell on me! He must have for before my eyes……Finduilas?
She whirls into the room a sword high and deflects the swords of my men without harming them and stands her back to us. But I have seen her face…….
The men look to me, "At your ease! You there, maiden, what is your name and for what cause do you dare to burst upon a private council of the Steward?"
Her back straightens and she sheaths her sword, she is trembling.
"Speak your name now!" I command my own palms are shaking and cold as I clench them.
"She is our companion…" the Mithrandir begins, but I will hear from her own lips. So I silence the wizard with a look.
She turns without raising her eyes or looking at me sinks slowly to her knees hands crossed over her heart.
Her hands…..
There gleaming on her ring finger is my son's ring, she is the one I have had word of. This is Boromir's wife. All at once my heart softens and I go softly to her as she kneels, she trembles more as I near, she is afraid of me.
Gently and tenderly I lift her chin to look into my eyes. Truly, truly she is like Finduilas and her large eyes fill with tears. I wish, dearly wish that Gondor was safe enough to shield this young woman, my last reminder of my Boromir.
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Emily's POV
I don't know what you would want me to say. I find that my words are stupid and halting in my mouth and I know what it is to be totally without words. Even "uh" and "hm" are not there.
I am buried in a strong embrace from my father-in-law, he is crying, I can feel the hot drops soaking into my hair and hear the sobs deep in his chest. I find that I am crying as well, I can't even say just what I am crying about. I feel so stupid.
"Oh my dear child, I am so sorry that this pain should be yours." he says and pulls away looking at me with damp eyes. I am frankly surprised that he doesn't mind crying in front of his most hated enemy, but I don't point this out.
"Beregond please show the Mithrandir and Master Peregrin to the rooms that have been prepared for them. And please send Ioreth to me."
A tall handsome man bows and leaves with Gandalf and Pippin in tow. I cast one pleading glance at the wizard and he shrugged his shoulders! He was leaving me at the mercy of my father-in-law and all he could do was shrug his shoulders! How dare he!
I must have shown my displeasure on my face and Denethor followed me glance and seemed satisfied that I disliked the Mithrandir as much as he did.
"I see that we are alike my dear, I have very little love for the Mithrandir as well." said Denethor and lead me to a chair at his side.
"And so my child you are Emily of Lincolnshire? And where is that?"
"How did you know? I mean how did you know where I hail from?" I asked the idea was slightly creepy and his fiery eyes didn't do much to make me feel at ease.
"Wait a minute," I said, "I can answer that, "You know everything" right?"
He smiled and for a moment he was almost handsome! Oh my goodness! I think that Denethor is good looking? What is wrong with me?
"You are rather open and slightly bold young woman." he says.
"I've never been known for being very tactful, I have my moments, but not very often." I answer and my voice echoes in the huge room.
"How do you fair…since my son's death?" he asked next his voice barely above a whisper. The way he said it made little shivers run down my spine, as if by saying it he had convinced me that it had happened.
"He…he not dead my lord, when I came to you I had just left him. He is returning in a few days time!" I said. His brow darkened momentarily and his said, "My dear child, do you still hope? I am sorry for I have seen his death, perhaps you did not know."
"But…" I began and then stopped, the voice of my Psychology teacher Mr. Santer echoed through my head,
"Never try to take away the delusion of a mentally unstable person, this will only make them turn against you."
"I choose to hope for the best." I said, "I want to hope."
"Of course, I understand. I want you to know that as long as Gondor stands there will be a home for you here." and he smiled a warm and genuine smile that lit his blue eyes and made him look amiable. I see where Boromir got his blond hair and there are little hints of his face in his father's features.
Just then a tall young man came into the room and bowed politely to the Steward and cast a furtive glance at me before saying, "My Lord, Lord Furlong and Lord Imhrail have arrived with their people. They request an audience with you as soon as you are free."
"Very well, see that they are taken to the council chamber, and see that they lack nothing. I will join them as soon as I may, dismissed." and Denethor waved his hand toward the door.
"Now my dear, I am sure that you are weary from your journey and would wish to rest, I will have a room prepared for you. Also I will see that proper clothes are put at your disposal."
"Thank you my Lord," I said and bowed.
"Please my child, call me Father." he said and turned to the woman who came into the room.
She was kind of dumpy in figure and her eyes were glued to the floor, she looked like she was angry about something and when Denethor told her what she was wanted for she turn several shades deeper in color. Oh great not only did I have a slightly weird father-in-law, I had to deal with a temperamental maid.
This is not what I had expected for Middle Earth.
Darn.
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Barbie's POV
Barbara surveyed her prison. It seemed to follow the usual quota. The black walls of her ugly cell dripped with slime, and she fervently hoped those little black specks hopping through the heap of moldy straw in the corner weren't fleas.
Still defiant in the face of her captor, she folded her arms over her skinny chest, and glared at the stolid back of Prince Eomer.
Ok, so I wasn't actually in a dungeon, and I wasn't in a cell, and the "heap of moldy straw" was Eomer's dog, an enormously hairy creature who was so ugly it deserved to have fleas.
"Jerk." I muttered, and slumped rebelliously in my chair.
After I had started to argue with Eomer about whether or not I should go on the Dimholt road, he kept insisting that I couldn't. The debate had gotten louder and louder, and curious people were starting to gather around when I told Eomer, right to his face that I thought he was a "male chauvinistic pig."
It was about that time that he finally lost his temper, and dragged me off to his tent, to "stop me from doing anything as idiotic as trying to behave as though I were a man." this made me so mad, I couldn't even think of what to say, which is pretty stiff for me.
And now I was here, desperately thinking of how I could possibly sneak past him, past his guards, and past anyone else who had such nimrodic ideas about men doing all the exciting things.
"I also hate your dog." I added.
"Regent, if that girl tries to leave this tent, you have my leave to bite her.' Eomer said calmly, addressing the dog rather than me. The dog looked at him adoringly, and made happy panting noises, wagging a long, fuzzy tail.
"Regent, please tell your master I think he rates lower than Morgoth in my opinion."
The dog looked at me confusedly, decided I was EVIL and growled menacingly. I growled back, and he began to bark in doggy fury. I stuck my tongue out at him, and he barked louder, and waggled his bottom about in what I suppose was meant to be a menacing manner, but only made him look like a rather fat man trying to do the polka.
"Be quiet!" Eomer snapped, and I'm not sure if he meant me or the dog. Regent apparently took it personally, and sunk to the floor, whining pitifully, and pawing at his face in shame. I giggled, and imitated Eomer's voice.
"Yes, Regent." I told him in a ridiculously deep voice "You are a very bad dog! Bad doggie! In fact, you're almost as much of a nuisance as a poor little girl that can't possibly help on a quest! Oh, no! She's only survived a Nazgul stab, fought in Moria, was dragged around by orcs for three days, fought Wargs, and valiantly defended my uncle's little fortress, Helms Deep. But oh, no, she's too wimpy to go on the Dimholt road."
When I said the word "Dimholt" a big gust of icy wind came out of no where, and practically blew the tent over, and Regent whimpered, and crawled over to Eomer, and lay on his feet, hiding his face. I mean, Regent hid his face, not Eomer's!
"Wow! That was like, cool! Literally." I said in self admiration. Eomer, of course, only used this to "prove" his point.
"Don't you see." he said "Even the mere mention of that cursed name causes the very elements to quake."
"Yeah, but we all came from dust, and that's a mineral, not an element. So there." I said, and sat back. Gamling abruptly stuck his head inside the tent.
"Lord Eomer, King Theoden requests your presence." he said, and gave me an odd look. I suppose he was wondering why I was making such nasty faces at Regent. Hey, ugly to the ugly I say. Then I froze. Maybe, if I could speak to Theoden, he would let me go.
"No." Eomer said, apparently reading my mind.
"But Eomer please"
"No. I am quite sure the King would concur with my decision, and that decision stands unchanged, you may not go. Gamling, please remain here, and make sure that Lady Barbara does not leave. She has some…she's is not well, and needs to rest herself." And Eomer exited the tent, apparently undisturbed that he had just told a bald-faced lie.
"Oh." Gamling said, and looked sympathetic. I noticed he didn't sit down, and finally I asked him why.
"You have not asked me to." was his bland answer, as if this made everything clear.
"Well, sit down then." I said. I didn't mind manners, but I thought that this was a bit ridiculous.
What then passed had to have been the most tedious…and tortuous hour of my entire life. Tedious, because Gamling seemed inclined to nodding off every now and then, and Regent had given up on barking, and was sleeping on his back, all four paws stuck into the air, so that he appeared to be dead. Tortuous, because that one thought kept nagging at me.
Had they left yet? Had they left yet? Had they left yet? Please God, please Eru, oh any higher powers don't let them leave without me!
"Gamling." I finally said, in a carefully controlled, perfectly innocent voice "I am not feeling very well, and I wish to rest in my tent. When Lord Eomer returns, please tell him that I do not wish to be disturbed, unless the matter is a very urgent one"
Gamling, who had practically began snoring within the last twenty minutes, sat bolt upright, and rubbed at his eyes. He actually looked kind of cute when he did that.
"You should have told me earlier my lady, please, allow me to escort you there." he said worriedly, taking my arm as I stood up rather stiffly from my chair. Oh…biscuits and defrosting Frigid-Aires! If he came with me, my entire plan would be ruined!
"Yes, yes, do that Gamling." I said faintly, and put a hand to my forehead "But...I think I might need to be carried, please, I think…" I trailed off, and sat back down on my chair.
Gamling reacted beautifully, in a gallant, Dr Watson "allow me to carry that anvil for you ma'am it looks a bit heavy for your delicate arms" way.
" I shall go for assistance immediately." he said, and looked as if her was going to run straight out of the tent, shouting for help, but I stopped him with an effective wave of my weak hand.
"Please." I whispered, gesturing towards Regent "Remove that animal. He…he distracts me dreadfully. I cannot abide his presence. And I couldn't feel right about you getting help if I thought you had hurried!"
My plan worked like a dream, and the instant Gamling and the dog were gone, I jumped to my feet, all signs of the suffering lady disappearing almost as fast as I slipped under the side of the tent.
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Emily's POV
"Now if this isn't just like the master, to keep us here and then have us fussing over some girl off the street!" muttered the old woman as she bustled around the room. She was digging through trucks and throwing dresses of every color around the room.
"I am not a girl off the street! And I didn't ask for anyone to fuss over me." I said tartly, who was this woman anyway?
"Sure, I am sure." she went on as she went through yet another truck, she still hadn't looked at me. "But I have to get the Healing Houses ready for the wounded, and here I am dressing a young woman in mourning instead of tending my real duties as I should. But no one asked me if I wanted too. No, they didn't!"
"Look if you just leave the things out I am quite sure that I can dress by myself ma'am." I said going over and pulling the dress out of her hands. "Besides I would rather not have the grudging help of such an old fusspot as you!"
She huffed and finally looked up at me, and stood stock still. "My…my…lady.." she muttered, and she swayed a little on her feet. I think she was ready to faint when I caught her. Was everyone here going to have this reaction to me? I sincerely hoped not, it was already getting old.
"Look sit down okay, you're looking a bit peaky." I said hurrying the dear old thing over to the chair.
"I'm feeling a bit peaky, your….your just like…"
"I know, I know, the Lord Denethor already told me." I said, I poured a cup of water for the woman and perched on the bed. She sipped it still eyeing me, she was very old and surely had known the real Lady Finduilas, so I must have been shock.
"Your dress is elvish." she suddenly said, "And that cloak is too, I'll warrant."
"You'd be right, I was given these when my own were ruined during the attack by orcs in.." I trailed off when I saw her pale again, this was probably not the moment to bring up a cave troll and swallowing orc blood.
(That's right you old woman, I have slain many orcs and drunken their blood as well! No one can stop me! Mwhahahahah! I am a fitting companion to the Count Denethor am I not?)
In reality I didn't say any of that, can you guess why? Teeheehee.
"Well now, if you're really the Lord Boromir's wife, and really the daughter-in-law of the Steward, then you must have proper clothing. Now since your in mourning, I am sorry for you my dear, we must find you a proper mourning dress."
"No, you see that's all wrong, Boromir isn't dead, he's alive!" I said as I followed her through into the next room. She smiled and patted my arm with her wrinkled hand saying, "Grief can make you believe anything sometimes, why I remember the time.." and she trailed off into some hideously long story about her crazy niece. God, why me?
She stopped in front of a large closet thing and pulled a bunch of keys out of her pocket. After picking out a large brass key she unlocked the closet and opened it. I almost gasped as dresses long and bejeweled poured out the closet in every color of the rainbow.
"Now, since you the exact height and measurements of the Lady Finduilas, are you sure you're not related? We can easily find you another gown. I mean really we can't have you trotting around Gondor looking like one of the fair folk."
"I think my gown is lovely as it is, " I said feeling slightly miffed. She went through the closet and emerged, her grey hair a mess, but triumphantly holding a long black gown.
"Here it is, and I think that will be just right!" she shoved it into my hands and then me behind a dressing screen. I looked down at the heavy velvet dress, the black was very black indeed.
Shrugging out of my cool elven dress I couldn't help but notice that it was a bit thin to wear in a city made of cold stone. I had a bit of trouble because the silly dress laced up the back so after calling Whatever her name was, to come help me I finally came out and stood in front of the mirror.
"Well, I can't say as the color does much for you, but then it never did much for Finduilas either." she clucked as she looked me over.
"Did you know her well?" I asked, I turned this way and that seeing the dress from every angle. It was heavy and warm but had one of those odd Henry the 8th type of square neckline's that go from shoulder to shoulder and ends just above your….um….you know. It was edged all around in silver embroidery like my belt.
"It's out of style by at least twenty years I know, but in times like these. Anyway as to your question, Yes, I came with her when she married the Lord. I was her nurse. Ah, but she was a pretty thing, younger then you by far, maybe seventeen, I think. You're older to only just be married, were you a widow?"
"No, I've never been married before. In my land the young woman chooses her own husband and sometimes never marries at all!" I said this enjoying the shock on the woman face as she heard this.
"Why! I've never heard of such a thing in all my born days! A girl choosing for herself? Well, that's a fool thing. What if she chooses for love or something silly like that?"
"But you see we only marry for love, at least where I come from." I paused and forgive me, but I had too, " Boromir and I married for love! I haven't a drop of royal blood in my body and no dowry to speak of!."
"The gods save us! Wait till the Lord finds out, no I suppose he won't care, and considering the fact that we none of us will live much longer I don't guess it will matter much. But what outlandishness!" she gasped.
Just then a knock came at the door and a boy entered and said, "The Lord Denethor sends his complements and requests your presence at his side for dinner this evening my lady."
"Thank you, you may tell him I would like to dine with him." I said adopting my maidenly air, funny how I was using it so much that it was becoming more normal then…well normal. Anyway he bowed and I clasped my belt around my waist smoothed my hair and went out with the little woman trotting right behind me.
"My Lady, will you wear this? It was the Lady Finduilas's favorite necklace." she said and thrust a box at me. I opened it on an elaborate necklace of gold laden with rubies.
"Oh my gosh! She wore this necklace all the time?"
"Yes, she loved it. Perhaps the Lord Steward would want you to have it." she said.
"Then again he may not, besides if I'm in mourning.." I said. (feeling like a traitor somehow!)
"Oh, my Lady please forgive me! I forgot all about it! Never mind forget I said anything!." she made as if to run off down the hall but I stopped her, "It was a lovely thought and maybe someday I might wear it, don't feel badly."
She smiled and wiped away a tear, "You're just like her, I am glad you came my Lady."
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Barb's POV.
"Please forgive me whoever's sword that was." I muttered, as I slunk through the tents.
Since I had, um, given away my bow, I didn't have anything to fight with. So, I, kind of, uh, "borrowed" a sword I found in one of the tents I ducked through. Yes. That's it. I borrowed it. Then why do I feel like a rotten Sackville Baggin's?
Come one Barb, you don't have time for ethics right now. It's not like you're not directly disobeying the prince of Rohan after calling him names no friend should. What more have you got to lose?
My nerve?
You don't have nerves. Now, all you have to do is find out where they put your horse, and then find out if they've left yet. Wait a minute! What about your chain mail? It's still back in your tent!
"Rats!" I bit my lip in irritation. Now I would have to go all the way back to my tent, without being seen by any suspicious persons.
So, slipping and running and ducking, I almost managed to get there, when I nearly slammed directly into a hurrying Aragorn!
"Ah!" I squeaked in fright, but he brushed right by me!
Wow, he was preoccupied! But before he could wonder "Oh, what's that ugly little what's-her-face doing?" I ran into my tent, but pulled up short when I realized Merry was there! Oh ye gods that gave me a tent mate, please don't let him ask me anything!
"What are you doing Barbara?" Merry asked innocently.
"Please Merry, you really, really don't want to know the answer!" I told him.
"I don't?" he said doubtfully.
"Yes." I told him firmly "it's the kind of not wanting to know like when Pip needs to hide under your bed and he asks you to look away so you can tell anyone you didn't see him."
"Oh." Merry said with understanding "I know exactly what you mean. Well, I have just been talking to a noble woman of Rohan. I don't know anything about that sneaky little girl who's really going to get it when whoever it is that trying to find you discovers whatever it is you did."
That was complicated, but at least it made sense.
"Thank you Meridoc." I told him, and grabbed my chain mail. "And Merry.' I added, just before I left "Goodbye, and when you meet up with Dernhelm, please tell him that the Dark Lady sends him her greetings…and to watch out for people in black."
Five minutes later, I had finally found my horse, and if you think it's hard for a single girl to sneak through a crowded camp, it is way harder for a girl and a horse to sneak to do the same! My heart had sunken permanently to my shoes after being asked at least four different times what I was doing, especially in war gear!
"If it's any of your business…wait, a minute, it's not any of your business. So what you go and…clean your sword or something?" I told one nosy man. He sputtered, but I was gone before he could shut his big mouth and actively try to stop me.
"Male chauvinistic pig. They're all chauvinistic around here. All of them. Well, this is just their bad day, because I'm nearly where I think I have to be going, and when I am no one's going to stop me!"
Whilst thinking these pleasant thoughts, I had another of my near heard-on collisions, only this time it was King Theoden! Theoden King, whatever they call him! I'm DOOOOMED!
"Eep!"
"What?"
"Ack!"
It was Théoden king who finally said anything that made any sense. Looking very kindly, and fatherly, he said
"Excuse me my dear, I didn't see you coming. By the way, how are you feeling? Gamling has just been telling us that you are not feeling well, and Eomer just left to see how you fared."
How I fared my foot, I'll bet Eomer fed him the same line about my not being quite myself. But, feeling like I was stabbing my only friend, I smiled up at him, in a meek, see-what-a-submissive-maiden-am-I way.
"Your men are too solicitous, but I assure you the chivalry of their over-concern is not lost upon my attentions, and I beg you to inform them that my gratitude is unbounded, but I am "faring" in a most satisfactory way. And I feel that they should focus their sympathy towards Lady Eowyn, for I fear she is not taking the imminent departure of Lord Aragorn very well."
This was a genius sentence, it fished for information, and it also showed my own worthiness as a friend concerned for Ms. Ice Princess.
"Yes." Theoden agreed, with a slight sigh "I suppose someone should go to her. Though I have no idea who she would even listen to. She's always so…distant these days." He looked a little forlorn as he said this, and an spasm of sympathy tickled my nose.
"I'm sure she would listen to you." I said encouragingly "I think she kind of thinks of you as a foster dad."
"Do you really think so?" Théoden said, a pleased smile smoothing away some of his care-wrinkles.
"Absolutely." I assured him "She just needs to know you're there for her, even if you don't actually "do" anything."
Why do I suddenly feel like I'm on a sitcom?
"Anyway." I said hastily, because I was starting to feel stupid "Where, um, are the guys? I mean, Aragorn and Co?"
"Ah.' Théoden said, a bit startled at my sudden change of subject "I think they're over there."
He waved one hand in the vague direction of where Aragorn had practically frightened the wits out of me. I was about to dash away, when something occurred to me. If I was going with them…I would never see Théoden again. Once again feeling like a complete fool, I asked him.
"Uh…uh…can…can I give a you a hug?" I asked awkwardly.
"Why?" Théoden asked, once again knocked off his guard.
"Because." I faltered, and swallowed the confounded lump that was choking up my throat "I'm…I'm saying goodbye."
I don't know why I told him I was leaving, and I'm not sure why I was holding back tears, but I was. I just did. So there. Go and knit some potholders if you have a problem with that. I could use a potholder. Or a handkerchief.
"Poor dear." Theoden said, and I could tell that he was a bit wee bit weepy himself. He shook his head, and repeated "You poor, poor child." And he put his arms around me, and I hugged him back, and was everything I despise in womankind; weepy, and wimpy.
And y'know…
Maybe being a male chauvinist isn't that bad after all.
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Snodgrass : Hello everyone! Sorry about taking so jolly long to up date, but it's drawing on to finals week in collage and I have to study. I have some very good news though, I will be free for a gloriously long summer in two weeks!
Yes, my little pigeons, two weeks! And that means I will…and Winkle of course…Will be able to up date even more often. That is of course provided that Winkle isn't a stick in the mud about writing. In any case your long wait is almost over.
Kisses and Huggles!
C. B. Snodgrass