One More Try by Betty Bokor
Sam/Daniel. Daniel has a heartbreaking secret and needs to share it with Sam.
Spoilers: All seasons, including 9 and 10.
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

One More Try

Chapter 9

Exactly four weeks after Sam had started the new treatment, Dr. Brightman and her team concluded that she would probably have a chance of conceiving during that week. On Monday morning, they gave Sam all the monitoring equipment necessary to track her ovulation and they sent her and Daniel home for the rest of the week.

She was a nervous wreck. She charted and charted until exhaustion. Daniel was feeling horribly sick himself, but thought it was his responsibility to support Sam. Dr. Lam's words from the previous Friday were still resonating in his head. He knew what he had to do, but he had not decided yet whether to do what he really wanted.

Right after dinner he told Sam, "Why don't you go and rest for a while, I'll take care of the dishes."

"No way", Sam replied. "You fixed lunch and dinner. They were both delicious meals and you spent a good amount of time working on them. It's only fair that at least I clean up."

"Let's do it together," Daniel countered. "It will be faster. I want to talk with you before you go to bed."

"Okay," she said intrigued. As always her insecurities came rolling down and she started dreading the talk. Perhaps Daniel did not want the baby after all. Maybe he had changed his mind and this was his last chance to bail out.

As soon as they had picked up the dishes from the table, filled the dishwasher up, and taken care of the trash, she put a hand on his shoulder and said, "Why don't we go to my bedroom, I need to use the restroom to do one more check and I'll be ready to talk in a minute." She actually wanted to be there to be able to lie down and cry the instant Daniel left her after his talk. She did not think it would be very dignifying to run around the house trying to contain her tears.

"That's fine. I'll go get changed and I'll meet you there in five."

Sam shakily went to her restroom and filled some more spaces in her chart. "Better, but still not good enough," she thought. Then she went back to her room and opened her dresser to get a nightgown. She hesitated a little. Would she wear something revealing and sexy to try and seduce Daniel and make him change his mind? No; she could not do that to him. What about something old and comfortable? Not that either; at least she wanted Daniel to see her beautiful. She finally chose a long and soft nightgown, light, comfortable, and very feminine. She changed her clothes, sat on the edge of her bed, and waited.

Daniel entered the room a few minutes later. He was wearing a pair of very stylish blue silk pajamas. It freaked her out. When with her, he usually wore sweatpants and a T-shirt. This was going to be really serious.

"Are you feeling all right?" he said as soon as he saw her pale face.

"Yes, I'm fine. Let's get done with it," she answered a tad harshly.

"Eh? Oh, you mean the talk. Okay. I don't know how to start…"

"You've never had a problem with telling people what you think, Daniel. Just do it. I'm a grown up girl; I can take it."

He looked at her confused. He had no idea what she was talking about. She could not know what he was going to ask her. "All right," he started, "I'd like us to make love tonight."

"What!" she blurted out. This was too disconcerting. She had not expected anything of the sort.

He immediately changed his attitude and rushed to say, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I offended you. I know it's not the right time for the baby yet, but I thought-"

"No, Daniel, that's not what I meant. Stop; don't apologize," she interrupted him while she was getting closer to hold his hands. He quieted expectantly. "If that's what you really want, I would love to do it. I couldn't be offended."

"I don't want you to do it because it's what I want. Let's be clear. The reason why I'd like for this to happen tonight is quite simple. You and I have been best friends for more than nine years now. We have shared all kinds of experiences, the best and the worst. I thought I couldn't love you anymore than I did a year ago, but, in these last weeks, I've reached a level of connection with you that I didn't think possible." She nodded her head in assent. "The day I was married to Sha're, I wasn't in love with her. I liked her, I cared a great deal for her, and I was physically attracted to her, very attracted," he smiled, looking down; Sam lowered her head to hide the jealousy that briefly hit her, "but the love took longer to come. I learned to love her." He paused for a second and searched her eyes. "With you it's been different." She finally looked back at him. "I admired you since the day I met you. The experiences that we went through with SG-1 created a bond between us, actually, between the four of us, that few people get to achieve in their lives. On top of that, there was the compatibility between you and me, our ability to think in the same wavelength and complement each other. Year after year, the layers of our connection have been strengthening. Now, there's one more layer, the one I spent all these years trying to bar from my mind." Sam's eyes were widening in anticipation. "I desire you. I desire to make you feel how important you are to me and how deeply I love you."

Sam leaned closer to him, hugged him tightly, and sobbed over his shoulder. "Oh, Daniel!" she exclaimed.

Daniel was confused. Was she happy or upset? He tried to be clearer and check her next reaction. "I know there's physical chemistry between us. I started the warm-up sessions to try and find out. Every time it got harder for me to stop and I sensed you would have gone on, too." She still did not change her position or stop the soft sobbing, so he kept on going. "I want us to make love tonight for ourselves, not just for the baby. The baby is very important for me, too, but I want us to be one before we try to be three." He was about to continue with his argument when she raised her head to look at him. Her eyes were still full of tears.

"Ah, I should have never encouraged you to talk." He looked puzzled and she smiled. "Stop yapping and start the action. Show me how much you love me. I'll show you, too." She held his face in her hands and got him closer to her. "Let's warm up until it's boiling," she whispered with a smile and kissed him.

There was not much sleeping that night. Sam and Daniel were both aware that time was running out and neither knew if Daniel would be alive the next time they had a chance to spend time together. Even if he was alive, chances were he was not going to remain healthy enough for long.

Early in the morning Sam was still awake. She could not stop thinking what she had been missing all those years. Their chemistry had been so remarkable that she could barely believe it. Moreover, if she had thought that she was a modern woman, acquainted with and skilled in effective sexual practices, she had not accounted for Daniel's knowledge –and mastery– of other cultures' amatory customs. He had taken her to extraordinary levels of bliss. Undoubtedly, the decisive factor in how much she had enjoyed the new experiences was that it had happened with Daniel, the same Daniel with whom she had gone through so much, the same Daniel that had been her strength in so many occasions, the same Daniel that she was going to lose soon, again.

"What are you thinking?" Daniel asked while she was resting with her head on his chest.

"Of you," Sam answered softly caressing the arm that was not holding her.

"What about me?"

"How well I know you and how much there's still to get to know. I wish I had a hundred years more to be with you." She lifted her head towards his face and traced his lips with her fingertips. "You're one amazing man, Dr. Jackson," she told him with a smile on her face.

"Not as amazing as you," he replied.

"No, listen to me," Sam interrupted him. She sat up and looked at him. "I've tried to tell you before, but you couldn't hear me."

"What? When?" He sat up, too, facing her.

"After Kelowna. I tried to help you-"

"I know. Thank you."

"No, listen. It's important. I should have gone to see you before, but I was so scared… I kept thinking that if I didn't tell you good-bye, you wouldn't die. I waited until it was too late. I don't want to repeat my mistake."

"Sam…"

"Listen, Daniel. That day –I remember it very well–, when I went to talk to you, I couldn't even hold your hand. Besides, you had been given so many sedatives and painkillers that-"

"I know what you told me, Sam. I remember, too. You said that I have an effect on people, that the way I look at things, it had changed you, too; that you saw what really mattered."

"You heard!"

"Yes. It was very important to me. I was doubting myself very deeply and your words encouraged me. Oma pointed out that the people closest to me had been trying to tell me that I had made a difference."

"You did."

"I still don't know for certain, Sam, but I know I've tried. In any case, I appreciate what you were trying to do. Those words were in my mind very often, especially whenever I felt more and more helpless possessing all that power and not being able to help anyone."

"I said something else, Daniel. I wondered why we wait to tell people how we really feel, and then I prayed that you always knew. Today, I'm going to make sure that you know. I love you, Daniel Jackson," she said slowly, "I didn't know it back then as clearly as I know it now. I've never loved anyone with this intensity of feelings; I didn't think it was possible. What we shared last night, I agree with you, was just another dimension of this… thing between us."

"This connection, as I call it," Daniel helped.

"Yes, this connection," Sam approved.

Daniel raised his hand and caressed her face. "Let me make love to you one more time."

"I'm all yours."

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