kaleidoscopic blueberry muffin : Going blind. . .ah? Well, that might've been a good idea but not for this story. I hope this chapter can calm things for you a bit. Quick up dates will not always be, but for the time we like to treat you! Keep reading!
PlainAndSimpleCalm down! We're not going to burn you at the stake! Winkle and I both came down with a horrible chest malady and we were both soup sipping for a few days. Winkle thanks you for your thoughtfulness. As to whether or not we kill Barbie…in the words of the Prime Minister, "Wait and See!" Keep reading!
Laer4572Emily and Barbie are telling their own story. We (Snodgrass gestures grandly to himself and a shy Winkle) are merely the humble publishers. We simply don't like being referred to as ladies. Of course, you couldn't refer to Emily and Barbie in any other way. The mistake is forgotten, keep reading!
Elvin Blue-EyesI hope you like this. Keep reading!
Nolitari (not signed in) : You know I used to be annoyed that you wouldn't sign in but now I confess I rather like it. It makes you unique! Sorry about the Glorfindel mix up, my bad. (Snodgrass feels cool for using slang!) as for the ficlet, don't sweat it. Breath deeply and try and imagine yourself in Rivendell watching them fight. (Snodgrass sends glossy picture of Glorfindel, the twins and Aragorn to Nolitari) Keep reading!
Kamui Gaia 07Japan! Wow! A long distance traveler! Don't worry about gifts of screen names, we welcome the attention anyway! Keep reading!
Luthien and Tari OronarYes, you are over reacting. We would never kill off a main character in such a way. No way! As for how Winkle is…much better than you! And as for Barbie? Keep reading!
Archimedes-FactotumI'll tell Emily to watch her head if there's a great cupcake hovering over the city. Okay, as to the magical appearance by Glorfindel here's the scoop. 1). He was there to help fight and save Frodo, not Barbie. 2.) The Twins made him take Barbie while Gandalf took Frodo and Sam back to Minas Tirith. Except for Hadrien, Barbie was the next worse off person.
I believe that no other lives were lost in the book so stick that in your self-opinionated pipe and smoke it!…Sorry, keep reading!
chelseypudgeWe try and give you more then only two thousand words but we just couldn't give anymore without giving away too much of the story in one chapter. I'm glad you liked it! Keep reading!
MnM1803Thank you!( Snodgrass looks smug) We are always pleased when you're pleased that we're pleased to give you another chapter to make you pleased! And I agree! Glorfindel rocks, he so should have gotten screen time in the movie. We thought it would be funny to have her in Rivendell at the end instead of the beginning because everyone starts there! She ends there…no! No that's not quite what I meant! I mean…well, read the chapter.
AnnamariahYes, Bilbo is very huggable. No! Tell us your predictions they're really quite thrilling! Hadrien was one of those people who was just too good to live in this wicked, wicked world.
Winkle : Not that Snodgrass would know anything about that!
Fk306 animeloverBarbarians! You coined a new term from the story! Great! As to what we do with Barbie? Keep reading! You animalizer, you!
crazyroninchicAwwww! You like romance? But then again what girl doesn't? I am sure that Barbie feels all the cyber love that you people are sending! (Snodgrass wipes away tears) Keep reading!
Pancake : We are green with envy! You sound like you've been doing a lot of work. Would it surprise that Emily and Barbie come from a family with 11 children counting them? Well, they do! Keep reading!
Slayer3 : I will sing for feet! Because they are neat! They have a kind of best! Pitta patta on the ….road! Throw what you like! Say what you like! We will publish whatever the truth of the story is! So…keep reading!
AraelMoonchildLast time Elrohir kissed her, by Prince Imrahil punched him. If you would wish that on him again then shame on you! And she's human so yes! She can die! Keep reading!
Princess SiaraThanks for the soup you are too kind. Actually, I have to ask you something. Could you please E-mail us? Personally? I have to ask you about something very important. It has to do with the story, and I don't want everyone to know what it is. I can't e-mail you, so please! Yes, it was reference to the song, we're freaks for names ! But if you can please contact us! It's about you printing out the chapters of our story, we lost the file, and we must replace it soon!
Joeela Alinn(Snodgrass wipes away Joeela's tears and pats her shoulder.) Keep reading luv!
CelegormCelegorm? The Celegorm? If so…we are so honored sir! And when you said very good were you referring to yourself? Or the story? Humbly sir, truly humbly! Keep reading!
Primevera TookWow! You sound poetic! Maybe you could crave his gravestone! As for Barbie…keep reading! And give me those cakes!
Kerri : We will! We will! We will never leave this story unfinished, we love it too much. Keep reading!
Erasuithiel : Halfway sane! What do you mean by that! I dare you to a dual sir! I must defend my honor! While I fetch my sword fighting gear, keep reading!
Discalimer: We own nothing, including any jokes around the title of the chapter!
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Chapter Thirty Five
Still Not King Yet!
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Elrohir's POV
"We really shouldn't."
"It's not a wise idea at all."
"No."
"It isn't appropriate at all, considering the circumstances."
"Yes."
We looked at each other, then down into the peaceful valley of Imladris. The Last Homely Home could be seen from here. Serenity ruled with a gentle smile.
It didn't look natural at all.
Elladan gathered his reins into his hands.
"They always expect it of us you know."
"Ahmm" I said thoughtfully.
"They'll think something's wrong if we don't."
"I suppose we ought to then."
With what Erestor always described as "blood chilling war cries" we spurred on our horses, and charged down into the valley. Elladan and I must have done this a hundred times, but everyone's reaction is exactly the same: horrified faces, and a dreadful lecture.
Glorifindel scowled at us both as we pulled up. However, he is not very good at scowling, and instead, began to beam at us both.
"You idiots." he said "Welcome home."
Elves begin to spill out of the house, most beginning with a frown like Glorifindel, and then ending with rib crushing hugs and "We're so glad to have you backs."
Somehow I ended up in a rather close embrace with Laleth, the pretty maid who works in the kitchens.
"I'm so glad you're back!" she cried.
But she never got to say anything else. Because I kissed her.
More interesting things may have occurred, but Arwen, pale, but smiling arrived at that moment. Naturally Elladan and I had to play the role of adoring older brothers.
So we hugged her, and kissed her, and the first words out of her mouth were "How is Aragorn?"
"Wretch." I said, and hugged her again. I don't want to think about that now. Then something occurred to me- and of course, Elladan- at the same moment
"Where's Atar?"
"The Wards naturally" Arwen looked surprised "He's been with that little Edain girl ever since she arrived with Glorfindel."
"How is Barbara?"
"She is resting now." Arwen led the way inside.
There was something so strange about being home again, the familiar halls that I thought I might never see again. And the Healing Wards, of which I have absolutely no fond memories. Most of them involve rather painful wounds, and nasty tasting medicines. I remember once asking my father why he could never invent something that tasted pleasant, if he knew so much lore. That was a long time ago.
"Now, try to be quiet." Arwen cautioned. She pushed open one of the doors. "Father hasn't slept in days."
Atar was stretched out in a chair by the bed, asleep. His head tilted back on the headrest, his eyes are half closed, a tribute to his Edain heritage. I'm not sure how many times one of us have found him this way, when he is too busy to catch sleep otherwise.
Barbara is curled up on her side. Her right arm is in a neat white sling, but under the blankets, she would otherwise look almost well. Her face, however, is pale under her usual tan, and she is thinner. Her left hand holds my father's. She shifted, and his grasp unconsciously tightened.
"I think she'll be alright." I said and we left.
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Emily's POV
I would have been perfectly satisfied being a weepy Mary-sue for the time my sister was in Imladris…sorry, Rivendell. (I have personally always thought that 'Imladris' was slightly snobby.)
Like I said, I would have been very happy to have poured out my emotions and feelings onto my pillow. I would be the picture of the woeful medieval maiden, minus the long flowing hair.
However, I couldn't.
Before the coronation of the king I had to go through my own little …coronation thing as well.
He went on to explain that when a king is crowned all the nobles of the realm wore coronets as well. When the crown was lifted above the king's head all the nobles raised theirs over their heads, and lowered them only when the crown was placed upon the king's head. I was annoyed (That wasn't in the movie!)
"Why? I'm not a queen or anything." I said after Boromir had told me.
"No love, but you are the wife of the steward and you have to be appointed the coronet of office and swear fealty to Gondor and …" he smiled sneakily, "..me. So, tomorrow you have to go through this boring service where I boast about Gondor and how much you must love it."
"Well, that shouldn't be too hard." I said, "I mean, the boasting part."
"Shame , shame!" he teased. "You have to learn this oath before tomorrow and it's rather long." he handed me a scroll and I unrolled it to see something about the length of John Steinbeck's 'Grapes of Wrath.' (Wow, that was a boring book!)
"I can't possible learn this before tomorrow!" I gasped.
"I know. My mother had at least six months to learn it, and even then she had a maid in waiting whispering to her whenever she forgot something." Boromir said thoughtfully.
"Yes, but at least she spoke the language, I can't even read this." I said. I pointed to what I thought was a sentence, "What does this say?"
Boromir leaned over my shoulder and silently mouthed the words. He blushed and snickered a little, "I would have…someone else read that for you. One of the women, perhaps."
"Is it that bad?" I asked, this could be worse then I thought.
"I would strongly advise you to have one of your maid read it to you." He smiled, "Unless you want me to telling you how you're supposed to be, and I quote "Bonny and buxom in bed and board."
"I'm supposed to say that out loud!" I squeaked. "In front of other people!"
"You have to swear it!" he smiled even bigger "You have to ensure the line of Stewards for the sake of Gondor!"
I rolled up the scroll and began to hit him with it. "Be gone thou evil steward! Thou maker of indecent oaths!"
Laughing hilariously, he exited.
I closed the door and leaned against it. I had never thought that being a wife was going to entail such…singular requirements. I straightened up and rang for Melba. If I was going to be a good wife I was going to have to grin and bite the bullet. But at that moment I was longing for the simple, easy vows that you only say at marriage.
Melba entered with her usual grace and asked quietly "May I be of service?"
I sighed, "Have you ever read the vows of a steward's wife?"
She smiled and tittered a little, "Yes, my lady."
"Good, because your going to help me learn them for my appointment." I said and handed her the rather crumbled scroll. She covered her shock and unrolled the lengthy document. Clearing her throat she began,
"I, Emily, do swear my heart, mind and hand to the service of Gondor, Her King and Steward. To robust and fertile, to ensure the glory and honor of Gondor all the days of Her reign."
"You're joking!' I said. Melba re-read the sentence and shrugged, a smile tugging on her lips, "I'm afraid so my lady. "
"What's the next line? Something about being fruitful and multiplying?"
She looked at the document in her hand and said, "Yes."
"Oh god no!"
Thus began my introduction into Gondorian life and ways. Trust me, you don't want to know.
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Galen, Warden Of the Houses Of Healing POV
I watched over the hobbits all night, especially the little dark haired one. I've never seen creatures in worse shape in years.
I have been up to my ears keeping the other two out but as always I am the conqueror the …wait! What are they doing?
Get away from that door!
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Emily's POV
I was robed in white from head to toe, and a crimson cloak was pinned to my shoulders and I was laden in golden bracelets and necklace. I looked like a million bucks. I was probably wearing a million bucks too. Melba pinned up my hair a little in the front and gave up on the rest. Oh well, we can't all be perfect.
I do flatter myself now, that I handled the appointment of office extremely well. That is after I choked my way passed the many passages swearing to give birth to many children. I mean, what would most women say today if they had to swear to bear children, raise them, keep a noble house, be honorable and virtuous, and still be bonny and buxom?
Then again, maybe people would take marriage more seriously if they did. Anyway we went ahead and held a little service with Boromir, Faramir (I can't believe I had to promise to be a bonny and buxom in front of my brother-in-law! It made me want to crawl into a hole and die!) and Mithrandir, not counting the multitude of maids and officials that were there as witnesses.
I have to say that no seemed unduly disturbed by the terms of the vows, that is no one but me. But then again I remained myself how much it meant to Boromir and all his people that I be 'sworn into office.'
"Especially because you're a foreigner." he had said. "I we didn't do all the usual rites then you would fall under the critical eye of Gondor."
I would soon learn that the critical eye of Gondor meant all the old betties that had nothing else better to do then mind my business. As soon as I was "coroneted" (Is that a word?) they flocked around me.
"When did I expect?' they wanted to know.
"I would have a Gondorian healer would I not?"
"I would give birth in Minas Tirith of course?"
And I had so much fun teasing them! I said that I doubted that I would ever have children, and if I did they would be girls. I regaled them with stories about having a dwarven healer for my doctor. And finally I said that I would most certainly wish to give birth in the forest of Lothlorien with the Elf Witch at my side! Boromir was giving me the most murderous look over their heads!
"But surely you jest my lady?" one poor white haired thing asked hopefully.
"Certainly." I wrapped my arms around two of them and smiled, "I'll need your help to know just what to do." I gave Boromir a wink and he smiled happily.
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Barbie's POV
Sunlight crawled under my eyelids.
Really, it did.
It wouldn't go away.
Slowly, slowly, I opened my eyes.
I could not believe what confronted my eyes.
"A ceiling." I said, or tried to say.
There it was, in all its' plain white glory.
It was beautiful.
"Barbara?" A quiet voice interrupted my admiration of the ceiling, and someone leaned over me.
"Are you awake?"
"No." I answered. My voice seemed rusty.
There was a short pause.
"That didn't make much sense. Hardly any, really."
I tried to sit up. My body refused to move. It did, however, ach. All over.
"What happened to me?" I mumbled.
"Let's see." the person sat back "There's the arrow in your right shoulder, your arm is also broken, you have a fractured rib and numerous scratches, bruises and cuts all over your body. Ah yes, and your right ankle is broken. "
I listened to this cool inventory of my body.
"Oh…" I managed "I guess I won't be doing any clogdancing anytime soon."
"You won't be doing anything very soon. By the way, my name-" (and here I can only imagine a formal bow) "-- is Elrond Half-Elven"
Something far away, in the back of my mind, made an odd, clicking noise. Something that seemed terribly, quite horribly familiar. And I said the only thing that I could have said right then.
"Welcome to Rivendell…Mr. Anderson."
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Excerpts from the Journal of Bilbo Baggins
The girl woke up today, I suppose that means she's going to live.
Everyone takes this as a signal for a party, so they rush around making food and singing. Not that I mind the food part, but Lindir just won't be quiet! The idiot has been twaddling away on his whistle all morning despite the glances that Elrohir and Elladan have been throwing his way.
Argh! That stupid minstrel just blasted us with a very piercing note, and all of us had to cover our offended ears. If I had a mind to I would go after that elf with a …
Oh well, there goes Elladan, he's looking murderous.
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Special Request
Snodgrass here. We, Winkle and I, were talking and ohhing and awwing over some really great fan art that we loved and it sparked an idea.
Is there anyone out there who could possibly do any fan art for some of the scenes from our story?
I cannot draw at all, and neither can Winkle. But if there is anyone out there with a heart of gold and a hand of gold that can draw or paint really good we would love you to do this for us. I wish we would have a way to convince you…but we have no money.
(Snodgrass looks unhappy.)
But we would love you forever! And ever, really! All due credit would be paid of course, and we would be so thrilled to have illustrations for WTRMA.