Chapter 10 – A Second Try

Citan sighed. "We seem to be having these conversations often, don't we?"

Shinji nodded, unable to come up with a real response. Citan continued. "Well, transmigrancy is real enough, Shinji. I remember quite a bit from many lifetimes." Shinji frowned. He'd hoped that maybe Emeralda was simply wrong. Citan sighed and continued. "I'd hoped we'd be having this conversation after you remembered more. I'm sure you're aware now of just exactly why Emeralda refers to you the way she does?"

Shinji nodded. "Yeah, and I've even pieced together her reasons for the other names from the dreams I've been having. But…"

Citan nodded. "Well, as you're no doubt also aware, or at least just now putting together, you were selected for this organization because your gear, Weltall, is something you've piloted before. As have the others piloted theirs. Well, except Kaworu, but… he's got good enough synchronization with Heimdal, and is trustworthy. And that's all that matters, really."

"But… I guess I should be asking why all this is happening."

Citan stared into space for a moment. "Don't talk to the others about any of this just yet. It would only confuse them." Shinji nodded. "I suppose it started a very long time ago. Back before the cracking of the world, back when the land was mostly one piece, one continent. Well, much before even that, really, but it will do for a place to begin.

"Very well, as Fei, you came into contact with what's called the Zohar Modifier, an engine that gained infinite and unlimited power by tapping into another universe. You found that trapped within it was something from that place that called itself the 'Wave Existence'. The Modifier, and its twelve emulators, called the 'Anima Relics' were the power sources for a interplanetary weapon of an ancient civilization."

"The gears?"

Citan blinked, and then chuckled. "No. Well, the Modifier and its emulators do power the gears actually, but the weapon was something different. It was called Deus. Now, the Modifier and the Relics were its power source. What do you suppose its body was?"

"Some sort of super gear?"

Citan shook his head. "A good guess all things considered, but still wrong. Humans. Humans were what were to make up the body of the weapon. Specifically, reprocessed bodies called 'Wels'. Don't ask me about the origin of the name, I'm not certain myself. But in order to form the body all of the Wels would have to become one. Sound familiar?"

Shinji was shocked. "Instrumentality?"

Citan nodded. "Yes. Gendo's been led to believe that… well, that instrumentality will bring all of the souls, even dead ones, together in perfection. Unfortunately, it either does that and he's been misled as to how, or it doesn't exist. All he's doing is paving the way for Deus."

Shinji asked another question. "What happened then back when Fei… back when I was Fei?"

Citan reformulated his thoughts for the moment. "The incarnation before Fei somehow split into two pieces after his contact with the Zohar modifier. The man, Lacan died, and later became Fei, and the soul became the entity known as Grahf. Grahf had an abiding hatred for life, and sought to destroy it all, by creating, then destroying Deus, then destroying himself. I'm not actually too sure about what he'd had planned after Deus's destruction. But after he fused with Fei's father, Fei helped him see the light, and he merged with the modifier to, well, it's a long story. But, in the end, he was gone. Or so we thought.

"Somehow, coming into contact with the Modifier recreated him, but he was affected in an unforeseen way. Imperfect as he was beforehand, he came away still a spirit, but engulfed in insanity. He believes that because he is who he is, he will be forever denied happiness, and therefore, that no one else should be happy either. But he doesn't believe that he can achieve that goal. So he'll settle for killing them all."

Shinji blinked. "But isn't that…?"

Citan nodded. "He's come full circle."

Shinji looked over at Citan, slightly concerned. "Just how do you know all this?"

Citan sighed. "You'd know if you had your memories. World War 2 was worse than any other conflict I've seen. We lost over half of our forces before they recovered their memories. I decided I wouldn't let it happen again. Which is why I made sure that I could make all decisions for Yggdrasil when I demoted myself."

"Sir, is my father…?"

Citan nodded. "We have hard evidence of Gendo working with Grahf. I can't see any other reason for the selection of the Eva pilots, and Gendo's plans. It explains too much to be false."

"What about the other pilots? I know about Asuka, but…"

Citan nodded. "I'm not sure about Miss Ayanami. She's the one that bugs me. When I look at a picture of her, I can almost feel the name on the tip of my tongue, and other times I think I only want to see something there that isn't. But, I've got two agents of my own in NERV, watching over them." He turned to look at Shinji, a slight smile on his face. "Those agents won't break cover easily, but don't worry, they're being adequately watched over."

Shinji arched a brow. "How'd you get them past my father?"

Citan smirked. "I didn't have to. They were already in, and then they came to me."

Shinji nodded. "Other transmigrants."

Citan grinned. "And the best part is, Gendo and Grahf don't realize who they are. There's one other person in there who does know, but that one's a bit of a wild card. Probably won't do anything about it without good reason. It's a blessing in disguise, but only you, the contact, and Elly, the anti-type, are always born looking exactly the same. Rico and I got lucky. Well, if you can call Rico lucky."

"What happened to him?"

Citan shook his head. "That's something Rico can tell you, and only if he wants to." Citan smiled. "But, that's a bit depressing. Look. Just think on this, and let the memories come as they will, okay?"

Shinji nodded. "Thanks, Doc."

---

He looked around cautiously. He was in a forest, he could tell that much, and he didn't like the looks of some of the animals around him. With a small shrug, he jumped up onto a ledge, and from there wandered onto a large log. There was a slight shuffle behind him, and he froze, not wanting to provoke the animal into attacking. Then, there was a woman's voice behind him.

"Ranahad!"

He turned slowly, eyes widening a bit at the sight of the beautiful redhead behind him. Of course, his eyes widening had less to do with her beauty, and more to do with the gun she was pointing at him.

She spoke again. "Katenayu tada bintudah akba! Dhan narata! Rana kotay!"

She obviously saw his confusion; for she shook her head a little then, and continued in a language he could understand. "Throw down your weapon! Make one wrong move and I'll shoot!"

He just stood there, examining her in an oddly detached fashion. She continued, somewhat flustered. "Errh… Turn around!"

She tightened her grip on the gun when he still didn't respond. "I said… turn around!"

He did so slowly, still somewhat numb and detached. She approached from behind. He spoke for the first time. "Are you shaking?"

She growled lightly. "Be quiet… You don't seem to be one of the Kislev soldiers who are after me."

He turned around quite suddenly, and she took a half step back, straightening her gun arm again. "Don't move! I have orders to kill all sureface dwellers, -Lambs-, I come in contact with… It's part of my mission. It's nothing personal. I have a question for you… How do I get out of this forest?"

He was suddenly slightly amused. "Are you… lost?"

She became a bit flustered, and snapped back. "Just answer my question! How do I get out of here?"

"Sorry, but I'm looking for the way out of here too."

"Oh…" As she said this, she slowly lowered her gun, going into thought.

With a sudden feeling of self-loathing, he took a step towards her. "How long are you just going to stand there like that? If you're going to shoot me, then hurry up and do it!"

She looked at him a little warily. "What an odd thing to say. Don't you understand the situation you are in?"

His self-loathing collapsed into depression then, and he looked down sadly. "I don't care about my situation… I'm just a guy whose life is worthless… There's no point in me living anyway!"

With a decision seeming made, he looked up and started walking towards her. The woman panicked. "Don't come any closer!" He stopped moving when she fired a shot off.

He glanced over his shoulder at where the bullet went. "What are you aiming at? Here!" He pushed his hands up against his chest. "Shoot me here! C'mon…"

The woman looked aghast. "Are you mocking me? You're weird!" She started backing up, a little faster as she went. "Something's very wrong with you! You should at least resist a little bit!"

Then, a forest imp dropped out of the treetop behind her. "What's this? Who are you?"

The imp didn't respond with words. Instead it unleashed a punch that knocked her off her feet and sent her slumping into unconsciousness. Something inside him ignited then, and he sprang forward at the imp.

"Stop! Keep your hands off Elly!"

Shinji woke then, and lay for a bit pondering the dream. "Huh. A guy not caring what happens to him, and a beautiful girl trying to kill him. Where have I heard that one before?" He sat up then to get ready for the day. Well, at least I can take comfort in the fact that these aren't exactly new issues. I wonder what Freud would say about all this? Probably something about mom, and then I'd pop him one.

---

Summer, Shinji decided, is probably the best time of year.

Shinji laid the blanket down on the deck of the Yggdrasil, and Mana placed the picnic basket on it, and began laying out the food. Shinji smiled, she smiled back, and no words were spoken for a bit as they ate. Eventually, they were just nibbling, and Mana posed a question, just for small talk. "So, what do you think of that history project, Shinji?"

Shinji shrugged as he lay down on the blanket to make himself a little more comfortable. "Oh, I don't know. It seems pretty difficult, but I'm betting it's a lot easier than it looks."

She smiled and leaned back a bit. "Yeah. Still… I'm not quite sure how we're supposed to do research that far back, you know?"

Shinji nodded. "Yeah, ten thousand years ago is a little extreme, I'd imagine. But still, an assignment's an assignment." He started chuckling for no apparent reason then.

Mana smiled. "What's so funny?"

Shinji smiled. "Oh nothing much. Just thinking about how Asuka would take this assignment. She'd pretend to be all gung-ho about it, claiming it easy. But I don't think even little miss college girl would find it easy."

Mana's smile faltered a bit. "I… see…" She brightened a bit. "So, what have you been doing up until now? What happened after I left?"

Shinji thought for a moment. "Well… let's see. Well, Toji and Hikari got together. You remember her right? Um, well, Kensuke started bringing gun mags to class to drool over, that got him in trouble, We thought Toji was dead for a bit there, as I'm pretty sure you heard. Hmmm… Asuka kissed me…"

Mana's eyes grew instantaneously to the size of dinner plates. "What!"

Shinji shrugged, not quite realizing that he was treading in dangerous waters. "Well, she pinched my nose while she did it. I thought that was more than a little rude. But that's Asuka for you."

Mana twitched slightly, but Shinji didn't catch on. "Well, um, uh… What do you think about the changes that are happening to Kensuke and Toji?"

Shinji smiled, not really noticing. "Well, I'm kinda relieved by it really. Toji's still incredibly reckless, but he's more dependable now than he used to be. A little more mature, too." Mana arched an eyebrow, and Shinji sighed. "Hey, I did say a little didn't I? Kensuke's gotten better too. He's gun crazy now, not that he was much different before, but when he calms down a bit he's a great guy to bounce problems off of. Heh. Asuka still would have strangled Kensuke for that stunt he pulled with that carrier though. Hell, she'd have strangled the three of us just for being ourselves out there."

Mana was a little desperate to change the subject now. "That's interesting. What are you doing for fun these days? You still play you Cello?"

Shinji shook his head. "No, I left that behind in the apartment. I paint these days."

Mana's expression flowed back into a small smile of relief. "Really? Painting?"

Shinji nodded. "Yeah, but I'm not very good at it."

Mana grinned. "Oh, I'm sure you're great at it. Show me something."

Shinji grimaced. "You sure? I'm really not all that good at all."

"Nonsense. You just don't have any confidence. I'm sure they're great.

"Okay…"

She smiled at him. "Great!"

They packed their things and returned to the lower decks, making their way slowly towards Shinji's room. Mana was smiling up until Shinji opened the door to his studio and she looked in. Her face paled a bit, and she stuttered. "W-well, they're, um… very… nice." Shinji stared at her blankly for a moment, attempting to puzzle it out. Mana rushed on. "Well, it's been fun Shinji, but I just remembered that I have target practice today. See you!" Then she bolted out.

Shinji looked around a bit, then walked out himself. He was well aware she didn't have target practice until mid afternoon the next day. "Well, I knew they were bad, but I didn't think they were enough to scare her away…"

---

"Doctor?"

Citan looked up from his desk, and the never-ending paperwork that was dumped on it. He smiled. This was a more than welcome distraction.

"What can I do for you Kaworu?"

The seemingly young man smiled a bit. "I was wondering if you could answer a question for me, Doctor. It's been on my mind for quite some time, but I haven't had the opportunity to ask of late."

Citan smiled some more. "Certainly Kaworu. I'll do my best to explain what ever you may need."

Kaworu smiled as well. "As you are aware, Doctor, I am but recently returned here. When I left, all those years ago, only the contact and the anti-type were capable of transmigrancy. What came about to change this? It would seem that all who stood beside the contact in that generation, the animus, and a few others, are now capable of this feat."

Citan nodded. "Yes, well, there's a bit of a story behind that."

Kaworu smiled. "I always enjoy learning new things."

Citan nodded. "It's easier to tell you about what happened after you left than it would be to explain the concept outright."

Kaworu nodded.

"Well, as you know, when the Zohar and its emulators, the Anima Relics, were absorbed by Deus, every gear on the planet stopped working. Direct contact with the original Zohar modifier itself made it so that Xenogears was the only gear capable of operating. Even more interesting was that without the Anima Relics supporting them, the Omnigears dis-aligned, reverting back into their basic stages. Even the mighty Xenogears lost too much power to not revert. But I digress. You wanted to know how all became capable of recovering transmigrant memories…"

---

Neverwhere: Oops. Too much going on yesterday. I completely forgot to post this. Oh well. See you in two weeks, and ClassicCowboy only has four to produce more than vauge 'I'll work on it' statements before we all go ballistic. Out.