"What's all this in aid of?" Sam asked as she walked through the door to find Jo and Abi laying the dining table, scents of cooking filling the house. Normal nights in were spent dining on lap-trays in front of the TV or a DVD.
"I'll check on the veggies." Jo made herself scarce, gently squeezing Abi's arm as she walked by her, offering what moral support she could.
Abi took a deep breath, willing her nerve to hold. "I wanted to talk to you about something, I thought we could discuss it over dinner, the three of us, like a proper family. That's what we are, isn't it? You, me and Jo. And I thought it was time I showed you how much I appreciate everything you've done for me – to say thank you for never giving up on me."
Sam felt Abi's forehead, convinced that she must be running a fever, frowning when there wasn't even the vaguest hint of a raised temperature. "What's going on?"
"Why don't you get changed? The food's going to be ready in ten minutes or so. I'd rather we were all sitting down together before we talk about it." Abi back-pedalled, stalling for time, wishing Jo hadn't insisted on leaving the room. Jo overheard the discussion from the kitchen, realising that all was not going well so making a move back towards the dining room, hoping to avert a disaster.
"Abi, just tell me… please!"
"Mum please, I will just let's all sit down and eat first." Abi pleadingly looked to Jo as the brunette walked back in the room.
"Come on Sam, let's go upstairs for a few minutes, give Abi a moment to gather her thoughts." Jo placed a hand at Sam's elbow, aiming to guide her out of the dining room.
"I take it you know what it is she wants to talk about?" Sam rounded on her lover, lashing out in her fear that something was terribly wrong with her daughter.
"Yes I do but trying to force her to tell you when she's not ready isn't going to help. Now will you come with me willingly or do I have to throw you over my shoulder like I'm a caveman?" Jo attempted to lighten the tension in the room, never having been comfortable with confrontation.
"Why can you tell Jo but not me, your own mother?" Sam was focussed once again on her daughter, tears pricking her eyes, old insecurities re-surfacing. "I thought we'd got past this, I thought we could talk about anything now."
"Oh Mum, we have and we can. Like Jo said, I just need a few minutes to gather my thoughts. I don't want it to come out wrong, for you to get the wrong end of the stick."
"Is it something to do with your health? Are you sick? Joey's ok isn't he? He's not ill or something? Abi please, you're scaring me." Jo placed an arm around Sam's waist, ignoring attempts to shrug her off and drawing the frantic woman to her.
"Let's sit down. Dinner can wait. This can't." Jo, as ever, sounded the voice of reason, leading Sam through to the lounge and pulling her down onto the sofa beside her as Abi perched in the arm chair, leaning forward angled towards the two older women.
"Mum, a couple of days ago I got a letter… from Hugh." Abi looked intently at her mother trying to gauge her reaction, unnerved by the detached mask that settled across her normally expressive features. Falteringly, she continued, "he sent me a visiting order, saying that he wants to see his child, that as my baby's father he has a right to access. He's threatened to take me to court if I don't take Joey to see him." Abi stood as Sam rose from her seat, walking out of the room, blanking her daughter and lover. "Mum, please…" Jo held Abi back as she went to follow Sam.
"Give her a few minutes to take it in. It can't be easy hearing that the man who caused you so much pain and grief has come back again, not when you thought he was gone for good." Abi let herself be held by Jo, memories of that dark period of her life washing over her like a thunderstorm rolling overhead.
Ten minutes passed with still no sign of Sam re-appearing. Abi sat in the lounge chewing her lip and staring into space, seemingly consumed by her memories. Jo silently climbed the stairs, hoping Sam was ok. She passed the nursery, pausing as she saw her lover standing over the cot gazing down at her grandson.
Entering the room, she crossed to Sam's side. "Want to talk about it?" Jo whispered, conscious of not waking her slumbering namesake. Sam turned on her heel without acknowledging Jo's question, seemingly oblivious to the brunette following in her wake as she entered her bedroom.
"How could you keep something like that from me? How long have you known? I suppose she told you as soon as the letter arrived. Maybe you're in a relationship with the wrong woman, you seem so close to my daughter." Sam verbally lashed out, hurting so much from her memories and wanting someone – anyone - else to feel even the tiniest amount of her pain.
"Abi talked to me about the letter this morning when I got back from work…" Jo began only to be cut off by an irate blonde.
"So you thought instead of telling me about it, you'd come up here for a quick shag instead? You're just like every man I've ever known, only interested in getting your leg over. When it comes to the real issues, you're about as much use as an ashtray on a motorbike." Sam turned away from Jo, knowing she was being unfair but unable to check her emotions enough to stop.
"I talked to Abi, advised her to tell you, that it would be better coming from her rather than you hearing it from anyone else, me included. Maybe I was wrong but I asked her to wait until tonight. I didn't think you needed that on your mind at work, not with everything else going on there at the moment. But everything I did, I honestly thought I was doing in your best interests." Jo continued what she had been saying, deciding it was best to ignore Sam's outburst, putting it down to emotional stress.
"I can't even look at my own grandson now and get any joy from it. He's taken even that happiness from me. All I could see when I looked at him was his father, the twisted, psychotic predator who created him." Sam murmured quietly, wondering when, if ever, Hugh's hold over her would be released.
"He's the same child he was this morning, sweetheart. Don't let him destroy the family you've strived so hard to keep together. Joey is your grandson, Abi's flesh and blood. Your daughter is sitting downstairs right now probably thinking she's done something wrong. She needs you to reassure her that it's ok to be scared and confused about what to do. She needs you to be her mum, Sam." Jo implored Sam to talk to Abi. Hearing Joey start whimpering, Jo made a move to leave, calling over her shoulder, "I'll see to him, go talk to Abi."
Abi heard Jo talking quietly to Joey, humming a lullaby to soothe him. She looked at Sam, an awkward silence stretching endlessly between them.
"Are you going to go and see him?" Sam voiced the first of the questions giving her cause for concern.
"Yes." Abi braced herself for the onslaught of damnation.
"Are you taking Joey with you?" Sam's voice was strained as she held back the torrent of objections.
"Yes."
"In that case, there's really nothing more to talk about is there?" Sam turned to go, fearing that if she stayed any longer, her fears would ruin the relationship she had worked so hard at building up between herself and Abi.
"Mum, please, I need to know you'll be here for me. I'm not asking you to agree with my decision, just trust me to know what I'm trying to do. I'm visiting him this once, giving him what he wants and making it clear that I never want to see or hear from him ever again. I won't have him being part of Joey's life."
"Abi, you're my daughter. I'll always be here for you." Sam folded Abi into her arms, pouring every ounce of maternal affection into the embrace.
"We sure know how to pick them, don't we? My dad was a convicted rapist, Joey's dad is a sadistic sociopath. At least you've found a good one in Jo." Sam heard the wistful tone in her daughter's voice, wondering if Abi was finding being a single parent harder than she had been letting on.
"She still lied to me." Sam stubbornly refused to forgive Jo for not telling her about the letter as soon as she knew.
"She didn't lie, she just tried to do what was best for us all. I'm glad she made me tell you myself. Don't blame her for this, it's not really her you're angry at and you know it. Only Jo's too devoted to you to push back, she'll just sit back and take whatever you throw at her. Don't let him drive a wedge between you two, she's too good, what you share is too special to let it slip away." Abi turned the tables on her mother, sagely offering words of wisdom.
Sam felt the icy hand that had been squeezing her heart since Abi's announcement thaw a little, knowing that she had some ground to make up with Jo after her earlier attack. "How did you become so wise for one so young?"
"I had the best teacher." Abi smiled at her mother, glad that for the time being at least, the storm had settled.
Sam found Jo in the nursery, cradling Joey in her arms as she sat in the nursing chair Abi had installed, letting her mind drift in the dark room, lit only by the fading natural daylight spilling through the thin curtains.
"You're a natural." She attempted to break the ice, hoping that Jo was not the kind of person to hold a grudge.
"Maybe in another lifetime it would have happened." Jo shrugged off the comment, trying to ignore how broody she had become since Joey's arrival. She knew she had plenty to be thankful for; a recent promotion to Detective Sergeant without the upheaval of starting over at a new station and a loving relationship with a woman she thought the world of. Even with Sam's promise to marry her, Jo couldn't help but feel that there was something missing, feeling an increasing need to pass on her genes to another generation.
"It's not too late to consider it; if it's what you really wanted, there are ways we could try." Sam couldn't believe that after their disagreement earlier she was suggesting that she and Jo have a baby together.
"Don't Sam. You don't have to buy my forgiveness with promises we both know you mightn't be able to keep. I'm not even angry or upset with you, I should have realised you needed Abi to tell you straight away." Jo stood, laying Joey gently back in his cot, sure that he was fast asleep and wouldn't be disturbed by the change of location.
"I'm not saying it because I want you to forgive me. Jo, sweetheart, I want you to be happy, to feel like you have everything you could ever wish for. Can you honestly say that's the case at the moment? I've seen the way you look at him. And I know you were only doing what you thought was best for both me and Abi. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have lashed out at you, it's not even like I was angry with you. I just feel like I'm stuck in some sort of groundhog day. As soon as something in life starts going right, something else crops up to spoil it." Sam approached Jo, not looking into the cot for fear of seeing Hugh there in the tiny human form slumbering soundly, oblivious to the hushed conversation going on around him.
"It's ok, Sam. Like I told Abi this morning, if she'd been my daughter, I'd have ripped Hugh to pieces for what he did to her. We all say things when we're upset that we regret afterwards." Jo wrapped the smaller woman in her arms, dropping a kiss on the top of her head, breathing in the familiar sweet scent that was her essence.
"You didn't answer my question. Are you happy?" Sam looked up into Jo's blue eyes, feeling herself drowning in their depth.
"Yes, happier than I thought I'd ever be." Jo answered honestly, wishing circumstances were different but knowing the time was not right to consider bringing another child into the house.
"But having a child of your own, would that make you even happier?" Sam pushed the point, sensing Jo was holding back.
"Maybe one day, when the time's right." Jo admitted, pulling away from Sam and turning to look out of the window onto the darkening street. "But that doesn't mean it can happen, or that the time will ever be right."
Abi appeared in the doorway suddenly, having been concerned when she heard no sounds from her son in a while.
"Sorry to interrupt. I just thought I'd better check on Joey – I see I needn't have worried, he's been in safe hands. So are we going to eat this dinner Jo and I spent all afternoon preparing then before it's completely ruined?" Abi seemed oblivious to the conversation she had cut short. As Jo agreed with forced cheerfulness, Sam determined to complete the discussion later, wondering why Jo had such reservations that she would find a time when she felt it right to become a mother.