"Dammit Sam." Jo paced through the house as she rapidly dialled Sam's mobile number, knowing that she wouldn't leave it behind whilst waiting for news of Abi. When she was diverted through to Sam's answering service after just two rings, Jo was caught in two minds as to whether to leave a message or not. At the signal, she decided that she had to say something. "Sam, whatever it is you're planning on doing – and I sincerely hope you're not on your way to the prison – please turn around and come back. You're exhausted and you're in no fit state to be investigating anything right now. Please sweetheart, talk to me, even if it's just to tell me you're ok." Jo ended the call, not knowing what else she could say. Re-dialling, the frantic brunette called Phil.
"You've reached the voicemail service for…" Growling in frustration, Jo hung up not wishing to leave a message on another machine. She tried Mickey's number, knowing that the station was closer to Longmarsh than the house and that anyone there would stand a better chance of heading Sam off if she were heading that way than she did.
"DC Webb." Jo thanked the heavens above as Mickey's familiar tones sounded on the other end of the line.
"Mickey, it's Jo. I need you to do me a favour – but I don't want anyone else finding out. Sam's gone AWOL, she's taken her car. I think she's probably heading to Longmarsh to try and talk to Hugh. I need you to try and stop her before she gets inside." The frantic brunette dashed around the house gathering the keys to her own car as she spoke to Mickey. "I'm about to leave the house, I'll meet you there. Do whatever you have to do to stall her, I should only be a few minutes behind you."
"I'm out the door now, I should be able to get to the prison in what five minutes." Mickey grabbed his jacket, shrugging into it as he raced out of CID, tucking the phone between his ear and shoulder as he dressed himself, still talking to Jo as he went. "She going to be ok d'you think?"
"I honestly don't know, I've never seen her like this before, so self destructive and rigid in her belief Hugh's behind Joey's disappearance." Jo climbed into her car, buckling up as she plugged her phone into the hands-free kit she had installed. Firing up the ignition, she ended her call with Mickey, thanking him profusely for helping out. Before pulling away, she scrolled through her contacts list instructing her mobile to dial Sam's number once again. She listened agitatedly to the recording informing her that it was not possible to connect her call, hanging up without leaving another message.
Jo pulled up outside the prison, tyres squealing as she skidded to a halt in her haste to help Mickey subdue Sam and prevent her from making a grave error in judgement.
"Sam, get in the car. Now." Jo's voice was stern, like a mother ticking off an unruly child.
"Let me past Mickey. I need to talk to Hugh." When the DC made no effort to move, Sam growled threateningly, "if you don't move this instant Detective Constable Webb, I'll see you bounced back into uniform and see that you remain there until you're pensioned off." Mickey's confidence wavered slightly in the face of the DI's threat. Rationally he knew it was unlikely Jack would ever allow such a thing to happen but Sam was a formidable force when angered.
"Sam, for God's sakes listen to me!" Jo grabbed Sam's upper arms, spinning her round until they were face to face.
"Take your hands off me, Sergeant." Fury flashed dangerously in Sam's eyes as she regarded Jo, spitting out her rank as though it were an insult.
"If you burst in there, all guns blazing, flinging accusations around without a shred of evidence to back them up, not only will you make a right royal idiot of yourself, but you'll also make it that much harder to secure a conviction if we do get any evidence against Hugh. I'm not saying you shouldn't be allowed to question him, but do it properly, by the book. Gather evidence, make it impossible for him to deny his involvement – if he is involved. And if he's not, well we might find we need him onside because this might be as much about someone wanting to hurt him as it is someone trying to get at you or Abi, or a random opportunistic abduction. Come on Sam, this isn't you and you know it. Now get in the car and let me take you home." Jo eased her grip on Sam's arms as she spoke but maintained the hold in case Sam thought about making a break for it.
"I have my own car, I can't just leave it here; it'll be towed away if it's not stolen first." Sam pointed out sullenly.
"Right now, I couldn't care less if a troop of Leprechauns used it to hold a drug fuelled rave in, I just want to get you home. I think you and I need to talk about a few things." Sam looked at Jo, seeing her as the woman she loved rather than an insubordinate junior officer for the first time since leaving the hospital. She had been so wrapped up in her own suffering that she lost sight of how she was treating her partner, and suddenly she feared she had pushed her too far, that Jo was ready to call time on their relationship.
"Leave the keys with me, I'll get someone to drop the car back at your place on the quiet, no questions asked." Mickey offered as Sam slumped into the passenger seat of Jo's black Focus. Thanking Mickey, Jo tossed him the keys she had wrestled out of Sam's grip before slipping into the driver's seat and driving away.
"I don't know about you, but I could really use a strong black coffee." Jo ushered Sam through to the kitchen, fairly certain that it would be safe to leave her alone without her absconding again but not having the energy to dash after her again if her intuition proved to be wrong. The blonde DI hadn't spoken since Jo's outburst at the prison, having spent the fifteen minute journey home gazing out of the car window, willing her tears to dry as she imagined how the conversation with Jo would go, trying to imagine life without Jo's ever steady presence. As they waited for the kettle to boil, Jo pulled Sam to sit at the kitchen table, taking a seat across from her and holding her hands across the wooden surface, some part of her relieved to see tears glistening in Sam's baby blue eyes.
"I wish you'd talk to me, tell me what's going on in that head of yours." Sam looked down at the table top, a single tear splashing onto its surface as she wondered why Jo didn't just get on with telling her it was over, that their relationship had been a mistake. "Sam please, you're really worrying me. I feel like I've lost you and there's no way I can reach you, no matter what I do or how hard I try." Jo squeezed the hands trembling beneath her own, waiting for some sort of response.
"I'm sorry Jo. I've let you down. You deserve so much better than me, than this." Sam moved to leave, bracing herself for the inevitable rejection she had faced so often in the past, the pain so much stronger at the thought of losing Jo than with previous partners, scaring Sam in its intensity. She found herself enveloped in a strong, warm embrace, burying her head instinctively against Jo's ample bosom, feeling the familiar sense of belonging.
"No Sam, don't you ever believe that. You could never, never let me down. I thank the powers that be each and every day for bringing you into my life. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. But there's only so much I can do if you won't let me in. I thought we were so good at talking things through, I guess though, this is the first time we've had something really major to discuss."
"I'm not the only one clamming up though. What is it that you're not telling me? Every time I mention children, you get this rabbit-caught-in-the-headlights look and can't wait to get as far away from me as is humanly possible." Jo shifted uncomfortably, swallowing down the wave of nausea that washed over her. Sam studied her intently, nodding slightly, "yep, just like that." The petite blonde placed one hand against Jo's cheek, determined that they would both talk openly if the air was to be cleared between them. The buxom brunette pulled away, knowing she would have to tell her lover the secret she had guarded for close to thirty years, but unable to look at her whilst doing so, fearful of the disgust and rejection that would ultimately follow.
"I did get pregnant once, a long time ago. I was fourteen, scared, confused about who and what I was. I went to a disco with some friends, there was a guy a few years older than me who was flirting with me all evening. I ended up having sex with him behind the hall where the disco was being held, trying to convince myself it was what I wanted, that I didn't wish it was my best friend, Lucy, instead of him. I hated every second of it – fortunately, it was your typical teenage fumble so it didn't last much longer than thirty seconds. Unfortunately, it was long enough to leave me expecting his child. I told Mum as soon as I realised something was unusual, she arranged for me to have an abortion, nothing official, it was a backstreet job; she couldn't stand the shame it would have brought on the family. My brother, Guy, he was nine at the time and already a handful, I was supposed to be the responsible one, the one with her head screwed on. We never told anyone else, Dad still doesn't know as far as I'm aware and Guy was still only twenty when he died, he'd gone into the army to turn his life around. Mum and I never spoke of it again and, until today, I've never told anyone about it. I'm not even sure it's possible for me to have kids now, physically I mean, it wasn't exactly a textbook procedure, more sort of scooping everything out as quickly as possible on someone's kitchen table." Jo absent-mindedly rubbed a hand across her abdomen as long repressed memories assaulted her, visions haunting her of the terrified child she had been calling for her mother to take the pain away, to make it all stop.
"That's horrendous! You must have been petrified." Sam was struggling to marry the image of Jo as a vulnerable, confused teen with the confident, proud woman she had come to love, wondering how she herself would have coped in such a situation.
"It was a long time ago and it's never really been an issue since…" Jo felt a tremor run through her body as Sam slipped her arms around her waist from behind, hugging her body close to the taller woman's back, hands resting lightly on Jo's taut stomach.
"…until I pushed and pushed it. I'm so sorry sweetheart." Sam closed her eyes, one cheek resting between Jo's shoulder blades. A few moments of quiet reflection passed between them, both lost to their own thoughts. "I'm scared Jo; scared of what Hugh's capable, scared of Abi going back to him if his appeal is successful, scared of never seeing my grandson grow up. But what scares me more than any of that is the thought of losing you, of how losing you would tear me apart. I've never felt like this about anyone else, and it terrifies me. Hugh makes me crazy, he gets inside my head and it's like I know I'm being a first class witch to everyone but I can't help it. I'm so scared that you'll get tired of me and decide it's not worth it." Sam stood up straight as she felt Jo move to turn around. As the tall brunette leant back against the worktop she pulled Sam in close, holding her tightly.
"I promise you I will never think you're not worth it. No matter what you say to me Sam, or how hard you might try to push me away, you're stuck with me I'm afraid. I'm engaged to you, I plan to be by your side each and every day, until death us do part, or at least as long as you'll have me."
"As soon as we find Joey, let's set a date, make it official." Sam beamed turning her watery gaze up towards her lover, stretching up to plant a kiss on her inviting lips, stifling a yawn as she pulled back.
"That sounds like a wonderful idea to me. Now Ms Nixon, how sorry are you for making me chase you halfway across London?" Jo's eyes lit up mischievously, the press of Sam's body against her own fanning the ever present flames of attraction.
"A slight exaggeration there!" Sam rolled her eyes before stealing another kiss and drawing Jo towards the stairs, leading her to bed.