"We need to get Jo out of that hospital, Sir." Sam's face was devoid of colour, her eyes clouded grey and her skin turning pallid as the full impact of Smithy's report landed on her. "Jack was right, he's determined to use any means possible to hurt me. I need to warn Abi too, she's not safe at home, he knows where we live. And Alice and George are there too, unless they've already left for the hospital but I doubt it yet." As more and more fears bombarded Sam's mind, she rose from her chair beginning to pace back and forth across Adam's office.
"See to your daughter DI Nixon, we'll take care of the hospital. Sergeant Smith, I want every entrance to be under surveillance immediately. Use as many officers as it takes. Post an officer outside DS Masters' room until I can arrange to have her moved to a safe location. Where is DCI Meadows now?" Adam rose from behind his desk, not planning on going anywhere but needing to appear decisive and in command.
"Still at the scene Sir. DC Webb's on his way back there too." Smithy outlined the exact location of the incident before leaving to amass the troops he would need to secure St Hugh's. Sam fumbled with her mobile, scrolling through her contacts list with shaking fingers as she tried to find her home phone number.
"Go to your daughter DI Nixon, this is not the sort of news to be given over the phone. She'll be frightened, she'll need you there to reassure her that everything will be ok." Adam instructed as gently as he could, seeing how flustered and rattled the normally unflappable blonde was.
"I'll sort Abi out, then I'll go to the hospital. I want to be the one to explain to Jo, she should hear it from me." It was not a conversation which Sam was looking forward to but knew she would never forgive herself if Jo learned of the situation from someone else. Adam nodded tersely, knowing it was a fruitless exercise arguing with her.
"Abi? Abi, where are you?" Sam called as she burst through the front door.
"I'm here Mum." Abi appeared in the doorway to the kitchen, a puzzled expression on her face. "Where's the emergency?" Wariness seized the younger Nixon woman, seeing the intense nervous energy gripping her mother.
"You need to find some place to stay, somewhere Hugh doesn't know about. He was being transported to another prison this morning but he managed to get out. If he had a hand in Joey's abduction, he might try to finish the job. I need to know you're somewhere safe until we can track him down and put him back in jail where he belongs. Where are Alice and George, have they left for the hospital already?" Sam rushed up the stairs and into her daughter's room grabbing a holdall and beginning to pack up clothes.
"The hospital phoned just before seven to say Jo was being discharged. They've decided to head straight back to Manchester today, took a few bags of Jo's clothes and things with them. They said they'd phone you when they stopped for a 'comfort-break' as they so quaintly called it, they didn't like to disturb you at work." Abi joined her mother in packing up her belongings, the electric fear surrounding Sam infusing her daughter too. Sam didn't know whether to be relieved or bitterly disappointed. On the one hand, Jo's sudden departure put her out of harm's way but on the other, it robbed Sam of the chance to see her again before she left. Crushing desolation settled over her like thunder clouds rolling in over the horizon, the darkness threatening to engulf her completely as she realised she might never see the woman she adored again if she did decide to stay in Manchester permanently.
Jo gazed out of the car window, the landscape whizzing by hypnotising her and making her drowsy. Succumbing to her fatigue, the brunette closed her eyes, a hollow empty feeling growing inside of her the further from London the car sped.
Jo walked into the bedroom - her bedroom, the one she had shared for so long with Tessa. Bile rose in her throat at the obscene graffiti adorning the walls. Hearing movement in the room, she spun around to find the source of the sound. A man thrust his pelvis into a woman she couldn't see clearly lying in the centre of the double bed, grunting and panting, the unmistakeable scent of sex accompanying the sounds of naked skin slapping together. Jo tried to call out, to look away, but her body refused to obey even that simple command. The faceless man shifted suddenly, revealing Tessa squirming ecstatically beneath him.
"Will you be Godmother to the baby I'm making here?" Tessa cackled before she faded from view. Jo felt the room spin; suddenly the soft duvet was at her back and Sam was standing where she had been moments before. She looked up into a face that struck fear into her heart.
"Not so tough now are you, you filthy dyke!" The guy screamed in her face, the voice familiar causing Jo's blood to run cold as she struggled to place it, all the while fighting to free herself from his painful advances, reaching out to Sam who was racing to be by her side but gaining no ground.
"Joanne, sweetheart, wake up." Alice stroked the backs of her fingers down her daughter's cheek, concerned by her tortured expression and the thin film of perspiration coating her skin. Fear gripped her, worried that the hospital had been too hasty in discharging her, that the infection was returning. Jo stirred, the persistent tender caress coaxing her from the nightmare world inside her brain, feelings of violation and shame lingering as consciousness returned.
"Are we home?" She asked groggily, the bright sunlight forcing her eyes closed as soon as she tried to open them.
"No, not yet love. We're at the services just outside of Oxford. We thought we might grab a bite to eat and stretch our legs for a while." Alice explained, checking Jo's temperature, still concerned for her daughter's welfare.
"Okay," the brunette mumbled dreamily still battling to wake herself fully despite dreading returning to the horror sleep had brought her.
"Do you want to stay in the car?" Jo heard her mother ask, sounding as though she was speaking underwater.
Forcing her eyes open, the brunette ran her hands over her face trying to wipe away the last vestiges of the her dream. "No, I could use some air… and a strong black coffee!"
Mother and daughter made a beeline for the toilets as they entered the service station. While Alive answered a call of nature, Jo took the opportunity to splash cold water on her face, grimacing as she caught sight of herself in the vast bank of mirrors. She was shocked at the pallor of her skin, the combination of harsh fluorescent lighting and the angry crude scar on her forehead adding to the contrast giving her a deathly appearance. She noticed an attractive young woman regarding her through the mirror with a concerned expression.
"Are you okay? I can get someone if you're feeling unwell," the compassionate stranger offered.
"I'm fine, thank you. Just a little tired from the road." Jo assured her, smiling warmly and was as it was returned just as warmly, the hint of something more playing around the woman's eyes. Alice joined her at the sinks, washing up and checking her own appearance before escorting her daughter from the restroom, chuckling slightly as the brunette cast a few furtive glances back towards the attractive woman.
"I don't know, can't take you anywhere without ladies falling at your feet! You certainly inherited your father's charm in that respect." Alice laughed, pleased to see a slight flash of colour race to her daughter's cheeks.
"No harm in window shopping seeing as I'm reliably informed Tessa and I are history," Jo countered, slipping her arm through her mum's casually for support, her legs still a little shaky over distances following her period of inactivity.
"That doesn't necessarily mean you're young, free and single, Joanne." Alice retorted, wishing she could take the words back as soon as they left her mouth.
"What do you mean by that?" Jo stopped dead in her tracks at her mother's comment.
"Where's your dad go to now?" Alice pondered aloud, ignoring Jo's question and ignoring the glare boring into her.
"If I'm supposed to be with someone else, how come the only visitors I've had have been you two and Sam Nixon? Since she's straight and dancing around a relationship with Phil Hunter, that not only narrows the field but completely eliminates it from where I'm standing!" Jo persisted.
"If he's in that damn shop we'll be here for hours while he tries to make his mind up about which travel sweets buy." Alice moved towards the entrance to the shop contained within the service station, mentally lambasting herself for not engaging her brain before making the flippant remark.
"Mum, who is she? And more to the point where is she?" Jo intercepted her mother, arms rigid by her sides as she demanded answers, her expression determined and petulant.
"Joanne, you're making a spectacle of yourself. We'll talk about it later when we get home." Alice's tone was firm, indicating the matter was not open for further discussion, no matter how hard Jo pushed. "Now, are you hungry? You need to eat something so you can take some more painkillers. They don't do well on an empty stomach." Just as she was about to claim she wasn't hungry, Jo's stomach gurgled noisily startling both women into spontaneous laughter. "Let's find your father so we can feed that beast before it's let loose on the unsuspecting population!"
"For the last time, Sam, if you insist on sleeping here tonight, I'm staying with you." Phil announced as he deposited his suit jacket on the back of one of the kitchen chairs, watching the stubborn DI reach down a bottle of red wine from a well stocked cupboard. "Do you think that's a good idea?"
"You staying here? No I don't. I think it's completely unnecessary." Sam barked at him, the lack of contact from Jo and her parents making her edgy and anxious as long as there was no news on Hugh's recapture.
"I meant the wine actually." Phil huffed.
"I'm going to need some form of anaesthetic if I have to have you snoring the next room all night." Sam rejoined peevishly, slamming the drawer shut after retrieving the corkscrew, tossing the appliance onto the worktop after making light work of opening the bottle. She reached two glasses down, supposing she ought to be gracious enough to offer Phil a drink if he was to be her guest for the night.
"Not for me thanks. I don't want anything clouding my judgement just in case Hugh comes calling." He declined as politely as he could, hoping that Sam would not get as slaughtered as she seemed intent on getting.
Jo wearily climbed the first couple of stairs, the journey having left he more exhausted than she thought possible. A lump formed in her throat and tears pricked her eyes as she looked up to the top of the stairs. She may as well have been standing in the shadow of Everest so insurmountable did the climb appear in her drained state.
"You okay there love?" George asked gently, patiently waiting to carry the holdall containing Jo's belongings up to her childhood bedroom.
"I don't think I've the energy to make it up there Dad." Jo's bravado crumbled, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. She felt pathetic and weak, beaten by a lowly staircase.
"It's alright baby girl, it's been a long day and you've had more exercise today than is probably wise. Your body's a bit sluggish that's all. Take your time, there's no rush." Depositing the bag on the floor in the hallway, George stepped up behind his daughter, supporting her with an arm gently around her waist and a hand at her elbow. "Use me as much as you need to love." Jo twisted on the stairs, wrapping herself around George's robust frame, sobbing into his chest. He exchanged a concerned look with his wife, both acknowledging the road to recovery would be a long and arduous one for their daughter.
Sam snatched the receiver from its cradle on the second ring. "Samantha Nixon."
"Sam, it's Alice, love. Sorry we didn't ring before now, we rather had our hands full with Jo. I just wanted you to know we made it back safely and to thank you for letting us take over your house. I changed to bedding in the spare room before we left." Alice spoke quietly into the phone, one ear listening to the movements of her two most precious people above.
"You're welcome any time Alice, you know that. You didn't need to have changed the bed but thank you. How is Jo? She there? Can I have a quick word?" Sam asked feeling the distance between them like a physical pain.
"George has taken her straight upstairs. She's exhausted, physically and emotionally. I'm worried about her Sam, she's only ever been this low once before – she wasn't even this bad when Guy was killed. Then she was more angry than anything, now she's just… crushed." Alice confided, stopping short of going into detail about when Jo had been as low.
"It's ok Alice, Jo told me about the baby. Before all this, we were talking about the possibility of starting a family of our own, of Jo becoming a mum herself. She told me what happened." Sam spoke quietly, not wanting Phil to overhear, knowing Jo would be devastated if she betrayed such a confidence.
"It took her months to pick herself up after that. I fear this might take longer if she doesn't regain her memory soon." Alice closed the lounge door, not wishing for Jo or George to overhear the conversation. "She flies off the handle at the slightest thing and the rest of the time just seems to cry. It's so unlike her."
"She's been through so much trauma in a short space of time Alice. We'll all make sure she gets all the support and help she needs, for however long as it takes to get her back to the real Jo. It's going to be painful for her, and for those of us who go through it with her, but I'm not giving up on her, not ever." Sam promised passionately.
"We can only hope she doesn't give up on herself then." Alice sighed, remembering how Jo had begged her mother to let her die in the weeks following the death of her baby, convinced that nothing good could ever possibly happen to her again.
Jo lay on her back, sinking into the old mattress of her youth, inserting the discrete in-ear phones attached to the MP3 player Sam had presented to her. She selected to play the tunes in random order allowing herself to drift on the music lulling her into a warm comfortable place, just outside of waking but not yet quite asleep either. She thought about her mother's earlier comment regarding a new relationship, her mind jumping to thoughts of Sam of it's own accord, although she failed to see any connection – apart from wishful thinking. As if reading her mind, the playlist shuffled again until strains of 'Fix You' rang in her ears, the song Sam had chosen because of it's special meaning. Jo let the words wash over her, feeling herself drawn into the song.
"Tears stream down your face, when you lose something you cannot replace." Cheeks streaked with salty rivulets pouring from her eyes, Jo reflected on how might never recall the missing months erased from her memory – months which by all accounts had been the happiest she had known.
"Tears stream down your face and I…
Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you."
As the song trailed off, Jo slipped into a fitful slumber, wishing that someone could fix her.
"If you're sleeping with that thing after the amount you've had to drink, I'm staying in the same room as you. I don't want to get up in the night for a pee and end up with that in my back cos you think I'm Hugh bleedin' Wallis!" Phil raged, worriedly eying the huge kitchen knife Sam was brandishing.
"You'll try anything to sleep with me, won't you Phillip?" Sam teased drunkenly.
"Don't get excited, I'll bunk down on the floor." He assured her, never having seen Sam so out of control, her drinking having escalated following Alice's phonecall. No matter how much Phil probed, she wouldn't be drawn on the cause for the change, or on the contents of the call claiming it had no relevance to the case which was the only reason she was tolerating his intrusion into her home.
"People will talk if they find out we slept together. I don't want to hear any rumours about being the latest notch on your belt, DS Hunter." Sam slurred waving the knife at his chest as he danced out of it's range.
"Watch it!"
"That's watch it Guv to you!" Sam giggled, stumbling as she staggered towards the stairs.
"Come on… Guv. Let's get you to bed." Phil steadied the wobbling blonde holding on to the hand containing the knife to prevent any nasty surprises coming his way.
"Oooh promises, promises. No wonder you make all the girls swoon." Sam tried to shrug him off, almost falling back down the stairs they had climbed.
"Do I have to put you over my shoulder and carry you or are you going to walk?" Phil asked, exasperated, wondering if she was like this for Jo.
"That's it, Phil, show me your Neanderthal roots." Phil shook his head, marvelling at how he was content to take such abuse from a woman, knowing the reason if he were totally honest with himself but not wanting to allow such distractions to encroach.
Alice crept into Jo's room, teasing the tiny music device from her slumbering daughter's fingers and removing the earphones gently. She soothed the brunette's brow leaning in to gently kiss her, heart almost bursting with joy as Jo stirred, murmuring, "love you Sam," before quieting again.
Phil listened to Sam torturing herself in sleep, the cold hard floor preventing his own sleep from coming. He threw back the flimsy fleece blanket, goose bumps immediately rising on his exposed skin.
"Sam, wake up. It's alright, it's just a dream." He shook her gently, catching her in his arms as she flew into a sitting position, suddenly jolting awake. "It's ok, it's just a dream," he repeated, soothing a hand down her back in a compassionate gesture. Sam clung to him until she calmed. Drawing back, she pecked his cheek impetuously, looking up at him with hooded eyes. One hand slid lazily along his thigh, his groin constricting involuntarily.
"Isn't this what you've been after all along, Phillip?" Sam purred, her voice even huskier than usual.
Summoning all the restraint he could muster, Phil swatted Sam's hand away and stood up. "Sam…" he warned. The blonde woman examined her hand as though it were an alien entity, with a mind of its own.
"I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me." Sam crumbled, wracking sobs tearing through her body.
"It's been a long, stressful day, add to that a generous helping of alcohol and rational thought goes out the window." Phil consoled her hesitating for a moment before moving back to the bed to hold Sam, unable to stand by and watch her distress idly. "I won't tell anyone if you don't," he offered. Sam nodded miserably. "Imagine the stick I'd get if word got out I'd turned down a night in the sack with you!" Phil joked, trying to make light of the situation. He was rewarded with a watery smile, cut off in it's prime by a yawn. "Mind if I bunk in with you though? Your floor's a bit on the hard side!"
"On one condition…" Sam told him.
"No funny business, I promise. I'm a reformed man." Phil interjected sincerely.
"That as well but will you just hold me? I miss having her beside me so much." Sam confessed, lightly caressing the photo of Jo holding her that she kept by her bed. Without another word Phil dived under the duvet, grateful to be enveloped by its warmth, wrapping his arms around Sam and pulling her to him. As they both drifted off to sleep, Phil thought back to a time when he would have responded to Sam's advances without a second thought, wondering how one woman could have changed him so profoundly that he was determined nothing would jeopardise the friendship he valued above all others.