I hope you are having a nice day.
Anyways as per the usual I don't own Pokemon or Total Drama.
"Previously on Pokemon NOT an Island. The contestants were pitted against each other in an arena fight. This fight replaced all of the moves however with Z Moves to make things more interesting. In the end, the Buffoons won their first challenge with Phantos defeating Honey in the final round. Zorro was then voted off due to Alfred's manipulations. Alliances are forming and tightening the competition. What will happen next? Find out on this episode of Pokemon NOT an Island!"
Honey was running through the woods and stopped to catch her breath. Upon looking up she stared into the eye of Phantos. Honey jumped back in shock but didn't run.
"Ok what is your deal?" she asked. Everywhere I go you always seem to appear and it's quite obvious this is because of what happened last challenge but you have had every chance possible to injure, maim, or even kill me but you haven't. So why are you still following me!"
Phantos said nothing.
"Ok at this point you are asking for it."
Honey used a few Shadow Ball attacks on Phantos but now that she couldn't fall back on boosting herself they didn't do much harm to him.
Phantos's chains began to glow brighter but when the cracked parts glowed a faint noise could be heard for a brief moment before becoming quiet again.
Honey looked away for a second but when she looked back Phantos was gone.
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"Phantos makes no sense whatsoever," stated Honey. "First he's entirely silent and completely immobile when someone is looking at him, and now he's stalking me but not doing anything despite how long he has been doing it. What is so important about those chains anyways?"
000
Phantos was in the confessional but said nothing, the faint noise from the chains could be heard again however.
000
Elsewhere Merrick could be seen punching the large Basculin he had previously fought before with Thunder Punch, finally defeating it.
"Seventeen failed attempts, one of which ended in my fucking death," stated Merrick. "This thing whatever it is is now finally defeated. Maybe Alfred had a point but I will never let him have the satisfaction of knowing it."
Merrick dragged the thing into the cafeteria where Dracovish could be seen making a meal that appeared to be some sort of fetus.
"This thing is a water type that I don't think anyone has ever seen meaning what it can do is undocumented," explained Merrick. "I think beating it counts as beating it at a disadvantage."
Dracovish threw a typewriter at Merrick that stated the following.
I suppose it's close enough to count. Take this immunity statue clue as a reward.
Dracovish handed Merrick a note which he promptly read.
"The means to an end are not consistent. What kind of Philosophical bullshit is this?"
Surprisingly Dracovish didn't throw a typewriter at Merrick this time and simply shrugged.
Actually no, while he did shrug he tossed two typewriters at Merrick followed by a third one that stated the following.
I didn't write it you idiot, figure it out for yourself it's a great advantage if you can.
"Doesn't mean it makes any more sense," responded Merrick who was brushing some dust off of him as he was still recovering from the typewriters getting thrown at him. "Whatever just give me the food so I deal with another one of these quests."
Dracovish handed him the fetus meal he was preparing from earlier. Merrick looked at and the meal did the most terrifying thing possible.
It squirmed. Whatever it was it was still alive or something.
Merrick screamed at the meal because let's face it just about anyone would.
"You are doing this terrible food on purpose aren't you!"
Dracovish was a terrible chef no questions asked and he would admit it, but declaring his hard cooked meals as bad on purpose was a line you didn't want to cross. He then proceeded to grab an axe and chopped Merrick's head off with it. He then dragged his obviously dead body outside of the cafeteria and then threw it as far away as he could.
Elsewhere Alfred could be seen tearing apart a forest with his psychic abilities, looking for anything that could help him. All of a sudden he was hit with Merrick's dead body.
Alfred payed the corpse no attention after it fell to the floor until it was revived.
"Huh, apparently Cheap Death isn't challenge exclusive and killing someone before then won't keep them dead until the next challenge," thought Alfred. "That's disappointing."
"Alfred while we are definitely not friends I just want to say NEVER tell Dracovish his food is made bad on purpose!" declared Merrick when he realized he was alive again.
"Point taken," responded Alfred. "Did anyone ask you about the elimination yet?"
"No, I think they realized where Zorro's fourth vote came from."
"Well duh, the question is not who voted for Zorro it's why did they vote for him?"
"Well they didn't ask, stop trying to act like you care about my well being."
A Greedent then tried to attack Merrick but he punched it into a tree. The force the tree was hit with caused an envelope to fall out of it. Merrick caught the envelope only to realize it had his face on it.
"I saw you destroy this Alfred, unless that wasn't my file," realized Merrick.
Merrick opened the file and read it.
"There is no way you just guessed the truth about me. You have an alternate way of gaining our knowledge."
Alfred shoved Merrick into another tree with his psychic power. "So you figured it out, have a medal."
Alfred then teleported one made of wood around Merrick's neck.
"What are you going to do now, kill me?" asked Merrick smugly.
"I'm a manipulator, not a killer," lied Alfred.
"You lied about one thing, why not another? Regardless you are already too dangerous for your own good and this just makes your likelihood of surviving the next elimination even smaller."
"Of course, but have you ever thought as to why I haven't simply just mind controlled all of the other contestants by now to rig the whole game into a guaranteed victory?"
"Because Arceus told you not to."
"Ok he probably would tell me to not do it but that isn't the reason. The real reason is that doing so would be too boring. Knowledge that would end the other villains here is only a mild inconvenience for me. So go ahead and tell the others, they will still fall in the end."
Alfred pried the file out of Merrick's hands, but while doing so he dropped the psychic forces that held Merrick against the tree. Merrick took this opportunity to quickly burn the file using Blaze Kick.
"Well played," admitted Alfred before teleporting away.
Merrick tore the medal off of his neck
"I'm not going down that easily."
Meanwhile the alliance between Ember, Derek and Mike was in the forest for a meeting.
"So obviously we are all in agreement to eliminate Phantos the next time we lose and if necessary eliminate Lea afterwards," pointed out Derek. "What exactly is the plan though if we lose again after that?"
"The plan is to not let it come to that," responded Ember. "Though let's be honest, eventually we will have to eliminate each other anyways since let's face it only one of us can win the entire competition."
"Instead of talking about eliminating each other can we just consider the biggest threats that are on the opposite team?" asked Mike.
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"Seriously though," said Mike. "Not only do I not want to make the decision of which one of my fellow alliance members to eliminate, but honestly I don't even know how comfortable I am with the idea of ganging up on Lea to eliminate her. At least Phantos is a threat on his own."
000
"I'm obviously eliminating Mike if it comes to that point no questions asked, but it's not like I can tell him that," explained Ember.
000
"Obviously Alfred is the biggest threat on the enemy team," responded Ember. "Maybe eliminate Merrick quickly as well. So long as you two stick with me the three of us will definitely reach the final three!"
An explosion could be heard in the background. Before anyone could say anything the painful telepathy message from Arceus was sent out.
"Attention contestants, it is time for the next challenge! Meet me by the picnic tables that have always been around but never were mentioned by either me or the author because they were not important. Don't worry about the explosion either it genuinely has nothing to do with today's challenge."
The picnic tables were surprisingly easy to find considering their lack of notability up until this point. The contestants when they arrived noticed a Magmortar that was rather fat even when considering that his species was normally fairly large. Next to the picnic tables were some grills.
"Hello contestants," announced Arceus. "I hope your culinary skills are at least halfway decent as you will need them. Today's challenge will be cooking and assembling a burger. This isn't as easy as it sounds however as first off the burger you are making is the Magmortar Special. In addition to this you will have to go to predetermined locations to obtain five keys to open the big chest of ingredients needed to make this burger. Teleporting the keys is obviously banned as is using fire type abilities to cook the burger. Once you have your ingredient chest open you can start making the burgers. When one team finishes their burger the other team will have 30 minutes left to finish theirs. When time is up the burgers will be judged by the food critic Magmortar himself. I've decided that since this a challenge based on cooking skills you can't sabotage the other team's Burger or keys and you especially can't do anything with Magmortar to influence him to make your team the winner."
Arceus threw two books at both teams.
"These books have all the information you need for both obtaining the keys and making the burger itself. The challenge begins now!"
"I'm going after the key in the mountains," Stated Alfred as he teleported away to the location of said key as there was no rule of teleporting to the key.
"And of course I didn't consider that loophole occurring," realized Arceus.
"If it's such a problem then why don't you penalize the Dirtbags?" asked Ember.
"I think it's quite obvious by now that I'm not one of those goody two shoes hosts that want everything to be wholesome and fair and stuff like that. What Alfred did was technically legal and I will allow it but that doesn't mean that I'm not going to be mad at it."
Ember then noticed Lea was behind her.
"I don't know if this is a bad time or not Ember, but Phantos already left."
"Honestly he can probably find all of the keys faster than the rest us us combined," responded Ember. "I think we should let him find all of the keys and take the time to read the recipe and try to fully understand it."
Meanwhile the rest of the Dirtbags were trying to deal with who would go after which key.
"I'm not going in the deep swamp just to find some stupid key," whined Mint.
"Someone has to go into the swamp," Responded Honey.
"Well then why don't you go? With everything you normally do this should be a walk in the park."
"You know what?" interrupted Merrick. "I'll go and you go to the desert to get the key I was going to have to get.
"See, he admits his crimes of filth so why can't you?" asked Mint.
"What crimes of filth are you talking about?" asked Merrick.
"Alfred told me about the stuff you do, honestly makes Bob clean by comparison."
"What exactly did he tell you?"
Five minutes later.
"And that is why I do not want to associate with you three," finished Mint who then left for the desert.
"I knew Alfred was a manipulative bastard, but he has the most fucked up mind ever if he is able to come up with THAT stuff to trick Mint," said Merrick. Come to think of it, if he reads minds then I suppose it makes sense that he would run into some disturbing stuff.
"How come you didn't eliminate him last time then if you knew he could read minds?" asked Rusalika.
"I didn't know he could read minds until this morning, as for why I didn't vote him off, that is none of your business," responded Merrick who then left.
"I guess this is another possible explanation for how Alfred has kept his alliance in line if he isn't controlling their minds," said Rusalika. "We better go find our keys, it says here that the fourth and fifth keys are located together."
Rusalika and Honey then went to find their keys. Bob was left behind because everyone knew there was no way he was going to put in the effort to find a key.
At the Mountains Alfred had arrived at his destination right in front of the key. He then grabbed it and then realized that while he could teleport to the key without problems, teleporting back with it would be banned. Before he could begin the walk back he saw a Zoroark that looked like it was ready for a fight. This Zoroark however had pale white fur with red blood like markings on it.
"As if Unovas resident edgelords couldn't get any edgier," joked Alfred who was not liking the present irony of dealing with a member of the Zoura evolution line. Alfred then tried to hit it with a Superpower only to go straight through it.
"Typical illusions. You aren't the only one with dirty tricks!"
Alfred then put the key down on the ground and after a few seconds was able to locate and teleport to the original Zoroark in control of the illusions. Despite not being an illusion the Zoroark looked the same as the illusion it summoned. It then attacked Alfred with an shadowy attack he could not identify. Alfred then punched the Zoroark with another superpower, which also went right through it. Alfred then decided to quickly read the Zoroark's mind to get an idea of what he was dealing with.
"This thing is a Normal Ghost type?" questioned Alfred. "Interesting."
Alfred punched it with a few knock offs to defeat it.
"It's gonna take a lot more than a Zoroark to defeat me," declared Alfred who then teleported back to his key and began to head back.
Meanwhile in the desert Mint was looking for her key and also thinking about how it was a dumb idea to go to the desert. While it was bad enough that there was a ton of sand getting stuck to her fur, things had only gotten worse due to some bizarre weather.
Bizarre as in a literal snowstorm that made seeing anything nigh impossible.
Mint was then hit by what looked like a bunch of poisoned barbs. After struggling a bit because to see because of the poison and the snow, she saw that they were shot from what looked like a giant Qwilfish that was purple and black and had massive spikes.
"This has to be hypothermia or something," decided Mint. "What is a Qwilfish doing in the desert and why is it so big?"
The first question was possibly answered when Mint saw that the spike pointing upwards had two key necklaces on it, one for each team.
The giant Qwilfish was readying another attack, but before it could, it has hit by a Hyper Beam which diverted it's attention to whoever fired it, the giant Qwilfish was then hit by another hyper beam which knocked it out and caused it to fall over. Mint reached out and grabbed one of the keys and held it close to her. The other key was then telekinetically lifted and flew until it reached it's destination, Phantos's neck. Phantos then seemingly vanished when Mint couldn't see him in the snow.
Mint then began to quickly leave the desert as quickly as possible despite not being in the best conditions for walking.
Meanwhile in the forest, Rusalika and Honey had finally found the location of the keys and the guard of them which was a skinny Liligant was already unconscious. There was however still a problem they would have to face.
Two hooded figures that seemed to be humans were already observing the fainted Lilligant. One of them had a light blue cloak while the other one had one that was dark green, it very much screamed cultist which was presumably an accurate statement.
"I've never seen one that looks like this before," the green one stated. "Could it be a sign from the ancient one?"
"Regionals are nothing special Bug," responded the other one. "That being said, I'm sensing a lot of energy from these keys.
"Oh so the keys are special but not the pokemon Ice? Your head got messed up on the inside and the outside."
"I'm sorry to bother you, but we need those keys," interrupted Honey. "Can we borrow them for a little bit and then hand them back to you afterwards?
"Who are these two?" asked the one referred to as Bug.
"I recognize them, the Ancient one was doing some sort of reality show and these are two of the contestants," responded the one known as Ice.
"By the Ancient One you mean Arceus?" asked Rusalika.
"Of course we do," responded Ice. "These keys are ours however and you will not be taking them without a fight."
"And the pokemon," added Bug who jumped into the conversation.
"Fine we will take the pokemon back as well."
"Then I guess we have no choice," responded Rusalika who then used a Hydro Pump on them.
The cloaked figures were unaffected, the only thing the Hydro Pump did aside from make them wet was blow off the hoods to reveal their faces.
Both Honey and Rusalika gasped when they saw the faces. While the cloaked figures were humans their faces certainly weren't.
Their faces were identical to that of Arceus.
"What are you exactly?" asked Rusalika.
"We are a fraction of The Legion, a group with purposes that are none of your concern," responded Bug.
Ice then continued the story. "We attempted to harness the powers of a plate lost to time. It mostly worked enhancing our abilities greatly and giving us special new powers, but left our faces looking like this and also-"
Bug smacked Ice on the forehead. "We aren't supposed to tell them what happened to make us look like this. We especially aren't supposed to tell them about THAT."
"Oh right. Well why are we standing around then?"
Ice then pointed his hand at Honey and Rusalika and fired a beam from it. Both of the contestants were able to successfully dodge it but Ice continued firing the beam. Bug began to shoot beams at them as well.
Honey tried using Iron Tail on Ice, only for it to bounce off of him and do no damage.
Back at the cooking place the buffoons were studying the cookbook to learn how to make the Magmortar special when they suddenly realized Phantos was back with four keys on the floor in front of him, there was also a paper that said the following.
I got four of the keys, I am sure you can get the last one that is in the swamp, because I refuse to do all the work for you.
"I call dibs," exclaimed Derek who was looking for an excuse to get out of reading the cookbooks.
"With four of the keys found we should be able to heat up the grill and have it be ready before Derek gets back," said Ember as she turned the grill on.
"Wait Ember this book says the grill has a side effect if left at a certain temperature for too long," pointed out Lea.
"It will be fine," responded Ember.
"This sure seems like a big burger we need to make," noted Mike who was reading the cookbook.
Meanwhile at the Swamp Merrick was searching for his key, and was obviously being slowed down by the mud, he was then shot by a hydro pump which sent him flying in an almost comical way. Merrick looked up and saw that the Hydro Pump came from a Samurott.
"Hey isn't that the thing Derek evolves into?" realized Merrick.
Technically he was right, but not entirely. The Samurott's helmet and seamitars were dark black instead of gold and were more spiky in general. Merrick noticed these changes and came to the conclusion that this was another Arceus induced thing.
"I'm getting real tired of your gimmicks Arceus," declared Merrick.
The Samurott unsheathed it's Seamitars and charged forward. Merrick grabbed both of them locking them into a struggle.
At this very moment Derek walked by and grabbed the last key the Buffoons needed as it was apparently on a pedestal right behind the Samurott. Before he left he left he promptly hit the Samurott with an Ice Beam before running away from it as fast as he could.
The ice beam did not do much, but it distracted the Samurott long enough for Merrick to punch it with a Close Combat. Believing the Samurott fainted, Merrick grabbed his key and left the swamp before it could recover. The Samurott however got back soon after and began to chase after Merrick as it wasn't done with him.
Back at the picnic tables Ember was looking at the grill, it seemed perfectly fine to her despite the warning in the book. She then looked away from it when Derek came back with the fifth key and a rose, both of which he tossed at Ember.
"How thoughtful," responded Ember. "Now is not the time for romance though."
All five of the Buffoons's keys were inserted into the chest which held a ton of ingredients. After being speechless at the sheer quantity of ingredients for about a minute Ember asked the obvious question that should have been asked earlier.
"Sure we have instructions but does anyone here actually know how to cook?"
Lea raised her hand. "I do but I'm going to need some help."
Before the Buffoons could start making the burger the grill promptly exploded, killing all of the Buffoons.
Arceus was laughing his head off.
"I put that temperature warning in the book for a reason you know."
"How the fucking fuck am I supposed to be served fucking food from fucking dead people you fucking alpaca!" complained Magmortar.
"Oh right you don't watch the show you are just here for the free food, death is just a mild inconvenience here," responded Arceus. "Don't think I've heard anyone refer to me as an alpaca though, normally they go for llama."
Arceus then revived the Buffoons and replaced the grill.
Over at the Dirtbag's grill Alfred was waiting impatiently for the rest of his team. Finally he saw Merrick running back with the key, and then he saw the Samurott that was still chasing after him. Alfred decided he wanted nothing to do with it and teleported Bob on top of it, flattening it instantly.
"Took you long enough," stated Alfred.
"Well not all of us can teleport like you Alfred," responded Merrick. "You know it's entirely possible that someone on our team could throw the challenge just to get rid of you. I mean Honey and Rusalika had keys that were closer than mine."
"You wanted to throw the challenge yourself but knew you couldn't."
"What?"
"You heard me. You wanted to throw the challenge but couldn't bring yourself to do it."
"You have no evidence."
"I know everyone on our team knows my secret by now Merrick. You can hide everything from them but you can't hide it from me."
"Mint doesn't know, Bob might be too lazy to care but if I told Mint maybe she would turn on you."
"She's too hidden in her delusions of clean standards to believe you after what I told her."
Speaking of Mint, at that moment she returned with her key, only to collapse from the poison.
"Oh no, Mint is terribly poisoned!" cried out Alfred. "It seems like the poison is even more severe than toxic poisoning as well."
As absurd as it seemed, while Alfred was obviously acting like he cared about Mint, the poisoning was worse than toxic poison and would be hospital inducing.
"I think we need to send Mint to the hospital."
"No need to do that," stated Arceus. "I'll send the medic over right now.
Arceus called the medical crew and teleported them over after ending the call. Said medical crew was only a single Alpha Blissey with an ak47. The Blissey then proceeded to shoot Mint with the ak47 until she died.
"Problem solved," responded Arceus who then revived Mint. "You contestants aren't gonna be using medical emergencies to get out of my challenges."
"Couldn't you just heal her instead of killing her and then reviving her?" asked Merrick.
"I could, but this is more fun," responded Arceus.
Merrick then decided it was time to end Alfred's chances.
"Mint just to let you know Alfred is able to read our minds and is using the info to turn us against each other."
Mint however was having none of it.
"I got your stupid key now stop trying to lie to me and leave me alone you filth."
Merrick stared at Alfred in anger.
"Don't look at me that was 100% her," responded Alfred.
Meanwhile back at the forest Honey and Rusalika were still facing against the two members of the Legion, while neither member of the Legion had been directly harmed by any attack thrown at them yet Ice was starting to look worn out, he then collapsed.
"I thought you said you had fully restored yourself before you left? asked Bug.
"I lied, but didn't think it would matter," responded Ice. "Grab the stuff and teleport us out of here!"
Bug grabbed the Lilligant but ignored the keys on purpose and then teleported the two members away. Honey and Rusalika grabbed the keys while also being mildly confused about the Legion.
Bug had teleported both himself and Ice to a cave that the Legion operated in. The teleportation had caused Bug to worn out but still nowhere near as badly as Ice. He pulled out a pokeball and tossed it, revealing a Snom.
"You had an Ice type pokemon this whole time and you didn't tell me?" asked Ice. "And for that matter, where are the keys?"
"The keys had too much energy to teleport them," lied Bug who was being smug about the whole thing.
Bug then shot red chains out of his hand at the Snom. After the chains latched on to the Snom they began to drain it of it's life force which gave Bug back his energy and strength.
"Hey I needed that more than you," complained Ice.
Bug tossed another pokeball that also contained a Snom for Ice to regain his strength. As he did so a third member of the Legion then appeared. This member looked the same as Ice and Bug except he was slightly taller and his cloak was purple with some green mixed into it.
"What did you find?" asked the new figure.
"We found this strange pokemon variant Dragon," responded Bug who was referring to the Lilligant.
"I sure hope you find it interesting because these were also some keys directly from the Ancient One that Bug deemed unimportant," said Ice with an irritated tone.
"With an operation this close to the Ancient One I knew I should have just gone myself but no I just decide to allow you two and you screw it up," stated Dragon. "Neither one of you did what you were supposed to do and Ice you almost died from the strain."
Dragon then teleported away. Ice and Bug looked at each other thinking the same thing.
"See you messed up," they both said to each other at the same time.
The Buffoons were preparing their burger before they realized something.
"Arceus this cookbook says we need pickles but we have none," pointed out Derek.
Magmortar glared at Arceus.
"How am I supposed to eat this shit with no pickles on it? How do you FORGET THE PICKLES!"
Magmortar pressed two pieces of bread between Arceus's face.
"Do you know what you are?!"
"A being with far more important things to worry about than your pickles," responded Arceus. "You try running a universe along with the surrounding ultra space."
Despite being insulted Arceus seemed surprisingly calm. "Anyways the pickle issue will be solved soon enough."
Honey and Rusalika finally returned to the Dirtbags picnic table with the final two keys. The Dirtbags put all of their keys into the chest to open it to reveal the massive amount of ingredients they needed to make the Magmortar Special.
"Time out!" announced Arceus. "Since I forgot the pickles I am adding a 6th key for both teams to get them, it's not too far away but it's far enough away that the ingredients won't be ruined by accident. Choose a contestant to stay behind to work on the burgers."
The Buffoons had Lea stay behind while the Dirtbags decided to have Mint start making the burger. Arceus then did the surprising thing and teleported the contestants rather than forcing them to walk to the location.
Of course he had ulterior motives, he wanted everyone to react at once to who was guarding them.
The contestants were wide eyed when they saw that guarding the keys was Dracovish and he had them around his neck. Not only that, but he was completely glowing gold and seemed to be far taller than the last time anyone had seen him.
"When did this happen?" asked Derek.
Dracovish threw a typewriter directly at him, knocking him out of the fight due to it hitting him at full force. The typewriter said the following.
Arceus decided to tweak my unofficial legendary status thing a bit. I heard him say something about noble pokemon. Don't worry about it.
Dracovish's next move was shooting a Dragon Pulse at Alfred who wasn't expecting it and got knocked out before he could react. Dracovish decided to take Merrick out of the fight next but before he could Phantos hit the fossil with a Shadow Ball, which did nothing. Dracovish charged forward at Phantos and attacked with Crunch, the impact of the move cracking Phantos's chains even more.
As like when Honey cracked the chains, Phantos's eye glowed red in anger and he retaliated this time with a Blizzard attack. Unfortunately while this would be considered extremely threatening to the contestants it was even less than a casual Tuesday for Dracovish, as his next move was finishing a crossword puzzle he apparently had with him followed by taking a brief nap all while Phantos was attacking.
"How does Arceus expect us to beat this guy if not even Phantos can dent him?" asked Ember.
"We need to work together to get the keys," responded Mike. "Anything is possible with friends."
Phantos was still attacking Dracovish with the same Blizzard while he was now building a small cabin out of logs. The fact that Dracovish wasn't avoiding the Blizzard by simple standing outside of Phantos's range while making eye contact with him meant that either he didn't mind it or worse, he wasn't even feeling it. After he finished the cabin Dracovish decided he had enough and shot Phantos with a Dragon Pulse to finish him off. Ember looked a Mike with a "that was a stupid response and you should know that" face.
Back at the picnic tables Mint was looking at the hamburger meat. She then quickly turned on the grill, cut the hamburger meat and put it on the grill and while they were cooking she put her own hands on the grill to kill the bacteria with the heat. In case it wasn't obvious, doing this burned Mint's hands causing her to scream in pain and take her hands off the grill immediately.
Lea noticed noticed that Mint burned her hands and quickly turned off her grill to assess the situation. She then saw Mint using the burn heal that Arceus had put next to both grills before the start of the challenge, a rare case of Arceus having remorse of possible injuries. Lea looked at the burgers and put the mustard they would need on them before turning the grill back on.
Back in the forest Dracovish stood among the contestants, most of them had been defeated at this point with the only stragglers left being Bob, Honey, Merrick, and Mike. Dracovish decided to get rid of Bob next by simply shooting a Dragon Pulse at him. Bob fainted from this but didn't move otherwise. Merrick, Honey and Mike tried to use this to their advantage by hiding behind him but when Dracovish couldn't blast through Bob he just simply intensified the power of the move to Vaporize Bob.
Before Dracovish could deal with the last three contestants he got bit by an energy blast that actually seemed to harm him and also succeeded in cutting off the keys. He turned around and saw Dragon.
"The pokemon that beat the legendary trials!" declared Dragon. "You are coming with me."
Dracovish let out a ferocious roar at the Arceus faced human. He then charged forward as he attacked Dragon with An Outrage. Suprisingly, enough, it didn't one shot Dragon but it did damage him quite a bit.
Merrick grabbed the keys off the floor for both teams and threw one to Mike, deciding that leaving him with Dracovish was too cruel even if they were on opposing teams. The remaining contestants then ran away as fast as they could.
Dracovish attacked with an earthquake which killed any previously unconscious contestants so he wouldn't have to deal with them in this fight against someone who was actually giving him a challenge He then shot the camera that was recording the area that the two were in by accident so sadly the epic battle between the two was not recorded.
Dracovish won the fight.
Back at the picnic tables Lea was done with grilling the burgers and had also toasted the sandwich bread with a small amount of butter. The only thing Lea needed to grill was the onions which she was almost done with. Mint on the other hand was still on the hamburger meat which she had severely burned to kill any possible germs.
Merrick saw the state of the burger meat and pushed Mint away from the grill and took the meat off the grill as quickly as possible.
"Mint stay away from the rest of this cooking challenge or I swear to Arceus that I will shove you up the ass of a Tauros or some other large pokemon if there are no Tauroses on this Peninsula!" declared Merrick.
"Merrick you might want to be careful about those swears given that I am literally right here," pointed out Arceus.
"I'm sorry," responded Merrick.
"No it's fine, just expect to actually DO IT if Mint does anything involving the cooking challenge."
"Merrick maybe you are being a little harsh on Mint, I mean it's not like either one of us know how to cook that well," pointed out Honey.
"I've seen DRACOVISH burn meat less severely," responded Merrick. "There's being a bad cook and then there's what Mint did."
"Arceus I just realized we got the keys but where are the pickles?" asked Honey.
Arceus turned the two keys into pickles. After he did this the Buffoons that were still alive were attempting to put the pickles on the Burger along with the lettuce, tomatoes, onions, cheese, and some special sauce made of ketchup, mayonnaise, and garlic powder that was made specifically for this challenge. The Burger itself was basically 6 burgers stacked on top of each other. What no one had mentioned prior to this moment however was how structurally unsound the Magmortar Special was, and it kept falling apart keeping the buffoons from starting the 30 minute countdown timer. About 5 minutes later however the Buffoons were able to successfully keep the burger in place without it falling over.
"The 30 minute timer for the Dirtbags begins now!" announced Arceus.
The Dirtbags would have to use the burned burger meat since there was no time to cook new burgers, the onions would also have to be undercooked as well. The Dirtbags attempted to hide these cooking errors with extra special sauce and pickles. They barely got the Magmortar Special assembled before the 30 minutes ended.
Arceus revived everyone that had been killed by Dracovish and then presented the two burgers to Magmortar.
The time to judge the burgers had begun. Magmortar first took a large bite out of the Dirtbag's burger.
"This tastes like absolute fucking shit!" he declared. "You really thought I wouldn't notice your attempt at hiding the badly cooked aspects of this burger? My grandma can cook a better burger and she's fucking dead!"
"Blame Mint," stated Merrick.
"I can back his claim up," added Honey.
Magmortar then took a large bite out of the Buffoon's burger.
"This burger also tastes like fucking shit. However, it still tastes better than the other burger."
"I guess that's what happens when you get a food critic with absurdly high standards like Magmortar," admitted Arceus. "The Buffoons win this challange and the Dirtbags will be sending someone home tonight."
"I'm not leaving until you make me something that actually tastes good," declared Magmortar.
Arceus sighed and stopped time so no one could hear his orders into the walkie talkie.
"Dracovish, I need you to make an intentionally bad dish. Create Order 666 and bring it to me."
Dracovish gasped in shock at the order, as even for him order 666 was not to be taken lightly.
Arceus then resumed time and about 5 minute later Dracovish showed up with a delicious looking chocolate cake.
"I knew he was cooking bad meals on purpose," declared Merrick.
Dracovish glared at Merrick but he had a big grin on his face.
Magmortar took a large bite of the cake, and the reason the meal was called Order 666 was revealed. Magmortar began to die slowly and painfully after eating it, as his eyeballs came out followed by a large swarm of insects coming out out followed by his entire body turning itself inside out. The cries of pain could be heard for miles.
"Nobody calls me a llama and gets away with it," declared Arceus so calmly it was unsettling. "In universe at least, still working on a way to deal with it out of universe."
"He called you an alpaca though," pointed out Alfred.
"Do you want to be the next person to eat this?" responded Arceus. "The results are actually different every time someone eats it although it consistently ends in death."
"What was that thing Magmortar just ate?" asked Lea.
"Order 666," responded Arceus. "Quite possibly the most vile food in the multiverse, I had to make it look appetizing so Magmortar would eat it."
Arceus then revealed the true appearance of Order 666, it was so horrifying that merely looking at it caused all of the heads of everyone aside from Arceus and Dracovish to violently explode. It made the true form of a Mimikyu look incredibly handsome by comparison. It was so horrifying, that it was the one exception to Pokemon NOT an Island's no censorship policy.
Arceus made the terrifying food disappear and then revived all of the contestants.
"Many master chefs have taken an obsession to Order 666 due to how vile it is and have tried to create it, the problem is that they can't because it takes a truly terrible chef to make it and Dracovish passes those requirements because of how bad he is at cooking. The reason you don't die from Dracovish's normal cooking is because I force him to use a special seasoning that keeps you alive to suffer from the food, Order 666 is so bad it overrides the seasoning. Even I would struggle to revive Magmortar from it. Dirtbags go decide who you are eliminating."
"Before we do that we all need to know something, what were those pokemon guarding the keys?" asked Merrick.
"Oh you mean the Hisuian pokemon?" asked Arceus rhetorically. "I guess I never retconned that information into the age of sapient pokemon. They are basically a bunch of ancient pokemon that went extinct but I decided to bring them back for no reason."
"There were also some hooded figures with your face," pointed out Honey. "They called themselves the legion."
"Those guys aren't affiliated with me," responded Arceus. "Don't worry about them."
Alfred then teleported himself, Mint, and Bob away to decide who to eliminate, meanwhile the other Dirtbags decided to discuss the same topic.
"I think it's quite obvious that we are voting for Alfred right?" asked Rusalika.
"I'm not certain if eliminating Alfred is the right decision here," pointed out Merrick.
"Just admit you don't want him to leave if you don't want him to leave," responded Rusalika.
"No think about it for a second, a tie is all but guaranteed and I don't think you want to risk a tiebreaker against Alfred."
"Then what do you suggest we do?"
"I thought it was obvious. We kill two birds with one stone."
That night at the campfire Arceus was taking one last look at the votes before starting the elimination ceremony.
"I knew this was gonna happen at some point, but you guys really had to do it this early? Anyways Mint, Honey, and Rusalika you three are safe."
All three contestants caught their pizzas.
"Alfred, you are also safe."
Alfred caught his pizza.
"Merrick and Bob, you two have received an equal amount of votes. In case it is not obvious, this means that there is a tie."
Arceus summoned a wheel.
"Introducing the wheel of ties! The absolute authority of who goes home in the event of a tie!"
Arceus spun the wheel and it landed on Eliminate contestant A, which in this case was Bob.
"Bob you have been eliminated."
Arceus telekinetically threw Bob into the Vortex of Shame as he knew Bob was not going to make any effort to go into the vortex.
"Arceus I am done with this competition," declared Mint. "I am tired of dealing with all of this filth and the dying. I just can't take it anymore!"
"Ok," responded Arceus who tossed Mint into the vortex.
"I am not letting Mint's sudden quitting shrink the runtime of this season," Arceus then declared as he summoned a sandwich.
"Say hello to Mr. Sandwich, your new teammate. Most inanimate objects aren't regarded as actual contestants, but Mr. Sandwich is."
Arceus tossed the sandwich at the Dirtbags and teleported everyone away.
"I finished my weather experiments before the snow in the desert happened, meaning that was entirely the doing of this Peninsula. If my predictions are right, which they are, this Peninsula is soon to enter an unstable state. There's a reason this entire Peninsula only cost me five bucks to buy."
To prove Arceus's point, a tree spontaneously exploded.
"It only gets worse from here. How will the contestants adapt? Find out next time on Pokemon NOT an Island!"
A/N: Arceus paying five bucks was for once him not invoking his status to get any sort of discount.
In other words, somehow this peninsula is worse than Florida.
Anyways the Wheel of Ties was a result of me wanting to do a tie but not having a specific tiebreaker scenario so I decided having multiple options available would work well for flexibility. Will it show up again? That is yet to be seen.
As for the cooking challenge, instead of the contestants cooking a fancy three course meal they made food you would order at a McDonalds. Although according to Squidward Tennis Balls the Magmortar Special isn't food because it is actually a double triple bossy deluxe, on a raft, four-by-four animal-style, extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze, light axle grease, make it cry, burn it, and let it swim (or at least most of it, googling the actual recipe had varied results so the one I went with may not have been entirely accurate). As this is simple and fairly quick to make compared to said fancy meals, I beefed up the challenge runtime a bit with the keys.
The Magmortar species reminds me of Bubble Bass, hence this entire reference. This individual Magmortar also has some Gordon Ramsey mixed in there as well because he's a food critic so of course there is going to be some Gordon Ramsey mixed in there.
Some might question why Mint purposefully burned her hand on the grill given that burns can introduce new germs, my response is that according to Mint's bio she once drank bleach after learning about internal bacteria in an attempt to clean it out. I don't think that thinking ahead is Mint's strong suit.
Anyways also introducing the Legion, a mysterious group with plans based around Arceus. Will they succeed in their goals?
No. The answer is no.
It's not the last time we will see them though. I'm not entirely certain if cult is the right word to describe the group but it at the very least comes close.
I'm also done making a big deal out of the Hisui mons. They will still show up from time to time but it won't be so major.
I'll see you guys next time.