Chapter 34

I sit down on the bench and lean against the uneven stones behind me closing my eyes. I'm kind of depressed right now, and I don't particularly know why. We just finished with an awards ceremony of sorts a few minutes ago, Harm and I were awarded something like four or five ribbons and medals each, but that meant nothing to me right now; not even the fact that the Admiral says this will look very good on our records when the time for promotions comes up in a few months.

I suppose the reason I'm so despondent is that I was wishing that Harm would sweep me off my feet and kiss me the instant I walked over to him, but I should know better. Harm's not the type of person to show his emotions that way. Even if he does love me the way I love him.

"Beautiful night." I look over towards the door and to my surprise I see Harm emerge.

He looks at my surprised expression, "Did you want to be alone?" he asks.

"Well-I thought so-but maybe-oh I don't know. I'm just surprised that you knew I was out here. I tried to slip out without disturbing anyone." I break off totally embarrassed.

"You ought to know the answer to that one Mac."

"Well if I did, I certainly don't now."

He walks over to me, "It doesn't matter where you are, who you're with or how long you've been gone. I always know where you are. Call it a sixth sense or something, but I always do."

I look into his eyes which I find so hypnotizing, but finally wrench my gaze away. I can't afford to do this again.

Instead I get up to lean on the rail looking out into the darkness, "Do you…know how much-what do you know about the base?" I finally ask.

"I know we both came very close to death, but the real question is do you know what that does to someone, to almost die?"

I refuse to look at him even though he's inches away from me; if I do I know I'll lose it. "You can't understand what went through my head when you went down." The terrible images of those fateful minutes searing across my memory again. I start to choke on my tears, "To think about life without you-to know that you would die-to realize you died to save me-to to-" I stop unable to continue and I start sobbing, and I turn to him, "I-I gave up my will to live…I cannot live without you. There are not words enough in any language to describe the amount of terror and despair I felt."

Harm engulfed me in his strong arms, letting me weep on his shoulder. His voice, thick with emotion answered me, "I think I just might know how you felt Sarah." He slowly said.

I feel outraged at this, how could he know? It's not like he was desperately in love with me. I pull away. "You couldn't know how I felt!" I scream.

He looks down, "I think you're wrong there-"

"No I'm not! You have no idea!"

"Two years ago we stood on this same porch and discussed our past looking at all the mistakes and heartbreak we caused ourselves. Two years ago your fiancé and my girlfriend were sitting in that room," he said evenly while pointing to the house, "While we stood out here taunting each other. Trying to make the other admit what we could not ourselves. Two years ago you accused me of not being able to let go, and two years ago I accused you of making things to simple. Now we stand out here again with no significant others still taunting each other. You may not have changed in those two years, but I have. I'm not going to wait until I nearly die again by crashing into the Atlantic or waiting until a jealous ex-fiancé tries to kill me. I know how you felt because I love you. I've loved you ever since I can remember. I can't even remember not loving you. Do you understand what I mean? I am in love with you Sarah."

I stare at him dumbly, "I'm hallucinating Harm, must be the aftereffects of some medication."

He takes a step closer too close, I can feel his body heat. Come on, hold it together MacKenzie! "No, you're not hallucinating. Look at me Sarah." I do and I feel a prickly heat consume me and after all these long years I finally see the love in his eyes I've been so desperate to see. Finally I was able to trust him 101, like I used to, and I knew that whatever life threw at us together we would handle it.

"I love you too Harm." I answer. Then he kissed me on the Admiral's porch not caring that we were in the sight of many.

Finis

A/N: Well after not updating for nearly a year and a half my crowing achievement in terms of JAG fiction to date is done! I am truly sorry for not updating sooner, there really is no excuse except perhaps severe writer's block. Thanks to all the reviewers, and kudos to whoever can figure out what work (and scene) I referenced in the last sentence!