Chapter thirty:

Much's POV:

Warm sunlight shone in through the trees of Sherwood, it was reflected in the puddles on the forest floor. Inhaling a breath, I pulled back the string to my bow and steadied my hand.

With one eye closed, I aimed with the other. Keeping very still, I made sure to make no noise, as not to scare off the deer.

Technically, killing the King's deer was against the law. However, seeing as I know King Richard personally, and judging the fact that I'm already an outlaw, I figured it wouldn't make much of a difference.

Usually, someone came with me to hunt, but everyone seemed to be busy, so I came by myself today. Little John was busy catching up with Meg, the lovely girl who got rescued from the dungeons. She's a wonderful baker, and even mended by ripped jacket! I can certainly see why Little John was so excited to see her when we returned. Will was always either tampering with some new contraption which would help us somewhere down the road. Last week he made loads of new bows, for the women of the camp, and even some for the children! Will's mum and her friends wanted to learn how to shoot, so Robin, John and I were teaching them. They'd already made so much progress! Then, of course, there was Robin. My poor, lovesick best friend, Robin. He went to see Marian the other day, and when he came back, his face was nothing short of bliss. He was feeling complete and utter ecstasy. When he walked; he floated, when he spoke; it was gentle, when he laughed; it was lightly, when he dreamt; he murmured Marian's name. I had no clue what had happened when he went to see her, and when I asked him about it, all he did was smile.

Robin loved Marian.

There were no other words to describe the way he felt about her, it was the same word I'd used to describe the connection between them ever since the first moment they locked eyes with each other. Nothing could break them apart; they always bounced back together.

I was happy for them of course, but I wouldn't have minded to see Marian a bit more too. I'd really missed her during my time away, it was nothing compared to the heartache Robin felt of course, but I still missed my other best friend. I am sure she wouldn't mind me going to see her, but I was no "Robin Hood" at scaling walls!

Maybe she'd come and see the camp again? Perhaps under different circumstances than the previous time though, I thought with a little laugh.

The breeze blew forward just as I released the string, it worked just in my favour. "I am sorry I have had to kill one of your perfect creations, My Lord, but I am sure you can see my desperation," my stomach growled loudly, "and my hunger. I trust you know, in your almighty wisdom that I do this not for myself, but for the courageous people around me." Finishing my prayer, I looked up into the sky. Despite the numerous rough times I've faced, I always made sure to pray, and thank God for my blessings.

My fingers straightened, and I saw as the arrow found home in the deer's throat. Breath escaped my lungs as a colossal amount of blood sprayed from the animal.

Running forward, I kneeled next to the deer. Its death was a quick one, but the blood didn't stop pouring. I was nowhere near as good a shot as Robin; he would have killed it painlessly and also prevented this amount of blood spilling. I bit my lip to stop a sob from escaping as blood leaked onto my clothes and hands. Breathing became near impossible as I wrapped the carcass up in my jacket, watching the blood soak straight through. Picking it up, I slung it over my shoulder and began to walk back to the camp.

My steps were heavy, each one feeling like a hundred tons of lead were strapped to each foot. Had I been walking for days? My breathing was rugged, and too spaced out. When was the last time I had water? The heat from the unforgiving sun was overpowering, beads of sweat ran down my forehead and dripped into my eyes, stinging them. Screams pierced my ears, and I couldn't stop the tears formed and fogged up my sight. Blood. There was so much blood.

I barley felt it when I hit the sandy ground.

Robin's POV:

I was walking through the forest, looking for Much when I heard the thud. The screaming came next.

"NO! Please, forgive me! I didn't want to, I was just trying to save m-" a sob cut off the rest of Much's sentence. A few feet away from him, lay a deer. It was wrapped in Much's jacket, which was soaked through with blood.

He still got flashbacks from the fighting. That life he'd taken… it remained in his head, haunting him.

It had been our second day after arriving in the Holy Land, and it was time for the camp to move on. We were told to stick with Little John and the others, who were more experienced than Much and I. We had been watching our troop forge on ahead, lagging a little behind as we were not yet accustomed to the heat. Our men in front were attacking and moving onto the next soldier, shaking the blood off of their shields. I couldn't help my gag as I witnessed such human bloodshed, and I knew Much felt the same.

An enemy broke through our ranks, my heart seized up in terror and I felt Much stiffen beside me. Noticing the man now running towards us, one of the soldiers I'd met the day before quickly caught up to him and the brief worry in my heart eased when the danger was gone.

Although, my momentary relief quickly faded when a foot kicked into the fold behind me knee, sending me straight to the floor. Sand filled my open mouth and my eyes blurred. My attacker was standing on my arm, so I wouldn't be able to reach my sword.

Is this where I die? Some small part of me had always wanted to have my last few breaths in Sherwood forest. It was where I thrived, where I was happy, where I had met Marian. I couldn't help but think of all the things I still had to say to her. Now she would never know. Maybe she would always wonder what happened to the boy she once loved; the one who never returned to her.

Squeezing my eyes tight shut, I waited for the metal to cut into me. But it never did.

The foot on my arm went slack, and I heard a grunt from above me. It was then that a body fell next to me. Scrambling up, I saw a sight which I knew then would forever be burned into my memory.

Much stood above the Turkish soldier, blood- stained sword still in the attacking position. Catching my eye, he promptly dropped his sword. Falling to his knees, his head in his hands, I heard him begin to mutter a prayer of forgiveness. He prayed every time he killed something while we hunted; but this was different. It was human blood that he saw on his hands now.

Now, I ran to Much and dropped to my knees.

He was in a curled position, with his hands over his head, as if they'd protect him from the horrors inside it.

Much's POV:

"Much," a voice called me. "Breathe, Much!" Screaming came from above. Was it more of the dead, coming to haunt me?

My lungs felt so dry and empty, like the sand I was in. A strong hand clapped my on the back, knocking air back into me.

"Lay on your back." The same comforting voice instructed me; it was firm but gentle. Although my body moved, I could still feel the suffocatingly hot sand under me. I could feel blood coating the indents on my hands.

Later that night, I woke up in a hot sweat, I could still see the man's crimson liquid staining my hands…

"Much?" A voice called from back in the tent.

"I-it's still on me! It won't come off!" The small bucket of water did nothing to get rid of the red staining my fingernails. Steps sounded from behind me, and then I felt someone pick me up.

Robin's POV:

The hard bed wasn't much better than the sand outside, but at least there was less of a chance of a scorpion in here. Much had gone to wash the imaginary blood off of his hands for the third time that night. It was a week after he had slain the man, protecting me, but he still got nightmares. He hadn't slept solidly through the night since that day. I could hear his whimpers and the whispers for forgiveness every night.

Standing over a bucket of water, Much was vigorously scrubbing his hands, so hard that they were turning red and chapped. Carefully, I picked him up and laid him back into his bed inside the tent. His eyes were closed, but his mind was still awake.

"Much, do you hear me?" A small whimper was my only answer. Shaking him gently, I asked him again; getting a tiny nod this time. "Now, you need to calm down, Much. Please calm down, for me…" He began to shake again. "Can take a deep breath in?" He shook his head ever so slightly, the rest of him still writhing with tension. "Please, brother…" at that, I noticed him take a wobbly breath in. "Again, try and hold in a little longer this time," I willed my voice to sound comforting, and yet strong at the same time. I was determined to get him through this place of darkness and hurt, even if it took me months, years even.

Much's POV:

"Focus Much, what do you feel?"

The sunlight shone on my eyelids, but I squeezed them shut.

"What do you feel?" The voice asked again. My dry lips parted, but no audible noises came out, only gasping escaped. I tried again. "L-leaves," I choked out. "I feel leaves… a-and mud under my fingers."

Breathing was still difficult, but it was slightly less painful now.

"Okay, now, tell my what you hear." My ears strained, and focused on my surroundings, "Birds, and… my br-" a small sob escaped me again. "Screams, and the ma-" I gasped as cool, water hit my face. It was a shock that brought me back to where I was.

"Try again, my brother." The voice spoke, it was the same one who comforted me in the Holy Land, all of those days…

"Breathing… birds… our voices."

"Good, very good," it was like I could feel him smile beside me.

I laid there for a few more moments, until my chest rose and fell back into a steady rhythm. Finally, I opened my eyes to the bright light shining above. A pure blue sky smiled down at me, through the bright green leaves above.

"Better?" Robin asked beside me.

My throat threatened to seize up again, blocking any words from coming out, but I kept my breathing steady. "Thank you, brother, really." Sitting up, although my head still felt very light, I gripped my brother so hard it hurt me; but I didn't let go.

We were always there to help each other.

It was then that I realised exactly what I lived for. Sure, some people may look at me, the things I face whenever I close my eyes and my life of constantly being on the edge and feel pity for me. But I'm reminded every sin gel day why I believe in God, who has given me so many blessings. I look at the food that fills my stomach, the blood pumping through me, the forest I live in and its many wonders. I look at Little John, who saved Robin and I so many time in those first few months. Will, through new to our gang, never failed to make me laugh. Marian, my friend who I had never forgotten despite having been away so long. The memory of running through the forest with her kept me going through many days of fighting. My loving parents, God rest their souls, for always caring for me, and cleaning up my wounds. Not to mention all of the villagers who assisted Robin and the rest of us with our deeds!

Then, most of all, I am thankful for my biggest blessing of them all; my bother Robin. He grounds me, and without him, I may have never have returned from the war, mentally or physically.

My biggest blessings were, and always will be, my family.

Robin's POV:

The light and understanding eventually came back into my brother's eyes, and relief flooded through me. As he hugged me, I was brought back to our youth; always laughing together. Whatever we faced, we did it with each other.

"Robin, d-do you see them too?" He asked, voice shaky.

"Everywhere." It took me years to be able to handle never ending haunting, but I'd learned to live with it. There were still days when I didn't want to exist; to face the things I had done. But then again, I was always better at hiding my emotions that Much, even when we were little, he couldn't hide his tears.

"How do you handle it the way you do?"

"Like most things; it gets easier with time, my friend. What's important, is that it is perfectly alright to have rough days, when you can hardly move from guilt or shame. That means you are human, but you must remember to pick yourself back up again." My throat tightened up with emotion, "We will always be there for you Much. But you have to remember to love and forgive yourself too, because at the end of the day, that's really all that matters!"

A small squeeze back from Much told me all I needed to know. "I'll meet you back at camp whenever you're ready," I gave him a small pat on the back, chucked the deer over my shoulder and made my way back.

The smoky smell of the campfire hit me first, then the comforting sound of laughter and chattering; my utter desire to hear a particular voice reigned supreme. It was so vivid in my mind, like I was really hearing her giggle! Walking around the corner, I noticed a group of people huddling around the fire, not unusual due to the cold nights and that was naturally where the cooking took place.

"You haven't started the party without me, have you?" I asked, making a big show of putting the deer on the floor and placing my hands on my hips.

"Robin's back!" One of the little kids, Ryan, shouted. This was immediately followed by a swarm of children running towards me, arms outstretched. As soon as I knew it, they were climbing all over me, some hanging off my arms, one even claiming purchase on my head! It was all in good fun, and I was happy to give their parents a few moments of rest.

"Did you grubby little things miss me, by any chance?" I asked, as they all wriggled and laughed.

"Never!" They all shouted in unison. "Try and walk!" one giggled, who was sitting on my foot.

"Hold on tight then!" I grunted and laughed at the effort it took to move my body when half a dozen children were grabbing me. "You're all too powerful for me, I'm afraid!" I knew just the trick to get then all tired out before dinner.

"Now, who wants to beat me in a sword fight?" I announced, grinning as they all clambered off me to find their weapons.

Will had made them all wooden swords, with the ends blunted of course, so that they could play while their parents were busy. They all came rushing back in one big group and obeyed when I told them to line up. "One of you shall triumph against all the odds, to defeat me; an evil villain!" I announced, pacing in front of their line.

"Who will be brave enough?" they all jumped up and down at that, their free hands waving violently in the air. "There will only be one way to decide," I placed a hand over my eyes. "Everyone, stand in a circle and put your swords together in a bundle, pointed up towards the sky. The one I pick will be my fearsome opponent!"

A few seconds of giggling and shuffling later, they all called out that they were ready.

"Alright," I reached out my hands and pulled out a sword towards the back of the pile, the middle would be too obvious and only the taller kids would've gotten that spot. "What is your name, fearsome opponent?"

More scuffling followed, most likely clearing the way for the kid to take up their fighting stance. My hand was still over my eyes, so when my opponent spoke, I was surprised at how grown up they sounded.

"My name's Marian. What's yours, oh terrible villain?"

Slowly, I pulled my hand away from my eyes and took in all that stood before me. I knew I heard her giggle earlier!

How long had she been here, and how on earth did she get here?!

Her glorious hair never stood to outstand me; the way it glowed like a halo around her head- just like the angel she was. She wasn't wearing a dress, like the other times I had seen her recently. Instead, she was wearing riding leggings and a light blue blouse that brought out the teal in her eyes.

"I don't think a villain usually spends this much time gawking at the hero, before they fight them." Marian laughed at my not-so-subtle staring, as the children joined her.

"Just you wait until I wipe the floor with you, Knighton, then you won't be smiling!" I sent her a fake glare and adjusted my feet so that my weight was evenly distributed.

"Don't speak too soon, Locksley! Considering all the times I bested you when we were little, I don't think this will take much of an effort." This brought up a roar of laughter from the children, who were now sitting a bit away, ready to watch the showdown.

"Who do you think will win, kids? Hands up for the terrible, evil, malicious villain; Robin of Locksley?" A single kid put their hand up for me. It was Will's little brother, Stephen.
"You've always been my favourite, Stephen! Guess who gets to be my evil sidekick!" I laughed and winked at the little boy, who was now grinning ear to ear.

Marian rolled her eyes and asked, "Hands up for me, the righteous, courageous, honourable hero; Marian of Knighton?" Every single other kid put their hands up, confident in Marian's expertise.

"Do I mean nothing to you kids?!" I feigned hurt by holding a hand to my heart.

"It's not personal Robin, I'm sure they can all just see how much better I am!" Marian spun her wooden sword in her hand, it appeared as though it cut through the air itself. That earned a gasp in awe from the kids.

"Enough of this useless talk, you do-gooder, let us fight!" I brandished my wooden sword in emphasis.

She lunged quicker that I thought possible. She hit my sword so hard it made a dent, earning yet another gasp from the gathered children.

"Too quick for you, Locksley?" she laughed, as the children did too.

"I'll show you quick!" I exclaimed, extending my sword outwards. Marian replied with a parry of equal power.

We moved around in a dance of wills, our pathetic wooden swords getting more battered by the minute. I could feel the children watching from the side, in absolute awe of this little game Marian and I were playing. The evening sun streamed in through the trees and it caught in my eye for a second too long. Marian slapped my right on my backside with the hilt of her sword, sending my forward in shock.

"Ah come on, I would have thought you'd put up more of a fight than this!" Marian laughed heartily, pointing at the area she hit or emphasis. The children behind us giggled to no end at that.

"I'm just warming up…" I spun and brought my sword down with force, which she countered with her sword held across her chest. She looked at me under her long eyelashes, knowing it would make me distracted.

"Honestly, is that really all you've got?" In one swift move, she twisted her sword and sent mine flying across the clearing! "Because I'm only getting started!"

In a flash of auburn hair, she was on the lying with her side to the floor, long legs wrapping around ankles. She tucked her ankles into her, twisting my feet in the process and knocking me off balance! A breath was punched out of me as back hit the ground. Before I could blink, she was on me again, pinning my arms down with her knees. She pressed her sword right to the spot on my neck where she had left a mark so long ago. "History repeats itself, yet again," she whispered into my ear. I gasped; breath still absent from my lungs.

Winking at me with those gorgeous eyes of hers, she got up, and offered me a hand. I didn't let go of it when I'd stood up. "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls," I turned to the awe-struck kids. "I give you; Marian of Knighton!" I announced, holding up her hand in victory. "Take a bow, M'lady!"

She dipped her head and gave a flourish of her wrist, giggling as she did so. "I think its safe to say I won that one, Robin! What do you kids think?"

They answered in a series of screams and shouts of her name. "Come here then!" she knelt down, and opened her arms wide. They all ran forward and hugged her tightly.

Stephen hung back from the group, looking at both me and the group as if he was scared to break his loyalty. I went over to him and knelt down to his level. "You want to go and her hug her, don't you?"

He nodded, looking over at the group of his friends and their new addition. "I don't think I'm the only one…" he giggled at the expression of admiration I must have had plastered all over my face. Turning back to him with my mouth open, he just laughed again and whispered into my ear, cupping his little hand as he did. "I think she likes you too, Robin!"

"Do you reckon I've got a chance, Steph?" Distant movement sounded around us.

Stephen just giggled at whatever was behind me.

"I'm not sure, maybe you should as her," Marian's hushed voice from behind me answered.

How on earth did she always sneak up on me like that?!

"Right, that's it!" I shouted and rose from my knees. "I'll give you a three seconds head start, whatever happens after that, I'm afraid, is out of my control!"

A look of playfulness crept over her face as she broke out into a sprint towards the trees.

I gave it two seconds.