I might have had a cat. My mind told me that I did, and that it was an orange tabby with a perfect circle of black fur around its neck in place of a collar. I seemed to have named it Nari, because I was convinced at the time that Nari was my name and I wanted to make sure that something else had the name, too. I told my mother, I think. She thought it was cute. That was when I was in fourth grade, and Nari and I were both very, very young.

All my childhood I wished to have ears and a tail the same color as Nari, so that we would be even more similar. My useless, ugly ears remained dull grey and my tail was so long that I tripped on it if I didn't pay attention. Mother told me, every day, with a happy, forced smile, that I was the most adorable thing out there. My hair was such a bright, pretty silver that I was the easiest child to spot in a picture.

I knew she was lying. Nari knew, too. He told me with that flick of his tail that he used only when Mother was telling stories about me.

Oh, yes, I had another name, beside Nari. Would you like to know it? Well, this was only what it said on my arm, but I'd always liked to think that it was my name. I read it out loud to myself, whenever I could remember how to read at all.

M for maniacal and manic and morbid and malicious.

I for incendiary and insipid and insane and innocent.

N for naughty and nimble and nonsensical and neat.

D for dying and deaf and deleted and disconsolate.

L for loving and living and licking and lying.

E for ennui and erratic and eccentric and exquisite.

S for sly and silky and slithering and soft.

S for…hah, no, whoever wrote it messed up. One mustn't repeat oneself, and I can't think up any more words about me. Whoever wrote it must have been crazy. He must have been committed, that's why he's not here anymore. My father went away, after what he wrote…

Mother gets stern whenever she sees me looking at my other name. She says it's not true. I have a mind. I can use it to speak and to breathe and to walk, so I must have a mind. She's always crying when she says it.

Once, I got a thick, black, permanent marker from Nari and I traced over my fading name because I didn't want to forget it. I was happy, because I truly didn't forget, not after all the hours of scrubbing and crying and scouring and sobbing my mother did. It made the scars bleed again, and now they're raised higher and show more prominently.

My Mother kept me locked away in my cold, white room for six years before he came for me. The one with straight orange hair that spiked above his forehead, and clear green eyes that were the same color as Nari's. He even had the same ears and tail as Nari did, but he wore clothes and climbed in through my window at midnight. Nari didn't leave me alone in my room unless it was full daylight outside.

"Heya," he said with a smirk. I watched with vacant eyes as he crossed the room and picked me up. "Whoa, you're really thin! How do you manage it?" he started an arbitrary rhetoric as he carried me effortlessly to the window and jumped ten feet to the ground. I could feel his arms tighten around me in pain as he landed, so I think that it hurt. "I like my men strong at heart but gorgeous in looks. Lucky for me, huh? How long have you been cooped up in there, anyway?"

I found my voice. I hadn't spoken to anyone my Mother and Nari since grade school, when I friends stopped calling. I spoke quietly, because I knew that I was close to his ear anyway, as I said, "I was there for a very long time. That's all. Are we going to go back?"

He found a new grip on my knees - I was only wearing a thin, tight shirt and short shorts, since Mother said that she didn't have anything else for me to wear - and started running away from the house. "No, we're not. I have a question, though. Do you trust me? I know it's strange, but I have to ask."

I smiled and held onto his neck and pressed my face into his chest. He was very strong, or very much stronger than I was. There was a careful gentleness in the way that he carried me, and it made me feel safer than Mother ever had. "Yes, I do."

"Good, because I need you to trust me with your life. Have you ever been to school?" I could hear his sneakers echoing on the pavement, and drew my too-long tail up to my thighs just in case. He shifted me away from him to look at me when I didn't answer. "Are you okay? Hey, you're crying."

"I haven't been to school since I was nine, and I'm fifteen now. So I don't know if it counts." I blinked and turned my head, denying the tears that I had no explanation for.

He held me against him again and kept going, until my tears stopped and we were climbing into a taxi. He laid me out on the seat, my knees bent and touching the other door, and then raised my head so that it rested in his lap as he told the driver where to go.

I wanted to fall asleep desperately, because he was so very warm. And then I remembered Nari and sat up. "My cat, can he come, too?" I looked in every direction, seeing nothing but hazy darkness. He smiled and pointed to his feet.

"If you mean this pretty little dish that has been following me for five blocks, then, yes."

I lay down again with a sigh of relief and let my hand rest on the familiar sleek fur below me. "Thank you." I was speaking to both of them at that point.

I felt his index finger begin to trade the outline of my dull grey ear, and shivered without meaning to. "I'm Koturo, by the way," Koturo said in a low, laughing murmur. He reminded me of Nari, so he reminded me of myself, or how I wished to be. "I will be your Fighter."

I nodded, not caring that I didn't know what he was talking about. "I'm Nari. I will be whatever you want me to be, Koturo."

He bent down, so that his voice was only a hot breath in my ear, and said, "Nari, I want you to be my Master, and my Sacrifice, and my dearest friend. I want you to be Mindless."

"Mother says I'm not allowed." I let out one tired chuckle at the sheer absurdity of it.

He looked me straight in the eyes and kissed me.

I dreamt of my lonely white room burning to the ground, while I was in a taxi driving to somewhere with some boy named Koturo that had saved me.