Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Naruto. If I did, I'd be able to speak Japanese fluently.
Rated R: Implied adult situations, language.
A/N: Finally! This chapter is done. There's only about three to four more chapters left for this fic, I think. Anyway, Feedback is greatly appreciated.
Always Alone Chapter 7
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Ninety-one…
Ninety-two…
Ninety-three…
Ninety-four…
He counted the man's shortened breaths.
Ninety-five…
This man was taking his time to die.
Ninety-six…
The footfalls and panicked shouts reach Kakashi's ear, the guards had caught on to his infiltration…great.
A shurikan whizzed past his face, barely missing the porcelain mask. Kakashi was faced by a brown haired man, who was now barreling towards the Copy-Ninja at a dazzling speed. Before he could utter a single jutsu, Kakashi, found a kunai lodged into his shoulder…
Just…great…
Kakashi slashed at the enemy ninja, probably a guardian shinobi, successfully slitting the man's throat. Although he was vaguely aware that he had aimed for the man's chest. That fact didn't matter.
The man's tanned skin didn't matter, the scar that ran horizontally across his sharp nose, the deep brown hair that was tied up in a messy pony-tail. All of it did not matter, Kakashi told himself. He had done his job, he had completed his mission. He had murdered the man for the better of his country.
At least that's what he chanted in his mind.
Despite all of which his brain knew Kakashi could not help the loud thundering in his chest, the sudden tightening in his throat. He felt sick, would have thrown up if he had anything in his stomach.
He turned towards his target. The man who could barely breathe because of the kunai's lodged in his pathetically weak body. Kakashi was supposed to confirm his death, it was in his mission objectives, but he couldn't bring himself to wait for the man to die. He did not want to stay in that stale room when someone was bleeding to death, dying, next to his target.
Someone who looked just like…
Kakashi grabbed the remainders of his explosive tags and tossed them over the soon to be corpses of his enemies.
He teleported out of the room, tore off his mask and heaved into the wild forest that surrounded the estate. As his stomach acids were violating his throat and mouth, the mansion blew up in a marvel of fire, wood, and human flesh.
Once the violent wrenching of his stomach had stopped, Kakashi spat into a nearby shrub, and made his way home. He pondered on why he was even heading there in the first place, he should be avoiding it all costs. Not because he did not want to see his birthplace, but he knew that he had messed up.
'Only kill the target daimyo, everyone else is to be spared except those who get in your way.'
Was a distinct mission objective, and here he had blown the whole place up because he could not handle his own emotions. What kind of shinobi was he? Kakashi felt sick all over again. He had just wiped out an entire family…innocents…
Love
She was just going to love this. The Hokage was going to ripe him a new spleen once he got to her office. He had botched his mission, as an ANBU operative and as one of Konoha's top shinobi. He could feel her wrath. It was a testament to her reputation because he hadn't even crossed the gates that led into the village.
Things had been going so well too, he was getting his missions done with relatively a small amount of injuries, and in record time too. But with this slip up, he'd probably be kicked out of ANBU. The mental instability of it all…screwing up a mission because of some illusion. It had not happened, it was not real, he was just imagining things.
He was going to need to get nice and drunk later…if only to forget.
Kakashi wrapped his newly damaged shoulder with bandages, cursing himself as he made his way on a dirt path to his home. The heavy night clouds released its rain onto the Fire Countries' forests.
Just fucking great…
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"HATAKE KAKASHI!" The man grimaced as the onslaught, a sheer whine of the medical expert's throat, met his ears. "What the hell were you thinking!"
"That you yell too loud," He deadpanned, knowing that he was in deep over his head, but not caring. He was wet, bloodied, and had mud in uncomfortable places. If she was going to punish him, then let her; however, he was not going to sit still and be lectured like a child.
"Cheeky brat…" A slight sign of a throbbing vein made its way to the Godaime's brow, "You killed everyone in that mansion! That was not part of our deal with Stone…do you have any idea how many important figures were in there? Or did you just decide to make your job easy and kill everyone instead of one man?"
Kakashi, being a man of intelligence and not one to make a fool of himself, decided to do the best he could in the present situation and did what he usually did whenever he was in a tight spot.
He lied.
"Ah…you see…my hip pouch containing over fifty explosion tags fell onto the target while I was using my chakra to hang above his bed, I barely had time to teleport out of there." He chuckled a little, even as he saw that Tsunade's eyebrow was twitching violently, which almost made him laugh some more…almost.
"Idiot!" Tsunade chastened. She paused, counted to ten, and released a heavy sigh, "Luckily…Stone has confirmed that the others in that dwelling were also targets for future missions. Although they were not to be killed by us specifically, Stone is grateful that they are not obliged to pay us for the additional targets."
"Tsunade-sama, that's-" Shizune all but yelled, but was silenced by a glare from the blonde woman.
"Anyway, I've found you an apartment like you requested." She tossed a set of keys to Kakashi, "It's near the Jounin complex, but far away enough not to be bothered by anyone."
Kakashi glared at his leader, wondering what the old bat was up to, but muttered his appreciation nonetheless.
"Now that my part is complete, you will uphold our deal, Kakashi?"
"Of course," Kakashi gave a bow and disappeared from the room.
"Tsunade-sama, what was that about?" Shizune asked after Kakashi vanished, "You and I know very well that Stone was outraged to hear the news of the deaths in that household."
"Do not worry yourself about it," Tsunade cracked a grin towards her assistant, "I took care of it, as far as Stone knows, Kakashi found that place destroyed and that the culprits are unknown. They are pissed off, but no one will find out that Kakashi was connected to this incident."
"He killed blameless people…he needs to be reprimanded."
"Remember this Shizune," Tsunade began to fill out her papers to distract herself, "Humans are fragile…no matter the power that they can wield, the destruction they can cause, the wonders that they can accomplish. In the end, we're all weak. Kakashi is no different."
"But Hatake-"
"Is probably putting himself through more hell than I could," Tsunade huffed, "He might act like an emotionless pig but he's still a man with genuine emotions, trust me, Hatake has more going on than we could understand. It's best to leave him be." She sighed, putting the conversation to an end. As the Godaime she was forced to use her shinobi as the village deemed fit, however, it was still hard to see her fellow villagers destroy themselves.
To endure, to lead, to be a quiet observer was the price of being the Hokage.
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Kakashi had just sent his Nin-dogs with the last of his luggage, when he felt a strong burst of chakra enter the room. He had wanted to avoid the other man, at least until he could sort out the mess that was his emotions.
"Leaving without saying goodbye?" In a swirl of smoke, Genma appeared. His face was cloaked into a tight frown, shadowed by the dim lighting.
"Not quite, I was going to wait till you returned before leaving."
"Oh… I could have helped with the packing," The special-Jounin sighed, "At least have dinner before you go then."
"No can do," Kakashi scratched the back of his head, why was he so nervous, "My dogs will have a fit if I eat before them."
Genma's face dropped, his expression somber, "Why are you avoiding me?"
Ah… Kakashi remembered.
He felt guilty.
"If you hated me so much, at least be man enough to admit it…" Genma stared at the floor of his apartment, "It's better than being ignored…"
"Oi…" Kakashi sighed and steeled his resolve, "Stop being such a woman."
"What!" Genma blinked, insulted at the thought.
Kakashi slapped Genma's back before he slung his arm over the man's shoulders, "Just because I'm moving does not mean we won't be friends."
"That's not what I'm talking about Kakashi."
"I know," The silver-haired man released his semi-hug, "But you already know my answer to that."
"I never stood a chance…" He sniffed, his pride getting the better of him, "Did I?"
Kakashi smiled, the only way he could with his mask, the way that made his eyes dance.
It made Genma's soul swoon.
"Nope," Kakashi thumped the back of Genma's head, just to get under the man's skin, "but at least now you can move on…I've got to get to my apartment to make sure that the dogs don't tear it up."
"Un," Genma's slight response came, Kakashi barely heard it.
"Genma…" He whispered into the other man's ear, "Take care of yourself."
Kakashi disappeared from the room.
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The last of his students left his classroom as fast as they could, eager to play and be done with their ninja studies. Iruka sighed. It had been a long day. Three students were almost impaled by accident, two actually were impaled by stray kunai's, and worst of all, that brat Konohamaru had set off a paint bomb in one of the hallways. The little prankster had paid for it though, and that made Iruka smirk at the thought of the terror's disgust at cleaning the entire mess by himself.
Life had gone on normally. He was still depressed, despite his rendezvous with the chain-smoking Jounin. The release of sexual frustrations is what he needed, even if it made him sick after.
He had avoided the other man again and thankfully, strangely, Asuma had stopped his constant stalking. This left Iruka more time to think of other things, rather than a good hiding spot.
Like his fridge was rather empty, he'd have to go to the store after he was done grading. And he needed to get over that silver-…that man. Iruka sighed, he had just gotten to grading the quizzes he had passed out earlier that week, and he was already distracted. If his habits pulled through again, he would not get any work done for the rest of the night.
He'd have to go shopping, go home and sleep. Other wise he'd be thinking about that man.
His hair, his scent, his sculpted body, and the way he groaned every time he ca…
Stop it Iruka!
Shopping, he needed to go shopping. Iruka gathered his things and exited his class, eager to get through the rest of his day. He opened the academy's main doors and moaned as the heavy rains gusted into the newly cleaned hallways, Konohamaru would have a fit the next day.
Once he had left the food market, heavy grocery bags in his arms, he made his way home, soaked to the bone because of the heavy showers that were pelting on his village.
Iruka kicked his front door open, he was grumpy and wet. He kicked off his sandals as he entered his darkened home, not wanting to get mud on his floors.
He would have gone straight to bed if it weren't for the prospect of cleaning his sheets the next day, he was a workaholic by nature, but that did not mean he enjoyed doing his house chores. He threw his, now ruined, groceries onto his kitchen counter and began putting them away, not caring that he was dripping puddles on his kitchen floor.
Shivering slightly, he retreated to his bedroom, heading straight to the adjoining bathroom, by-passing the strange tobacco smell that was latent in his room. His only thought was to get dry.
He never saw the strong hands wrap around his neck and mouth, successfully cutting off his surprise. Iruka was thrown to his bed, and his air supply left him as a large body landed and straddled his hips.
"What-" Iruka got out before digits wrapped around his throat, slowly cutting off his oxygen. He fought, weakly, against the pressure building around his neck, trying to pry the offender off of his neck, but both of his hands were captured in the vice-grip of the other man's free hand.
"Miss me, my dear Iruka?" A raspy voice ground out as the grip around Iruka's throat tightened. Iruka could only gargle as his life was slowly being drained from him, "Oh…you can't answer while you aren't breathing, sorry, I forgot."
Iruka coughed and heaved once the grip had slackened enough for air to get into his lungs. The man above him leaned in, the heavy air of smoke and alcohol filled his senses as the man panted in his face.
"A…Asuma?" He ground out, his voice straining from the assault.
"Why have you been avoiding me Iruka?" The man spat into the Chuunin's face, "I've been waiting for the shit you call brains to kick in, you should realize by now that your place is with me." Asuma released his grip on Iruka's throat and went straight for Iruka's crouch.
"What are you doing!" Iruka had meant to yell, but it came out as a whimper.
"I'm taking what's mine," Asuma said as he cupped the sensitive area of Iruka's pants, "You're a slut anyway, I'm sure you won't mind."
Iruka's mind raced, why wasn't he performing any seals, why wasn't he trying to kick this bastard off of him? There had to be a reason behind Asuma's craziness, but nothing could explain the lust in the other man's eyes. For the first time since coming up against the Kyuubi, something in Iruka stirred…
He was terrified.
It was the attack all over again, he was rooted and unable to do anything. Except instead of a demonic beast rampaging his village, it was some bastard Jounin trying to ravage his body.
Iruka bucked his hips and strained against the grip on his hands, his body was finally reacting to the man's advances.
"Get the hell off you bastard!" The demand was weak because of his voice, but the death intent was still there. He was a shinobi, he wouldn't let this happen without a fight.
"Shut up!" Asuma's fist came out of nowhere and Iruka's head snapped to the side as the man's attack connected with his jaw, "You do not get a say in this you whore." Asuma ground out as he started to fiddle with Iruka's pants buckles.
Iruka's head reeled, the throbbing never subsiding as he felt Asuma's continuing advances…he'd have to think fast to get out of this. If only his head would stop spinning.
"Why are you doing this?" Iruka choked out.
"Because," Asuma licked his lips, an evil sneer painting his features, "I love you."
I love you! What kind of bullshit is that, Iruka reeled as he felt Asuma's hands roam over his body, like a hawk closing on its prey…Think Iruka! He needed to get out of this, get away from this bastard, or kill him. Iruka did not care which.
"Well…" Iruka bucked his hips, trying to get the attention of the man to stop his groping, "If you love me, kiss me."
"Such a whore," Asuma smirked, but lowered himself to Iruka's level to capture the man's lips.
Now!
Iruka aimed, and head-butted Asuma, cracking the man's nose. Iruka hoped he had broken it, but didn't have time to revel in his successful attack.
"You little fuck!" Asuma roared, he slammed his fist into the Chuunin's face, but was met with the softness of the bed beneath him.
Iruka followed his Kawarimi jutsu with a round-house to the side of Jounin's temple. If it weren't for Asuma being drunk and pissed off, the attack would never have hit, but it had, Iruka's kick sending the other man into a dresser. Iruka did not waste time, he did not bother to check if the other man was still conscious, he crashed through his bedroom window. The glass shattered under his weight, and he vaguely felt the shards pierce the skin on his back and his face. He did not care. He was already running down the streets of Konoha.
He had to get to someplace safe, anywhere…he had to find someone.
He had to find Kakashi. Iruka flared out his chakra and began searching.
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Kakashi had settled into his newly sheeted bed, it was soft and comfortable. He was just about to doze off when a pounding on his door jarred him from his half-asleep state. He stumbled across the small apartment, blindly making his way to the door, stumbling a few times because he hadn't memorized the small space and he could barely see in the dark.
"Just a minute," Kakashi said as the battering of his door became louder, Kakashi sighed as he opened the door, visibly paling at the sight that met him.
Iruka was battered, his shirt was ripped, parts of his face were bleeding, as was his bare feet, and worst yet the man was physically sobbing. His whole body was trembling as the sobs overcame him; Although, it was more out of relief of finding the Copy-Ninja, than the ordeal that he had gone through over a couple hours ago.
Kakashi mentally chastised himself as he stared at Iruka…get a hold of yourself…baka. He gently pulled the sobbing man out of the rain, "Stay here," He gently whispered as he ran to grab a few towels and a blanket.
Iruka shivered, despite the warmth of the man's home. He had expected to find Kakashi at Genma's, but following the white chakra pattern that was only Kakashi had led him away from Shiranui's. Far away, apparently, because his feet were now throbbing in pain, the adrenaline in his body was now flushing away. He was finding it hard to even stand.
Kakashi came back just in time to catch Iruka as the man's knees began to buckle. Kakashi held Iruka for a moment, the chill from the other man spreading to him. He could feel the breath of the Chuunin on his bare face, he hadn't bothered to put on his mask after showering. Kakashi waited till Iruka's breathing evened out, he must have been running all night to be this messed up.
"Can you stand?" Kakashi asked after a time. He didn't wait for Iruka to respond as he let the Chuunin stand on his own. He silently took off the man's vest, Iruka's hand snatched at Kakashi, stopping the Copy-Ninja from undressing him. "Sorry, you have to get out of these clothes, I can turn around or something if you want me to."
"Sorry, I'll do it my self" Iruka's hoarse voice came out as a whisper, and it was then that Kakashi noticed the large bruises on the man's neck.
Someone tried to strangle him! Kakashi kept the shock off of his expression. He gently placed a large towel into Iruka's hands and turned, giving the other the privacy he deserved. Although Kakashi was worried that there were similar injuries on the Chuunin's body.
"You can turn now," Iruka whispered, his knees were getting weak again, "Can I sit down?"
Kakashi didn't say a word, he wrapped Iruka in the large blanket he had retrieved and silently led the man to his room, and to the warmth of his bed. When Iruka tried to protest, something about not taking someone else's bed, Kakashi silenced him by lightly rapping Iruka's head. Kakashi moved behind Iruka, grabbed a towel and went to work.
"You're hair is wet," Kakashi said as he untied the man's hair-band. Iruka wondered how Kakashi always managed not to rip out a few roots whenever he undid the band, but lost his thoughts as he felt the other man begin to towel dry his hair. Kakashi was kneading his scalp, making him lose any chance of thinking.
Kakashi massaged the mass of wet hair as he silently inspected the Chuunin. After his assessment was done, Kakashi pushed a slight amount of chakra down the other man's back, taking care of the small wounds first. Feeling Iruka stiffen under his efforts, he was probably surprised, Kakashi continued with his administrations, he gently massaged at the bruises on Iruka's throat, pushing more chakra into the damaged area as he felt Iruka's body respond to the energy.
Iruka almost cried out as Kakashi placed his slender fingers on the tender spots of his neck. It had scared him, but it did not hurt, not the slightest. The tightness of his injured throat began to subside as warmth poured into him. This is what he remembered, and longed for, of Kakashi. A kind, gentle, soul who protected and healed the people that he cared for.
"Thanks," Iruka whispered, the harshness in his voice was gone, his cheeks a deep scarlet.
"Not done yet," Kakashi said as he moved from behind Iruka to the foot of his bed, "Lay down, your feet are a mess."
Iruka did as he was told, and felt the same warming energy enter his torn feet. Mending the bloodied and worn out skin, "You should have become a medical ninja."
"Nah," Kakashi answered as soon as he was done with Iruka's wounds, "I'm too lazy to do that."
"True enough," Iruka chuckled.
"Time for sleep," Kakashi said as he covered Iruka with another blanket, "I'll be in the living room if you need me." He was about to leave when he felt a tug on his pants.
"Don't leave…" Iruka murmured, "I…don't want you to leave."
Kakashi sighed, "You know…I can't go back, not after…" He couldn't finish.
"I know…" Iruka was on the verge of tears, but he needed to be near the other man, needed his warmth. Needed the energy and safety that only Kakashi could provide, "Please…"
Kakashi shuttered as he peered at Iruka's crumbling face. The man needed him, and he was denying the Chuunin comfort. So, despite the pain that was threading through his heart, he quietly slipped next to the shivering form of his ex and wrapped his arms around Iruka's lower back to pull him closer. He's lost weight.
When Kakashi accepted his pleas Iruka lost his control over the tears in his eyes, soul, and heart. He sobbed into the other mans arms, cried for all that he had lost, all that he had put the both of them through, and for hurting Kakashi, when the silver-haired man had his best interests in mind.
"I'm…" Iruka choked on his tears, gripping tighter at Kakashi's shirt, "…so sorry!"
"Shhh," Kakashi whispered into Iruka's ear. He continued to whisper sweet nothings to the Chuunin, hoping to comfort the other man from the despair that was plaguing the man's heart.
Kakashi would have rejoiced in this, it seemed that he hadn't messed up as badly as he had thought. Iruka still wanted him. He breathed in the other man's scent and noticed for the first time that Iruka had no longer smelt of cigarettes, only of earth, rain, and spice.
Iruka silently slipped into slumber under Kakashi's care, hoping that warmth of the other man would never leave him.
Soon after Iruka's breathing had evened out, Kakashi too slipped into the darkness of sleep, vaguely knowing that his injured shoulder was going to hurt like hell come morning.
When Iruka awoke the next day, his head was clear, body warmed, his entire being was refreshed. It seemed like it was just another day in his life, before he started seeing Asuma, before he had broken Kakashi's heart, before he stopped caring that he was alive. The wonders that Kakashi held in his life, Iruka pondered, how had he survived a few months away from the silver-haired man?
Kakashi entered the room, a glass of warmed tea in his hands, "I have to go on a mission," He said as he offered the mug to Iruka, "I'll be back in a couple days, but I want you to stay here until I return." Iruka began to protest about imposing but was silenced, "You aren't staying at your apartment, I'm not risking another attack, anyway I've already cleared it with Tsunade, you can rest today and return to work tomorrow."
"You went through all that trouble for me?" Iruka could feel his cheeks begin to warm with another blush.
"Of course," Kakashi beamed, "Remember what I said before?" At the blank expression, he's so clueless, Kakashi continued, "I just want you happy, baka." Kakashi teleported out of the room before Iruka had a chance to say anything more.
Iruka hated whoever taught Kakashi that jutsu.