Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Naruto.
Rated M: For Mature situations.
A/N: Sorry for the slight delay, I've been busy getting writer's block…I mean I was coaching at a tennis tournament for the past couple of days…really! Also decided to be mean, so that was part of the delay, if you visit my Livejournal, it was already up there for a couple days. Anyway, this is the last meaty chapter, the next is an epilogue. I was originally planning to make this story a chapter longer, but I felt that doing more would be overkill. There's only so much angst I can take writing. I think I'm better suited to writing meaningless crack. XD. Feedback is greatly appreciated.
Always Alone Chapter 10
You can't die you idiot
He stared down at the recovering form of Kakashi, his throat swelling at the sight. Sneaking in after visiting hours had been a bad idea after all…
Kakashi's mask had been taken off, replaced by a medical scroll. A plastic tub was forced into his throat to provide oxygen.
What would I do without you…?
The monotone of the life reading machines beeped on the walls…slowly the pulse was becoming erratic.
Iruka caught up in his memories, gently clasped Kakashi's hand, hoping that the older man would squeeze his, like that day so long ago.
Are you running away from me?
The metallic beeping of the heart-monitor started to go dull, as if it was drowning all the sound out of the room, the death-declaring hum the only constant.
The room was completely quiet, the machines connected to the walls had died hours ago.
"You shit head…" Iruka whispered into the delicate crevice between Kakashi's neck and collarbone. The heat and tightness in Iruka's throat released, leaving hot trails to run down his face.
You liar!
"Come back Kakashi…come back." He sobbed.
His throat constricted, jolting the slumbering man back into reality in a fit of violent coughs. Iruka, suffocating on his own spit, bolted upright, trying to ease the pressure in his chest. The images swimming in his head filtered in and out of his consciousness, making the anxiety in his heart unbearable. He curled his knees to his chest and let the tears overwhelm his body.
He had wanted to stay strong. If only for Kakashi, but there was so much pain in believing that everything would be okay, that the silver-haired man would be alive, whole and well. But the reality of the situation beat out any hope in the young teachers mind.
After his body had settled, Iruka collapsed onto his back, gathering the blanket to his chest.
Kakashi's presence invaded his senses, and Iruka desperately wanted the cloth to be the other man. However the Chuunin knew that would never come to be, not if Jounin did not survive his recent mission…
…If he's not already dead.
Iruka sighed into the sheets of his bed, chastening himself for having such depressing thoughts. It wouldn't help his situation, or Kakashi's, if he did not practice what he so firmly believed in.
Believing in Kakashi.
That's the one constant he could count on in his life. The infamous Copy-Ninja performed his duties in the most reckless and selflessness ways imaginable. He would come home bruised, wrapped in bandages, almost unrecognizable amidst the grit, dirt, and caked blood. Despite the odds, the life threatening dangers the man encountered on missions. Hatake Kakashi always came back alive.
Kakashi always came back to his hidden village, to his home, and to his lover, Iruka.
However, the slight doubt in Iruka's mind left the possibility that Kakashi would not come back this time. Because this time, the Jounin had no one to return to… How conceited…
Kakashi had been alone for more than half of his shinobi career. No parents, friends, nor lovers. The only people to make an impact on the Copy-Ninja had been his sensei, his old team, and his Genin squad. The fact that he had broken up with his boyfriend would not affect his mind on a mission.
With the self proclaimed reassurance, Iruka readied himself for the day, staying focused and positive that Kakashi was still alive, and that the nightmare was not a deadly premonition, but only his mind determined to destroy what was left of his sanity.
Walking down the early morning streets of Konoha reminded Iruka strongly of where he stood only a couple days ago, before his scare with Asuma. The world around him had stopped as if frozen in time. Everything was moving, going on with their lives, but it was bland, stiff, like nothing was actually real. Like he was dreaming all over again.
Such a contrast to how he felt when Kakashi held him and told him everything would be okay. The memories filtered through his mind, leaving traces of Kakashi's scent on his nose, fleeting shivers like the man was touching his skin, warmth spreading down his back as he remembered Kakashi's tongue probing his mouth.
Iruka, lost as he was in his tranquility, bumped into a fellow shinobi, "Ah, sorry." He quietly apologized, too flustered at his clumsiness to say anything else.
Iruka was about to walk away when the other ninja offered no pleasantries, but was stopped as his bicep was gripped lightly. Iruka looked into the humbled face of a pale Asuma and was filled with disgust.
"Fuck off," The teacher snapped, shrugging off the grip on his arm.
"I did not come here to fight…sensei." The smoker's voice was so gentle, despite the usual gruffness that naturally came with a nicotine addict.
"That won't stop me from slitting your throat if you come closer," The Chuunin threatened, he was still enraged about what had happened, no matter how close it had taken him back to the Copy-Ninja, "You can die and I wouldn't give a shit," Iruka started walking away, he needed to be with Kakashi.
"It must be nice…" Asuma whispered, "To have someone so devoted to you, to be blind and forgive you for everything that you've done."
Iruka turned to glare at the Jounin.
"I wish I could have someone like that in my life."
Someone like you does not deserve such a person…Iruka would have said it to the man's face, but knew it was not true. They were all betrayers in their own right, it came with the territory of being a ninja. He found himself lucky to have the last surviving Hatake, and knew that he did not deserve the Jounin… Kakashi probably felt the same. Any ninja who had a lover would think along those lines. Their occupation was the epitome of darkness, which was only broken by the light of another, someone to ground them when they were too far gone.
"When he wakes up…and that bastard will wake up," Asuma trailed on, "Take care of him."
Iruka turned and nodded to an empty street.
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"You asshole!" Genma yelled at the now conscious man, "What the hell were you thinking!"
That you yell too damn loud to someone who just got up from a coma… Kakashi settled for a silent huff, not wanting to voice anything for a long time. His head hurt, and thanks to all the commotion that his "Captain" was creating, he was getting a nice and painful migraine.
"Urusai…baka!" Sakura slapped the back of Genma's head, "He only woke up a few hours ago and you're yelling at him."
"And you!" The older Jounin turned on the medic-in-training, "Brat! Stop hitting me!"
"Not until you learn proper etiquette while you're in a hospital!"
"Both of you shut up," Tsunade snapped, which Kakashi was grateful for, "Any headaches Hatake?"
"Only when these two showed up…" Kakashi mumbled around his dry throat, finding the scratchy sound in his voice disturbing, but not unexpected since he hadn't spoken for awhile.
"Any other aches?"
"None," Kakashi whispered quietly, like he would any other mission report.
"I'll prescribe you some painkillers to be on the safe side."
"Anything else I can get for you?" Tsunade asked sweetly, which made the Copy-Ninja's skin crawl. Nothing good ever came when the Hokage used her "nice" voice.
He politely declined, and received a sharp smack to the back of his head.
"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING!" The Hokage roared, "First you ask to be in ANBU, then you fuck this up a mission, and now you almost get yourself-"
"Am I interrupting something?" The Hogake stopped mid-rant and glared at the paling teacher, whom sneaked in just as she had started yelling at the recovering man.
"Nothing important," Genma scoffed, although the honey-haired man noticed that Kakashi had turned his gaze away from the Chuunin.
"May I speak to Kakashi then?"
Kakashi coughed into his mask, it took Genma and Tsunade a couple seconds to discover that he was not violently hacking because he could not breathe, but because he was using a crude form of ANBU communication.
Don't leave me alone with him…please!
Tsunade cocked an eyebrow and glared at her shinobi genius, trying to analyze what he was thinking.
"Tsunade-sama, don't we have to discuss a few medical issues with Iruka-Sensei if we plan on letting him take care of Kakashi-Sensei?" Sakura spoke up, like she had understood what her Jounin-Sensei was asking of the Hokage.
"Right, let's go Iruka, we'll leave Genma to take care of the brat." She said, guiding the younger man out, who was looking at Kakashi puzzlingly as he left the room.
"That girl…" Genma started dumbfounded that Sakura had deciphered Kakashi's code, "Is full of surprises…"
"You should see the other two in action," Kakashi coughed a few more times, his throat angry from the rough treatment.
"So… why did you not want to see Iruka?" Genma's asked, a little too hopeful for the Copy-Ninja's liking.
"Who was my squad Captain the night I was injured?"
"You don't remember?" Genma asked, "From the looks of the report, it sounds as if your Iruka-Sensei has been keeping more secrets from you."
"I knew it was not really him," Kakashi sighed, "My Sharingan saw through the illusion."
"Then why did you call me by his name?"
"Ah, so you were lying," Kakashi chuckled at his own deception, "I was lying just now, if anything, most likely the Sharingan made Iruka's image stronger."
"Bastard," Genma growled, but nodded in defeat, "Fine…I was the captain for your squad that night."
Kakashi laughed, softly but more distinct, a true Hatake laugh, "Thank god."
"Eh?" Genma gawked, "You're happy that you've been hallucinating?"
"It's better than the alternative of having Iruka out on missions where he could come home half dead," Like I do.
"Why do you love him so much?" Genma sighed, lowering his forehead to touch the side of Kakashi's raised bed.
Kakashi shrugged, although the other man could not see the gesture, "I just do."
"Why am I not good enough?" The honey-haired Jounin chocked out, keeping what was left of his pride by not breaking down at that moment.
Kakashi, recognizing the tenderness of the situation and not wanting to hurt the other man any more than he already had, gently tugged at Genma's band, successfully getting him to look up. He took the sharp chin into his callused hand and gazed into the Jounin's eyes.
"I don't deserve this kind of attention," He sighed, "And didn't I tell you not to act like this anymore?"
"But-"
Genma never finished the sentence as a scowling Iruka made his way into the small hospital room, who was also looking like he was ready to bolt at any moment, "Sorry I interrupted."
"We were done here anyway," Kakashi sighed, for the two-hundredth time that day, "Genma, can you give us some time alone?"
"Whatever," Genma brushed off Kakashi's touch. He glared at Iruka for a few seconds, silently warning the other man not to do anything stupid, and retreated out of the room.
"I'm sick of people looking at me like that…" Iruka huffed.
"Go easy on the guy," Kakashi said nonchalantly, "He's just coping with some heartbreak."
"And who would be the one he's getting over?" The Chuunin growled accusingly.
"If you're going to start a fight then please leave…" Kakashi turned away from the other man to stare at the morning sun of his village, "I'm not in the mood for games."
"Neither am I Kakashi!" Iruka turned, just as defiant as the man sitting on the hospital bed, "Why would I play games at a time like this, in fact, why are you playing with my feelings when you know very well that I love you."
"You're a blind idiot…" Kakashi sighed…again.
"Who's in the hospital bed?"
"I thought he was you…" He murmured, just loud enough so Iruka could hear his words.
"What does that mean?" Iruka turned to gawk at the man, paling when he noticed that tears were silently running down Kakashi's masked face.
If there were things that Iruka hated the most in his short life, it was when he had to witness Kakashi cry. It was always silent, and it never made Kakashi's strong voice break. However, that only added to the tragedy of the gesture. The infamous Copy-Ninja crying with his whole body, trembling to stave off the tears, desperately fighting what was natural for his emotions and body. The most natural thing to any other person made difficult because he could not bring himself to do something as low as shedding tears. The evidence of the shinobi teachings beaten into the very way he cried.
"Oi…Kakashi?"
"I thought you were going to die…that night," He continued, deadly quiet, shaking, "On missions…I've been hallucinating…apparently it's because of some mental instability passed down from my father, or so Tsunade says, and every time it happens I see you…and this bastard was trying to kill you, Iruka, so I threw myself in front of the attack," He chuckled, "Kind of stupid when I knew you were safe."
Any ill will towards Kakashi evaporated in that instant, replaced by the strong urge to take the other man's lithe form into his arms and comfort the tears away. Like the many times the Jounin did for him.
"Can you ever forgive me," Kakashi glanced up, his pathetic gaze breaking Iruka's heart, "I've put you through so much…"
"Shut up…" Iruka said as he sat down and cradling the taller man into his chest, so that Kakashi's pointed chin rested on his collarbone, "Just stop talking…idiot."
Kakashi allowed himself to be comforted, for once in their relationship he was not the stronger of the two, and he silently thanked Iruka.
"Ne…Iruka?" When the Chuunin mumbled an answer, Kakashi could feel his voice rumble through out his chest, it made Kakashi smile a little, "Could we start over again? I've missed you…"
Iruka chortled, and the rumble in his chest made Kakashi do the same, "I've missed you too."
Taking that as a yes, Kakashi let more tears flow, his body shaking from the act, again.
"Oi, what's wrong?" Iruka asked worriedly.
"Nothing…I'm just happy."